Coping with Isolation...

WHy don't you try to get fulltime employment and then you wil be able to make some extra money to get some things done around the homestead that need to be repaired. I use to live in the city, but now have been in the country for 15 years and love it. I am even moving further out in the wilderness (only 3 cars go by per day there) as soon as my house sells. I can't wait! Chris

It just takes time to get used to it. But when you do you'll wonder how you lived any other way. You're on nature time now. Certain jobs belong in certain seasons. In the city you can do what you want when you want. Its a big change. Now's the time to make plans, fix what needs fixin'. Having not much money is the norm for most of us. We've made some great stuff with old wood, pallets and cheap auction finds. The town you are near probably has all sorts of things going on. Ask your neighbor. Join something if you want to meet people. Good time to learn a new skill and learn about the animals you'll want later. Spring and summer you'll be so busy there'll be no spare time at all.

Almost 10 years ago, I moved from a city of 180,000 to one of 3,300. It was quite an adjustment, but about two years ago, I really started to embrace the rural lifestyle. We moved 10 miles away from town and now live on a small homestead. I like the rural life now, but I think I could go back to the "big city" life if I had to.

I still work in town and that helps, so I think you are right to say it will be beter when you start working full-time.

I also think the times you have contact with other will mean more now, than when you had that constantly.

You have a computer connection.How is that isolated?

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Freedom isn't Free

I made the transition gradually. First I moved from a city of 1,000,000 to one of 50,000 and then to a smaller town. In January of 1994, I moved out west and now live 3 miles from a town of 1,400 and travel 30 miles each way to work in a city of 25,000. I like country living because it means I get to have my critters. Right now we rent a mobile on 6 acres. We want to buy property of our own and with our income, that means something pretty rustic and most likely off the grid. I sure don't miss the heavy traffic but I do miss shopping at the big malls. I haven't gotten shopping in a big city since I started raising goats. They need to be milked and therefore my husband and I can't both be away at the same time. I just can't imaging selling my goats to move back to a big city.

Check out the local groups and get involved in something that interests you. It will be hard to make friends, but at least you will be able to visit people.

Having a party at your house will make you feel less isolated. mid February is a good time to have a bonfire or some excuse to have people come over, eat chili, and socialize. You could invite people from work, church, etc. Don't feel that you need to be best friends with people to invite them over.

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Nothing is as strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength - St. Francis de Sales

I really relate to what I heard in pcwerk's post. I just moved to rural north Idaho (er, redundant!) from San Diego. I had the typical city person's dreams of idyllic country life, too. We searched for the remotest, most usable property with no visible neighbors or civilization for that matter. Homesteading, of course, is the plan. We sold nearly everything, not knowing if we were going to even have a building to put anything into, and unlike pcwerk, made it up here with a nest egg, not huge by any means, but enough. It hasn't made the transition to isolation any more comfortable, to me or my husband, just in case anyone wonders.

It was all very romantic, and the energy of the risk, adventure, and freedom kept me going through the between trapezes stage (i.e., true homelessness, camping in a park in the back of a 14ft box truck for two months). Once we got our 20 acres with cabin, it was as if the bathtub drain-stop disappeared, and all the excitement and hope was suddenly just GONE.

I am feeling better now, four months into it. We too have only dogs, with hopes of animals but no facilities for them until spring is our plan. I too am doing inside "nesting" type activities, but with no money coming in (I'm an RN, waiting for my license to come in the mail) I hate to have much money going out. We are on a dirt road, and although the nearest neighbor isn't far, I don't feel much in common with her. I didn't move out here to make a bunch of friends, or have a magnificent social life. I didn't have or want much of the above in a city of one and a half million.

I think the "isolation" problem pcwerk speaks of, is not to be remedied by getting animals, going online, or finding auctions and activities -- YET. These are all excellent activities, and undoubtedly will become the life we intended to live by moving from major metropolises to our lovely "sticks".

For me, as a woman, leaving the big city was also, much to my chagrin, leaving behind my INDEPENDENCE, the so called "liberation" of women. For instance, in a city the roles of men and women are evened out. Yardwork in California was a bottle of Round Up, a rake, a spade, some gloves and the weedeater. In north Idaho, it is a log skidder, a chainsaw I am afraid of, and setting huge bonfires with a propane torch and praying you do not start the Idaho verson of the Cedar Fire that burned 2500 homes in San Diego county (not possible at all, but still, wildfires are hard to forget).

There are several other examples I could give, but what it breaks down into is that what I myself felt was isolation was in a bigger sense, culture shock. I can't just run down to Comp USA to get my keyboard replaced on my notebook, as the nearest is a 600 mile round trip. Even the simplest things are hard, as if I moved to a foreign country. Asking for directions to the lady who sells milk and eggs was a huge production, as the landmarks did not include house number, or color, which would have had me there in a jiffy, but the "old racing boat in the yard, right across from the Timberline Cafe". There were several unidentifiable buildings, and about four old boats across from the Timberline Cafe. It took us two days to find it, driving by over and over until I saw a little sign that said Eggs for Sale, and there it was.

This is all MY PROBLEM, not that of the locals. I have to learn what has meaning here, what matters, and how to do what needs doing. The learning curve sometimes feels like a hill of broken glass I am crawling up. My husband is from Vermillion, SD and he did not have much of a personal crisis in his transition.

The real remedy, which has been mentioned over and over in this string, and for which I am extremely grateful, seems to be time. There is a very real sense of being at the edge of the known world up here, or maybe even not being in the known world. Not having the services or the culture I am familiar with is the least of the issues of culture shock. It is the meaning, the expectations, the realities of what happens, or doesn't happen, day in and out, which are so different from living shoulder to shoulder in a city, that I could not have predicted. Humans do not really like change, even when they seek it out deliberately. It is easy to forget I wanted this, and even easier to grab my husband and yell "I changed my mind! I quit! I had no idea, I'm going back!"

I'm not, though, and it is only by the skin of my teeth. I'm burning faith as fuel, and reading the posts in this forum tells me that if I just stick it out, this anxiety, irritation, boredom, isolation, and existential angst (that's ---- well what it feels like!) will mellow and I will become what I dreamed and hoped when I dropped my career and whole life last June, a part of this new world and in the wonders of a new life, come what may.

A piece of wood and a jackknife....whittle the time away!

Bresias, the way to learn farmwork is to do farmwork. IF your DH knows how to burn safely, then learn from him and next time you do it (If he will let you, men are sometimes unpredictable!). And, several wads of newspaper in a twiggy place makes a fair sub for a propane torch. Keep some newspaper back to re-start it if your first-ever attempt does not work.

Nobody ever walked into a new place and was able to find things, whether it is the med cart or the egg lady! It DOES take time!

It took me a year and a half before I lost the urge to run to town every week for lunch: now every couple of months is enough. It is SUCH a drag to go to town now, but I sure liked having it near for a while!

Whew when I first read about you sewing a ruffled dress after reading somebody's previous post, figured wow ruffled dress for a goat. Her little red choochoo really chugged around the bend. Then I read that it was for your cat. Well that just makes perfect sense. Glad you are still on the sane side of the world. My cats by the way are dressed in tuxedos. Hard to make them wear their top hats though.

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"What would you do with a brain if you had one?" -Dorothy

"Well, then ignore what I have to say and go with what works for you." -Eliot Coleman

That's the great thing about this board. It's a bridge until the day you do make friends and feel at home. There are people in your area right now who would just love to have you help--think United Way, volunteer fire dept., food bank, red cross. It doesn't cost much (gas) to be involved. You will meet the nicest people in your community this way. You can't be isolated when you are helping others.

When we felt as you did, we just went back to the "plan" and tweaked it a bit more: which berries would we plant this year, what brush will we clear. If you don't have money/time/facilities for animals, content yourself with raising worms to enrich your garden and eventually feed your chickens and fish.

Read Carla Emery's books or Back to Basics--that gets me thinking right every time.

Heh. Actually, I live in northern Idaho, too. I moved here from Chicago (now *that* was culture shock and a huge transition!!!) I think you will eventually see that life up here offers independence for women of an entirely different sort than city life. The women here tend to be strong, tough, and gritty. For example, if I mention to the girls at work that I just butchered a goat, trimmed hooves, and wormed my herd yesterday, they are not going to be especially surprised....despite the fact that I am 9 months pregnant. In past pregnancies, I bucked hay, dug all our raised garden beds entirely by hand (including hauling the manure for them with a wheelbarrow), routinely carried the 50# bags of feed to the goats, and taught my teenage step-son how to split wood! I spent most of my teens in the woods working alongside the men getting firewood and splitting it.

I actually feel far more equal here than I would living elsewhere. The way I feel is that equality here is based more on actual skills and experience and less on sex roles. If I went back to the city and tried to do physical labor there, I am sure that I would be told that I was unsuited to the job or that "ladies/women shouldn't do that"!

Anyway, Bresias, I am here if you want to PM me.

It will take some time to "decompress" from your city mode.

One thing I have noticed is that some folks from the city (and a few from the country) always need to be "doing" something. This can be ok especially if it is channeled correctly but if you can learn to actually relax you are better off. I know when I was a kid we would all sit silently out on the concrete steps outside the back door or under the pin oak tree in the back yard for 15 minutes or so after evening chores. That time of quiet contemplation and observation was very helpful especially as a kid. I didn't always have to be doing something. It taught me I could indeed sit still in class or in church or whatever for one.

I think if you can teach yourself to be able to *not* have to be doing something and to learn to just enjoy your surroundings and to be comfortable with just yourself the better off you're going to be in the long run. It is going to probably take a little mental discipline but it will be worth it in the long run. It is going to take some time and will be a bit of mental challenge but is quite rewarding when you succeed. Once you get your homestead up and running you will have plenty to keep you busy and you will look forward to the time you can just do nothing.

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Respect The Cactus!

I'm coming into this thread rather late, but felt I had to put in my 2 cents worth! I was curious to learn just what you people thought of as isolation, and I confess to be rather amused as I think about part of my life.

Try living on an Outback property (100,000 acres or so), where your closest neighbour is 63 miles away, the next nearest is over 100 miles away, and your closest town (pop. 3000) is over 400 miles away by dirt road. If you're sick, you have to call in the Flying Doctor from well over 500 miles away. You have a telephone, but it's a 'party line' shared by more than a dozen people (no privacy!). You do your grocery shopping maybe once or twice a year, and you have it delivered by semi-trailer, along with petrol supplies and car parts and anything else you might need for the next year or so. You get mail once a fortnight, also delivered by large truck. That's when the roads are passable. The only electricity supply is provided by a large and ancient petrol generator, so you have a kerosene fridge and a gas iron. Your kids are too far away from any school, so they have lessons under the guidance of a governess - or mother, with the aid of teachers from a far-away Correspondence school teacher. They get their lessons delivered with the mail every month or so.

I've lived this life, and although I spent my first 9 years in a country town, I was mainly brought up in the largest city in Australia, and except for those few years, have lived in city suburbia. Yet I never felt any sense of isolation in that time. It was hard work, but it was interesting and stimulating and I felt a great sense of peace. There was a social life. People used to drive anything up to 800 miles for a woolshed dance or a horse race or a wedding or whatever - and boy oh boy, they were wonderful occasions! On occasions, in a fit of madness, we used to drive into town for the movies, and drive back home again. 800 miles round trip for a movie. We made jolly sure that no matter how dreadful the movie was, we enjoyed it!!

When you get started on stuff you've been dreaming about, the 'reality' doesn't always match the 'dream'. . . . that's how it is usually. Doesn't make it less than what you wanted, you gotta get some projects.

In maryland, where I used to live, there was the 'pennysaver' where people for free advertised all sorts of stuff, free wood, free barn wood (except you must come & tear it down) used this and that . . . . In Maine where I live now, it's called UncleHenrys. What's that kind of publication called where you live? Get one, and write down some projects you'd like to start, or do, and look thru that publication for ideas on how little you can do it on! Relax, all things in time . . . or, a saying from the 80s 'new age' --dont push the river.

Drive around, or walk around. Get to know your land, your house, outbuildings. Sit out side. Think. It also takes time to know what you'll be doing with what you've always wanted. Dont get down on your dream, you've gotten to the first step--that's excellant!

keep dreaming & thinking

I have never lived in the city. It always looked like my friends who lived in cities where always going somewhere, like the mall the movies or out to eat. They asked me what I did in a week, thinking I must be very bored out on the farm, so I just keep a little book of what I did. They then thought I was going to age fast because of all the things that were done. Funny I thought they were living alot in a short time. When the snow getts to deep to do anything outside for a while I like to learn something. It seems like you are close to town, maybe there is a cless you can take on something you need to know about farming or building or wiring or fixing your car or pluming. all these thing will help you in homesteading. Or just take something for fun. Look up crafts and maybe start doing some of the ones that don't cost anything I do pen and inks, carve walking sticks, make frames, When I go to my friends house to stay for a few weeks in NC, he lives in the city, I get so bored being in the city that I fix every thing he needs fixing, then he is good for another year. Funny how the city and the country see things so differently. Good luck. I wouldn't know how to take the city, but you must be very smart to have made the move to the country, so I am sure you will find your way.

For me, as a woman, leaving the big city was also, much to my chagrin, leaving behind my INDEPENDENCE, the so called "liberation" of women. For instance, in a city the roles of men and women are evened out. Yardwork in California was a bottle of Round Up, a rake, a spade, some gloves and the weedeater. In north Idaho, it is a log skidder, a chainsaw I am afraid of, and setting huge bonfires with a propane torch and praying you do not start the Idaho verson of the Cedar Fire that burned 2500 homes in San Diego county

See Bresias, its your mindset that is making this hard for you at times. "Liberation" didnt just come to us, we took it!!

You have to just grab your fears and show them what you are made of!
When DH and I started, we had a steel Fab shop, and to much work for him and not quite enough to hire another guy, so guess who decided to learn to weld, cut,grind ect. I was scared spittless of that welder, the sound it made gave me the willies! Now I am a very good welder!!, and you should see the look on customers faces when they come into the shop and the"welder" takes off the helmet and its a girl!!LOL! VERY empowering.
I still bake,sew and wear heels, but I also have my own wood-splitter.

You had the strength,guts and vision to try this life, you can master a little bitty chainsaw!!! YOU GO GIRL!!

Maura has some very good ideas here. Most counties have at least a weekly newspaper, subscribe and read about what other people are doing. If you are a church goer, then find the right one for your needs.

You may find that there are community centers hosting weekly card parties/contests, book clubs, square dancing, etc. Find something that you and your spouse would enjoy doing and meet some like minded folks. Don't be afraid to extend the first invitation to someone - we all get 'set in our ways' and you may shake things up a bit. Can't find what you are looking for? Start it.

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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)

James

What amount of cash would it take to fuel a winter project for you?

What project would you initiate?

Rick

Thanks for the suggestion CB (and to all the others!). I do have a hammer
and some nails but the only old shed around I have fought with my DW and
MIL to keep them from having it torn down ;-) I think it has a wonderful charm to it and when the snow is on its rickety old roof it actually looks
beautiful. I do think I can start looking into transforming the corn crib into
a chicken shed.
james

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"These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert, to fleece the people..."
Abraham Lincoln, from his first speech as an Illinois state legislator, 1837