Combating Lonliness

MTplainsman, vent away!

Life will never be fair, and it irks everybody!

As I get older, I have come to realize that life is unfair to everybody. Time was, I would have KILLED to be in your shoes, but, I have come to see that life kicks virtually EVERYBODY in the teeth. It is just a matter of when.

I got kicked in the teeth early, you are getting kicked in the teeth now, and it truly *****.

Yes, we do understand. Just remeber, please, that the gents who are wanting your land are not (mostly) stabbing you in the back. Hoping that you sell out, maybe, but most of them would not try to cut you off at the knees. They are not your enemies, and if you had a broken leg they would probably help you at your place. They sound like decent fellows.

It is just that *IF* you choose to sell........

Trust me. Humans get uglier than that. Sometiimes they get ugly and sabatoge you "for your own good". which is even MORE aggravating!

Humans CAN be ugly, but we all need friends. Keep the good friends close to you, and forgive the land hogs. They are not actually trying to STOP you from farming, most of them!

Being alone is something that most of us who choose country living must get used to- as an artist/farmer and a divorced baby boomer, i enjoy solitude but understand that BIG lonliness that rears up, especially at holiday times and in the dead of winter.

You place sounds great to alot of us- have you considered inviting some folks to share your place....a communal living situation. When i was younger, i lived with a couple of groups, in country locations, and it was fun- there was always someone to talk to, play cards with....we had ping pong tournaments and music jams- finding folks who share your goal of farming should be do-able in your neck of the woods.

Talking about your feelings on this forum is your best first step to changing your situation- when something needs to be changed, find a way to take action- you have done that- the wheels are in motion.

Keep us informed- and BEST of luck.

Wolf mom, you are absolutely right, thats why I won't seek a companion right now, cause it is not fair to her when I havn't worked through by own problems yet. When things get ironed out, which they will, I will then be ready to start the search. I refuse to carry over my baggage to another person. Sure I may have to wait onother year, but when I get back in the swing of things, it will be worth it.

Jen H, I bought a place right by the highway, and it is 20 miles to town. I have ran into town several times last year and sat at the coffee table, which was great, but a 29 yo at a table of 60 plus is kinda funny, LOL! It is helpfull though, and if I stopped working weekends, I think I'll go there for an hour or so again. That's great advice and and a great reminder, thanks.

I feel embarassed making a cry baby post like this, as eveyone gets the heat in life now and again, but I figured, hey, the folks here have similiar interests and are down-to-earth and respectable, so throw it out there ansd see what happens. Well, I am glad I did, cause there is advice here that I will use! Joel

dahliaqueen, I have thought about having some folks come on up and stay for awhile. I love to meet new people from other places and as soon as I finish my house fixing stage, I'll do just that. I am already looking forward to that. When I get things squared away, I would like to have some folks come up and take them animal spotting, which I love to do, in Glacier Park.

BTW, I had just ended a long distance relationship with a girl that I had been with for well over a year now. We talked everyday, kept the phone on most of the nights, and had perminent plans set in place within a year and a half. I guess I am holding on to some bitter thoughts from this right now too, but I am getting through that fine now.

Land wolves --- what a great description! This is your trial by fire. Hang in there, it WILL rain and snow again someday. We baled so much hay this year that I have about 2 1/2 years worth stacked and stored. Last year, we ran out of hay...... feast or famine seems to be a way of life for us!
You just soak up all the humor, stories and wisdom those old coots at the coffee shop have to share. It won't be long before they put out the word to the land wolves that they need to back off..... meanwhile, business is business so don't take it too personally but be wise enough to watch your back.

Tana Mc

Shouldn't have to wait forever. You have the internet, you're connected to the world. Hang out in forums that cater to your interests and meet like-minded people. You're in an ideal situation that way, really. You can pick and choose. You're not limited to the local trash.

Lonliness is hard no matter what your age. For me it comes and goes. Being older I don't have quite the same drives that I did when I was 29, but human companionship is a need that we all face at times. I am grateful that I have always been a hermit at heart for I would be really miserable since my husband died if I were not. It was something we had very much in common and we learned to give each other a lot of space and be hermits together. For some reason, although I have only met a few of the forum members, I find the forums do make me feel less lonely on a particularly lonely day. It is fun to see what others are up to and to find that you are not alone. I hope that your problems sort themselves out soon and that you find that special woman to share your young life with.

If you want to kill the lonely monster, get a dog, or three.

If you're wanting female companionship, seek it out... either online or where females congregate (large towns).

There's a forum on this site, where singles commiserate about their lot. That's where my sweetie and I met.

Also check out www.farmersonly.com! :baby04:

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Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Seneca
Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. W. Edwards Deming

pray about it all.what you should do , your feeling .. He says trust in theLord and lean not on your own understanding, he will direct your paths. and as far as being a cry baby....it takes quite a man to say "I need some help. you never know who else you may be helping that is feeling the same way and is afraid to say anything. i will commit to praying for you for a while.........in His grip sue

Pets help a lot. I have two cats that are constant company. I talk to them....they talk to me... My mother lives alone and really enjoys the company of her cat too. It seems like lots of homeless people have dogs, I presume for protection but also for the company.

donsgal

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Life is what happens while you are making other plans. (John Lennon)

Tell me, are there any brewers in your area?

Here in Kansas they used to GIVE the spent grain away, until a demand for it crept up. It makes good feed. It is close to zero on carbohydrates, but it is very high in protien.

All I can say about your pastures is to repeat what somebody else said: It WILL rain and snow, someday!

Since you work on weekends, perhaps you can make lunch in town on Wednesdays a regular thing? Or will the batchelor neighbor join you on Wednesdays for brats on the grill? (OK, I grill in the winter. I am probably QUITE mad!)

I worked with a lady who met her husband on www.farmersonly.com . I met my Honey on www.plentyoffish.com . I found that chatting with other people on yahoo messenger and in the chat rooms helped ease my loniliness before I met him. There are also some interesting people in the forums on www.myspace.com .

It looks like you have a lot of people on here who understand and want to help here too. You're sounding better already.

MTplainsman your more recent explanation of all that's happening in your life, certainly brings more clarity to everything you're going through... and that's a LOT. No wonder you're on overload. What you're experiencing would be extremely difficult for anyone to handle, even IF they had a spouse, helpmate or lots of family & friends nearby.

I'd suggest posting a couple pics of yourself on this thread: http://homesteadingtoday.com/showthr...3&page=1&pp=30 and start posting in the Country Singletree section of this forum, if you haven't been.

Hi,

You sound like a perfectly nice young person to me..
so
come down to the Singletree down below here..
that is for single folks..course we aren't all hunting for a person to get married to..
but come anyway..

we'd like to meet you and chat.

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Be yourself - no one can tell you that you're doing it wrong!

Mail order brides?

This may sound goofy but how about online games. I play backgammon on pogo and some games at http://hoylegames.sierra.com/ You won't necessarily meet a mate but you can make some very good friends and share some laughs.

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Life isn't like a box of chocolates... it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow

Yes...I have many things at my disposal when you put it all together don't I? I can go to coffee more often, go to church, and of course, I have the internet which was pointed out. It ain't all bad is it? Guess I just needed some good advice and reminders, and maybe even a boot in the hind end. I'll take much of this advice and use it to my advantage. I am very open minded and try not keep my ears plugged when others offer advice.

FD2N4P, made the most important one of all..."pray"...heck I use to do it without fail, and things came together just fine then. Time to let the Big guy take control of my life again.

diane, very sorry to hear of your husband's death. You seem to be toughened, adaptable, and able to cope well with loss. You should be proud.

texican, I've had up to 14 barking birdogs at one time, they were more stressfull and time consuming than pleasureful, though they did help me get out across the state a little, and i met many people, some who are still good friends. My old dog just died not long ago, but I have a young German Wirehair right now.

As I said before, I am lonely for a mate, but I am not seeking one right now. I have things to straighten out before I even look for one. I am by no means desperate to find one neither, as i havn't even been looking to begin with, so I am still confident that when I do, I might have some success. Even if I can only meet friends right now, thats just fine with me! Also...mail order brides? You know how many people over here tell me that? I'll pass on ordering a woman right now, thanks, LOL! Funny thing though, a lot of the folks over here are married to over seas men and women. If i met one of them who was over here working, and she was a good one, I guess I'd do it too.

Well geeze... almost didn't make this post to begin with, but I'm glad i did now, I feel 4Xs better right now, and a spark of hope to get through these hardships. can't thank you guys enough!!! Joel

Well if you feel 4 X better already, imagine how good you'd feel if you posted more often, LOL.

This is a good place with tons of good people here, Joe. You found a "home' here... most of us come here because we like the friendships we've established here. We laugh together, cry, pray, hope and dream. I think I'd go nuts without my online friends.

Mt. Plainsman - I will throw out an idea and you can decide if it makes sense. No need to reply. If you were to make an arrangement whereby you would go to a neighbor's ranch and feed and check their stock for a 4 day stint in addition to doing your own work at home, and then he/she would in exchange do the same for you at another time. This would allow them to take a mini-vacation and leave the ranch in good hands.
This would allow you to plan for and take a 4 day trip to events like the Calgary Stampede, The Big Stock Show in Denver, or other ranching&farming shows. You could further your vocational education, visit with other beef producers about what is working for them. You may even become acquainted with other successful ranchers or ranch managers who invite you to come and tour their ranch and see what they are doing firsthand.
Doing such things gives you something to look forward to. Travel and interaction will help you meet enthusiastic and energetic men (and women )) who have the same interests.
Stay Energized. Stay Busy. Count your blessings.
You, and you alone, are responsible for your cattle operation and your life.

I thought there was an area right here on the homesteaders board for singles trying to meet others with the same ideas in life. What better place to find a nice girl that loves to farm, and would love to move somewhere like you described? You're young, don't give up hope, just make sure you're looking in the right places!

Edited to add: there IS a singles area at the bottom of the home page, why not hang out there for a while, make friends..... and then as you work through your issues, perhaps someone will come along that shares the same wants out of life that you do. I believe I've heard of more than one couple that met right here on the homesteading board, and I can't think of a better place to do that!