Funny now... but not when it happened!
 

So with one child here and another on the way and everything that is going on wrong with the children in todays time, the wife and I decided to move out in the country for a simpler life and to give our children something to do while growing up instead of sitting in front of the TV or computer. I know I got in trouble growing up because I was bored. Anyway, some of you might find my learning experiences this summer pretty funny. I didn't at the time, but as I reflect... what was I thinking? You might find some of this funny since maybe you didn some of the same things! I found this site and have decided to learn things the easy way!

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I found out about blight. My thinking... I like salsa and maybe I will learn to can. So I had planted about 65 tomato plants and the whole first crop was bad. Good thing the chickens eat tomatoes!

I found out that you don't just go out and pick corn when you need it. I wasted about 75% of that because it either rotted on the stalk or was so hard you needed a hammer to eat it. (Good thing the chickens like corn too!) Corn also likes to be planted close to one another and sometimes corn doesn't sprout... plant two to three in every hole!

I found out when pressure canning, let the pot boil for at least 10 minutes before sealing the lid. About 25 jars are bad since there wasn't any water left in the jars. Also, don't think you are saving money by reusing lids.

Oh, and I found out not to run over a yellow jackets nest with the lawn mower. This is not an effective way to kill them, but rather a good way to increase your dancing ability and you long distance sprints.

No matter how hard you try, it is impossible to run over a field mouse with a bush hog. The newer tractors with seat belts should be used. They help keep you in your seat after you run over that hidden yellowjackets nest and you put it in high gear to get the heck out of dodge. Yellow jacket stings itch very badly.

No matter how manly you think you are, when you step on a 3 foot snake you will scream like a 10 year old girl and dance like a mad man.

The bigger the squash does not equal the better the squash. Super large squash can be used as a wiffle ball bat for about 20-30 swings. Squash seeds will sprout in mulched areas as well as in the middle of your yard. One does not need 25 squash plants to feed a family of 3.

Bag worms will kill a Lealand Cyprus in about 15-20 days. Not one of those things to put low on the priority list.

Consider the roll bar on a tractor when leaving a barn with a roll up door. I now roll up what is left all the way before leaving.

I am sure there are more, but this is all I could think of now. A lot of city folk think moving to the country is easy... I guess that is why they are still in the city!

Oh yea...

When meeting your new friends, and they have you over for a gathering with drinks that come in a mason jar, don't think that you will just eat the fruit so you won't get drunk.

:)

This sounds like life in the country with my husband! Amazing what you can learn in such a short time, isn't it?

Things I've taught hubby:

Mimosa trees are NOT peach trees even though they both have pink blooms.

Each potato plant will have more than one potato on it.

You do NOT mow down the peanut plants before digging them up.

You do not bush hog low areas right after it rains.

You can pull a tractor and bush hog out with rope and an SUV.

Look before sticking your hand down in the nest box. Sometimes there's a 6 ft. chicken snake in there!

There's a reason why farmers don't wear shorts or go shirtless. (Several trips to the doctor for poison ivy shots taught him that.)

Your country-raised wife really does know what she's talking about.

Okay...he's still getting the hang of that last one!

Yeah - that never gets old, does it? :)

We get to learn that one in some for or another every year. This year it was "when 8 goats, a cow, and a dog each step on a yellow jackets nest - get running!"

And that yellow jacket down the shirt or up the shorts dance - that one never gets old either. :)

Lynda

lol, MWG, I can testify to the "snake scream" Yesterday the kids and I went on a walk and stopped to look at a turtle, and when I looked up, there was a snake about a foot from my son. I screamed in such a shrill voice, lol, I just hope the neighbors weren't home. And normally the kids come and get me to ID all the snakes they find in the yard. I feel my "fearless Mom" facade is over. :)

The worst part is, it was only a black snake! (where is the "hanging your head in shame smiley"?)

Does those friends have a still?? LOL

Too funny! Maybe we need a support group for men that are trying to make it in the country!

OK, maybe dumb questions because I have never planted potatoes or peanuts, but why don't you mow them first?

It is too hot here to not go shirtless or in shorts. I haven't had that experience yet this year because I spray the heck out of poison ivy every time I see it!

We do the snake scream too. Old man Guinness the Rottweiler picked up a big black snake a few years ago. He used to be a city dog before moving here and must of thought it was a 4 ft long dog toy of some sort.

He picked it up and carried it toward me. You should have seen it curling out of either side of his mouth.

I screamed. He dropped it. And for the next several weeks he'd practically jump out of his skin if a big dark stick surprised him.

Lynda

Don't know. I found out in the country that you have to be careful with your questions. Don't ask something that you really don't want the answer to. All I know is that he takes a "weekend vacation" to the mountians every once in a while!

Those are too funny! It makes it better because they are true.

I can certianly agree with the snake thing. Several years ago my 3 sons and I were picking blackberries in a steep ditch, I was very careful going down the ditch and looking for snakes (not careful enough). When I got to the bottom there was a 4 foot water moccasin. The boys have never let me forget that it took me a good 10 minutes to get down the ditch and all of 60 seconds to get back up it when I saw the snake! LOL

MWG - my parents and I learned that one when I was about 9 yrs old! I guess I was still too young to even realise I was legless, I rode my bike home and then crawled to bed. None of us had known the strawberries had been steeped in brandy! lol

What a great thread!

to continue......"What I learned from coming to the country":

There is no door mat that can handle one day's worth of inside-outside-inside-outside animal care. You have a MUD ROOM for a reason.

Chickens have character.

If you have free-range chickens, you can hear a chicken hawk through the walls of the house from two miles away, but learn to sleep through that &#^*%$ rooster in the morning!

Loose horses prefer your neighbors lawn to anything else.

Vines grow EVERY DAY.

When your dog brings you a shoe that isn't yours, a cattle skull, a deer leg with meat still attached, a small cotton rug, toys that aren't his, and an entire INTACT spine of a BIG animal, it's time to re-think your fencing.

If you wait long enough, the weeds will flower and you can put off buying bulbs for another season.

Goats can jump REALLY high.

Old rusty barbed wire grows very well in fertilized horse pasture; seems to be an annual that prefers semi-shade to full-sun, is very drought-resistant, and horses find it irresistable.

-Jill

Yea, once it is in the pants you will end up naked in the backyard. My neighbors have gotten the best entertainment by me moving out here!

:)

Lucky for me there are only a couple people out here and no one was around to see that episode!

Oh, another thing...

Don't leave stuff laying around your garden if you don't weed every single day. Eventually, the tiller will find it and sprinklers and small garden tools will prevent the tines from turning. And they are almost impossible to get out without the aid of a cutting torch!

For those doing the yellow jacket dance - spray some WD-40 on the the stings as soon as possible - take the pain away like magic.

I got stung this year for the first time in probably 20 years. First sting I didn't know about the WD-40 thing - just put the usual baking soda mixture on it. Was talking to my dad after and he told me about using WD-40. And dang it if I didn't get stung an hour later for a second time. Used the WD-40 and the pain vanished. The 1st sting caused me pain for a couple of days, the 2nd didn't bother me a bit.

MWG...
Great post.. thanks for the laugh! :baby04:

Jenn

Thanks!!
And, when we have this sort of cheap entertainment down on the farm, explain to me again why television is needed? :)

I was on a walk with three of my foster kids and the 3 year old was TERRIFIED of Daddy Long Legs. It had rained a lot that weekend and they were all out sunning on the path. She'd see one, scream and take off running. I kept telling her to stay on the path but she wouldn't do it because that's where the spiders were. On the way back she saw yet another one and took off screaming. She tried to stay on the path but she took one step off. That's when I noticed a 6 foot long black snake.

That's the day in our homeschool history where our kids learned four things:

1. Mommy can scream like a girl.
2. Mommy can sprint like an Olympian.
3. Mommy can still hold all three kids.
3. Mommy can scream like a girl WHILE she holds three kids AND still sprint like an Olympian.


I still haven't been down that path in the past 3 years.

I hate snakes.

OOoh I wish I knew this last night. My 8 yr old and I moved some old plywood off from an old wood pile because I am cleaning up the yard and then she said "hey mom look at all of those mosquitos" and I turned to look at the wood pile and it was a bunch of those little yellow jackets. I dont know what kind they are but they are the ones half the size of yellow jackets. So we were about 10 feet away and I told her to get back and i just watched them a moment. I was mesmorized by about 100 of those things swarming around the wood. But then, BAM OUCh One had flown up myshirt and stung me on the hip. I SCREEAAAAMMMEDD bloody murder and I ripped my shirt off and ran to the house where my husband just stood there laughing. He always warns me to run if i see those things and i didn't. Well the pain lasted 2 hours and i had a huge welt. I had iced it and i had the pain from the ice outweighing the pain from the sting.

If i had known about WD40 I would have done it. I will definately keep that in mind!

Hey Tonya I'll race you and I might out scream you.....ask my neighbor...not sure how many kids I can carry...they've gotten as big as me(12yo son might even be taller :rolleyes: )

I was nice to a snapping turtle today that wasnt nice to my dog....turtles are not like snakes!

I have learned through the years to breathe and count to at least 5 before taking your frustrations out on an inanimate object otherwise the always stationary object will become animated just long enough to really hurt you. It gives you time to think things through a little more.
Like the time someone taller than me stacked the 50# blocks of salt on the top shelf in the feed room. The blocks had basically welded themselves together from humidity. There was nothing tall enough to stand on so that I could reach from waist or at least shoulder level to grab one. Let’s just say that I was a little angry at the time and not thinking straight; so I figured that if I grabbed the center block and jiggled it real hard that the top and bottom ones would break loose. Then I could just swing the one I had in hand down and carry it away – should work. Nope. Picture me standing on a bucket, hands above my head. I jiggled and the whole stack came down, didn’t move my hand fast enough and ended up smashing onto a trash can. So, glad that the lid was on. Ended up with a broke finger and am thinking that if the lid was not on the can it may have gotten cut off. The staff in the ER just didn’t seem understand that you can get salt in 50# blocks.

Ravenlost
You do not bush hog low areas right after it rains. Please tell me how you did this :shrug:

JillC
Vines grow EVERY DAY. Yeah, so does squash :rolleyes:


Oh, MWG. Have fun learning about the joys of country living. It's worth it!

:) I wish you all could hear my next door neighbor tell the story about how he learned to not wrap the lead rope connected to the cow around his arm! I would try to tell the story myself, but it would be lost in the translation.

Oh, yeah, the yellow jacket dance! I still remember the look on my BIL's face when I came screeching back into the house early one morning, streaking past him while clutching and shaking out my long house coat and then starting to unzip it before I even got into my bedroom. That's how I found out a yellow jacket can sting more than once.

I used to have a riding instructor who would lead groups of 4 or 5 horses down to the fields at once, with the leadropes wrapped around her fingers. Well, one time something spooked the horses, and, long story short, the woman now has a total of 7 fingers. :eek: And THAT'S how I learned not to wrap lead ropes around fingers. :nono:

Also, when you're using a table saw and somebody calls your name, take all body parts away from the blade before turning around to look at the person. My uncle learned that one the hard way, and has 7.5 fingers left to prove it.

Thanks for the WD-40 advice! I just got stung by something last week, for the first time in years. I guess it's too late now, but I'll know for next time. Manda, I think we call those little ones "sweat bees", but that might be something different, too.

Because you won't know where to dig when the plant's gone.

Hmm... don't you just run the tractor over them with a potato plow? I bought one of those things to dig a ditch, seems to me like you would just run that thing around where the potatos were?

Maybe I don't need to plant them since they are so cheap... knowing my luck, I wouldn't get the plow deep enough and they would split into many pieces and then it would take a track hoe to get them all out!

Well...I honestly don't know for sure, that was just a guess based on my own gardening experiences, none of which have involved a tractor or plow of any kind. :) But Ravenslost said peanuts, not potatoes; peanuts are somewhat smaller. Maybe it's a matter of how big your crop is and how specialized your equipment?

i learned that PA has a vine called "bittersweet" that grows like kudzu in the south. i also learned that it can cover your blackberry patch in no time. :shrug:

I learned that no matter how far out in the country you think you are.....there's no such thing as privacy when you REALLY need to pee outside!

I found that to be one of the best perks about moving to the country! Getting to pee outside! Don't know if it is just a man thing marking territory or what... but it is great!

(But don't pee on an electric fence...) :Bawling:

I think it must be a man thing.

The most common cause for falls and deaths in the Grand Canyon is men trying to pee over the rim. (from the book, Death in the Grand Canyon.)

We try and try, but even there we still hit the rim! :)

It was a blacksnake that sent me screaming from the creek and clearing a four-foot barbed wire fence in one leap when I was about 12.

When attacking that yellow jacket nest after dark, do not use a flashlight. The bees will swarm the light and the person holding it. My mom used to do an excellent bee dance while shedding her clothes in the yard. :)


Maggie

MWG i love your posts...had quite a few laughs this morning...a fun positive thread....wow miss these....

I'm a country girl with a city boy husband, too. He has learned to listen to me...but it took one bad weekend.

First, I kept telling him that sandals really weren't appropriate footwear for working outside. He ignored me until he sunk ankle deep in a fire ant nest. Got about 50 bites out of that one on his right foot. The very next day, he grabbed the boots I had told him not to keep outside, and slammed that right foot into one without checking them first...which I had told him he must do if he insisted on leaving them outside! So, the fire ant bites were joined by the stings of 6 wasps...it's a good thing the nest wasn't bigger!

But, he listens to me now! :rolleyes:
Meg

Hmm... Guessing the Tevas are considered sandals huh? Thanks. Will start wearing my boots!

Fire ants? You must be in the eastern part of NC?

No, it's not just a man thing....who has time to hike 20 acres back to the house?

Fire ants .... :( Don't like to think about fire ants. Brings back some bad memories. They look so harmless.

not to side track the funny stuff but that vine you were speaking off MELOC, is it by chance very thorny and has rounded leaves? Do you know of any way short of excavating the whole yard and using dynamite. to kill it. It started on a nieghbors edge and now is popping up everywhere!

Posted this a couple years ago, but it just goes to show that it doesn't have to be an animate critter to make a feller squeel, even the perception of life will do the trick.


I blame it on my frugal nature but I don't wash dishes after every meal. Instead waiting for a sink full to justify the hot water usage... Well, that, and I'm pretty lazy to boot.

So, facing the inevitable early this morning, I started my coffee pot and filled the sink with hot water and suds. Was finishing up about the time the coffee pot started gurgling, indicating that it was time for a cup.

I pulled the sink strainer to let the water out but it was slow to drain so I fished around the drain to find the blockage and pulled out what for all the world appeared to be a giant, soggy SPIDER!!

I'm a big burley guy and I kinda even like spiders, but I let out with a girlie-girl screech loud enough to wake the dead, while at the same time flinging the creature at the kitchen window and beating a fast retreat. I just knew that thing was gonna come after me for daring to try and drown it.

It hit the window with a satisfying plop and slid to the sill. I couldn't detect any movement or sign of life as I slowly approached it. Took a butter knife out of the drainer and started poking it, also without results. Then it dawned on me that it was the green part of the stem of a tomato I'd pulled off and apparently lost in the sink.

So, here is a recycling hint for upcoming Halloween. Save all your tomato stems, soak them in water and attach them to thread. You can then hang them wherever they will get the most effect. No need to spend all that hard-earned cash for plastic spiders, these'll do just fine.