Homestead Etiquette

Well, shoot. After reading some of these posts, you may not want to move out to the country... Just kidding. I thought about putting up a gate, but that was to keep my kids from heading out onto the county road. If someone opened the gate to come to the house, I wouldn't care as long as they closed it behind them. But if folks on here are telling you not to open a closed gate, maybe you shouldn't. I grew up out in the country. When I was a kid, I don't think I bothered anybody by stopping by. It was mostly elderly folks in our neck of the woods. They were always happy to see us kids and give us a drink of water before we headed out on bicycles or horses. Most country folk really like kids. I know if kids stopped by my house, they would always be welcome. If you moved in next door to me, I'd probably bring you a dozen fresh eggs and ask if you'd like a couple hens and a rooster to get started.

Not to worry. Most 'true' country folk are very friendly and inviting. We carry big guns, but they're mostly for hunting. Good luck on your move. Enjoy the country nights and its many wonderful sounds.

Malissa in Texas

Ah.. one of the joys of small town living: creativity of dress is sometimes not a good thing. But then, if you worked in a business in NYC and decided to show up for work in olive drab and overalls instead of a stylish Italian suit that wouldn't fly very well either. Everywhere has its little "dress code." Whether or not you choose to go along is your business. Remember, the country code is "do as you well please provided you don't scare the horses in the street or trespass on your neighbor's property."

A number of years ago I took a group from Penn. around VT. On that bus were a group of traditionally dressed Amish (and no, I'm not sure how they managed that, but there were several couples, one "elder" couple and several in their early 40s on the trip). We took them to the "city" of Burlington and the Church Street Marketplace, an entire street which has been closed to traffic, repaved with paving stones, sculpture, and is now a walking mall. It's a nice summer day and everyone is out looking about, but my Amish got turned around and couldn't figure out where they were.

As I'm heading over to their little group I see one of the women approach the nearest person. Now, the nearest person was a young man with his hair dyed into a flame red mohawk, black leather, and a row of safety pins up his ear. Tatoos, facial piercings, the whole shooting match. She asks for directions and I hear him giving them accurately and politely. They part company, and I've always wondered... did she even "see" the leather and body art, or, like someone who looks at my sheep and sees "sheep" instead of the individuals I see, did she simply see "someone not like us" and group him in with all the other "not like us," completely missing that he was "different?"

I'm sure he saw "oddly dressed" but did he see "woman my mother's age" or "religious sect?"

Stephen Hawkins is a twisted little man in a wheelchair with a brilliant mind. I bet most of the people who work with him quickly forget that he's a twisted little man in a wheelchair and focus on his brilliant mind.

In the country around here, men do occasionally wear shorts. Even though the book "Real Vermonters Don't Milk Goats" which is a guide to "fitting in" for those who want to carry this to the extreme advises that Real Vermont men do not expose their knees unless they're in a swimming hole.

But if you like to wear shorts, dye your hair flame red, or do any number of other harmless body adornments, knock yourself out. Just don't frighten the horses.

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Icelandic Sheep and German Angora Rabbits

When we moved out here, we really didn't know anyone. I knew enough about country people to know that they were wondering if we were good neighbors. Neighbors are very important out here as we depend on one another. We took it slow. We waved at everyone. If someone needed something and we had it, they were welcome to borrow it. It took awhile, but we got to know eveyone and their idiocycrasies(sp?)

Join the local church if you are so inclined because we found that was the bestest way to get toknow everyone. Just be yourself. Dress conservatively until you've had a chance to observe others.

Oh, another thing, don't speak badly of anyone because, in many cases out in the country, everyone is related to everyone!

One thing that really turns the locals off is when a "newbie" moves in and starts posting "No Tresspassing" signs all over the place.

We have found out that the locals love company. WIHH, my wife, always stops in at someones place when she sees a beautiful garden. She tells the owner how lovely it is and asks for secrets and advice. (She's gotten a lot of free plants and flowers by doing that!) These perfect strangers just love to talk about their gardens.

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This is the government the Founding Fathers warned us about.....

Wecome, come in, take off your shoes and relax awhile. I don't care how you dress, how you speak, or what your parents do for a living.

People tend to look at you funny and don't get real friendly if you spend a great deal of time talking about how much better it is where you came from. That funny look is telling you you must be an idiot for not being where you know it is better. That's about the only advise I have for newcomers.

Hugs
marlene


P.S. FarmerBill, next time you see me remind me to share my advise on not disrepecting women okay?

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It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.

i would agree with this, in spades. And there are always locals who will want to be the first to get to you and "brief you" on longstanding grievances or issues. My strategy is to listen politely, nod, and say something like "oh, really?" Don't accept any of it as gospel, at least until you have been there long enough to evaluate the source.

Other useful tips, at least around here:

1. Talk about rain, but only how much fell last night. Wishing for rain or not wishing for rain might be the exact opposite of what you neighbour 10 miles away needs, and can be a faux pas.

2. No matter how obvious it is that you haven't got a clue, people will be reluctant to tell you how to do something, for fear of insulting you. You have to literally say - "I haven't got a clue - how do I spread straw on my septic field" (for example).

3. Don't worry so much about how you dress and stuff, so long as you don't mind if people are going to talk about you. They are going to talk no matter what, so you might as well not mind...

4. If you pitch in and help out on community events or projects, people notice.

5. Hang in long enough, until someone newer moves in, then everyone talks about them for awhile. And, then you get a chance to go over and offer to answer questions for the newbies....

Things to remeber.
1 You dontknow the rules
2 If you break the rules you will pay
3 the penalty is FOREVER!
4 People here live on reputations, thus what seem like well liked nice folks may be OR they might have been in gradeschool.
5 its acceptable to rip off strangers
6 it takes 3 generations not to be a stranger
7 EVERYONE here is related to someone else THEY will speak bad of them YOU may not
8 Surveys upset the status quo if you dont like whats accepted as the way its been you are a crook
9 the police do not want to help you they want you to be quiet
10 your place is the locals something be it hunting ground ,veiw or dump if you mess with that you will pay
11If you pay to much for your place you will ---- people off
12 Buy locally if you can
13 dress to fit in.THIS IS REALLY INPORTANT!!
14 any thing you dont do like the locals is cause for susspition
15 STOP bad gossip immediatly . hunt it down and make them stop
16be friendly...wave
17 find the local gossip centers and tell your life story so that it gets HAVE A VERY around in a good way
18HAVE a VERY good reason for moving to the area.
19 acceptable reasons are familey and jobs


general advise? rent a place live there 5 years and see whathappens If ya like it buy into the area ...You will get a much better deal then if not you cann asses if it was mistakes that you can fix by moving or if the idea dosnt work fr you.

If you are refering to me, what is wrong with with I said? A little blunt, yes. Do you think that the first time I met the new neighbors and the first thing that they say to me is that they are turning me into the county for not keeping all of my property mowed to a 2 inch uniform height made me want to welcome them into the fold? If they has asked why, then they would of found out that 60% of the property is non tidal wetlands, also something that the subdivision plat shows. No instead they jump me at the mailbox with this statement. My response was "go ahead and call." Or what about at a neighborhood get-together some newbie starts in on me about how cruel I'm to keep my horses blindfolded in the summer. PLeease! All I'm saying is to ask a simple questions first - then listen.

There is much wisdom in what everyone has said, and every situation is different.
I think what Lynne said was wise and well intended, and so was ace admirer's.
If you just be yourself you will always find some people to get along with.
That should be enough.

He was not talking about you I am afraid sorry to dissapoint.

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marching to the beat of a different drummer

We moved to a remote area of WV after ten years in Atlanta. I've been surprised how friendly everyone is. I thought we'd be "outsiders" forever - and we probably will be, but it's not in a bad way. We're not shunned or anything.

Good people to chat and make friends with:
The Post Office guy
The feed store guy
The hardware store guy
Ours all know we're from Atlanta and new to country life. I can't tell you how many times I've gone in and said to them "Help me, I'm an idiot and don't know what I'm doing. How would I ... " They just laugh and spend all the time in the world helping me out.

You'll meet your neighbors. Some will come to your door. Some you'll see out in their yards or at their mailbox. Always be friendly and when they talk bad about each other the advice to just nod and say "Oh, really?" is good.

At Christmas we gave banana nut loaves to three neighbors we'd met who had been nice to us, and the school bus driver, the post office guy, the feed store guy, and maybe one or two others. That went over real well.

We've also given apple butter to a neighbor when they came and introduced themselves, and to a woman who we found out was a notary and she's notarized dozens of documents for us at no charge while we sold our house in Atlanta (by mailing notarized documents back and forth).

Go to the community events. We went to a barbecue plate dinner and months later we'd start up a conversation with someone we didn't know, at the store or something, and they'd say "I know who you are; you were at the barbecue in September". They remember a new face!

Know your property lines and respect them.

If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Around here drivers wave to pedestrians. Always wave.

Talk to people. The guy who owns the movie/book store in town has befriended us and turned out to be a great source if info about chickens, rabbits, local community, etc.

When you've read some 'new fangled' way to do something, and folks look at you like you're crazy (like most do at me when I talk about raising our rabbits on the ground in a colony) just laugh at yourself and say "Well, maybe I'm a goof for trying it, but I figure it's worth a shot and if it doesn't work, that's a lesson learned, right?" They'll usually ask about your crazy idea whenever they see you after that, and they'll be genuinely interested.

I guess what I'm saying is it's better to be known as a person who tries all kinds of crazy things (some of which actually work) than a person who blasts in acting like a know-it-all with no experience in the midst of folks who have years of experience under their belt.

It's all common sense, really. If you're in doubt, ask - like you did about the gate. Folks everywhere appreciate someone who is humble and considerate.

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Our homestead-in-the-making: Palazzo Rospo
Eating the dream

Dress like Larry the Cable Guy and you will be just fine... Git-r-done!

LOL. That would fall into the rule: "it is your god given right to do something stupid." Unless you ask, sometimes quite specifically, people will assume there is a reason (albiet one they don't understand) for whatever it is you're doing that they wouldn't do after downing a bottle of 98 proof, on a dare, with a lot of money at stake.

Sort of a corolary to the "Freedom and Unity" thing... you're free to do any darn foolishness you want, provided you don't scare the horses or impinge on your neighbor.

But yes, if you're not sure... ask. Clearly, loudly, and cheerfully!

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Icelandic Sheep and German Angora Rabbits

Ranchers in shorts?

You've gotta see an old photo mom had of dad. He's dressed in berumda shorts, a plaid shirt, cowboy boots and hat. The caption on the photo?

"Cattle Baron"

I still laugh every time I think of it.

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Rudeness is a small man's imitation of power.

From your questions and comments it's clear you will be friendly and considerate. New neighbors like that can't go far wrong following the simple, old Golden Rule. Try to relax and enjoy the experience....Glen

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The more a man travels, acquires wisdom and learns about life, the more likely he is to marry a Country Girl.

Sorry for the trouble Lynne, no, not you, i think you gave good sound advise, and not at all blunt, although i kinda like bluntness. gets through to me much clearer that way....

I think that by asking the question at all, Candybar is revealing something about their thinking and values....that in itself makes me think they will get along fine in any neighbor hood..

i also think this is a great forum that such matters can be discussed and different ideas and approaches investigated....even if we sometimes take things a little too passionately. be it right or wrong,,,my dad used to say" a man that never got upset over anything wasn't much of a man"

"dress like larry the cable guy"

yup thats a good one, blend.

lol

LOL

I agree with the "not talking about your neighbours" bit, too. It's surprising just how many people are related to each other in my area. You just never know, you can't go by last names---especially these days when half of them are together but don't get legally married, hence no name change.

My property is known as the "Old J's House", just like our old farmhouse which was known as the "Old H's House". Will probably be known that til the day I die. Harldy anyone in town knows where our street is, but all you say is "You know where J used to live? That's where we live now!" and they know exactly where I mean.

DD

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"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap."

I remember when I moved...
I moved from Las Vegas to The TX/OK border area...
Thought I was gonna die, lol!!! I dont live around there now, but I do remember the "things I did" that stuck out. Coming from vegas, I was always in a rush, rushed when I drove (like it was going to be rush hour soon or something) rushed when I was in the grocery store...it was just a habbit, because things were farther apart in vegas and lines were long but when you get out in the more rural areas, there is no need to rush, you dont have to "stand" in line at the post office for 35-45 minutes to mail a package in Dec... so just slow down and enjoy the time. Another thing, being raised in vegas, was, you didnt make eye contact with too many people, you kept your head down, your mouth shut and you would live, lol!!! But in rural towns, that doesnt work, you need to talk to others, this was really hard for me, because I just didnt "live" that way for most all of my life. I also didn't understand why "people we didnt know" would wave at us from their car as they passed...for months, I would say to my hubby "who was that" and he would say, I dont know, they were just being nice.
As far as dressing, we did tone our "normal" dress type down a bit, mostly because we were starting a business, hubby wore no earrings, no tats show, no shorts when working, no weird things...but as we lived in this area longer, people accpeted us for who we are and we gradually added things back into our lives that we felt necessary. Hubby is not the goober in the fruity shorts and flip flops, but he knows every farmer and talks to them and it is all good!! Good luck

Belinda

It is a breath of fresh air for someone to ask questions.

OK,, first,, never open someone's closed gate unless you have permission first.
Most places it will not be a healthy thing to do.

Don't rush to make friends. I know that sounds silly but many country people tend to be more reserved. Wait until they drive by.. wave Hi and go about your business. Sooner or later they will come over to the fence to have a talk.

I had the Elders lady's of this area stopping to say Hi to us because we have Miniature horses. They love the mini's and wanted to warn me there is an active Cougar in the area. Was very kind of them to give me a heads up.
They enjoy seeing us taking them for walks. Nice Ice breakers.

We have also been told by a guy down the road that we will always be outsiders. To me is like..so what. Because Hubby was in the Military we are even outsiders where our families came from. Don't let that get to you.

Expect it to take at least 2 years for Folks to warm up. Two years is about the time Sub/city folk take to figure out if they can handle living in Farming land.

The Neighbor across the way is an Elder..have only talked with him once. We pretty much keep to ourselves. Started talking with him one day because my Fjord mare, for what ever reason always wants to go up his drive. And he let me know if she wants to come for a visit he and his wife would not mind at all.
Haven't taken him up on his offer but I know it is good.

Others things to do....

If you are on a dirt road, drive really slow by peoples houses and when they are out working. People really appreciate this. Don't Be surprised when they return the favor. Less dust is a good thing! Have made friends by just doing that.

Don't play loud music, believe me.. at least in this area,, it would not make the locals happy.

Don't let your dogs run loose. They can and will cause all kinds of harm to Farmers livestock. They do not like to be forced, to shoot someone's dog.

Don't trespass for any reason... well unless your house is on fire and you need a phone. I have had problems in the past with the Good old boy club. Some of the old timers here have known what I have gone through.

Don't help your self to the Orchard or Gardens.

Don't ride your Quads or dirt bikes up and down the road making all kinds of dust and noise. Also do not ride on other peoples property.

A lot of it is just simple courtesy and manners.
In time things will fall into place, just don't rush and force things. It is a slower way of life.