Marriage?? Why has yours worked or failed??

I'm so sorry, that had to be so painful for you both. I'm so glad you found each other
I don't know how I would get through it if David died

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Mark Twain

We have come close to divorce few times, but neither one of us wants anyone els raising our kids, and we both dont want to be a divorce statistic, and we both just really work hard at comprimising because we want to make our marrige work.

It is very complicated, and there are many many issues that Melissa and I dissagree about, and comprimise about, but what I wrote above is the jist of it.

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Married twenty eight years I truly believe the reason we are so happy together is we were raised with similar values. Honesty, hard work, faithfulness, and total commitment to each other and our children. Thankfully, both of us also have a great sense of humor which helps as well!

36 years for us. have no clue...all I know is I adore him, every thing about him. he's the best person I've ever met. he feels the same. it's always been simple and easy. our 'big' fights would just be when one needs a little space...we take it...and come running back. we married as teens, so of course everyone said it was doomed. LOL I still get that little 'rush' every time I see him, still seek him out from across a crowded room, and nobody on this earth will ever make me laugh so much. and he's HOT.

if I live to be 100...and he does, too, it will never be enough time together.

If I leave my marriage, my wife will hunt me down and kill me Just kidding, lol. We have a strong belief in God and God comes first. Secondly, we don't hold secrets, even if that means the other person will be upset. We are best friends and trust each other. Did I mention she will kill me if I leave; Im serving a life sentence here and I haven't committed a crime . Happy Monday.

My first marriage lasted 17 years but we never really meshed. She great and I loved her but we did not talk and we not on the same path. Her idea of marriage was that I was the bread winner and she would cook and read romance novels. I sometimes felt that being married what a check mark on her "to do list"

Second time around is diffrent. She was my first love. We might when we were 14 at the town swimming pool. We dated off and on through high school but we went are own ways. She was married at 19 and divorced a few years later because he hit her.

The key for us was that we were always friends. She could talk to me about her current boyfriend and I could talk to her about the girls I was dating. We were always there for each other even if we weren't a couple.

When my marriage ended I got back in touch with her. We decided to met with not strings attached. When we met again it was like the last 20 years didn't happen. We were older and wiser and in love. We both understood that neither of us was going to change and we had to except each other for what we were. We also understood that each of us had to have our own space at time to do the things we wanted to do that the other may have no interest in.

For 18 years we ahve been happly married. We have had some ups and downs but it still seems like only yesterday we were married.

I would only add communication to that list... Oh and maybe humor...
We've been married 29 years and neither of us can believe that it has been that long...

There are times she will introduce me as her "future ex-husband" or I will introduce her as my "future ex-wife"... We do get a smile at peoples confussion when we do this...

If I was asked if I was a rich man I would and do answer YES in more ways then one....

Now if I could only get the money part down.....oh well 2 out of 3 ain't bad....

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I was telling my husband about this thread yesterday. I asked him what his thoughts were, mainly to see if he had the same thought as I did.

He said because we respect each other. He told me once that we are supposed to be together and it will always be that way. Even when I am ready to kill him, the thought of being without him is something that will bring me to tears.

It hasn't always been easy. In fact, many times I have felt like I just can't do it anymore. Then I think of how alone I would feel if he wasn't here annoying me and I know I will be with him forever.

I asked him if he felt like his life would be better if he didn't have to work a job he hates to take care of this family (which kills me by the way). He said no way. Even though he often hates his job, he feels satisfaction knowing that he is able to take care of us.

We are still together after 20 years because we just can't see living any other way. Not being together just isn't an option.

Coming up on 10 years and he is still the only one I want to spend time with even when he is driveing me up the wall lol

Two failed. First husband was a hitter. That marriage didn't last more than a few weeks. Some things I won't wait to work out. Second marriage the guy let me know shortly after we were married that the only reason he married me was because he was trying to make his ex jealous. He spent 5 years of our marriage chasing after her, and after too many nights alone and too many problems dealing with his substance abuse problems, I called it quits. I guess I made the mistake of marrying men who didn't love me, but liked the idea of having a woman around the house.

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Deleted, didn't mean to offend

Thanks for the tip on deleting

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Mark Twain

Thank you so much for your wisdom and insight. It must be a true gift to be able to analyse people just by hearing a random item or two about them. I wish you much continued happiness.

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Good post!

Ouch, I didn't mean to offend you, is there a way to delete my post? I really didn't mean that in a hurtful way... and I didn't mean that to be directed at you, I was asking in general, of anyone who wanted to share. You can learn as much from success as you can from failure. Trust me, I've bungled PLENTY of things in my life, and have always learned the most from those bungles...

ACK! Now that I deleted the rest of my post, the only thing readers can see is the worst part, taken out of context.... Well the rest of it is that I wondered if people sometimes feel like they don't deserve happiness (and they do deserve happiness) so they end up hurting themselves. I wish there was a way to get rid of the entire comment, including the parts quoted because I didn't mean for that to hurt anyone.

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Mark Twain

I wrote a really good sarcastic response, but since sarcasm is not that well appreciated, I'll just tell you that you can go back to your post, hit edit, then delete everything. then type in "Deleted"

the lowest common denominator
Zong

What I hate most about marriage is the "traditional" marriage service.

Biblically there is no reason why you should vow at a wedding show-off.

The Biblical prescription is one man, one woman for ONE lifetime. It's that simple. Anything else is a sin.

When you take a vow at a fancey dancey wedding service, you are just trapping yourself into yet another sin, if you divorce.

If you were to vow "for better or WORSE till' death thus part" you are basically trapping yourself, the Bible does make room for divorce, but when you say a vow like the one I quoted, it also makes you a liar!

If I was to hold a wedding service, I will take the traditional B.S. out the window! If it's not found in the scriptures, it's not practiced.

Can you explain what you mean? I mean about trapping yourself? Are you saying there is a way to marry, without committing to a lifetime? I'm not being snarky, I'm really trying to understand what you are saying.

I tend to agree that big fancy weddings are not the best idea. I've seen a lot of very young people who get very wrapped up in the idea of a big huge fancy wedding, sadly a lot of people don't think as much about the big LONG marriage (this is in no way meant to imply that all young marriages fail, its just so much harder to make it work when you're really young).

It is such a blessing and source for a lot of joy and happiness to have a marriage you are happy with, I wish everyone had that.

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Mark Twain

Beo
theres no doubt my wife has a sense of humor just look at who she married
I also agree on the communication since having kids that generally takes place in the wee hours of the morning .
we seldom argue though we do sometimes discuss money issues loudly , she worries about it , I just want to know how much

I'll bet I'll have the longest list in the thread. LOL!

OK, marriage #1 failed because we were too young and had issues IN SPADES ... substance abuse, physical abuse, infidelity, family problems, you name it. We both were drowning and took turns pulling the other under until finally we went our separate ways and got our acts together for good. Years later, we talked once and cleared the air, forgave each other for our shortcomings and finally parted as friends. I was especially glad for that when he died suddenly at the age of 30.

Marriage #2 failed because we never should have gotten married in the first place! We had dated only a couple months when I accidentally became pregnant (what WAS I thinking????). He, being a gentleman, offered to marry me, and I do believe he loved me, although I didn't love him and was honest about it. He married me anyway; I had a miscarriage a month later. I quickly realized the marriage was a colossal mistake as we had VERY different values ... he basically was a decent guy, but very materialistic. As the years went by, our differences only became more obvious. I did stay until his daughter was grown, though, as that seemed to be the right thing to do. There was never any violence, not even much arguing between us ... it would have been futile. We parted as friends, and probably would have remained so but his subsequent wife was VERY jealous/resentful of me and I didn't wish to cause problems in their marriage.

Marriage #3 ... ah, what can I say? We went into homesteading together, but after 5 years, he decided he didn't like the lifestyle, so we parted ways. It seems he always was one to throw in the cards, while one of my mottos always has been, "Failure is not an option!" I really can't blame him for deciding to follow a different star, though. He's remarried now, and his new wife keeps in touch with me (strangely enough!). They seem quite happy, and better suited to each other than he and I. I wish them well!

Marriage #4 is working because, while we're outwardly very different (city/country, younger/older), we share the same values when it comes to the things that matter. We both acquired what we have through sheer hard work, determination, and doing whatever was required to survive. We respect each other's abilities and judgment, which in some ways is even more important than just loving each other (which of course we do, too!). I got really lucky this time around ... I can't imagine ever sharing my life with anyone else!

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"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.

The happy stories posted here are just wonderful to read!

We've only been married for 6 months (and 8 days ), so I don't really feel qualified to comment on longevity, but I married my best friend whom I trust and adore with all my heart.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can trust him and that he loves and respects me as much as I him.

This may sound naive, but I'm 44 and have been through the wringer retationship wise, and the moment I met Tyler, I knew I had met someone who was unlike any man I had ever known, his integrity and compassion for others just shine from him