Combating Lonliness

I am a hermit, and most of the time being alone is not a problem. The upcoming holiday season makes me a bit sad, as it is so family and friends oriented, but I usually choose not to participate. Of course, with my grown children on the opposite coast, getting together isn't easy or inexpensive.

What do you raise/grow on your farm? For most kinds of animals it seems there are shows where you can go with or without your best rabbit/chicken/heifer to compete, and where there are like-minded people. If you are more into agriculture, there are local and state fairs to show off your prize tomatoes/corn/pumpkins - again with like-minded folks. Fairs might need volunteer workers to help organize various aspects of them, and planning for next year's affair usually starts as soon as this year's is over. Rural schools often need volunteers to help in the classrooms or on school trips or other functions. Any of these include people who have daughters/nieces/sisters, and even granddaughters who might be of interest. Good luck to you!

Being alone for me was not a problem for many years, but in recent times, all I can think about is finding a good girl who I can love and take care of, thats all I really want to make everything complete, but I have a strong suspicion that few women are willing to live in my area or be content on just love alone, I guess I have been burnt on local run-around types, but that shouldn't ruin my ideas.

bluetick, all I raise is 120 pairs of cattle. I have gun dogs too, and a donkey, chickens ducks, geese, pheasants, rabbits, and maybe some turkeys soon and a couple longhorns and horses in the future.

I realize that you need to keep some things off of the internet and maintain your privacy. Even so, but I am curious about your situation. If you can, would you share a little more of your "dream".
My family and I would jump at the chance to raise cattle on a larger scale and really ranch. The price of cattle here in Ks has been pretty good for the last year or so. While we aren't the Cartwrights and our place certainly is not the Ponderosa, we have managed to end up with 18 cows and a bull. We are really excited about expecting that many calves for next year. Our land for pasture is leased and we are planning to slowly expand.
What is it about your area that is making it so hard to get up to the size herd that you want? Land prices, drought, hay price??? I have friends that live near Billings and I have flown out for a visit. Driving out to the ranch that they manage gave a whole new meaning to the word "rural" for me....... I understand about the lonely part. I know of another Montana rancher that cannot find and keep a manager because of the lonely/too rural location. He offered the job to my hubby but the time is not right for us to leave here.
It sounds as if you are a local guy and this was the area that you have grown up in since your family is near. Knowing that this is "nothing new under the sun" doesn't make it any easier for you and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Tana Mc

Yahoo Personals. It is a HUGE database of folks looking for others and you can sort and search by all sorts of criteria. I'm sure there is some sort of someone who would want to be doing exactly what you are doing and would love to relocate to help you do it. You can email the folks first and get a good idea of who they are before you even meet - if you ever do. It is much easier than hanging out in bars to meet nice people. Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't get your aunties and grannies helping, too. All of us are smarter than any one of us.

MTplainsman, you're actually a young guy...I don't know why I was thinking you were older. Do you think it's possible you might be depressed? Good luck to you!

hmmm, I'm not even looking for a close relationship this year, but I did just try Yahoo personals for kicks, and there were two that popped up in my corner...one moving over here with kids and likes to unwind at the bar (which I spend little time in) and the other off the reservation who is a little questionable.

I check out "farmers only" at times just to see whats available, but I don't reply to any right now, as I need to get all my irons out of the fire first before I make any descisions. I won't rush a relationship, wether I'm lonely or not.

I don't know wether to just spew out my situation on here or not for therapy reasons, but maybe I should. It may help me, but also make me look like an unstable loon too. Hmmm, Tana, it don't bother me to spill the beans on my situation, but I wonder if the poor people on here would get repulsed or upset by it...I'll think about being more descriptive. Joel

Hey, Joel, for all you know, you may meet your significant other here! Is there a "personals" on the homesteading forum? If you let folks know you are looking then they may know someone who might be interested.

You've gotten alot of great advice here. You sound like you know what you want and you are not about to settle for second best. I like that and respect that about you.

I'm lonely most of the time myself. My husband is away for weeks at a time, trucking. My sons are always out and about living their own lives. I don't have any friends and spend my free time reading and posting at forums such as this. HT is my favorite. There is a singles board here at HT. Don't know if you've checked that out.

I also agree with those who say to get out, go places and talk to people. When my dh is home we like to go to auctions. You meet all kinds of people there.

I wish you luck and hope you find what you want in life to make you happy.

Boy, I can imagine it's lonely where you are. Next time I start feeling isolated and lonely, I'll remind myself I don't live in Montana where there's very few people. My dh's gone about 12 hours every day and he's on call every 3 weeks. He has to travel now and then which I hate.

Wish I knew a nice gal who would consider coming to meet you and who would consider relocating.

I would check into some of the dating websites.

Joel,
Don't give up on a woman just yet! You need to go to www.pioneerwoman.com... it is a blog written by a cattle rancher's wife. She moved from the city and found her man... they live out in the middle of nowhere also and they have 4 kids. It is a good read and it might encourage you that there ARE woman out there, that would leave everything to be out there with you. It would give you something to read, anyways!

Sorry you are lonely, I can imagine it is tough. I dont' have that problem, I have 6 kids and I LONG for some peace and quiet! LOL Wanna trade spaces for a day??

Best wishes,
Jenn

Although we are a couple, my wife and I find ham radio to be a lot of company and entertainment. We can talk around the world and when stuck in in bad weather there is always someone to talk to. We have made many friends and some we have met in person, but some just radio friends. Wife is listening to some guys in NC and Tenn now. If you think this may interest you go to www.arrl.net and look at the site. Good luck and hope you find something to do. Sam

LOL!!! I'm just a nosey sort of gal!
Sometimes it just helps to take stock of things and if it takes "spilling the beans" to get your goals defined and make you see just what you really have accomplished, that's ok. If you have been on this forum for very long, you can see that there have been ALL KINDS of situations discussed that I never in my wildest dreams thought would have come up on a public forum! Right now, I'm thinking 120 pairs at 29yo is quite an accomplishment. I know that is not enough to make a living with but it is a very good start.
I'm delighted that you have the right idea about a serious romantic relationship and you aren't letting loneliness blur your thinking there.
That said----
I've got a beautiful, hard working, deeply committed Christian daughter who is a darn good hand with the cattle and can ride the hide off of any horse out there and still keep house and cook like a chef but---- she is waaaaaay too young and it would kill me for her to take off for Montana.
I'm betting that there are several mamas/grandmas/aunts on this board reading this and thinking...... hmmmmmmm.... LOL!!!

Tana Mc

Reading of your situation I can see the grey-green hue of Sagebrush, and remember the roller coaster gravel roads where Jackrabbits bounded across in front of your headlights coming home to the ranch at night.

As a young man, I was a ranch hand on a cattle and sheep ranch down south of Miles City. My perception was that the only prospects for a wife were either retired widows or 12 year old girls, neither of which seemed to make sense . So, I left behind a place and a life I cherished. I went to college back east. I worked for several years in a city of 2 Million People.
Now you would think that even a skinny Norwegian who ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer might stumble onto a wife in a city of 2 million people.
Long Story Short some folks are not of a like mind. I was a serious and direct speaking fellow who wanted a wife, a family. That don't always fit in a world of modern people who don't say what they mean and mean what they say.

So I moved back to the country, bought a farm and a herd of cattle.
Content, heck, deliriously happy to be a Norwegian bachelor farmer.
Take care of my cattle, rebuild a few old tractors, drink too much coffee, answer to no one.

But NOOOOO!...A certain someone came along and latched on to me because I was of a like mind and a serious person.
Sometimes when you no longer want something you end up getting it.
So this is my story. Probably don't help you one bit. Just wanted you to know I've walked in your boots.
I feel your pain.

This is the ONLY church in your area?

I am NOT being critical! In the rural areas the church is often where you go to talk to people, and with so few people, 2 of which are grandparents that you are not close to, your needs are not being met as well as they could be in another church.

Can I ask why you raise cattle in pairs?

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There is alot of great advice here, and I thank you all for it!

jennNY, that link won't take me to the site, it just takes me to a search page full of links.

tamsam, I actually know a guy over here that does HAM radio, and I asked him about it last fall. I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

Tana MC, it's alright, your a "good" kind of nosey, LOL! I am also honored that you would "almost" give up your precious daughter on my behalf.....what can I say...WOW!

Up North, thats a very nice and encouraging story...maybe I'll just avoid getting what I really want now like the plaque, and see if that don't reverse the pattern for me, hey it worked for you? Ha!

Terri, you are right about churches, and I should be going anyways. There are some other churches in both counties, so I really don't have an excuse there.

suzieM, I raise cow/calves, cause I found a great deal on them when I started. I origonally wanted to just run bred heifers, so I wouldn't have to winter a cow herd, but that did happen. Also, I am trying to apply for a starters loan, and if I only run cattle during the summer and sold them all in the fall, it would not be "long term" and I would not qualify for the loan.

Ya know, you made a life style choice, so you need to be happy with it and with yourself. If not, what can you do??

True happiness comes from within. A trite, overused statement although very true.

If you're looking for happiness with a woman, until you're content within yourself - it'll never happen. Women can sence "needy" men & they'll run the other way. No one needs the burden of the responsibility of making another person happy. I'm talking about "have to's" rather than "want to's", so please don't anyone jump on me.

There's a good workbook called Mind Over Mood by Greenberger & Padesky. Helps you change how you feel by changing the way you think. Not easy, but you can rise to the challenge. It's probably available on-line.

There are lots of us that live alone and feel lonely at times, so you've got company there. The suggestions here are good ones, use them. Action is always preferable to sitting around ruminating. And give yourself credit for reaching out to us here. You may also consider the suggestion about being clinically depressed.

Best to you.

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Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible

Do the farmers and other rural folk there get together anywhere for coffee in the morning? Growing up on a farm in the Fresno area, and where I live now, there's a group of farmers, retired folk, and whoever else needs some company that gets together for coffee at 8:30 am. They have their coffee and talk and catch up with each other, then everyone goes off to whatever they have planned for the day.

It's way more expensive to drive somewhere and buy coffee than it is to just make up a pot at home. The whole point is the socializing. It does get lonely, and other people living out there get lonely, too. It might be worth the travel time and $ for that cup of coffee to find folks to socialize with on a regular basis.

I guess I'll just give a quick breifing on why I even made this lonely post. I hope I don't sound like a "depresive cry baby" cause I don't feel I am, but it sure feels good to let others know. The post helped me already.

First of all, I went out to check my cattle the other day, and the condition in which I have been seeing them was even worse... they don't even look like the same cows I had this summer. I went from comments on my herd being some of the top cows in the county for the lat two years, with weaning weights averaging up to 660#, to the pathetic herd I saw before me. We havn't had much measurable rain over here since late June, and though I have managed to keep grass on the place, the nutrition isn't there any more. I am not a prideful type person, but I did have pride in my cattle...so seeing them in such a horrid condition, made me think about just running to town and buying a bottle of Jack and just kill the frustrations. I thought for a few minutes of just hauling the works to the ring, give my mother and two sisters a cut to help them out, and pay the bank off, let the neighbor have the rest of our farm and just head out of the country. It is stupid to think this way when the chips are down, but I had a lot of tension the last several years that have been compounding things for me. First off, my Dad had sold off most of the land to pay the bank off. I saw some tears in his eyes for the first time in my life, when he had to sell the very first farm he had bought on his own when he was still a teenager. I couldn't afford the new equipment needed to put in our cropland, so the neighbor who already was seeding 12,000 acres, got the lease on what little we had left. I bit my tongue and decided to stay and run what I could on the little grass we did have, which was payed for. I don't regret the decision, as cattle has and always will be in my blood, but the odds for a new guy in a see of wolves is very stressfull. Because I won't give in and let the neighbor have all our grass, he now makes things a little difficult for me to stay in business, and tryes to work us down low on the cash lease of cropland. The neighbors have been good ones to our family with no problems in 80 plus year out here, but since I lost my Dad last Thanksgiving, the neighbor and every other land wolf, are just waiting for me to cash in and split, so they can add on to there already large spreads. They all seriously respected Dad, but now that he is out of the picture, I feel like I am all alone and cannot truely trust the locals anymore, exept for one ranch, praise the Lord for them! They all think I am a very nice guy and very easy going and friendly, but when it comes to land, it don't matter if your the Pope. I had one guy haul my hay out to the farm 30 miles away, for mere pocket change, cause he was trying to butter me up in case I fell out. He said he sure loved my Dad and he really wanted to make sure I had hay before things got snowed in. Found out later, he was after my place, They all are... If they see that the only young guy around can make it all work, than I think they'll back off to a point and respect will fall into place again.

My own neighbor who has our farmland leased, had the b***s to bid up my lease on a half section state pasture last year, two double the rent. He was the same guy I watched try and save my Dad's life right in front of me as he was dieing, and I know he tryed with all he could to bring him back to. I respected him for his best efforts, and shook his hand. After all that, he doesn't have the compasion to let a the young guy have a chance too. Theres so much more to the picture, but that is just some of the piches that sparked my lonely post. Of course having almost no other folks near my age doesn't help. This is all just one of the things that many of us have to break through, I realize that. I'll be A-ok, I know, just have to vent now and again.

There's no shame at all in venting! We all do it at times.

It sounds like you're in a really tough place right now.