My wife doesn't share my passion...

She just may very well like it here better than Fla..I know we do we moved from the Miami / Ft. Lauderdale area to Springfield about 6 years ago, then just outside of town a couple of years ago. have not regretted it much ...only when shopping for ethnic foods...lol.

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SuzyHomemaker
rtfmfarm.com
LaMancha & Nubian goats

Thanks A.T., Shadow , myheaven, and suzyhomemaker09. Again, replies with much thought and kindness.

I am in a similar situation, but my husband and I both embrace the homesteading lifestyle. I was a suburban girl until I met him 10 years ago, living in a swim-tennis subdivision outside Atlanta. I always wanted to be self sufficient, but didn't really know how. When I met my DH, I told him I would follow him to the ends of the earth.....I just didn't think he would take me up on it!

We moved to the Ozarks in Arkansas and lived in a school bus/camper without electricity or running water for 4 months until we got something up and running. It was an adventure to be sure. I would not want to do it with small children, but as adults it was like extended camping.

We finally bought an old trailer and worked on fixing it up while we worked on other infrastructure such as hot and cold running water ( the hallmark of civilization for me!), electricity, phone, gardens, fencing, animal buildings and animals and the rebuilding of a great rock house that was on the property.

It took a lot of hard work and many years but it is coming along. My husband is now retired, but I am still working as an RN. I have been able to work as a travel nurse and get a nice tax free housing stipend where ever I go. That is something she may want to consider doing, it sure helps with the bills!

Some of it may depend on where you live in Mo. Will she be able to get to work easily? I had to travel 60 miles down a winding mountain road to my first job. Over an hour of white knuckle driving, dodging logging trucks and cattle trailers make for an interesting drive. If she is gone all the time trying to work and you are at the place doing all the work, you will get lonely trying to do it all yourself. She can help on her off days, but she may be tired and need some re-coup time as well, and may or may not find weed eating to be particularly relaxing.

Remember too, that is is hard to develop friendships when you are there one month and gone the next. It can get lonely if you don't have some resources such as friends and family. I really did miss my family, more than I realized I would.

We now have our place in the Ozarks and a little place nearer my family. I missed being close enough and wanted to see them more often. We have our chickens now, even though at one time in our Arkansas place we had goats, pigs, chickens and rabbits. We have enough at our other place to have a nice garden as well as our privacy.

If I had any advice to help you help your wife adjust, it would be this. Help her still have pretty things. That may sound crazy to some of you, but in our early homesteading years, working on the infrastructure, it seems like everything was always dirty. We lived on a dirt road, we had a pond the dogs loved to swim in and brought in all the dirt and mud. Everything always stayed dusty because of the dirt road and driveway, and it drove me crazy trying to keep it clean. I felt like it didn't matter if I tried to keep things clean (and I am not really a neat freak), it would go to pot as soon as I turned my back.

It gradually got better with air conditioning, decks, and more space, but the first few years were trying, and I WANTED to be there. I WANTED to live in the woods and I WANTED lots of animals. I was ready, willing and able to jump into homesteading, and we have some funny, funny stories and wonderful memories, but don't expect her to jump into it if she has not expressed an interest.

Let it happen gradually, let her be able to have a clean, neat environment, let her have a place to hang her nice pictures, put cute things on the walls, paint and wall paper, etc. Those things are not important to most men, who could probably live in a cave and be happy, but it matters to most women.

I don't know your circumstances, you may be quite wealthy and plan of a mansion on both ends, but for those of us who may struggle a bit more financially, it is important to remember the little things that matter to us girls.

My husband and I would be happy to talk with you and your wife about how it worked for us. Feel free to PM and we can exchange e mails or phone numbers. Good luck on your adventure.

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Take your time, or someone else will.

Dixielee, thank you for taking the time to respond to my situation. Wow, what a story!

Me and my wife are your standard working class family, so was thinking of 10 acres and a trailer or cabin. Home here is FL is a 'cheap date' as we bought 10 yrs ago when taxes and property was reasonable. So no Mc Mansions here. I may be working part-time somewhere in Spfld 'bout 20 miles away.

Will she be able to get to work easily? Several hospitals in Spfld within half hour of where I wish to start homesteading. Straight roads and all.

That traveling nurse thing sounds intriguing. My oldest girl (RN) did that and she had no complaints.

Thank you on your offer to exchange emails/phone and on you wishing us success.

Basically what everyone else said. I just wanted to add that you certainly aren't the only one. Many of us have partners that are less then thrilled with "homesteading". My husband and I just have to compromise, neither of us gets everything we want but neither of us feels ripped off by the others decisions.

Good luck and have fun! It sounds like you and your wife have come up with a great compromise.

Oh, and as to why we didn't have this heart to heart before we got married is because we've been married 16 years, since I was 18 and he was 19, we've changed. We love each other very much, more so now then when we were married, and we just make it work. We have plenty of other things in common (including our 3 lovely daughters).

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Idleness is leisure gone to seed

Thank you morningstar.

I think people do discuss their dreams and goals before marriage, but then after a few years of even living the dreams, one person starts to change their mind...What then? What if 2 people have built their dream homestead, and one or the other wants to sell?

Sorry if this is thread drift, but it's sort of related to the topic.

I have a wife very resistant to the idea and I really don't know how things will end up. She is all about Bloomingdale's and my style is more Farm & Fleet. She gets exited about BMWs and I love old tractors. She dances salsa and I love to polka.

We bought an old farmstead about 3 years ago in Wisconsin to use as mostly as a vacation home. I am pretty handy so I put a new kitchen in last year, had the local Amish put a new roof and siding on and I will slowly restore the whole house. We have a really cool old dairy barn that I have great plans for as well. This is my dream home in a nutshell.

I grew up in Southern IL surrounded by the Shawnee National Forest, so I picked this area in WI because it is scenic and hilly like where I grew up, but the climate is much better as I hate hot weather and love snow. Anyway, the problem with buying this place is that it makes it so hard to go back to the city and I am quite miserable here because I always want to be in the country. I told my wife that our financial situation is such that we could move to the farm full time and live on less income. She says that she does not want to move there and we can commute back and forth to see each other (3.5 hour drive).

I have lived 23 years in the city and I just can't take it any more. I have achieved what I want here and I now I am ready for the next chapter in my life. I am in my early 40's and am healthy and fit enough to really enjoy a rural lifestyle. Unfortunately, in order to fulfill my dream it will have to come at my wife's expense and I am not sure she will follow me. Of course, the other problem is that she has never cut the umbilical cord with her family and they are a huge pain and I don't think she will leave them.

Yup, that's pretty much my cunundrum.

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-Paul

"If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." -Red Green

We lived in Springfield - and the medical "world" is wonderful. Lots of places to work, nice people etc. Someone at a dr.'s office told me the hosp/dr.s service over 1 million people, from all the small towns around the city, and the city itself.

If you both give some there shouldn't be any big problems. It sounds like you are doing great by not pressuring her to give up all and go, with no turning back. You have not said where her family is, in relation to all of this, but if she feels free to visit her folks, siblings whatever, then that is an added value as well. She wouldn't feel she has to cut everyone else in her life out - to live your dream.

I think some thoughtfullness on both sides will actually solve any problems that come up.

good luck !

There'll probably have to be a whole lotta talking and maybe some compromsing going on.

Of course both parties have to be willing to talk and have an open mind about compromising for any of it to do any good.

.....Alan.

I tell my wife that it is a lot easier to drive to the city for music, shopping, occasional dinner out,(maybe once a week) than it is to drive to the country everytime I want to sit on my front porch and enjoy the peace and quiet (which is every day)... it seems to be working...

My DH is not at all interested unless power tool purchase or testosterone is needed (eg to wrestle a ram). This is fair and I am not so certain our lives depend on this so I devote only my energies and a reasonable share of the budget (my hobby money when it is not truly landscaping or food production). This included not spending a lot more for a house with huge acreage.

As a petite woman I budget my activities to my personal abilities and strength and am okay at hefting 80# sacks of Quickcrete- if I were not able to I would've gotten the 40# ones as DH suggested rather than haul him out in the yard every time I'm moving some around. He will be extra hands or strength rarely if needed- surgery on the ram- but is not to be counted as a farm hand. If I really need one (him or an outsider) then I have gone too far beyond hobby for something I am not doing for profit- ie if I don't want to do it myself it isn't something we should pay someone else to do unless it's essential for the family/house.

We do plenty of other things together and I am pretty lazy anyway so the few hours daily I spend outside is my peaceful solitude from the more active family life and work.

There should be plenty of nursing jobs wherever you go. You may want to try the travel nurse route until you are sure what area you want to land in. It is nice to have a trial run while the company is footing the housing bill. Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

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Take your time, or someone else will.

Well if you're moving to the Springfield area good luck finding works all I got to say.. Let me restate that.. Good luck finding a good paying job..

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"Let the beauty we love, be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." Rumi

My BF isn't to into homesteading either, but he's now real into the goats, tolerates the rabbits & steers. Not sure he will ever eat any of them but he builds all the fence, helps me work, plant & harvest the garden, makes the hay (we did that anyway as we sell it for extra tax money) and only complains a little about the amount of time I babysit my 5 grandbabies. So all in all I think I can live with the compromise since most of this I could not afford to enjoy on my own.

My dh isn't into it either. He likes living away from close neighbors, but he doesn't really enjoy working outside, animals, gardening, etc. He'd rather sit inside and play with the computer.

The key has been to just accept that. Whatever project I want to get into, I get into it with the understanding that I am going to do it all. He does help me occasionally, and that's great, but I don't expect it. I limit activities to whatever I know I can accomplish on my own.

The biggest . . . umm, discussions . . . we get into are related to finances. He doesn't like to spend money on homesteading related things, especially animals, and just can't believe I'd willing spend a hundred bucks on a goat. It's helped to sit down, work out a budget, and agree on how much discretionary spending we can each have. I will probably spend mine on a batch of chicks, and he will probably buy a hard drive.

I only feel upset and angry when he totally blows off what I want or need. The fact that it's important to me should make it important to him, and vice versa. Make sure that you spend an equal amount of time/money helping your wife realize her dreams, and you will probably get along just fine.

THIS IS SOOO SADDD!
SEVERAL POSTS DEBATING LEAVING YOUR PARTNER FOR A LIFESTYLE. My relationship is 100x more important than were I live. Even if that ment living in a city apartment (yuck). When 2 people love eachother they want the other to be happy and compromise should be the nautral outcome without strife. Too many self centered people and people who should have seen a matchmaker...cause they cant do that right on their own.

Seriously...if a mariage is being put to the test over something as superficial as location. GET OUT OF IT AND STOP WASTING YOUR's or your parners TIME .


The above may not pertain to the original poster as "some" compromise is being attempted.

Correct me if Im wrong...but isnt there plenty of homesteading land in most all parts of FL?

Again, thanks alan, and all.

spam4einstein,
I agree with you that a couple should be able to stand the test of compromise... and maybe the compromise is staying in FL by her family and moving to northern FL.
in checking around my area here, 2.5 arces with 2bd mobile is $149k. http://tinyurl.com/ybsaku
And here is some land up by Lake City in north FL for $65k for 5 arces.
http://tinyurl.com/ylo9qj

My kids, grandkids and aging mother live in Spfld which is why I want to move there.

Again thanks all for your input.

My goodness, what's wrong with you people? Don't you get re-runs of "Green Acres"? The opening song illustrates exactly how to deal with the situation.

Grab your woman by the hand and say, "You are my wife!"...She'll respond, "Good-bye, city life!" and that will solve that problem.

What I always loved was the way that Mr. Douglas "Farmed" without ever actually doing anything. Of course, he wore his "Lawyer Suit" every time he went out to "Work"...That was funny too...

Mr. Ziffel, Arnold's dad, was really the only one on the whole show who really looked like a farmer...JMHO...

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"The most beautiful system of the sun, planets and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being." - Sir Isaac Newton
(A REAL scientist)

Just a quick note for nurses in Florida. My mother works at a VA hospital, and she told me just last week, that all the doctors and nurses quit the office scene and work there at the VA. The number one reason, the hours are 8-5 and no weekends or nights. I don't know about the pay, because my mother is 75 yrs. young and just works in the office now in Beverly Hills, Florida. She has been there going on 25 yrs. now. Another thing , I will be single the rest of my life , because no man in Michigan , wants to live in a cabin, off grid. Hee, hee that might be a good thing though. I will be 49 in Feb, so I'm trying to move my butt, and find some good land somewhere. Most men I have went out with, are remote control all the way. They even want a remote control log sp. and robot to cut the grass. They are all under 45!! I really don't want anybody that wants to sit on the couch all day. OK, this is a long note. Thanks for reading. Sue