Marriage?? Why has yours worked or failed??

My first marriage ended because he enjoyed flirting and I was way too immature and too posessive to realize that was not the be-all and end-all. We remain friends to this day. So then I married this really cute guy who was so verbally and psychologically abusive it colored my whole life for several years. I finally got up the courage to leave him (thanks to my brother's intervention) and decided I'd had enough. Then I was lucky enough to meet the man I have been married to for almost 30 years. We have had our ups and downs, we have had disagreements, but we have also had love and respect for each other. I cannot remember any time - even in the middle of a big fight - that he has ever said anything disrespectful or intentionally hurtful. I truly hope he can say the same about me. It is not a "grand passion" any more. More a quiet and tender understanding of each other. We do both follow our own interests, and his job takes him away, sometimes for months at a time, but those things only bring us closer.

Mary

I believe the Lord brought us together. We became very good friends before we started to date. We last because we each put the other one first. I meet all of his needs and he meets all of mine. When either of us has an idea or dream, we both put in the effort needed to see it become reality. When we have had fights in the past, we are quick to forgive... and we both believe that forgiving includes forgetting and never bringing it up again. All of our goals are for the benefit of our family, not any one person individually. Of course, we're not perfect... no relationship is. But, the wonderful part is, we don't have to be.

30 years this December...Best man gave it six months, tops, so whenever we argued, we eventually agreed that we'd prove him wrong (plus we had to stay together for the sake of the cat). Folks disowned me when I married him and we decided not to have children, went through two bankruptcies, just survived 10-year off-and-on separation from his severe PTSD from Vietnam, including his institutionalization at a VA hospital and my being evicted from our home, losing both cars and all household goods due to his not paying the bills when he was in fugue state from his nightmares, during which time I went back to school on VA spousal benefits and got second degree in computer applications...

Well, things are looking up now, and he's STILL THE ONE. After all, the vow said "for better or for worse." We're looking forward to making up for lost time!

After 28 years, it is still a "work in progress". There were times when I loved him but didn't like him (still is at times), but I know we both have our faults. Space...I think that's the key in our marriage. I realize he needs his "man time" just as I need my own time. But even after 28 years, we are still learning what it takes to make a marriage work at different times of your lives. Our newest stage is dealing with a husband who has retired due to health issues. Now he is "teaching" me how to do household chores the "proper" way. OK, but that's a whole new thread....

My dh and I have been together over 12 years. We adore each other, and rarely fight When we do fight, neither of us tries to be right, we just try to resolve the problem, together.
I think our marriage is wonderful because we respect each other, we like each other, and both of us put the other of us, first.

It's so cool to see so many happy long term marriages in this thread

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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Mark Twain

I posed your question to my wife .
she said . Compromise,trust,loyalty and of course sex

we have been together for 24+ years and have been through two fires multiple floods a couple feasts and often famine . We are both fiercely loyal to eachother
and trust one another with out question. I have loved her from the moment I saw her in a dream. We support eachother hopes and dreams .
actually shes fullfilled most of mine I have a lovely wife who has given me two beautiful daughters we have a house and a family . Quite frankly Im the richest man in the world even when I dont have two pennies to rub together .

Oops she just aded another bit .
She says it helps when one of us knows how to cook and is willing to do dishes

did I mention she claims her only domestic quality is she lives in a house

My first marraige of 11 years she didn't want to talk things through just scream and holler.

Been with this wife for 26 years.She is the only one that puts up with my BS and after everyone turns their Back on me still Bails me out

She is a pretty Good Bud.

big rockpile

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I love being married.Its so great to find that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.



If I need a Shelter
If I need a Friend
I go to the Rock!

We have been together for 19 years. Hubby says I am the only person who doesn't annoy him. I have very low expectations. We both agree we are both too lazy to ever get a divorce. We love each other deeply.

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Teach only Love...for that is what You are

We'll celebrate the 15th anniversary of our first date at Christmas.
Why have we worked, so far? Beats me. Dumb luck, maybe.

Talk to me when we're 90 and have 70 years behind us. Then I might have some wisdom.
Until then we're just plugging along, best friends who are sharing life's challenges and joys.

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~*~Erin~*~
SAHM, ranch wife, sub and quilt shop proprietress
the Back Gate Country Quilt Shop

My Dear Wife and I have been together Married for Ten years. We have gone through more than most people do, and stayed together through it all. I went from wworking fix it guy to disabled can't get out of bed, to homeless and back. My wife went from being afraid of men as a rule. She became the care taker and only person who worked to keep me alive ( even when I gave up ). She is the one GOD put in front of me and from the day we met I considered us married although it took 7 months for her to come to that conclusion, and the ceremony. We lived different lives and in different states but from the day we met until we were together, forever, only a few day passed, I knew a Jewel stood before me. I saw her as the Gift that God had blessed me with and time has proven that over and over time and time. Our faith was weak in the begining, but as we were humbled, our faith stregthened, and now we pass that faith onto our children. We learned from the mistakes of our pasts, and became one, to over come those mistakes and Live as Man and wife as God would have us. Now we live as One. I can not imagine my life without my Wife. I plan for my children's sake incase that should ever happen, but pray I never have to use those plans. I plan as a respect to my Wife and how she manages our lives and children so our children will get everything we/ she wants for them. I learned to can, to make things from scratch as she does, to schedule things as she does so things will always run smoothly. In doing these things we grew closer. I can help when she needs it I can do when she cannot. I appreciate her for all the gifts God gave her and try to share in them so we can grow even closer as the sun goes down and rises tommarrow.

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Reverend George Hoppes

Available to preform Weddings, Blessings and other services in Southern Missouri.
http://ministers.themonastery.org/profile/Hoppes65761

Congratulations, QB! I wish you many many more years together!

My first marriage ended after 10 years of both of us trying to control the other and him cheating on me...a LOT. Also, he was mentally and verbally abusive.

My current dh and I have been married 11.5 years. I met him online in a chat room 12.5 years ago, we moved in together after only 26 days talking online/on the phone, he did my DIY divorce from my ex-husband, and got married 9 months exactly from the day we met online (6 days after my divorce was final). Technically, I've been married 22 years next month just not to the same guy.

DH and I have similar views, we're respectful of each and don't belittle the other's ideas other even if we don't agree on something, don't let little things turn into big things, we laugh with each other and at ourselves, we are each other's best friends, we accept each other the way we are, we're supportive of each other's hopes and dreams, we don't play the blame game, we're always there for each other. We're not perfect, but our marriage is close enough to perfect and as long as we both always try our best, what more can we ask for?

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Paula

homeschooling mom to 2 awesome boys, married to the man who makes all my dreams come true, and lovin' life on our little farm.

25 years and counting! DW is my best friend. We're more alike than different, we rarely argue at all, and we do most activities together. We each have separate interests, too, but still share them with each other. I've learned (something some men never do) that I can't put myself in a situation where I night be tempted to stray. I simply avoid being in a situation where I would have to refuse another woman's advances. I'm a good cook, too- probably the main reason she's still around LOL!

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"What one generation tolerates, the next generation embraces." -John Wesley

I've known my wife all my life. We first slept
together..........before we were a year old!
Went thru school together without thinking
about romance. Her brother was my best friend.
We hung around some, going to eat late at night.
We were both at a Christmas party, with other
dates and her boyfriend pe'ed her off and I took
her home. We talked a lot. Lots of less than
perfect unions in both our families. We agreed
never to hit, curse or cheat on each other.
Neither of us has ever been jealous. We take
seriously, whatever the other thinks important.
Not that we agree all the time. Neither of us
"ask permission" to do anything, but discuss
everything. No adult should marry a "boss".
By the way, we do love each other. Been married
for 31 years and never for a minute regretted
it, either. I near died from a heart attack five
years ago, and we just drew closer.

We were married 26 years in June. One thing we did before we ever got married was to take divorce off the table. We both agreed that no matter what divorce would never be an option. We knew there would be disagreements, but we also knew we could always find a solution if we were willing to make the effort.

We also decided we would always make a concerted effort to keep the marriage fun. We always make time to spend together, and put a priority on "us".

Well, we've been married for 24 1/2 yrs. The reason ours has worked, in my opinion, is a simple answer, we put God first. We went into this marriage with the understanding that divorce was NOT an option, so when we had problems (and we've had our share) divorce was never brought up, we worked them out instead. The second thing that has kept us happily married is keeping the lines of communications open. The Bible tells us not to go to bed angry, so there have been a few times that we haven't slept for a few days, but we've always worked things out and have come out stronger because of it.

We've been married 35 years. We married 4 months after we'd met. I was 20, he was 27. We laid the ground rules (no lying, cheating, hitting) before we took our vows and stuck to them. In many ways, we're exact opposites. But that has worked for us in that we tend to offset each other's negative qualities...when I'm down, he's up & vice-versa, etc. In other ways, we're very much alike; our ideals, beliefs, sense of humor, goals.

I'd have to say the 2 biggest factors in our success have been communication and complete trust in each other. And, divorce has never been an option for us either. We were determined to make it work.....or die trying

We have been married 47 years this October. I knew two weeks after I met him that he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and he is my best friend yet today.
We think alike about a lot of things and agree most of the time. Rarely have arguements or fights. We have mellowed together over time and I miss him when he isn't here.

I got married the first time to get out from under my parents thumb - stupid, stupid! That marriage lasted almost 10 years and gave me my 3 daughters. I met my true love while separated from the first - 26 years older, the kindest, gentlest man ever. We just celebrated our 16th in August - seems like just yesterday. He was brave enough to take on a young wife with 3 young daughters at the age of 56 - my youngest was 4. I can't imagine my life without him. Not only do I love him, but I'm in love with him - there is a difference!

My first lasted 5 years. Never marry while in an alcohol induced haze.

My second wife and I will be married 11 in Nov. After a couple years of dating.
I don't know how I got lucky enough to find her but not only are we married we are best friends and I think that helps a lot.

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Deja Moo; The feeling I've heard this bull before.

Why has ours worked? Because we always WORK at it! We are both independent and stubborn and refuse to give up. We have a lot of different interests but we share the same morals, religious beliefs, family values and work ethic. We both have a strong sense of duty and responsibilty but go about them in completely different ways. We have enough differences to keep things interesting and enough respect to keep things from getting out of hand.

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"Mama always says stupid is as stupid does" Forrest Gump

"It is discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit." Noel Coward's Blithe Spirits