I do you deal with "I don't care" from your kid?

jen74145 · #21 03/03/09, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pelenaka

Geez, your post brings back memories when my now 28 y.o. daughter use to say whatever in such a manner that is always sounded like a cuss word. She even learned to say it in spanish & french. Then she made up a gesture to represent the word.
Morning, noon, and night, [I]whatever[I] was her pat reply to everything.

LOL. Does it make me terrible if I snorted a bit here?

uncle · #22 03/03/09, 06:08 PM

I guess I'm a little more to the point.
My kids would not keep their toys picked up and I got tired of it. I picked them up one day as they watched and I told them they would not get them back. My girl said "I don't care"... I said "you don't then you will not ever get them". I carried them outside to the burn barrel and torched them.
I only had to do it once.
Brian

Tracy · #23 03/03/09, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uncle

I guess I'm a little more to the point.
My kids would not keep their toys picked up and I got tired of it. I picked them up one day as they watched and I told them they would not get them back. My girl said "I don't care"... I said "you don't then you will not ever get them". I carried them outside to the burn barrel and torched them.
I only had to do it once.
Brian

I did the SAME thing back when my kids where young. Only took once.

Glenda in MS · #24 03/03/09, 07:40 PM

Both of my kids tried the "I don't care" line once! DD told DS that she warned him to NEVER say that to mamma, but he had to see for himself. Little keen switch cured them both from saying, "I don't care."

Chixarecute · #25 03/04/09, 09:07 AM

Just my 2 cents worth - punishment is pretty easy to deliver. When things are going badly for a child, whether or not the cause is the child or outside circumstances, it is pretty easy for him to feel "it's not worth caring about"...I only screw up/lose privelages/get yelled at/ etc. anyway.

What opportunities are you able to provide for him so that he can feel worthy...ie you can earn this toy/privelage back when you....help him think forwardly, about the future, provide him opportunities to change and remember to give him a little praise/recognition when he does.

Ie: I know how much you enjoyed xyz, I'm very happy you decided to earn it back. I know you are a capable, loving kid, it's good to see that part of you again.

BethW · #26 03/04/09, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mtnest

Please tell me that you don't seriously believe a childs thoughts on anything are irrelevant!

Of course not. But there are times when they are. Following basic instructions is one of them.

mtnest · #27 03/04/09, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethW

Of course not. But there are times when they are. Following basic instructions is one of them.

Huh? perhaps irrelevant isn't the term you mean? Everyone's thoughts are relevant... they just might not change the outcome of the situation at the moment. The OP was asking how to deal with the "i don't care" responses. If a child is to the point of giving that answer then I would say there is more to the issue than simply following directions and so the childs' thoughts are definitely relevant. Finding out why the child is giving this response is the only way to really know what is going on. Dismissing a persons feelings and/or thoughts on something doesn't make a problem/behaviour go away, it just causes a person to feel that their opinion doesn't count so why bother. Brings it back to that "I don't care" attitude again. Maybe that's why this child doesn't care?

snoozy · #28 03/04/09, 05:10 PM

The "I don't care" line/attitude is not about really not caring, as it is about power and defiance. I have discussed it with him, and his answer is that "I just don't" or "Because I don't like you" or because "I don't like learning." It isn't that he doesn't like learning, it is that he doesn't like learning to be hard -- if it doesn't come easy, he'd rather not bother.

ibcnya · #29 03/04/09, 05:16 PM

IF my boy was to repeatedly say I don't care to simple tasks, I as a retired marine would remind him at very high decibals that you WILL CARE or as others have written , "care" as he knows it erodes quickly. If I hear the phrase coming from his pie hole again, "care" will disappear completely to the point of his saying"I'm sorry". Now don't get me wrong. My boy is a very good boy and an accelerated reader. Little on the lazy side but that's my fault. I do it just to get it done sometimes.

Gregg Alexander · #30 03/04/09, 05:49 PM

Quit acting like the kid. Put the fear of God in the kid and light him up. A 9 yr old want tell me things like that but 1 time. I have raised 3 kids to young adults and they still respect me as their daddy. The oldest is 26 and she don't disrespect me or her mother , next 23 son, acts like a gentleman, youngest 22 respects me ,her mother and all still say Yes Sir, No Sir, Yes Mam, and No Mam
Spare the Rod and spoil the child. None have ever been in trouble with the law

lilmizlayla · #31 03/04/09, 07:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snoozy

The "I don't care" line/attitude is not about really not caring, as it is about power and defiance. I have discussed it with him, and his answer is that "I just don't" or "Because I don't like you" or because "I don't like learning." It isn't that he doesn't like learning, it is that he doesn't like learning to be hard -- if it doesn't come easy, he'd rather not bother.

typically there are other things going on, and perhaps he doesnt feel comfortable discussing Them. dont like learning? maybe the teacher was hard on him that day..or he felt slighted by another child that day. I dont like you? maybe you brushed him off or he felt invalidated..kids that age are so sensitive..it could be anything...
sometimes it the WAY we ask. Ever notice how we ask our children differantly to do things than we would ask our friends or neighbors? I know I am guilty at times of doing it. At times I have to stop myself.

i cannot imagine talking to my neighbor like i do my son. "hello! you just walked by that cup on the floor..PICK IT UP! where does it belong????? think its going to get there on its OWN??????"

BethW · #32 03/04/09, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snoozy

The "I don't care" line/attitude is not about really not caring, as it is about power and defiance.

Yep, this was my assumption when you first posted. There are certainly times when kids don't care and there's an underlying reason for it, but just as often it's a knee-jerk defiant response because the child knows the adult DOES care. It's important to the adult, so suddenly, the child "doesn't care." It's often just another way of saying "whatever."

You can't control a child's feeling, but you sure can make it clear directions need to be followed regardless of "caring."

Laura · #33 03/04/09, 07:59 PM

I only had one kid who did the "I don't care" thing. I asked her what did she care about? The answer gave me a couple more tools for my parenting tool box.

The next round of "I don't care," she didn't care about anything. Well, if she didn't care, why should I care? You're hungry? I don't care, try some Ramen noodles. Need clean clothes? I don't care, wear dirty ones. Need a ride to 4H? I don't care, I'm not putting myself out for you because You don't care.
She began to care in less than a week.

With your son's dad in a separate household, the "I don't care" may be about "these rules don't apply to me at Dad's."

If at all possible, you need to sit down with your ex and get on the same parenting page. Each of you may need to give a little and compromise. You both need to realize undermining each other's parenting is not a healthy upbringing for your son.

Tracy Rimmer · #34 03/04/09, 08:14 PM

Apply flat of hand to seat of pants.

Repeat as necessary.

southerngurl · #35 03/04/09, 08:17 PM

Increase consequence until he does care

pheasantplucker · #36 03/05/09, 08:44 AM

...and for those of you who hear "So..." from your kids way too often... Do as my wife always did...When the kid says, "So", she says, "Sew buttons on your underwear."...Never fails to get a smile.