All that hard work for nothing :(

CaliannG · #21 11/27/12, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manchamom

I have a posionous mother-in-law. Had I known sooner my choices would have been different.

Oh goodness yes! I had one of those. She hated me passionately for the 17 years that my ex and I were married. A month before our 16th anniversary, she asked him, "When are you going to divorce that witch and marry a nice girl?"

My ex used to tell people, "My wife has always been civil and polite to my parents; it is a shame that the reverse cannot also be said to be true."

On our 16th anniversary, my ex sat his parents down and asked them, outright, WHY they hated me all that time. His mother stated that, when we were dating, I said something that she felt was disrespectful. When asked what I said, she could not remember, only that she thought, at the time, that it was disrespectful.

He looked at her in shock, "You mean to tell me that you have hated her for something that she said when she was 25, that you can't even remember, and that even at the time you couldn't pinpoint it as something that she intended as insulting or disrespectful, but just that it kind of felt that way to you? THAT is why you have scorned and shunned her all of this time when she has bent over backwards to be kind and nice to you?"

Yep, that was it.

She got her wish, however. A year later he divorced me to marry a gal 20 years my junior that he had been seeing. He married her, she turned out to be fairly crazy, LOST IT at his Mom a couple of times. The marriage lasted 6 months before he caught her cheating. Blew up, and now he is single.

So much for the "nice girl" that she wanted to replace me with.

Minelson · #22 11/27/12, 05:10 PM

I'm sorry to hear of what your going through..I know our Town has lots of rules and regulations..I would say maybe Emily doesnt want the animals and is afraid to tell you maybe? You are in a tough situation..maybe you could talk to my Uncle Danny or little Danny Rothvoss ( his son) to see if they have some housing for them at the middle farm? Emily will know who Im talking about..than you would be able to see them and they wouldnt be only a few miles away...Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you.

mrs.H · #23 11/27/12, 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manchamom

This is a ah ha moment. Whatever higher power you believe in is giving you knowledge about the innerworkings of this family before you make a permanant comitment to them. Has your boyfreind stood up for you at all? There may come a time down the road when you thank your lucky stars that this happened.
I have a posionous mother-in-law. Had I known sooner my choices would have been different.

Just an observation from an old fogy.

I was thinking along those lines too. They are the people they will always be right now. What ever personality they have developed over the last 40 ish years, is not likely to change in the next 40.

collegeboundgal · #24 11/28/12, 01:00 AM

I'm not sure why, but I feel I need to reply. I don't post on here very often, but I too have had an up hill battle getting others to accept my goats. Never to this severity.
There's a old movie, a western, where a guy came into a town and because the other ranchers hated sheep, bought a sheep herd. This guy fought anyone who tried to get him to quit or leave the country. Finally the bad guys gave up and said "fine, be a sheep herder. We don't care anymore and will let you be." the next day he sold his sheep. I think I started out this way. Got some goats. Drove everybody NUTS! But, they leave me alone about them now. Unfortunately for them, I still really love my goats (boer) and they are making me some good money, so they stay.

Sounds like you're going into a family that everyone already knows their place and are close minded. They KNOW cattle. They see the money (what little there is...), heck, most even can grasp raising pigs. But goats are a whole 'nother game. In most peoples eyes goats represent "poor". To them, they are nasty, stinking, eat anything, destroying, money sucking pests. You are coming into this family and bringing "change" and they don't want to make room for you or your ideas of change on their land. You're not fitting into a pegs hole in that you want to do something they have know idea about. Sounds like your goats might make them look bad to the other farmers in the area, (laughing stock). Or they just don't like you doing something on THEIR land. When you are at the mercy of others with it being their land, not much you can do. Get you're own place fenced for goats. Then they can't tell you what to do. Or they can try and you can do what another poster said, and tell them where to go... But!!! You're still at the mercy of your BF... So don't be sinkin' all of YOUR money into HIS land either, at least until it's reached the "OUR" land stage. (I think there's more than a few on here that can speak from experience)
I hope you can find a middle ground that will work for everyone, because if not, I fear this heartbreak will eat at you for the rest of this relationship...

Manchamom · #25 11/28/12, 02:22 AM

If you're talking about me, I'd have never told them where to go. I'd have just made choices that made sure that I never had to depend on any side of the family. Like buying a piece of land in the midwest. Or Alaska. Or joining the military (yes, it's been that bad.) If BF wanted to he could have come and he would have.
It's been 28 years now. Lot of lessons in my life. For many years it was both sides. My parents have apologized and we do enjoy them now. His mother will never forgive me for standing up for myself and taking away her whipping boy.

KrisD · #26 11/28/12, 02:29 AM

I agree with the other ladies, your boyfriends mom will ALWAYS be like this for as long as you're with him. Take a good long look now as this may just be your blessing in disguise. My father in law is this way but luckily my husband and I back each other 100%. What does your boyfriend say about this whole thing? Is there a way or you to rent another piece of property that has no connection to mommy dearest?

KrisD · #27 11/28/12, 02:33 AM

Manchamom she was talking about me telling my folks if they don't like my animals there's the door. My folks have this idea that they know what I want more then I do. They complain that my animals cost too much and hold me down and I point to the 40k car in the garage that they won't drive because it's never been rained on.

#28 11/28/12, 12:55 PM

I know the family personally...they are very hard working farmers just like my family whom are farmers.. Emily the mother is NOT a dominating woman like all you are perceiving her to be..

collegeboundgal · #29 11/28/12, 06:49 PM

nope. she probably is the nicest person you'll ever meet, but, she sounds passive aggressive and didn't want to come across as mean, but still wants the goats gone.

CaliannG · #30 11/28/12, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mythreesons

I know the family personally...they are very hard working farmers just like my family whom are farmers.. Emily the mother is NOT a dominating woman like all you are perceiving her to be..

~smiles~ Perhaps we're not perceiving her as dominating. Perhaps we're only perceiving her as insensitive and self-centered?

Boers are not a "pet" breed. They are meat animals. People don't get into Boers for pets....they get into them for meat and money. Either meat for themselves, or money from selling to the market. When it comes to getting breeding stock, it is nearly ALWAYS about starting a small business.

So it seems pretty insensitive and self-centered, to me at least, to squash the children's small business venture just because you aren't fond of it. At best, it is bad mothering. How are the youngsters ever going to learn to succeed on their own, with their own ideas, if they have to live in fear of Mom squashing every attempt they make if it is something she doesn't whole-heartedly support?

Even farmers can be bad parents.

#31 11/28/12, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaliannG

~smiles~ Perhaps we're not perceiving her as dominating. Perhaps we're only perceiving her as insensitive and self-centered?

Boers are not a "pet" breed. They are meat animals. People don't get into Boers for pets....they get into them for meat and money. Either meat for themselves, or money from selling to the market. When it comes to getting breeding stock, it is nearly ALWAYS about starting a small business.

So it seems pretty insensitive and self-centered, to me at least, to squash the children's small business venture just because you aren't fond of it. At best, it is bad mothering. How are the youngsters ever going to learn to succeed on their own, with their own ideas, if they have to live in fear of Mom squashing every attempt they make if it is something she doesn't whole-heartedly support?

Even farmers can be bad parents.

It is a Family run farm..which means that they as in all the family members ( owners)probably made that decision...The children that you are referring to aren't as young like you think they are either..I dont want to get into detail as there is some discrepancies here that I dont want to step over the line in regards to this post..I will just say that your point of view is off..

KrisD · #32 11/28/12, 09:02 PM

Missed opportunity

KrisD · #33 11/28/12, 09:06 PM

Sorry but i don't think Boermomma feels that she had a say in it and she lives there too! No one asked her if they could work out a compromise just a "time to get rid of your animals". I would be steamed too! Not even my husband could make me get rid of my fur kids!

BoerMomma · #34 11/28/12, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mythreesons

It is a Family run farm..which means that they as in all the family members ( owners)probably made that decision...The children that you are referring to aren't as young like you think they are either..I dont want to get into detail as there is some discrepancies here that I dont want to step over the line in regards to this post..I will just say that your point of view is off..

I'd like to know of these "discrepancies?" Feel free to PM me if you'd like to....

As for everybody else....this thread is getting turned around onto the WRONG people! The place where "I" live...is my daughter's grandparents farm. I've lived here on the farm for 5 years now. I dated their son and had my daughter with him. A couple months after her first birthday he got into a terrible snowmobiling accident. I have lived in their house ever since that now almost 3 years since his passing. The people I am talking about are my "new" boyfriends parents. This has NOTHING to do with the farm I live on. JUST TO CLEAR THAT UP.....I'm going to be stepping off this forum.

Sparkie · #35 11/28/12, 09:31 PM

You guys are making some assumptions... I can think of reasons why the farm owner might want the animals gone that don't involve the owner being a bad person. You're only hearing one side of the story and only a little of it at that. Not trying to say anything bad about op at all, just saying you don't know the whole story or the history here.

TriWinkle · #36 11/29/12, 02:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mythreesons

It is a Family run farm..which means that they as in all the family members ( owners)probably made that decision...The children that you are referring to aren't as young like you think they are either..I dont want to get into detail as there is some discrepancies here that I dont want to step over the line in regards to this post..I will just say that your point of view is off..

You. Are. On. A. GOAT. FORUM...Trying to defend a person who is making one of the members of this forum get rid of their goats without even a half-hearted explanation and who, based on what our fellow member has said, will not listen to other points of view...If you have some interest in this, please explain, if not, then how about you quit making a bad situation worse and bow out of this conversation.

BoerMomma · #37 11/29/12, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TriWinkle

You. Are. On. A. GOAT. FORUM...Trying to defend a person who is making one of the members of this forum get rid of their goats without even a half-hearted explanation and who, based on what our fellow member has said, will not listen to other points of view...If you have some interest in this, please explain, if not, then how about you quit making a bad situation worse and bow out of this conversation.

mythreesons is NOT trying to defend the person who is making me get rid of my goats.........if my above post was read you would see that. I'm really not understanding why this post got turned so nasty

maybe it was confusing because I really don't understand the situation myself...

The FARM is NOT making me get rid of my goats....I'm not going to repeat anything I wrote above.

I have talked to the FARM owners and they are letting me bring some of my animals here. The two boys, a couple of my chickens (that are left) and a few of my childrens rabbits.....I just want this post to die out...or get deleted, it's turned into such a mess and it wasn't intended too

Sherry in Iowa · #38 11/29/12, 07:32 AM

I think people should respect Boermomma's wishes on this.

Minelson · #39 11/29/12, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoerMomma

I'm going to be stepping off this forum.

Leave the thread but please don't leave the goat forum. You can even pm the mod and ask to have this thread deleted.
I think you came here for support over the loss of your goats...not for family advice and it all went haywire because we are a passionate group that will attack anyone or anything that threatens our goats or goat forum family. Like mother lions protecting their cubs.
I am so so sorry you had to sell your goats. You were doing such a good job with them. It's heartbreaking. Hopefully you get to keep the 2 boys. I pray you do. (((((hugs)))

Minelson · #40 11/29/12, 07:38 AM

I was typing...stepped away to give hubby a kiss goodbye...and came back to finish. Now I see you get to keep the boys! YAY!