Combating Lonliness

While I don't live in MT, I sure can relate.

I was 35 before I married, and had just about given up completely. I live in a town with 20,000, and Indianapolis is just 1/2 hour away.

I am not so sure that geography has as much to do with it as our place in life, and or God's will for us.

Country Families forum was a great place to post, and a tremendous refuge from the loneliness of life.

A couple of suggestions: start posting on CF, in the singles area too; start going to church; go to a different church in the town 35 miles away on their Wednesday night service; go to all church functions...dinners, breakfasts, mens ministry, etc.; volunteer somewhere...the library, boys club, soup kitchen, etc.; join a club...Lions, Rotary, hunting club, etc.

What the above will do is give you interaction with others, fill your lonely time, give you a break from the monotony, give you more purpose in life, and give you the opportunity to NETWORK. Who knows if a guy in the local Lions club has a neice that wants to move back into the area?????

I think your life could change drastically if you started spending every Wednesday in the 'big' town 35 miles away after you feed in the morning. Do some shopping, spend an hour having lunch, volunteer for the afternoon, and go to a church for their evening service. I am sure you could work out feeding with someone in the evenings.

Like my friend used to tell me, "You are not going to meet someone sitting in your living room."

Keep your chin up, friend. Others have walked in your shoes, too.

Clove

Joel,
Here's the link i was trying to get you before... http://www.pioneerwoman.blogspot.com/
If nothing else, she is funny and a good read to make you feel less lonely!

Keep on Keeping on and just take one day at a time. I am glad venting helped, it seems sometimes ya just need to air things out in the open.. and for some reason, it makes it seem much better!!

JennNY

There are several very happy couples who met right here !

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I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.

So sorry you're going through a rough patch, MT Plainsman. You're in a challenging business to say the least. I don't know enough about ranching to give any advice, but I sure wish you the best and hope that things turn around soon.

As for finding a girl, I work at a public library, and have seen quite a few romances develop there between patrons who visit regularly to use the computers or go to programming. Too bad my sister is a confirmed city girl. She's a real beauty, sweet as honey, and nearly your age! Best of luck to you.

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Melissa
Reformed hoyden. Please forgive me if I relapse.

Call the Agri. Dept. in your county, ask about the Cattlemen's Ass. our's meet once a month and have a pot luck dinner...like minded folks and we have a few single women who have joined..

Do you play softball? If not, go to umpire classes (thourgh your county), learn the game and visit the ballfields... There are 100's of single women that play in our area and their single friends are there---many looking for friendship.. Check out the co-ed teams if you play.. My dd met her husband at a co-ed tourm...

Call your communtiy college, ours offer adult ed. classes--such as computers, landscaping, photograpy, writing, and just about anything of interest..

Call your local bookstore and see if they have a book club.

Call your local Humane Soc. w/ you dog training skills you could offer lessons or vol.

Ask about Habitat of Humanity--They are always asking for people that have building skills. Our daughters work there as well as our sons---lots of young people.

There is nothing like helping others to help yourself!! Get busy and don't worry too much about a mate... Find a friend first!

MT, there's an organization called Couchsurfing International (http://www.couchsurfing.com/). You register and can visit other members all over the world, and they can visit you. You can check references. I imagine there are *lots* of people from all over the world and the US who might like to come visit (heck, I'd love to visit Glacier!), and you might end up with an invitation to visit some new friends in Australia or Brazil or Nebraska.

Just a thought. I know a bunch of Couchsurfers and it's a neat concept.

You sound like such a sweet country boy. Staying close to home and making a life solo is admirable. it takes courage to do what your doing.

Finding a woman with similar goals and ideals may be hard but I assure you it is not impossible. You guys with morals who avoid bar trash are just as hard for “her” to locate too.

I snatched up a guy very similar to yourself over a year ago. He stayed close to home, was woman “shy” and alone for almost a decade. He hated going to the bars and had really strong family values. He farms a small plot (Gramps has cattle) and wanted a mate to share his life. He never went looking, just expected “the one” to come along eventually.

I’m an ex city girl who was a 4H and FFA addict. I dreamt of starting my own operation. (boy did I have a lot to learn)

One day we collided online through a mutual interest. I appreciated his lifestyle and personality, he enjoyed my enthusiasm. Then slowly but surely he lured me up here.

The rest is history...........

He ran home for lunch with me today, puts up with my 13 year old sons antics because he is an awesome step dad and later I am taking a tractor of soy to town. Town being a village of 370 people. He taught me to drive that tractor and later I’m going to learn to drill wheat. I love the way he smiles when I get excited about his “nerdy” stuff.

Don’t give up. I fell into his lap and someday if your lucky your lady will too. There are lots of nice single ladies on here. Just be careful to find a woman with common interests, or at least one who is willing to learn yours.

Oh yeah, I moved from a town of 450,000 to 370. Not as isolated as you but a shocker none the less. I get lonesome now and again and drive my guy crazy. The quick fix is I squeeze into a combine built for one with him : ) (in a G rated way)

You don’t need big bucks to charm the right lady. If she aint impressed with a picnic and some hand picked wildflowers keep on looking! I for one find country boys more charming and enticing than any other type of guy.

Farmergirl is lucky I’m taken, otherwise I think you are certainly a wonderful catch.

I don't live in MT, but I do get lonely here sometimes. I have children (single mom), so they really help, but it is hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other on some days. I can relate! Keep your head up and take it one day at a time! Feel free to PM me if you'd like! Hope you are feeling better!

Well, I used to tell my DH "Be careful what you wish for." He wanted an outdoors woman, now he has one, but he does most of the cooking! HAHAHAHA!

There is a line in a song by Little Country Giants that comes to mind. It says, "Don't trade your loneliness for misery times two." It can be bad to be alone, but it can be worse to be in a bad relationship. I think you're wise to be cautious to be picky when looking for a girlfriend.

I live very close to town with shops and family and a husband,the loneliness is more than I can bear at times.

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Our lives are made in these small hours.

I agree you should get involved with some ag folks. Yes, you may still be the youngest one around, but you can really learn a lot from those folks and make some wonderful friendships. You never know who they are kin to.....

This is a good board to feel less lonely on. You don't have to necessarily be single to appreciate what is said. Your troubles with little rain, little grass, no hay and skinny cows are those that many, many of us have. This is a good place to come for advice and commiseration.


And you are right to want your own financial house to be in order before introducing a family into the mix. That's very mature.

Many know the lonliness you feel for several reasons. One is that many are in rural areas and have little interaction with others. Some are single and longing for family. In any case, you don't have to be lonely when you have found so many people doing the same thing you are doing all over the US and around the world. Stay and vist....

Up North, thats some good thinking there. I tell you though, that my area is wheat contry first and cattle country second, so the herds are small and scattered. Finding someone close to me with stock I could take care of while they left doesn't really seem feasible around here. Farmers around here seed big spreads these days, and you'll go miles and miles even see a single feather of a chicken, hear the squeel of a pig, or a glimpse of a goat. The farmers these days in this country don't want to bother with farmstead animals, as it slows them down, ties them down, and means extra work to them, sad but true. I love your idea though.

Steffiej, thanks for pointing out the singles board. I have already checked it out several times, but I don't want to search romantically at this point in time. However, friends would be right up my alley.

You sound like a wonderful young man and there is no reason you should go through this alone. I remember people used to tell us if we waited until the time was right, we'd never have a baby. Well, our baby is 25 now and I still would not be ready but it all worked out fine. We've been married for 33 years and are living our dream of raising animals on our own land. I don't think neither one of us could do it without the other but together, it just makes us grow closer. God has a plan for you and he will direct your path if you will let him. Let your request be known to him but let him work out the particulars. There have to be so many young women who think there are no good Christian men left. Probably women who dream of being a farmers wife but have no idea how to meet him. Maybe because they too live out in the middle of nowhere and see no men except the pastor and their men folk. God knows where you are and he knows where they are. Listen to him and he can bring you together. Have you ever thought about doing mission work. Not move to africa but do a week at a time somewhere working on a project were Christians from all over come together. My brother is going to New Orleans for a week next month. Then there is livestock shows and farm conventions. Go to Denver in Jan. for the big livestock show and get busy meeting people. The bible says if you want friends, be friendly. You have so much to offer. You just need to be bold enough to look and not settle for less. Do not be unequally yolked. Make sure you date nothing but Christian women. After all, she could become the mother of your children and they diserve no less. By all means, do work toward finding the mate that God has created for you. Pray for her now, even before you meet her. God gives wives to be your help meet. From my personal prospective, life is just never sweeter than when it's shared with someone we love. Good luck and I'll be praying for you.

clovis, more great advice, thank you. I'm listening...

Melissa W, we have one library in the county, and everytime I've walked in there, you were lucky to see another single soul other than the librarian herself! Also, it's not nice to tease poor fellows with single, attractive, and sweet natured girls...you should know better than that! LOL! Fortunatly you said she is all city, so that helps alot, hehehe, that and looks don't mean everything to me anyways, though sweet as honey is a plus!

Willowdale, I'll check that out, thanks.

hintonlady, I had the same story, only in the end ,probably from the distance issue and her kid problems, did it not turn out in the end. Also, I moved from the farm to a town with 10 of us. It was a shock to me too to have neighbors, LOL! I'm related to half of them. And thank you for the kind words, it's nice to be called "sweet" hope I can keep living up to it.

Thanks to everyone for their input and "well wishing" Now that I think of it, this post seemed like a test for the people of this forum, as it just showed me and everyone, what kind of people are roaming about here, gotta smile about that...

I don't play sports, nor do I watch them much, if any at all.

No colleges within a couple hundred miles.

Nearest bookstore is 110 miles in ND.

No Humane Society anywhere near this area.

Habitat for Humanity sounds very cool, but that is nonexistant up here as well.

However, the helping others idea is "golden" thanks for the ideas!

Wow... if that ain't top notch advice to strive for, I don't know what is... personally thats my feelings in a nutshell. I am not a great example of a christain right now, I admit, but those words right there are gunuine, thanks for posting them.

I can somewhat relate. I'm not lonley for people in general,as my family is usually around. But,I do miss having a guy around sometimes or just someone my age to run around with. All the guys I've met lately just don't seem right for me,our goals and interests are way too different. And,most of my friends have either gotten married(and some divorced)or they have children. It's hard to get together with them to do something. So,yeah,sometimes I'll feel a little lonely. It helps to talk to people online or just call up an old friend. Eventually,everybody finds their path in life. Some of us just have to wait a little while longer is all

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When thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee ~ Isaiah 43:2

So what now - Joel?

You've drawn me in. Many great ideas thrown out there...

What's your plan? What will you do in the next 7 days to take action? It sounds like you've "thought" about doing lots of these things before, but will you do them?

Not to be harsh - I'm totally rooting for you! I'm eager to hear you make some progress. Then, if the outing and social contact was a disaster, or makes for a funny story we need to hear about that too!

Wishing you all the best,
-Kelly.

Well Kelly... I was just asked to hurch, though it is our local one with the 7-10 folks. I'm gonna start going there on Sundays, and than maybe find a larger one in town later. If I can get my calves sold and the cows hauled in and situated, I can get a system going that will allow me time to spend with friends and go socializing in town. On a good note, two guys found me yesterday where I was working and said they would buy all my heifer calves that were available sight unseen. They said they want to go into the cattle business and everyone had told them I ran some of the best around, so that was enough for them. They never even asked what I wanted for them. This is a blessing I hope, as I can't save back replacements this year and if I run them through the ring, I'll take it in the shorts. This way though, I can get a little more privately than the ring. I am embarassed for them to see my cow herd now though, as they heard that they were so nice. Wait till they see them...my rep won't be the same. My calf weights won't even come close to average this year neither, and I'm just all-around embarassed. Oh well, it is a positive I think.

Yes, I have "thought" about doing some of these suggestions before, your right, but without the boost from others, it is hard to take the first steps towards any plan. I need to take care of my cattle situation right now, than I'll practice the advice given and give you all reports on my happenings. The words given to on here are not falling on deaf ears, trust that...