Do you think parents should pay for their childrens college education?

my exwife and i agreed to each pay 1/3 ,with our daughter coming up with the other 1/3 by scholarships , work , or loans . this won't come up for another 2 years

The best thing my parents ever did for me was to tell me when I was 18 that their job was done now it was my turn to make my way. At the time I thought it was cruel but looking back I realize that it forced me to go out and work for my future. I have lived away from home since I was 18. I sometimes was so broke that I had to skip a meal or two but I learned to earn my own money and pay my own way. I managed to do pretty good without a college education. Non of my siblings went to college and most of us are doing better than a lot of college graduates. Most of us started out as dishwashers but we never closed our minds to learning and we never let the lack of education hold us back. Each job we had we learned a little more of something and took what we'd learned to the next job. Most of us are in upper management so we see plenty of spoiled college educated kids applying for jobs. Most of them start making unreasonable demands right away. They want high pay, a nice office, special treatment and they make it clear they don't like taking orders. It never fails that these people are still living at home and their parent's are still giving them anything they want. Most only want a job for party money.

I see way too many kids today who have everything given to them. A lot of these kids are actually adults in their late 20's, some in their 30's or 40's and they still live at home. Their parent's pay their way. The kids work but feel that they shouldn't have to pay rent to their parents or help with any of the bills or even buy food. When I ask why they don't contribute they all say the same thing, "Because they're my parent's." The kids don't even make their own beds or do their own laundry. Many of these kids were put through college by their parents so that they could get good jobs and support themselves. From what I see of these spoiled kids, their parents threw their money away.

Most parents can't afford to put their kids through college and they can't afford to keep them at home. I think parent's need to open the door and send their kids on their way as soon as they're an adult and out of high school. It seems like less and less parent's are demanding that their kids learn to make it on their own. Parent's let guilt take control and give into their kids way too much these days. Kids used to be spoiled until they became adults now their is no age limit to kids being spoiled.

Some of the most grounded people I know are those who had to pay their own way through college and life.

No blanket answer here IMHO. I believe that it's a call based on the individual.

We have a 16 YO whose goal in high school is to not do worse than a D in any course so he doesn't have to repeat the course (and was in middle school) - no college help here unless he were to have some sort of revelation next year and jump to a 4.0 for the year AND have a very convincing reason and plan for going to college (not gonna happen...), then it would be conditional semester by semester and the assistance would be minimal to substantial (probably as a percentage of the total based on his level of academic achievement).

The 12 YO seems so far to understand and accept the reasons and benefits of attending school. Comes home from school, checks on her goats then does her homework - A-B student - good feedback from teachers - she gets it... If nothing changes regarding her commitment to formal education and she shows a realistic and convincing interest in a career choice I'd work three jobs and mortgage the house to HELP her with college expenses if necessary. I'd still consider it important that she be gainfully employed to help with personal expenses and seek any avenues for scholarships or grants, but I wouldn't allow financial obstacles to prevent her sincere and successful pursuit of higher education.

We have three (6, 4, & 2 yo). We save some money in Education IRAs for them, but not nearly the amount financial planners recommend. Frankly, I feel that our retirement is more important than their college as they have the capability to work through school, choose colleges based on price as well as major, and apply for scholarships. I, on the other hand, cannot get a scholarship for retirement, nor do I intend to work until I'm 80 or depend on the government to provide my total income needs.

So, no, my children are not "entitled" to be provided college $$ from Mom & Dad. We will help as we can, but they will have to step up to the plate and meet some of the cost themselves (when the time comes).

-Joy

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-Joy

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FIRST -the cost of a college education is greatly exaggerated. I don't know where you would have to go to school for $30,000 worth of education!!! MIT? Harvard? Even with a computer throw in there....whoa. I guess we never even considered that expensive of a college.

We have four that have been or are going to college with number 5 leaving this fall. Our kids go to a private religious school and it costs about $8000 per year- about the same price as the in-state schools. On off- semesters they either come home and work, or stay where they are and work. Each of ours works starting at age 16 and saves all they can. FOREVER! We pay for our kids' first year. If they have a scholarship that first year, we pay the second, etc. If they have scholarships all the way through, we help in other ways. They all work to earn their living expenses.

It can be done. But the responsibility is theirs and ours is to assist where we can. We have been greatly blessed to be able to do this for our kids -we do not allow student loans. They can take a semester off if they have to.

My parents did not contribute toward secondary education for me but did pay for my sister. I would like to go back to school but since I used a grant in 1993 I'm now locked into that as a maximum yearly amount and I don't have the money to cover the rest.

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I believe Jenn is talking about Harvard. My daughter is going off to college in the fall and both of the private schools she was accepted at are in the 30K plus range (with housing) before scholarships and financial aid. I think that is a fairly common rate for very competitive private schools across the country.

No.

We have been covering our kids, until they turn 18, or graduate Highschool, which ever is last.

But not after that. In this culture, at 18 a child becomes an adult, so they can stretch their wings.

Our eldest had already bought his first apartment building just before his 21 birthday, he did it entirely on his own, and five states away from his parents.

No, let children become adults.

parents should pay for 1/2

Yup. I did the math- if there's 7% tuition inflation from current costs, it'll be $250K for DD14 for four years there. DD6- well maybe her sister can pay her way! This revelation has altered my college giving: had once thought to up my donations as they near college age to increase their chance of getting a legacy acceptance. However if I donate $1K or more a year that's just money plus interest I won't have to pay tuition, and I no longer hope quite so eagerly that my darlings get to go there. As DD14 observes- "You always say there's a great value to your Harvard degree just for the name. But would you really say the value is $200,000?" (I wouldn't! And in England they were much more impressed that I was a paratrooper than a Harvard grad.)

It's just my upper middle class whinge (all my similarly positioned girlfriends are singing the same song) that the financial aid most of us benefitted so well from is not going to be there for our kids, and NOT because it's Bush's fault; we're just not as deserving of it (not as poor) as our parents were a generation ago.

Anyway we've got a budgeted amount, and I've got a deal with DD14 that I will go back to work and pay my wages net taxes hour by hour for work she does above and beyond her normal chores (eg she is teaching her little sister piano 1 hr/wk) if she needs more than the budget for college. Otherwise I'll pay her $3-5/hr + interest in 7 years.

I'm paying for mine. All this character crap is just laziness. A kid pays their own way and they have years of paying back loans and interests ahead of them. Money that is just waisted. Now if the parents were smart, they would have been stashing and investing money when the kid was born. I don't even have kiddos yet and a portion of my paycheck goes into investments just for them. Automatic withdrawal so I never see it...cause otherwise it might go to something useless like beer. Those were the terms of my parents. They pay my way, and I pay my kids' way, and so on.

I stepped out of college with zero debt, good grades, and an excellent job. It is a lot easier to fly with dry wings.

I do not see why?

As a parent you are responsible for your children; not for other adults.

As an adult you are responsible for yourself; as is each other adult.

I fail to see how any one adult should continue supporting another adult: unless the two adults are married, or one is an invalid.

Everyone I knew in Uni whose parents were footing the bill thought of it as a four year party. Everyone who had to maintain a job or pay for part of it themselves, somehow, were there because they WANTED it, thus making them work harder and value it more.

My children have been raised to not expect us to pay for it, it will be something that they contribute to and will have to come up with a plan to execute to achieve what post-secondary accreditations they wish to have. We have ongoing discussions about what they need to do NOW academically to get where they want to go, education is valued in our home, and they know this. We will, of course, encourage them and offer what assistance we can -- which will probably end up being almost all of their financial needs, but they will not be raised to believe that they are ENTITLED to it. Everyone I ever met who was raised to believe that had a very bad attitude towards their part of the work required to achieve it.

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For those of us here whose kids WOULD qualify for financial aid, ie renting your home or own a lower value homestead and low wage or no jobs and little savings, please remember the more prestigious private schools, even if the bill is ten times your local state school, will give as much financial aid as you need. Some other schools might not be able to do this. IE if you pay $800/semester after grants loans and workstudy for Johnny to go to State you'd pay $800/semester for Johnny to go to Harvard. So go ahead and invest (and ask school counselours if there's a way to avoid the application fees if you're poor enough) in applying to the more posh schools your kids would be suited for (ie with a chance to get in and offers the fields of study your kid wants to go into); they shouldn't cost more if you qualify for aid- can check on this re each college in advance.

For me a few decades ago aside from going free to where my dad worked (but would still pay room and board if not at home campus) Harvard was as cheap as anywhere would've been- except live at home and go to the local community college where tuition was actually lower than the amount my family could come up with according to the calculations.

And btw not that I'm a football fan but amongst us all are a few brainy sorts- if any of you have a smart kid who's also an athlete PLEASE consider Harvard- they have a hard time finding such kids especially since they don't offer athletic scholarships- only need based.

I told my kids I wouldn't pay for their college until I was done paying for mine. Got another two years to go.

Son will be done by then, and daughter - she's planning a wedding, so I'm not sure what her long term school plans are right now.

Cathy

We're paying for ours, within reason, e.g. we have a dollar threshhold. Older daughter has a scholarship that pays all her tuition. We've paid some, she's cashed in savings bonds, and used her earnings. Younger daughter will have savings bonds too, scholarship that may cover a full four years or allow her to attend at in-state rates. If the in-state rates, she'll have a job in the honors work study program. She'll probably have a job this summer, older daughter took over household duties for 2 summers (including chauffering her sister). Older daughter will be out in 3 1/2 years. The goal is no student loan debt for either daughter. We'll for sure do it for the older one and it looks good for the younger daughter too. IMHO, the best thing we did was discourage employment during high school. They concentrated on school work and during the summer volunteered to tutor and/or volunteered at the elmentary school or the local library.

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Does it really matter whether you see why or not?
Other parents do feel responsible for giving their child the best possible start and if they can afford it, whats the problem?

Jenn there are scholarships out there. Not to be smug but there are some really odd one that go unapplied for for years. I found a full ride scholarship at Harvard just waiting for a
"Male with my maiden last name" I do not think any one has even tried for it. I was the wrong sex.

I personally paid for 3 degrees but......I got alot of help via odd ball scholarships like the above one mentioned.

both my sister and brother (2 degrees plus) did not get help from our parents. Plus my father income truly blew any chance for a "need" scholarship. It can be done. Mom explained from the time we we small (and poor then) that we would each pay for college if we wanted to go. When I was a preteen the money came in pretty good and I sorta assumed that the story would be different and that they would pay. NO.... I hinted that other parents were paying to test the water with mom. She got this sad face ---shook her head ---looked down at the floor and said "it is so sad that jane doe's parents have such little faith in what jane can do for herself---oh well at least you know that we have total faith is how you will be a sucess on your own. Think of it--when you graduated you will know that it was what YOU wanted and that YOU made it happen. You will know that you are an adult.

Yea, I read thru mom's meassage and knew it was her way of telling me "I love you but now I am willing to push you out of the nest and if I did my job you will fly ....if you fall I will help you up till you learn to fly.

It works. So why change it.

Quote from Callieslamb: FIRST -the cost of a college education is greatly exaggerated.

WRONG!! WRONG! WRONG! Education IS that expensive! My son, daughter and DIL all went through University, and they each had to pay in the order of $5000 per subject - some subjects were more expensive than others. All did Science in one form or another, all courses covered 5-6 years, with several subjects each semester, two semesters per year. That works out at roughly $100,000 just for the tuition - on top of that was the cost of text books (I recall with horror one my son needed which cost $500!!), administration fees, photocopying, printing and binding of assignments, final theses etc.

It also didn't include the cost of transport to and from the university, or for parking while there, or for computer or computer programs that were needed (some very specialised).

Costs would obviously differ among courses, and some courses are shorter than others. I think of the costs incurred in one of the subjects my son did - this involved chartering aeroplanes and flying around in them, taking measurements of this and that (he's an engineer in Aerospace Avionics). THAT wouldn't come cheap! In his final year, he and a team of fellow-students had to build a flight simulator, which involved using the cockpit of an actual plane, which had to be purchased. That wouldn't have been cheap, either! Just THINK of the range of expensive equipment needed for that sort of thing!

My daughter's course involved overseas travel - she's in Agriculture. My DIL's course also involved overseas travel - she had to attend several seminars and conferences (she's in Biological Research). In both cases, much of the costs involved were covered by the student!

I'm talking Australian dollars here. But in any language, $100,000+ is a LOT of money!

Thankfully, the government loan can be paid off over many years, the amount deducted being adjusted according to income. And it's interest-free.

We invested a large lump sum for our dd's (who is 5 now) college education via a 529 the week she got her social security number after being born (she was a month or two old). We have since then been investing for her every month. She will be our only child and this was one of the biggest reasons we chose to have only one... to be able to afford a great education for her. We have her in private school now (a language immersion school where she speaks a foreign language all day). We will pay as much as we can and if our investments stay on track that should be most of it even if it's a costly private university.

I think if you can pay any or all of a child's education, you should. I worked full-time through school and received no help from my parents. The thing that really sucked is that the government ASSUMES the parents will help out and because my parents COULD have, I received very little aid... almost all the help came through scholarships, which didn't amount to much, and rest of the aid were loans. If I didn't have to work & pay, I would have done better in school and I would have ended up with a more useful degree. I WANTED to change my major my junior year, after I had a chance to really get a taste of what I wanted to do with my life, but didn't because it would have been too expensive. As it was, I couldn't afford to buy a home until I was 28 years old because of school loans... and I paid mine off early. I don't believe that when our children become "adults" that should be shoved out the door at 18. They are still OUR CHILDREN, not some strange adult. I certainly don't buy into the "builds character" baloney... if you raise your children right they are already of good character and starving or living in a dump while trying to pay for college is only going to make them bitter. I know I was. I still am mad at my dad.

BTW, dh is a university professor and most of his students work full-time and go to school. He often makes comments like "So and so is really smart, but he just doesn't have the time to read the material thoroughly enough. I hate to have to fail him, but I have no choice." Just seeing these type of kids has him fully committed to paying dd's way through college.