Coping with Isolation...

PC, its kind of funy that you say you need activity, and the isolation is tough to deal with. On the rare occasion when I let someone talk me into going to town with them I am very uncomfortable the whole time I am in town. crowds of people make me cringe. The whole time Im in town all I can think about is all the jobs I could be getting done at home, and I am thinking about how to improve this tool, or that barn, or Im thinking about my kids, and how I need to get home to them. When I am in the woods with my wife and kids collecting maple sap in the spring, or cutting firewood in the fall, or baling hay with my dad in the summer I am at ease and very content. Working with a neighbor farmer is a very good idea. It will give you a ton of experience, and many farmers will trade your labor for something els you might need. Thow out your gas or oil furnace,lol then you can worry about geting enough wood cut up to keep you warm for the winter. People who choose to live in the country generally like doing for themselves. Buy a gun, there is something in season almost all year long. Plant a garden, raise some critters, learn to butcher, and eat what you raise. Buy manuals for your vehicles...fix them yourself. consider buying an old pick up truck(pre 1990) so you can fix it yourself. A pick up is indespensable for homesteaders. Watch the news papers. some people give old garages and barns away if you go tear them down. That can supply you with lumber to build a small barn if you are hard up for money. The next time you think,"I need to hire someone to do this or that", ask some people herre, and most likely someone can tell you how to do it.

The things I like about city people:
They often have had a different range of experience than I and can tell me about places and things I have not seen myself.
They are more aware of/ tolerant of people of varying race, ethnicity, etc.
They often like different foods, music, movies, etc. than most people I know and can introduce me to new things and ideas.
They often have such a fresh interest in things that I also enjoy such as birdwatching, flower id, hiking, gardening, traditional crafts, etc. that rural people have sometimes lost their interest in over the years.
They don't know as much about these things as I do and they will actually listen to me spout off about geology, plants, etc.

Bless their little urban hearts.

SO there's plenty of room for city folk in my country.
The ones that are interested in homesteading, anyway.

My thing when I go into town, is I just recognize everybody I see.

Everyone looks like one of the 12 people I tend to see commonly.

Kind of a brain fritz, I guess.

I often start thinking, "Oh, is that so and so? Nope, just looks like him, I guess."

Does that happen to anybody else?

Sheesh, "self pity" is easy to see in others, but horrifying to see in yourself!

Thanks to Chamoissee and you too MamaC, I get it, and appreciate your comments. Sorry to partially hijack your thread, pcwerk.

One thing is true, to even attempt such a radical life change is small change next to running a chainsaw.

Also, there were multiple comments about "always having to be doing something" that hit home. I think city living makes us passive, like watching too much TV. The environment is constantly doing something, entertaining us perhaps with the relatively effortlessness of a movie, a mall or Italian food delivery. Out in the boonies, I am not attuned to THIS environment, which is just as busy -- repairs, need to bake bread, rearrange the woodpile, what do I do with this pile of metal pipe? You know. To my slowly uncitifying mind, these things don't register as loudly, but only because I am not used to listening or seeing the particulars. Again, a matter of time, and paying attention to what IS, not what ISN'T (oh, like traffic, smog, the neighbor parking in front of my mailbox again).

There is an empty hole when you leave one place for another, and to me it felt like isolation so that is what I thought it was. It bothered me so much I sat in my house and grumbled for weeks about what MUST be bothering me so much, aha, it must be THIS PLACE, something is wrong with it. I'd forgotten that is what I'd concluded about living six feet from strangers in San Diego, and working 60 hours a week taking care of other people's problems. I wanted to just have my own.

Wasn't it Churchill who said "the worst thing next to getting what you don't want is getting exactly what you want"??

Hey James,
You have a good way with words. Have you considered writing? Start with your thoughts on isolation and build on that with plans, jokes and lies. You might have some fun with that.
Just a suggestion.

__________________
"The high cost of living doesn't lessen its popularity." The Gay Philosopher

"Life always looks better in someone elses photo album." Chas

Save the planet, it's the only one with chocolate.

OK, PC, the rubber hit the road!! What're you going to do about it? You have some excellent letters in this thread--I hope you will digest them.

First--really get to know the people in your own household. Find out what THEIR dreams are, what things they are planning. Work out some serious goals. Don't be afraid of the hard questions when talking to the others in the house.

I have been unwillingly isolated for most of my life. 67 moves will do that. You'll be about as isolated as you want to be. I've learned that there is a lot inside this old brain that is quite useful. I am NEVER bored--ever. I have a number of tapes from The Teaching Company and have learned a lot. I like to learn.

You cannot hurry friendships. You just keep putting yourself out there and be friendly to EVERYONE, even the ones that may be less than appealing, or the town crazy. I never wasted a moment finding a church, and not only attended the services, but also the adult Sunday school (or it's equivalent). I hung out for coffee afterwards even if I stood alone for awhile. I learned long ago (in the first grade) to walk up to a cluster of folks and sort of hang out until the opportunity come up to say, "Hi, I'm Sandi K. I've just moved onto the old ____ place (whatever works) and am new here." That's a good place to just stop and look expectant. I've rarely had no response. Just keep your mouth shut and wait. Also, walking over to a parent with a beautiful child and saying, "You have a beautiful child, how old is he/she?" It takes some courage, especially if you are somewhat shy, but over TIME it'll pay off.

Now, about what things to do. Borrowed from Gene Logsdon: Cut firewood this winter for next winter. If the wind is howling from the west, cut on the east, and v.v. Learn to choose which trees to cut (library) and which to keep, etc.

Ask constantly: What is the most productive thing I can be doing right now. What will get me closer to my goal? What is my goal? I've written on that subject repeatedly; use the search if interested. Get outside and do a walkabout every single day. Act as if you have a bunch of goats, pigs, a cow, and a mess of chickens that have to be tended to every day blizzard or no. If you cannot do this, give serious reconsideration to having animals, or to where you will house them.

Spend every spare moment reading about farming and animal care, as well as pasture management and building design. Attend auctions (with a clear limit and a want list firmly set) and farm sales. Get the book, You Can Farm by Joel Salatin for some good philosophy as well as practical ideas.

Believe me, you don't have a lot of time before it is time to start seeds for spring!! Start by ordering seed; the hardest part is paring the list down to manageable, leaving some choices for next year. See Seed Starters Handbook by Nancy and Mike Bubel. There is a lot to do if self-sufficiency is your goal.

Good luck. Thank God for the spare time you have now--it'll be a long time before you see that again.

__________________
Best wishes,

Sandi

"Anger is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to the object on which it is poured." Corrie TenBoom

Wow, threegirls are you an inspiration!

Thank you. I use to dream about writing, but find it exceedingly difficult.
Only thing I write now is a letter to the editor from time to time ;-) I may
start at it again though...
james

__________________
"These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert, to fleece the people..."
Abraham Lincoln, from his first speech as an Illinois state legislator, 1837

Thanks 3 Girls! You are an inspiration. I will do as you say (I particularly
liked the part about getting to know the members of my household and what
THEIR dreams and goals are) and start making plans. I have heard much of
the Salatin book and will see if they have it here in our local library.
As I said before, now that I have found this full-time job things are definitely
looking up ;-) I think I was engaging in the proverbial self-pity trip. Thanks
again to ALL that responded to this thread! You are really special people.
james

__________________
"These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert, to fleece the people..."
Abraham Lincoln, from his first speech as an Illinois state legislator, 1837

Nevermind. Accidental post on wrong thread.

__________________
"For if you start dancing on tables, fanning yourself, feeling sleepy when you pick up a book... making love whenever you feel like it, then you know. The south has got you.”

We came from Miami to HooterVille. It's taken awhile to get used to how quiet it is. Also when it's dark outside, it's dark outside. You never notice a street light till there isn't one. We are in no way fancy cooks, but the local grocery store is very limited. No place to get anything to eat out unless its fried chicken and tater logs. Tonight we had tuna sandwiches and tater tots. I have learned to love it here. We still have the house in Miami, when I go to check on it, I can't wait to get back to HooterVille.

Winter is a wonderful time to just reflect. There is the library with a few books on things you should be very interested in such as gardening and relted topics such as composting. How bout books on animal care specifially on ones you think you might like to have. Then there are forums like this one to ask all kinds of questions.

Winter is a good time.

Get an air card. I think they are great. I have a laptop and can have access anywhere. Well anywhere I can use my cell phone. I told my uncooperative local phone co they weren't the only game in town any more and go fly a kite.

Yeah I need to get out and drive around some just so I can identify the funny house on the corner to make a turn or count the numbers of houses to get the right one. Need to learn where the McConold house is er was etc.

I use my cell phone as my wifi hotspot. It only cost me $5.00 a month, and I can tether 5 other devices to it. Something to consider!

I was also wondering why you choose to move so far out and so far away from your mom? I see from you post that you brought the MIL, so why not your own mom? Maybe something a little closer to her would have been better, at least till you were used to the lifestyle? And also curious, why move during the hardest time of year (winter in MN)?

Not judging, just curious?

Take a walk around your place every day.
Try learning to set snares and various "survival" style traps. You may not catch much but you will LEARN a lot about your area and the local wildlife.
Cut poles for split rial fence,to build furnature. sheds corncribs barns chicken houses,hog houses build furnature. etc.
Can you afford a shet of clear plastic? put that over a pole frame and you have a green house....even with no plants it will be a pleasant place as winter goes on/

Why are people bumping up really old threads? Why aren't they starting their own?

Is this one old? Geez, I usually check first.............oh well then, never mind :/

WOW, 7 years old...........boy do I feel dumb! Wonder though, what ever became of the OP? Maybe he's still here and I haven't noticed?

WoW, some great insight here. Sometimes (opinion) when we miss the things we know, its because we havnt learned to put them away. Maybe , by looking at what folks nearby do, look into things that may be fun to learn, or learn more basic skills will take up the time spent with people and TV.

don't feel dumb i do it all the time, I just don't post or sometimes I "like" a bunch of comments and then realize it is old....

Anywho, I like reading the old threads because I wasn't here in the beginning so it interesting to read them.