Do you ever just want to quit?

Wayne is absolutely right. It's time to cut back to what you can do yourself without burning out, or light a fire under the rest of your family and get them out there to help you.

I know how hard that is to do, but there are only so many hours in the day and you can only burn a candle at both ends for a short time before everything goes to pot.

I don't think it's fair to force the kids to take care of YOUR garden and YOUR critters. That is not exactly modeling responsibility, is it? More like, "Get what I want, then find a way to shove the work off on everyone else!" Is that really a lesson you want your kids to learn? Also, they naturally will resent it and probably will grow up with an intense dislike for the lifestyle. I saw this happen in XH's family ... I believe one reason his GS was cruel to animals was because he was forced to take care of his mother's endless, badly managed menagerie ... so he took out his frustrations on the critters, poor things! (He was no longer allowed to be at my house without constant supervision after I caught him chucking rocks at my geese when he thought no one was watching.)

I agree with the posters who suggest that you need to scale back to a manageable level. Please don't kick yourself for having bitten off more than you can chew -- some sage once said that in order to know what enough is, you first must experience too much!

I think it's fair to tell the kids you are going to eliminate X, Y and Z animals unless someone is willing to step up and take over their care. If they fail to follow through, go ahead and sell the animal. Let them know this ahead of time, maybe tell them you'll give them 1 or 2 warnings, but, third strike and you're out!

As someone who homesteads by herself, I have found it is really important to PLAN AHEAD! If you know you've got a busy day coming up, do whatever you can the night before to make chores easier, such as filling up an extra stock tank ahead of time or stacking hay bales right outside the feeding area so you don't have to haul them at the last minute. In a pinch, I've even put out a 2-day supply of hay at once -- of course, they probably made pigs of themselves the first day, and ran a bit short on the second, but this is not really going to harm a healthy animal if done occasionally.

Also, analyze your set-up and make things as easy as you can for yourself. Have specific places where you keep buckets, bins, shovels, rakes, tools, etc., so you're not wasting time hunting for things. Keep things close to the area where they'll be used, even if it means having 2 of them if you need them in different places. Put your sprinklers on an automatic timer so the garden gets watered regularly without any extra effort. Buy cordless tools. Consider hiring help in a pinch if you can afford it. Perhaps there is a city kid out there with a country heart who would take care of one of your critters in return for being able to show it in 4H?

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"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.

I agree with some of the other posters. I don't know your situation but kids should have chores and your husband should help out,too. However,if it's "your thing",and you know you'll end up doing most of the work,then the solution is simple. Do the things that bring you joy,and cut back(or eliminate)the things that don't bring you joy. You work hard,your time is precious. If there are things you don't like to do and you can get by without doing them,then eliminate them.

Take care

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When thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee ~ Isaiah 43:2

You know, you guys are wonderful. I really appreciate all the understanding sympathy and the knowledgeable advice you've taken the time to share. I talked with my DH today, and though he does enjoy what we have, much of his enjoyment comes from seeing me enjoying myself with it. If it were up to him, he'd either shop at the grocery store or pay someone else to raise the "boutique" food we enjoy.

I guess I'm a tad frustrated because we're working through a career change for him, so although I'd really like to cut my working hours, we just can't afford that right now.

The stepdaughter, 26 years old, is the other resident here. In the last few weeks, she's picked up quite a bit of the extra two hours or so a day required with the litter of puppies we just had. She spent time with the puppies, and also picked up some of my chores so I could spend time with the puppies, but now the puppies are gone. Truly, I think maybe it was the puppies (puppysitting and corresponding with potential buyers) that pushed me to the point where I didn't have enough time to sleep, and that's over now.

Still, I think it would do me good to cut back in a few areas. Even before the puppies, I was at the point where I had very little free time. I was also finding less joy than I should have in what I was doing. I just have to look hard at what I'm doing here and make some decisions, I think. How often I have wished for a clone!

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www.glimmercroft.com
The basic message of liberalism is simply: The true measure of a society is how it treats the weak and the needy. A simple Christian message (Matthew 25:40). -Garrison Keillor

The ONLY reason someone is cruel to animals is that they enjoy being cruel to them. There is something wrong with a child or adult that does that, and unless you admit it and get them professional mental help, it will only progress into something much worse and many innocent animals and people will suffer as a result.

My experience is that chores do not teach a child responsibility. If they don't naturally care about what they are doing, they are just learning to respond to the rewards/punishments of the parent.

Every now and then, when I didn't have time to write a list of what needed done, I'd tell my teenagers to just do what they thought was needed. I thought after years of me assiging stuff, they could figure it out. They couldn't, and demanded I just tell them what to do so they could get it over with. Sure, they may have learned some skills, like how to feed the chickens, or clean the cat boxes, or mow the lawn, but they didn't learn responsibility. That will come only when they have their own place and they actually care.

One reason they don't care here is that they have a full belly. Nobody really needs to grow food anymore. Just too easy to get food at the store. Too much money and too much food.

So everyone tries to make more money so they can buy more and then wonder why the kids don't care about growing anything. Kids aren't stupid - why should they grow if they can buy? Maybe some bare cupboards would help them understand, but few of us want to go there - we consider it abusive. Childhood obesity rampant and we don't want to deprive them of anything.

I got a lower paying job years ago with a 5 minute commute and cut back on the money supply, but then my wife went back to work. Still too much money and food. If I had to do it over again, I'd have kept her home and made the kids go hungry occasionally so they'd understand what the chores were for. Now I'm trying to get rid of money making extra mortgage payments, but the kids are about gone.

Although I agree in theory that family members shouldn't be forced to support another family member's hobby, I have mixed feelings about this type of situation. I get the impression that the OP's efforts provide a significant direct benefit to the entire family that they actively enjoy, and as such I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for her to expect a LITTLE help, at least occasionally.

As for kids doing chores; I remember as a kid having chores that had nothing to do with me or my interests. One of my chores was to rake the cultivated soil in Dad's garden to break clumps and pick out any rocks or Bermuda grass prior to planting. I didn't like gardening, but I was expected to help because I was a member of the family, and the garden helped feed the family. Since having my own home, I've had gardens and thanks to what I learned from Dad, have had success.

When DH was a kid, his father raised meat rabbits for the family. DH didn't have any say in the matter; he was responsible for feeding and watering the animals. It was just another chore to him. DH was expected to help, since he benefited from the rabbits. And to show how traumatized he was by the episode, we used to raise show rabbits many years ago, and are getting back into the hobby after an 11 year hiatus.

you need to to take a class in ass-kicking.

it keeps them warm and fed, isnt that obvious to you dear?
lol
smack em in the skulls and make them work....
become a flaming B on wheels.
willow..... he is a sociopath. frustration doesn't make you hurt animals, mental disorders do.

since when do farmers kids get to opt out of the family farrm because "farming aint their thing"?

you arent mean enough. you are to forgiving and you feel guilty they "dont like it"

no one likes work. I hate work. I avoid work at all costs.

But if it needs done I do it, because it has to be done.

if they dont want to be farmers.... make sure they dont reap any benefit from it when they wont work the farm that feeds them.

come on girl..... wake up!!

LOL

As a woman that does most of the homesteading chores by herself I completely understand how tired you feel, but I honestly do not expect my DH to do any of the animal related chores. He goes to work everyday and I stay home. He buys critter food, meds, supplies etc. and I take care of them. The only thing he has ever helped me do was put a new door on the goat shed.

I can't expect him to do it-- he doesn't want the critters, I do. He does eat the eggs, meat and veggies, but he would buy them if I didn't raise them. I feel fortunate that he even supports my 'hobby' and provides the money for me to do so. If I want something, he will buy it-- last week he bought me some sheep, but if I were to start forcing him to help me he would stop buying me animals. His answer, when I ask for more animals is always "As long as you take care of them", which is fine by me.

I do ask the kids to help occassionally and my DS 16 actually does quite a bit of pig feeding, wood splitting etc. He truly enjoys doing it. My little ones (DD 8 & DS 5) help care for the rabbits sometimes, but most often it is my job.

Of course, if I had a two hour commute, worked all day and then did all of the chores I would probably cut back on the number of animals I have. As it is now, I truly enjoy what I do. If it ever comes to a point that I'm dreading doing my chores I will scale down a bit. Nobody is forcing me to do it all, I choose to.

Michelle

Do you have children? Do you help them with their homework when they are stuck pick up pens for school, and so forth? For the above reasons, I DO ask my family to help out when we get in late.

For every day, no, because it IS my thing and not theirs! But, when I am in a bind, I ask to be helped just as THEY ask ME when they are in a bind!

Children aren't assigned chores because we feed and shelter them. Children do not need to "earn" their way in life, it's our responsibility to provide those things. I'm all for teaching responsibility, and it appears I've done well in that area, but I'm also for teaching kids about responsible choices. If you have to work a job that keeps you away from home for many hours, then "choose" how many other obligations you put into your life. My kids don't "choose" the farm lifestyle, that was my choice. They will benefit more from learning about reality than by being made to believe the have to work in exchange for their food and shelter. I'd rather they learn that good parents provide for their children, and children willingly help in running the household because that's what families do.

Again with the arriving home late and doing chores. Do the chores before you leave if you anticipate you're going to be home late. Then nobody has to trudge to the barns. There's nothing that can't be done in the afternoon that will kill any livestock that are used to having those "chores" done at 7 PM. I bet nobody would begrudge helping in the earlier hours of the day if they all know it will make the return to home easier, and mom less cranky. Trust me, I do it all the time. Is this just too simple to consider?

I am quite disappointed, Laura. That IN NO WAY is "the supreme whine and pity party." You have not heard ME yet. LOL. I'll spare ya, but DW has heard it. She always shuts me up quick by listening a bit, and then saying, "Well then, why do you do it?" Fact is, I LIKE WORK on my own place...but I still gripe about it.

I have lusted after a small lot and house at times. We have had one in our past, and it is so fun to be able to control the whole deal, rather than just managing stuff because the place is bigger than me.

I aso commute about an hour and a half, and work 9 hours each weekday. So that's 10 1/2 hours a day I am gone. Most upkeep work falls on the weekends.

Heck, you know what I am going to tell you. Get RID of some of your chores! Don't do as much. Live a country lifestyle rather than a farming lifestyle.

My money comes from my job, as well as my health care insurance, retirement, 401(k), vacations, etc. The farm gets paid for because of my job, and so there is never any confusion about which is more important. I'll bet there's not to you, either, really. Living the country lifestyle can give you the best of all worlds, without demanding that you essentially have 2 full-time jobs.

For example, we used to raise two big gardens, and I love the produce, but it is just not cost-effective in terms of hours spent, so I quit. Before I quit, I went to a mulch system so I never had to weed, and cut down a lot on my garden work, but eventually I just had to say I was unwilling to invest time in it based on the payback. I can shop 30 minutes at the farmer's market and get all that stuff.

I am not homesteading, I am farming. I raise meat goats. And that's about ALL that I can get done, just keeping up with that and being gone 52 1/2 hours a week. And DW likes pointing out to me that if I would quit those and just cut and roll hay, selling that outright might actually make me more money, after expenses! LOL.

I'd suggest you find the one or two things you really like, and ditch the rest. After all, no one can complain, as they never raised a finger to help you when you did do them. Live the lifestyle, not the life, as long as you have a job that allows you to do so.

Now when I retire in another 20 years, well then...

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Jim Steele
Sweetpea Farms
"To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing." -- Robert Gates

kin I ask a question? The kids eat right? They eat out of the garden? Do they eat the animals that are raised?

uhm...seems that if everyone benefits from what the poster does, then everyone should share in the responsibilities as well.

When I was growing up we had to huge gardens..were they MY gardens? No..but I did eat blackeyed peas, corn, okra, green beans and peas..so I hoed the garden like everyone else.

We had chickens..they weren't MY chickens, but I gathered eggs, put water in the waterers, and cleaned the chicken house out..after all, I ate fried chicken and ate a few omelets in my day.

Just because the chores aren't due solely to the children's "activities" or "wants"..don't mean the kids get out of doing things..they are benefiting in some respects as well, right?

Take my horses. No one here but me benefits from the horses. Heck I don't even benefit much from the horses except to ride them and look at them and have them around. But my son volunteers to feed sometimes, he helps me feed sometimes, and sometimes he brings them in to the barn if the weather is bad. He don't even care much for horses.

But it's trained into him that he is part and parcel of this here farm and whatever needs doing, gets done by whomever is on hand at the time.

and that my friend is what growing up on a farm is all about. It AIN'T JUST ABOUT YOU AND IT AIN'T JUST ABOUT THE KIDS OR THE DH..it's about the FAMILY.

my kid hates veggies..but he can flat hoe a garden. He does love strawberries and apples..so he benefits from those.

He likes heat, hence he stacked wood this afternoon.

If I am sick, I don't have to worry about who will feed the horses or who will get in the wood, it just happens. If he is sick, I feed his pigger (that thing is a football with feet - guinea pig..lol) and I never complain to him about it.

Isn't that what being responsible is all about? Helping each other regardless of who is raising what or who has what hobby? Making sure to help each other so that no one is overloaded?

When did "farming" or "homesteading" get to be "your stuff" or "his stuff' or "her stuff"? I guess I can see it if a spouse says upfront: I'll live there but I am not into this and therefore not helping in any way.

Then one must decide what one can take on. But if the spouse eats one bite of beans..then by golly he'd best figure on hoeing some beans.. this is straight from Sidepasser's bootcamp for newbies..you wanna eat, you hoe the beans. Otherwise, trot your self down to Kroger and buy you some beans.

just my opinion, but then again, I am not married. My deceased did help and he was about as far from being a country boy as they come, but he could plant a garden, hoe the beans, feed the steer, slop the pig, and cook too..(he was a paramedic specializing in pediatrics and also a musician raised in downtown Atlanta) but he never thought of the farm as "her thing" although it was my thing. He thought of it as the family needs to eat, so it is our thing. Except for the horses which were the wife's and the kid's thing and he helped out there as well.

We all pitched in and the stuff got done. No one was overloaded. My kid goes to college next year, I have already scaled back, no steer, no pigs, no chickens and no garden. Because I cannot expect him to leave college and come home to work here all the time. But as long as he is here, he has responsibilities just like I do.

Sidepasser - busily figuring out: does that mean if you like squash, you only take care of the squash? Chickens? eggs? phfft!!

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Be yourself - no one can tell you that you're doing it wrong!