Looking for a little advice, please

Burbsteader
I am not worried about my soon to be SIL. She is already well acquainted with the family and our dynamics. She is a close friend and spend an incredibly large amount of time here, given the fact that she doesn't live with us yet. As for what happens if the divorce one day, that is simple. She won't be receiving any part of the farm because technically she and my brother will be renting. All of the land will be in my parent’s name.

Fantasymaker
Actually, you are right. My father doesn't know what he is doing. None of us do. He is really more of a figure head leader anyway. We act more like a democracy. All of us are learning as we go. We will make mistakes but hopefully with time we will become proficient at what we wish to accomplish.

Donsgal
My husband and I have lived together with my family since the day we were married. Everything has worked well. My family understands the need for quality alone time and the necessity of bonding as a singular unit within a larger family. I don't worry much about my Brother and Soon to be sister in law.



Well, I have been discussing all of the wonderful advice that has been given today with my family. We have decided to change our plans slightly. We have upped the acreage to 30 and the price we are willing to spend to $150,000. To be honest, I knew that they were capable of more. I guess they just needed to hear that $80,000 was to low from someone more experienced. We will also be looking for smaller places with plans to either build additions or more houses in the future. Thank you so much for your guidance. Your words have made my job much easier.

never do business with family. ever.

trust me.... youll see in a few yrs why.

get back to us and tell us about how I was right.

lol

One bathroom with 7 kids & 2 adults works for us. You learn to make do.

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I can't believe I deleted it!

Fully possible just have to look long and hard in more remote areas especially, I just called about a place 10 acres and 100 sq ft house for 34k and that was 8 miles south of my county seat, Those places are very rare in my area though and you have to jump on them when they come available also same paper had 20 acres and two large out buildings for a great price also sold when I called.

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marching to the beat of a different drummer

Wonder why many americans have so many problems living in extended families under the same roof while in many other countries it is the norm and they get along fine? I know at first when the italian side of my family came over they all lived together in one huge house in Long island and gave the income to my grandma to distribute as she saw fit just about up till she died.

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marching to the beat of a different drummer

It's the Culture, man...we're trained from birth to become independent. Our culture DEMANDS that we each "Do our own thing" and find "Fulfillment". Every advertisement is targeted to rugged and rebellious individualists. We're bombarded hundreds of times a day (even if you don't have TV) with appeals to live for ourselves and no one else.

Why do you think marriages are so brief and commitments are so shallow and corruption and scandal so commonplace? Americans are trained to live selfishly for the moment, and d--m the consequences and the future generations.

In other places it is commonplace largely due to poverty and survival. Very few Americans have ever known real need. Anyone in America can get free food and shelter, so we don't have to live in "Survival" mode. Some act like they do, but it's phony as long as our huge "Safety Net" is in place.

Therefore, we're never really forced to depend on our families and we are definitely the most pampered, spoiled and selfish nation of crybabies the world has ever known.

Huge family commitments are not the norm, because we just don't have the tools as Americans to bear any inconveniences for very long. Look at the "War on Terror"... That war is now essentially over. We decided to fight a "Controlled" instead of an "All Out" war. Now the Islamofacists will claim victory (as they did immediately after the election) and we will sit here and be attacked with nuclear weapons which they will buy from North Korea or develop themselves...Why?

Because we're a bunch of self-centered, whiney punk babies who fear our enemies and "World Opinion" and can't stay commited to anything for longer than a few years. We think "Playing nice" with a psychopathic, murdering, fascist enemy will "Win him over"...What a joke.

THAT'S why I recommended not to move in with exended family...most Americans are far too self-centered and short-sighted to make such a long-term, sacrificial commitment.

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"The most beautiful system of the sun, planets and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being." - Sir Isaac Newton
(A REAL scientist)

At the very least, investigate the codes in the community/state you choose so that if the poop hits the fan in the family but you all still want to stay on the same property, you can spin off lots for separate living quarters. At least here in Maine, you can only spin off one lot every 5 years or else you have to file a complicated and expensive subdivision plan. Having as many options open as possible might just be the ticket to making something like that work.

Wow, to be truthful I am surprised that so many people are worried about us living togeather. This is how we have always lived. It has been like this forever. I have been married for almost 6 years now and we have always lived in a combined household. We have all always shared finances. This is nothing new for us. Other familys may have difficulties but we have made it work just fine. Yes, there have been arguments but we always resolve them quickly and with no fraying of the familial bonds.

Thank you all for your concern, but rest assured that is not a problem for us.

Splinky,
Your familial bonds are to be admired. This is the way families lived "back in the day". It's too bad more families can't get along the way ya'll do. I believe that it's the way things are supposed to be. Don't let these folks dishearten you. I think it's WONDERFUL!

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Before you marry someone, ask yourself, "Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?"
-someecards.com

YOu may want to check out West Virginia. THere were some pretty good land prices there, the last time we looked.

Nikki

Splinky: If your family dynamic works so well, you all just go right ahead and pay no mind to all these gloomy gusses. How folks can worship the Waltons and the Ingalls family and then pooooh poooh poor splinky is beyond me. American families might be a whole lot better off if the generations stuck together and helped one another communally. Of course we'd have fewer " I dread the holidays cause the family fights" threads and no more "My mother is chewing the wallpaper and completely lost it" complaints for us all to read, but I could survive the loss I think.

Splinky dont go into debt, but if you can manage more than 89K and can get more acreage go ahead. It might be a good thing. But take your time, the bargains are out there if you look around for them and have a bit of imagination and vision. Good luck with it.

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FolioMark

Mus uni non fidit antro. ~ A mouse does not rely on just one hole.----Plautus

Ok, you wanted advice with land but I cant help you there. I do have a few things to ask you might need to think about:

Will employment and the childrens education play a part? Will you be homeschooling? Some states don't care much, some states want blood.
Have you sat down with the family and soon to be SIL and made a list of needs? Is everyone in agreement? Is it in writing?
Is there going to be a future need to be close to medical facilities? You mentioned your parents. They will be elderly one day, how will things be handeled?
If everyone is putting money in the pot to buy this together, then why would your brother and SIL not have rights to the property if they split (or anyone wanted to move)? There needs to be something legal, in writing. Family or not, this is important.

That was my question. We also have a place in north central Arkansas, and the area is beautiful, well suited for growing plants and animals. There is a lot of beautiful property with good water, rocks for building material (I say that tongue and cheek), older farm houses, etc. at very good prices. Unfortunately, unless you want to work at a small retail establishment or have home based employment, you may have to do some driving to work.

Our nearest small town is 35 miles away, which means 70 miles round trip for the grocery store, hardware and feed store.

The next nearest town of 20,000 and jobs is 60 miles away down a winding mountain road.

I think the education system here is pretty good, but the job situation is deplorable. I have had to travel a good ways since we moved here and it is really getting old.

I could definately live with my family on the same property and would love to, but I do NEED my own kitchen!

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Take your time, or someone else will.

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH West Va is full. Just kidding. There is some great deals on land here but jobs can be a problem. If you want work and don't mind what the job is there is jobs but none to get rich on. Money wise that is. Most people here are friendly and helpful. We would love to welcome you to ALMOST HEAVEN WEST VA. Good luck in your search Tamsam

if the commune thing works for you, thats great...
I didnt know it was one of those always has been things I thought you were gonna try it because it sounded like a good idea.

Have you considerd buying land with timber and building log cabins on it. With as many people you will have. There is plenty of help. This way you could by more land and be able to build how you want.