when priorities set you apart from family

Trying to get family members to except your family's lifestyle is probably going to be a waste of time. At the same time you're trying to get them to understand, they'll be trying to win you over to THEIR way of thinking. I think you just need to say "no" and KEEP saying "no" to suggestions that you feel are wrong for you and your children in a way that lets them know it's not open to debate.

Personally, I'd probably say something (tongue in cheek but they would get my meanin) "You want me to WHAT? You're KIDDIN', right?! OH, I get it, you're just TRYIN to make my head pop off!"

wow! I'm really elated over all this support! I've begun realizing that family is who you make it. My neighbors are more my family than the IL's. and while they have offered to babysit i just have a hard time feeling comfortable with anyone taking my kid on a 5mph head dive careening down a 20ft plastic slide into water.

My SIL is bringing her 3 kids and she said "why dont' you just drive up thursday like we are and stay over so you won't have to worry about driving up in the morning" so again shes "offering" for me to spend even more money. This invitation to one day at the waterpark is turning into a $500 trip. oh yeah and gas. I dont' think i can stand any more of their generosity. i know my bank account can't!

We're taking the kids to disney when DH gets back because he gets 4 days free and reduced price guest tickets. Weve been talkign about this (and saving) for months and we have never ever even thought of going to the waterpark.

Funny how i trust my kids with just DH and I but I dont' trust my kids going with the GP's, aunt, uncle, their three kids (which are all the same ages as some of mine) and an extra brother in law and his girlfriend. We told them no, DH emailed his mom and told her that he wouldn't allow me to go when that didn't work. I told my SIL again after that.

Honestly, i'd rather spend $300-400 in renting an RV to go out and stay on our land for a few days and visit the church that would be our new home. Mater of fact...I think I might go look into that now...maybe i can invite them to come up and camp out on the land with us, oh it'll be a lot of fun! we can have a campfire, bring horseshoes, cookout and explore the stars

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Crystal

Mom of 5 ages 8 and under in a Unitarian, Military, Homeschooling family in the city.
www.solidityofrainbows.blogspot.com

I would be on the floor in a fetal position, if expected to do that. Dh's family is finally getting used to not seeing me at every "get together". I hate parties. You should be able to do as you please, and they should not take any offense. I get very distracted when a bunch of people are around, it is not easy for me to do all the regular daily stuff, then am expected to pile on a ton more, as they sit around taking. 2 weeks ago- come between 2&3, so they show up at 12:30. Couple of them take off to play golf. OK, now when are they expecting the food? I haven't had even a shower yet. Then the conversation goes like this- D when do you feed the cows? Me- in the morning. D why is that one cow alone? Me- I wanted to feed her extra. D- Why? Me- She's old and with calf. Mind you D is my DH. They refuse to acknowledge that the questions should be directed towards me. Rant over. Good Luck with your cituation.

I was thinking on the title of your post...
And for the record.. it is not 'priorities' that are setting you apart from your family.
It is 'common sense'. Which you have and they are lacking.
And I giggle at your description of walking through the park fully laden.
You know, I wouldn't go through all of that if they paid me $300.

My mom doesn't get it either. She asks me to drive 11 hours for a family beach trip. 11 hours to spend a 'WEEK !!!" in a house crammed with my younger siblings and their bratty kids.
Oh yes!! When can I go?? Not.

Just politely say,'no'. There is no explanantion needed. You are not beholden.
Wish them well and hope they have a good time, but no thank you.
Then smile and go take a nap.

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My family vacationed a lot in Florida during the past 10 years. I consider myself to be an expert on doing Disney on a budget. With that being said...$10 per person at Blizzard Beach will buy a bottle of water and the $7 that is left won't be enough to buy any individual food for each person, except maybe a piece of fruit.

The last time we were at Blizzard Beach, Disney still had those food vouchers for full meals that people were selling on Ebay. A full meal example consisted of: a huge burger, a ton of fries, a large soda, a huge cookie or a piece of fruit. I bought 11 vouchers (for $10 each) and our 2 daughters used one to eat and my husband and I used one to eat. The vouchers were supposed to be $30 each!! We ate at a Disney hotel the next day with 2 more vouchers and sold the rest on Ebay when we got back. Disney figured out that people were reselling the vouchers and switched to another system...Now, a typical meal is $30 (or more)again! Can you imagine paying $120 for a family of 4 to eat glorified Happy Meals??!!??

I cannot imagine taking a baby, nor multiple young, non-swimming children to a waterpark. Period. To me, it would be dangerous to have to rely on someone else to watch my kids in a strange, crowded, new environment. If your family cannot understand your feelings about that then that is their problem,not yours. Take care of your family the way that you see fit. There will be plenty of time for a Disney trip when your hubby is back and the kids are a bit older, if you choose. Our kids were 7 and 8 years old the first time.

There are a lot of relatives who didn't understand us when we took lots of vacations and (seemingly) spent money like water. Now that we have stopped taking the vacations to be able to afford a shift to a more laid back homestead lifestyle, those same people still think we're crazy. We can't win! We won't spend our lives trying to please everybody else and neither should you.

Thank them kindly for the invitation, but you just can't do it.

No sense in getting upset, they probably already figured you couldn't do it, but wanted to be polite by making the offer. I think you're making a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal.

even if the kids did enjoy it you would be more exhausted afterwards than before plus out a couple hundred dollars for your stress.

I'd pass

With my two spaced 7 years apart, I think it is spouse abuse when I see someone like you (or with only 3 infant children!) at the grocery store if they are struggling to manage their kids. So this would get plenty of naw thanks from me and several "Are you SERIOUS?" Repeated over and over to every repeated insistance that I attend. I might go so far as to say "If you provide me - on your dime- one lifeguard trained babysitter for EACH of my kids then maybe I could enjoy the waterpark. No, on second thought don't bother, I just couldn't trust strangers with my kids.

I remember one horrible night at a hotel for a course (I did have daycare during the course) where I could not kidproof lock the door- I was sure DD3 then would be out in the halls if I slept too soundly. And at my reunion in Boston just now we saw a 4 year old boy playing on the steps of one of the dorms housing my fellow classmates. "Where's your dad?" "Oh I don't have one." "Your mom?" "She's coming soon." Short wait no adults. "Do you have a key?" "I left it in the room." Luckily our pass key got us in the building just as a door opened upstairs and a mom hollered for him. I let her know he had been outside a few feet away from the busy street for at least 20 minutes. We told the kids as we walked away "We almost got you a baby brother just then- we could have taken him for our own with just some paperwork troubles!"

Ditto to everyone above!

They don't "get" us? I don't "get" them.

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Saffron

Tell them they are welcome to come pick up the kids and shepherd 5 baby octopi through that nightmare all on their own and thanks for the offer of a day of rest, what a terrific idea, how kind and generous of you all...

I'd ditto the idea of them taking the kids without you, except you don't trust them with the kids. So tell them you are keeping the kids away from crowds because of the swine flu epidemic.

Hold off on inviting them to camp on the land until summer is over....unless you are trying to kill them off? The heat and bugs in FL will do the job for you!

Jan - it was one of those un-invitations like what i think they gave me with the waterpark idea. When we go we're renting an RV

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Crystal

Mom of 5 ages 8 and under in a Unitarian, Military, Homeschooling family in the city.
www.solidityofrainbows.blogspot.com

By the way.. don't feel bad about not trusting your family with your kids. I don't trust mine either. DS is 6 and has only gone with Granna and Poppa twice. Ever.
And he has spent the night once and has informed me that he will never do it again. I follow his lead on this.
Last year they went to the circus (I DO NOT do circuses) I was a wreck until he got home again.. And DS said he didn't want to go with them anywhere again.
They are great epeople and they love him, I just won't and neither will he.

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the herbal blog + shop

Why would you even consider spending that much money to make yourself miserable just to satisfy someone who is so inconsiderate of your feelings and desires?

I'd simply tell them I don't want to do it and leave it at that. If they push for a more detailed explanation, then tell them what you told us.

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I was in a similar situation with my father several years ago. I said NO WAY. He was mad at me for a while, but he got over it.
We have 7 kids. Our relatives always expected us to haul them all over the country to visit, then didn't even seem to care when we'd get there, didn't have any food in the house or had totally inadequate sleeping arrangements (oldest 3 girls were once expected to sleep in a smelly garage). Forget it! About 5 years ago I stopped visiting anyone! If they want to see us, they must come here.
Taking 5 little kids to Disney sounds way too stressful to me.

I agree with all the others.

No Thank You is perfectly acceptable.

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We will meet in the golden city, called the New Jerusalem,
All our pain and all our tears will be no more.....

i'd skip the disney trip..have a great time locally with the kids..and just calmly realize that it is for the best to save that extra for your future..