Where would you die?

I think if one wants to die at home, it takes some planning, unless you have the good sense to drop dead suddenly.

I care for people who are too frail and weak to take care of themselves. These people require 24 hour care for the most basic of things...bathing, eating, toileting. They are either not mobile at all (in a wheelchair) or very unsteady and only able to walk very short distances. Failure to be able to take care of the basics is why many people end up in nursing homes.

Hospice does not provide nursing home care at home. They basically provide pain management for the dying and limited personal care. Around here they show up three times a week for an hour to provide meds, give baths, etc. They don't show up every day to feed someone. They do not show up to bring a drink of water. They do not show up to make sure that the incontinent (and most are) are not lying in their own waste. That is left to the family and if you have no one, or your family is incapable of the task....off to a nursing home you go. The sad fact is that it is cheaper that way.

I don't know how one can assure themselves of never being in a nursing home, but it would sure start with a lot of money, unless you know your family will take care of you. I also think it is a HUGE burden to tell your children "Never put me in a home" because sometimes there just isn't any alternative. People do not get put in nursing homes because no one cares, they go there because they need 24/7 care that the family cannot provide. If you trust your family, at least give the gift of having all the options open....guilt free. I've seen so many people get torn up over that and never forgive themselves, but they really had no choice.

Jena

The most important thing is not where you die but where you spend eternity.

Home. Hope to get the floor sealed, first.

Hospitals are horrible.

I have such high hopes for my death. Sadly, the way I would wish to die would probably never happen. I'd love to be taken to the Painted Desert in Arizona, looking out at the sunset with the wind in my hair as my soul takes flight. No medical professionals, no tubes or machinery or drugs-just total acceptance and dignity, while looking forward to the adventure that would await me on the other side of life.

Oh well.

I would like to go quietly in my sleep, like grandpa did... not screaming in terror like the people in the back seat of the car

Seriously though... with the exception of my mom who had a decade long bout with strokes, all of my family have gone rather quickly, often doing what they enjoy.

Great-grandfather Stroud: Dies in the backyard of the house we now live in, sitting on his riding lawnmower. Guy loved yardwork and gardening

Grandfather Bissette: Died of a massive coronary while on vacation in Yellowstone Natl Park

Grandmother Bissette: Died during a fishing trip to the outer banks, NC. Another massive coronary.

My mother had her first stroke the summer of 1993 and over the next 10 years, had several more. Each one incapacitated her further and further to the point where my wife and I were no longer able to care for her and had to place her in 24/7 care. When she got to the point where she could no longer swallow, she refused a feeding tube and it wasn't long after that when she died.

My uncle (who also just died last December, massive coronary in his bathroom) and I had the priviledge of being with her when she passed away. I have to say that it was rather embarrassing. Her breathing became more and more shallow and further apart. It appeared that she had taken her last breath... then 15 seconds later she would take another breath. ARGH! She did this about three times. I think it was the longest minute of my life.

Personally, like others on this board because of my religious and spiritual beliefs, I'm not concerned about HOW I would go. Moreover, my concern is about WHERE I would go. In an odd way, I'm kinda excited about the whole thing and look forward to the day... not that I'm going to rush it in any manner.

Assuming that I would have the luxury of a choice, I would prefer being at home with people I know around me. Hospitals are so intrusive, so noisy, so cold and impersonal. Strangers taking care of you, telling you when to get up, when to eat, when to go to sleep. People you don't know wandering around in hospital gowns. Just awful.

I'd rather be home, in my own (comfortable) bed. Sleeping when I want to sleep, eating when I want to eat. Being alone when I want to be alone.

But I figure I won't go either way, so it's not something I think about. I expect they will find me under a bridge somewhere, or a dock dead from exposure or malnutirtion or bashed in the head by some misbegotten criminal. C'est la vie.

donsgal

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Life is what happens while you are making other plans. (John Lennon)

I don't care where I die, as long as I know about it in advance. (I'd just never go there)

At home, in bed, in my sleep, next to the man I love. The thought of dying in a hospital scares me to death. My grandfather died alone and it makes me sad to this day to know that he died in a lonely room surrounded by strangers.

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Gun-toting, church-going, homeschooling, right-wing conservative, happily married, stay-at-home mom of three living in the real United States of America!

At home while making love in the hay mow.
I want to be buried at home also wrapped in blankets and in a simple wood box, plant a fruit tree on my grave.

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marching to the beat of a different drummer

Nice thought but would seriously freak the old lady out. I'd hate to do that to her.

I'd rather not die.

At home outside on my own land, on my feet, with my boots on, with guns blazing and taking a bunch of the sons a b*tches with me.

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Respect The Cactus!

While I do not have known Native American ancestors, I grew up on a ranch close to both Cheyenne and Crow reservations, went to high school at the reservation school. I have apparantly absorbed some Native American ideas and thoughts, although I also heard my grandparents and parents all express similar ideas during their lifetimes.

I can think of nothing more difficult than lingering on in a hospital or nursing care facility. I would much prefer to die at home but by preference, if circumstances allow, I too would prefer to be outside, somewhere in the west I feel is home and simply sit and wait for the "time".

When I am ready, when I am no longer useful, when I have experienced everything I want to experience. I will choose the time and place. I will be able to will my body to stop.

In God's will.

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Only the paranoid survive.

I carry a gun because a cop is too heavy.

Dispatches From The Conservative Underground

Can't die - too much to do plus too many animals depend on me.

Hopefully, I'll die right here doing what I love.

Remember, a living will is no good in a safety deposit box, or with your children if the paramedics come. It needs to be where everyone can see it - always. That's for those who want no life supports, heroic measures, etc.

Well,nobody in our nursing home ever dies alone...we all take turns sitting with them if they have no family. Everything is done for the family's comfort. Nicest death ever was a man in his 50s who had brain tumor...died with all his family holding vigil for day...John Denver playing in the background always, dim lites and in his lucid periods much love flowing to all,including the staff. Sad but a celebration,too. I only ask to not become a burden in my final days and if it means hospital or nursing home please take me there.Family already knows my code status and cremation wishes. DEE

Well, I want to be at home.. Dh wants to be in bed, making love --with two twenty yr olds! I keep telling him --he's not wired for 220 but he still has his dream! We will both be cremated and sprinkled on the hill at our farm.

Yup.

BooBoo

My DW passed at home (in our bed next to me) after I had taken care of her during the last weeks of her life. I'm so glad that we had her there instead of a cold, strange hospital bed. She was in the bed/bedroom/house that she loved and she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

My fiancee and I plan to retire on our land in Arkansas and when it's our time we've already made it more than clear that we plan to pass away at our place. If anybody would try to move any of us off of there they would have the fight of their life TRYING to remove us!!!

Glenn and Deb