Getting Depressed--Homestead Want-a-be
 

I feel like throwing in the "Towel" sometimes--The more I want to do on the "Homestead" the more Work I set myself up to do---By Myself. My GF lives 35 minutes away---She has a 40hr a week job(with retirement) and a home and kids to take care of---so she doesn't have very much free time to help. My Kids have a Life of their own and don't have any interest in a bean or tomato---except from the grocery store. All my friends think I am Weird to live OFF-GRID and try to raise some of my own food. I have a bad back to a degree--just bending over/squatting alot affects it most---So I have ran a add to try to find bean pickers----people that would like to have beans that will pick on half's with me doing and furnishing everything else----Can't get one person to reply. I bought a new tractor a few months ago--So I built a shed--By Myself to park the new and old tractor under-----Well This year I plan to plant some field corn for deer hunting, chickens, and want to get a couple pigs to raise for the table------Well More work for "ME" again----Shed is not big enough to put the Corn Picker under that I bought 2 months ago to pick the corn I plan to plant-------Now I have spent the last week building/working on Another Bigger shed--By Myself again--- to put the corn picker under and the new fertilizer slinger/spreader and the cultivators and the 2 row planter and the sprayer etc, etc--All to just be able to plant a few acre's of corn----LOL--Am I Crazy. I could be fishing. I love doing these things, but having to Do them by myself just is not any fun. If I was to hire some workers then I would be broke and not able to do the things I want to do. Well I got the shed ready for the tin, but its raining----I might hire someone for a few hours to pass each piece of tin up to me--but I will probably have to do it by myself.

Is there other Single person Home-steader-want-a-be's that has to do Everything by yourself??

I guess I will get in a better Mood when I get the shed finished and the corn planted---But I will have to probably gather it all By Myself. LOL---My Kids will "Think" I didn't tell you to plant all that corn so why should I offer to help.

I wonder Why I keep taking on More and More-----I could just plant a little garden--live off grid----go fishing and go to the grocery store once a week, But I Really Just want to Live-Off-The-Land as much as possible, so I keep trying to do more towards Homesteading.

Someone just Tickle/cheer me up---LOL. Just Venting!! Randy

I find that if I'm doing something 100% to please myself, than how could I ever be disappointed if nobody else cares to play?

There are many ways to grow veggies without killing your back, unless your goal is to produce acres of crops..raised beds, container gardening, etc..since it sounds as if you're handy with a saw, why not make yourself a "scoot-along" so that you can be close to the ground without bending over?

Even being "one of two" doesn't mean that the other person either is able to or wants to garden..LOL..you'd be fortunate if you found another person who loves all of the various homesteading chores..There are MANY folks on Singletree who do everything "alone"..personally, I'd rather do that than either not homestead or have a partner who sat inside & had zero interest.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?? Oh..BTW, if I still had children at home, they'd be helping with the gardening chores if they liked to eat.. :shrug:

Just my 2 cents..

I have farmed -- I don't call it homesteading, there are idealized connotations to that word I don't want in my life -- for 16 years now by myself. There is always a list of items to be done. The work goes with the deal. So let me tell you what I have learned:

1.) It's about the process, so forget about driving yourself to end goals and ignoring the present. Enjoy the process, and the goals will take care of themselves. Always have goals, but don't focus on them exclusively and don't idealize. The country friends I have who idealize the most actually get the least done.

2.) Pare down what you do to what NEEDS to be done. Look for efficiency. If you ENJOY raising the hogs, do that. But if you could trade your veggies to a guy who kills and smokes hogs every year, in exchange for some of his meat, do that. Do what you enjoy doing, in the size you can enjoy doing it. Don't take up other stuff for some idealized reason or because of what others think you ought to do to be a "successful homesteader." (Keep your nose out of a lot of "country life" magazines, and you'll be better off...LOL.) Do several things WELL on your place, rather than a boatload of things poorly. Gain joy from jobs well done, rather than volume of work. Along these lines, go to auctions as a social outlet and also as a way to buy cheap used stuff that you see can make your tasks easier. Picking beans? When I do my Blue Lakes, I pull them right up out of the ground once they are loaded. It's easier to pull the bushes entirely, put them in a wheelbarrow and pull the beans off, the replant, than it is to bend over bean rows for that long. Am I nuts? Dunno, but it is easier on my body!

3.) Multi-task. I piddle with 4-8 projects at a time, doing some on them when time allows and then laying them aside when more pressing work comes up. Right now, I am building fence, refitting the barn, raising goats (getting ready to kid), repairing lawn mowers for friends, and restoring a Fairlane. But when the doorknob breaks off the back door, I do that before any of those others!

4.) Listen to yourself. Overwhelmed feelings, depression, that "never get anything done" feeling...they are all signs you have too much going, and you are not doing what gives you joy! Read Joel Salatin:

http://www.foodcoop.coop/index.php?p...y_joel_salatin

5.) You cannot "win" over nature. So give up! If your place is at all large (bigger than 2 acres) and you are doing it all yourself, the best you can do is work with nature but realize always that you will NOT "win," but may be able to cooperate as a partner. Back to process.

This might not tickle you, but these are the keys to happiness. Enjoy the process, do not battle toward an ideal, and know that you are too small as an individual to "win" over nature. Resist starting new projects unless your written list of existing projects has dwindled down sufficiently (projects are getting completed). Keep a written list in the kitchen at all times. Refer to it and act on it.

Drink wine. Watch the sunset. Pet an animal. These are why you are here, right?

Randy, since I've been on HT, I'm beginning to think that MOST of us are homesteading on our own! But we didn't choose this lifestyle on the premise that someone else would always be there to HELP us - we did it because we love it and we can think of no other way we'd rather live. It's alot of work - by ourselves most of the time. I think the best thing is to cultivate like minded friends to live nearby - that way you can help each other. I do have many friends that I COULD ask for help if I needed to and have. I have returned the favors too. :) If it's too much, I would down size to a manageable amount of homestead living. It is much better to enjoy the way you live, go fishing as often as you can and live life to the fullest - even on your own! Don't ever count on your girlfriend or someone else to HELP you live the life you choose - you may be sorely disappointed :( Just do what YOU can do - AND LOVE IT. :)

When they come by at dinner time & it smells really yummy & looks even yummier, tell them the story of the Little Red Hen :p

CHIN UP!

Yes Fire man - I am a single mum with a 5yo. My daughter goes to school but as she is about 2 years ahead academically I am essentially home-schooling her as well to keep her interest. I work mornings to keep us, have 2/5 acre which is mine and rent another 2 to 3 acres. I have pigs, poultry, goats, pony and a good sized veg garden. I do much of my vehicle maintenance myself, and all of the repairs and alterations to my buildings by myself. I am training my little one to do all the things I do, and she likes nothing better than getting out in the garden with me or tackling whatever job I have on hand. But - the buck stops here! But its the life I have chosen because it is what I believe in and what i love. Yes - often I get in in the evening to cross some stuff off my list and find I've got more things to add to the bottom than cross off the top. Yes, often I come home cook dinner expecting to get on with household stuff in the evening and fall asleep putting my daughter to bed. And sometimes when things go pear-shaped I stamp my feet and swear lots, but I would never give it up. I love every minute of it. If its what you want, you have to see the problems as challenges. Enjoy the fact that your are in a position to be able to have and solve those problems, instead of the problems you would have if you were living a life you hated, doing a job you hated.

just tuppence worth

hoggie

If your focus of happiness is on the end destination (completion of project(s)) and not on the journey to get there, than you will be one very frustrated man in short order. Think of it as a marathon and not a sprint.

Look at this way, on your deathbed is it really going to matter that you got 6 outbuildings complete, a complete off-grid system, (insert big list of projects here)?? Or, is going to matter more that you enjoyed the journey itself, enjoyed time to yourself, enjoyed time with the animals, and just maybe, enjoyed time with others on your property?

Don't get discouraged! Lots of us that have a spouse or partner are doing a lot of what we need to do alone. My mantra is 'I LIVE ALONE' ( I don't, but if I did..) then I have to figure out how to do what needs to be done, ALONE. Occasionally hubby is there to help, but not always. Got a bag of feed and can't lift that much? Ok, I'll scoop it out a can at a time, and transfer it to the barn. Takes longer, but gets it done. Hang in there, and eventually, maybe your GF will change jobs, get with your program more, or who knows, maybe it will be a different girl. Jan in CO

Do it for yourself by yourself.
 

I'm married to a computer gamer fanatic, and our two daughters are at the Daddy is best stage. I get to have three acres instead of 1/4 acre in town but I do it all myself- we still have discussions when there is nonhomestead yard work like raking the leaves of the trees we have because they chose THIS house and yard not a different house with a better (less trees more acres) yard.

I have a long list of things to do and am happy if I cross off an hour or two a day of such work- and I am not working outside home now. Days I am away 5-10 hours or houseguests etc. nothing gets done on those projects.

It isn't a race, it's a journey. Let what you do on your own be sufficient unto itself. Enjoy your kids and girlfriend at other more convenient or interesting to them as well projects. BTW if the girlfriend moves in make sure you agree on what duties her kids (and she) will have re helping with the homestead. Me and DH can't even agree if gardening is my crazy hobby or a family food production enterprise which they can assist in.

Yep, there are lots of us homesteading alone. We work fulltime jobs, commuting long distances. We build outbuildings, put up fences, grow huge gardens, etc., with no help from anyone.

One thing to remember, many of the jobs need only to be done ONCE. Once the land is fenced, it's done if you do it right. The gardens need tilling each year, but it gets easier and easier; that first year is the hardest, busting through sod. My point is that over time I've found it becomes easier because the "foundation" has been laid. Then you have time for fishing!

My Kids don't live with me. They are grown. I live alone. I know I should not expect for my GF to be as interested in this type of life as I am--And really I don't, but in the back of my mind I am wishing---LOL. I am not going to give up----Just take a break for a day or two-------probably why it rained for two days now---So I could rest---LOL. I feel when I start on a Job like this shed(its 22x32x12 tall)---I want it finished NOW so I over work myself--Then I get so tired and Down---Wishing I had some help to show up, when I am standing on top of a 8ft step ladder needing something and have to come all the way down and get it then all the way back up---doing this all day gets you so tired---But when I build something like this---Its a Good feeling when its finished and I know I DID IT ALL--LOL.

Some one above mentioned to plant beans then pull them up when they get full and go set down and pick them off-----I have always felt that was such a Waste-------But I am going to do this-----this season at least I will get some beans. My PLan is to plant several rows--If I can't find any people to pick on half's---I will pull them up and pick them off under the shade tree with a glass of pepsi sitting in my comfortable chair--lol.

Hope its not raining tomorrow---I am ready to get back to work on the shed. Thanks Everyone---I just needed a attitude adjustment. Randy

Chin up
 

Chin up, homesteading/farming is a labor of love.
It's something we do cause it brings us great joy and pride.
Not cause it is easy.
I'm married and do it alone. Oh dh will help if I'm ill or something.
But he has made it known he doesn't really like mowing,
critters (or rather the work critters take) chipping wood, etc.
It was really hard at first since during our 1 1/2 yr courtship he said how much he loved critters and to have a ranch :rolleyes:
Now that he sees how much work it is, he wants nothing to do with it.
He would rather pay the electric company than to chop wood.
I chop wood, I feed and clean the critters, I get the fire started
in the wood stove. I arrange to get wood, do fences, etc.
And thats ok cause I love doing it.

Don't feel discouraged, do what makes you happy and the heck with what
others say. My relatives can't understand why I do what I do.
Who cares :rolleyes: I can't see how they live the way they do either.
Oh and why did I mention about my hubby above?
So you can see why you should take a good look
at maybe not making the GF a MRS.
If she doesn't totally enjoy your passions, this may cause
resenetment and frustration in the future. And to let you know married folks
homestead alone too (even with a partner)
Ask yourself this:
Do you enjoy what you're doing? And if the answer totally YES
then be darned with everything else.
Just try to do only that, that you can do yourself.
Good luck

Life is not all work, you might want to stop and look around or you might become real lonely in the future.

Wow, very profound, thank you for posting that. Life is better with some sort of balance. I know that I am a workaholic. Makes life very lonely sometimes.

This is one of those experience is the best teacher learned things. Problem is I constantly require refresher courses.

Fire-Man
A wise teacher once told me to stop and smell the roses. Sometimes we get caught up in wanting everything perfect and in short order. As I am learning...it takes time to get things started -- let alone where you want them to be in the future. It helps me to have a short-term list and a long-term list. Patience, Grasshopper. Wait -- No! No grasshoppers! ;)

It's difficult to step away from being "driven" when you've been that way your entire life (especially when you were raised by a man who was also driven). This was the first thing that popped into my mind when I read Fire-Man's post. I said "I bet he's a workaholic, just like me".

Hey Randy..Stick with it.Thats hard for me to say cause I,m the overwhelmed one who gives up easily..I bought 10 acres last year and the house needs lotsa fixing.I THOUGHT I could do it..NOT! My drywall skills are non existant and my carpentry skills are less.BUT ..I did build a nice shed for my sawmill and tools.I guess finish carpentry and precision aren,t in my vocabulary..I have sheets of tin that need to go on the roof and its steep..I can,t find anyone to help and when I offered someone $50 for a days work..they laughed..everyone want big$$.Somehow I,ll get done..Wife is afraid of heights so shes out.My problem is that i look at everything together and it is daunting..I,m trying to look at it as a combination of small projects..I get very discouraged very easily.One example is..I put off skirting the house,feeling it was a big job..When I finally did do it..It only took a couple hrs and was easy.I,m obsessed with the fear of doing..not the fear of doing it well.I,m thinking my bipolar has a lot to do with it but I WILL DO IT.It,ll just take me many trys and alot longer.
My 2 cents
Gord

Fire, I agree with the general thought that it is the journey, and you must remember to enjoy along the way. One of my biggest lessons was to learn to prioritize. I wanted to do so many things - but what was the most pressing, or the most important for me? I decided to do the things that took the longest to produce the first year - fruit trees, blueberry bushes - and the things I wanted the most - honeybees. I also was able to put in a small garden. This year I am fencing in a few acres for lambs, and expanding my number of hives, and adding a few rows of vegetables in the garden to sell at the farmer's market. Next year, who knows? I also learned to space out the physical work. If I work for a few hours and rest, I don'tmind going back out for a few more hours. But if I work until I drop, I'm so sore I can't work for two days!

You know, I really PREFFERRED the simple ways of doing things, and I resented it when I HAD to make the work easier!

Now I sometimes wonder WHY I resisted the plastic weed barrier and the leaky hose! It really IS easier!

As are TRELLISES for those of us who don't get up and down well any more! I am thinking of trellised cucumbers, possibly trellised green beans, and so forth. I will make them by lashing three sticks together and simply setting them up. This should make the harvest MUCH! easier! And climbing beans bear longer then bush beans.

This is VERY True!! Believe it or not---But I have slowed down alot or should I Say---I don't allow my projects to come before my GF and My Kids or my family------I use to tell them if they wanted me to go with them to do something---I was sorry but I was real busy------no more---Not that I don't still want my project done ASAP---I just work Hard but knock off in time to be with them.

I got alot of good Info from everyone on here and I am trying to Slow down even more----It really isn't that important to get this shed finished in the next few days------Shoot the corn picker was kept out in the open for years before I bought it---It will not hurt it to get wet a few more times till I get the shed finished. I don't plan to work on it tomorrow---I plan to disk my garden spot and Plant some potato's and some garden pea's and a few other things----I was going to wait to do this after the shed was finished---And that was Stressing me. I am going to try to take this good Advise and do what needs to be done and try to not worry about the things that are not so important---they will get done in time------------I would go fishing, but the Water is to high here--LOL. Thanks everyone. Randy

Randy, one thing I've found with a bad back is to have a couple different chores going at the same time.
When the ol' back says "enought already!", I go to a job that is sitting down or not stressing my back, then I go back to the first job later.
Glad to read you'r going for balance in your life.

It sounds like you've got a handle on thigs. Reality is tough and in reality it does take a lot of people to accomplish any type of homesteading which is why to most it's a hobby. Many times the hobby turns into an obsession and gets between you and the rest of life. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it we weren't born into an Amish community with lots of help and like minded people.

Randy,

If I remember right, you are very clever at "jury-rigging" and thinking "outside the box" to use things differently than their original purpose intended. So go sit in the rocker on the porch and sketch out some ideas. Google "square foot gardening" by Mel Barthalomew. He sells garden boxes and I think some are for disabled gardeners. I know you can figure out how to duplicate those for less, using stuff already in your shed. Raised beds that are accessable from a wheel chair would enable you to garden now on bad-back days and in the future permanently, if needed. Perhaps you can jury-rig a chair with old lawn mower wheels that will take to the terrain better. Use one of those plastic stackable lawn chairs and add a small motor and steering device. Then patent what you invent and sell it on the internet and pay off the farm, ok?

None of us are getting any younger, so maybe we need a thread about how to accomplish the essentials in "outside the box" ways.

Fire-Man
Glad to hear you are coping with all the tasks you are taking on. Now...you will have to revisit all this advice again in the future -- some of us are just wired that way. ;)
Donna

Yea I Love to "J-Rig". I did the square foot gardening some years back and it was fun, but I feel my garden "Wants" are to big for square foot gardening. I just went today and bought 20lbs of seed potato's and 5lb of garden pea's. I feel that being I have the room to plant and work the garden with my tractor----for the amount I want to plant----It would be better to use the tractor. See I can take the tractor and Lay-off two 100ft rows for the potato in 5 minutes--I use a "middle buster"--It digs like a ditch---I then drop the potato's into the bottom of the ditch---cover them with a little dirt---as the potato's start to grow then I take the cultivators with hiller blades and pull a little more dirt to the potato's---do this two or three times as they are growing-----it only takes minutes each time to work 200ft of potato's------If I did all that by hand or filled barrels or tires to plant all them potato's in-----I would be doing ALOT of Back Work. I like to plant alot of potato's because just as soon as they get potato's on them about 1/2 the size of a golf ball-----I start "Stealing" alot of them.

I am planning to plant "beans" like I mentioned before-----If I can find people to pick on halves I will, but if not---I will J-Rig a attachment to my front loader or cultivators that will pull the bean hills loose---then take a pitch fork and collect the hills---put them in the front end loader bucket and drive to the shade tree with a good chair and a cold pepsi and pick them off. I was thinking on planting a couple rows-----then every 2 or 3 weeks plant a couple more rows. I even thought in the past about builting a Long bed above the dirt to plant beans in so I could stand up and pick them--but never tried it. If I have "TIME"--LOL-- I would like to build me a bean sheller, If not I will work on that next year. I would Love to have atleast 500 jars of canned items on the shelf next fall---really thats not alot---should keep a single man with some food through the winter------Sure I will have to share with my GF---But she always has a small garden(1/4 acre) too.

This is a GREAT Thread! It has boosted my spirits much! :)
I've had a lot of health problems this past year and get very frustrated at my inability to get much done. :baby04:
It IS "the journey"! :angel:

THANKS FOR THIS DISCUSSION! :) :)
Bruce

I am so glad this thread was resurrected. :)
Having too many balls in the air wanting /needing to get done, and starting a new job next week, I feel have lost the ability to prioritize and feel the need for everything to be done yesterday.
The elk are back, so the electrc fencing that was packed for fire evacuation (just being prepared) is now around the newly planted orchard. That means I've got to fine time to put up a permanent electric fence. Just one more thing on my ever growing list. :grump:
Note to myself:
self: you will slow down, prioritize, & enjoy the reasons you moved out here. The rest will get done when it gets done. :) Work always waits...

Randy, I'm a wannabe as well. I live in town due to having to work a 40+ hr job and my wife is a teacher. My dream is to move back home, onto the land that my family has been on for over 150 years. I'd be perfectly happy to be off-grid and farm enough to feed my family, etc. My wife (she's a city girl) is not likely to be so accommodating of such so at this point, I simply dream and do what little I can on my little city plot. Even that can get overwhelming when doing things alone but, for me, it's a time to think and enjoy the peace that comes from doing something I enjoy.

If it becomes burdensome, ask yourself if it's really necessary at the time. Just take a break and enjoy those you love. The tasks will still be there when you come back.