Self pity.. please forgive the drama part

Ranger · #21 01/26/12, 06:45 AM

He's being a jerk. It's called "being 18 (17, 16, 15, etc.)" I would tell him that what I do with MY money and MY time is MY business. Then send him out to get a job and a place of his own!!! Sorry, but I do NOT tolerate things like that. My two knew better than to even think such a thing. I was a horse trainer when they were growing up, and there was always at least a riding crop in my back pocket at all times! lol

Don't let it get you down, just give him the mother's curse of "I hope you have a child JUST like you one day"! hughughug

nehimama · #22 01/26/12, 07:02 AM

I had one who, as a teen, was terribly full of angst and drama. After she became an adult, she asked me one day how the heck I ever put up with her teen years. I told her; "I didn't take it personally, knowing it was just a product of your age."

heavyrebel · #23 01/26/12, 07:39 AM

My parents fixed my attitude and cockyness pretty easy. Dad worked a lot, mom did too, had the farm and they had their stresses. I certianly added to it in a masive way. I'd say, if thats the worst he has said to you by the age of 18, your doing pretty good, and probably have done a good job with him.

At almost 17, my dad told me to pack my bags (as in black trash bags) and get out, at midnight. He meant it, I did. Tried to come back 6 months later...hahahaha. nope.

I learned a lot...eventually. We have a great relationship now...better than ever. Took Dad and i a long time to understand each other. We both aged, and mellowed.

BarbadosSheep · #24 01/26/12, 07:39 AM

Some day he will be all grown up and will "get it". My kids just shake their heads at me and my animals. When my daughter was a teen, she HATED living in the country. She could not wait until she was old enough to move out and into some nice subdivion. You know where she is now? Married and living next door to me....in the country. And she loves it here now. She is looking forward to raising her children here. My son has always loved the country but not the critters. And just this past week he was talking about getting a steer calf to raise some meat for his family. He lives next door too, on our land. My how time changes kids. So take heart....he said it, but he really didn't mean it. He will come around some day and realize how hurtful his words were to you. In the mean time, big hugs from me.

Tallabred · #25 01/26/12, 07:50 AM

When my son was 17 I packed his stuff up in two little boxes, met him up at Target, gave him his stuff, told him that he was not welcome to live in my house anymore.

It took some time but it helped him along. He had dropped out of high school before that but it made him get his GED.

"SPIKE" · #26 01/26/12, 08:37 AM

Well look, I'm just a guy. But IMHO being a Mother is one of the hardest jobs there will ever be.
He is just being an eighteen year old punk. They be that way sometimes.
You know you do not deserve that

, So just smile and think to yourself "he really does love me" !

You can not help anyone if you let it affect you too strongly and that little bump probably still hurts!

SPIKE

ShyAnne · #27 01/26/12, 08:49 AM

I have 2 teenagers, 18 & 16 and any given day 25 of the closest teenage friends at my house. Ive found they tend to say that kind of nonsense when they are at odds with something themselves.

One of my sons has Tourettes syndrome and when he was younger he had a time where his mouth ran-ith over during fits of anger. I learned then not to do 'damage control' during the storm, but always made a point to talk after. He always apologized after. Eventually he learned to hold in Uglyness and I learned that they are ONLY WORDS. Even though yes they are hurtful...I could supply a very ugly list, from I hate you to your the worst Mom ever...

My best suggestion is to talk to him. Be sure to tell him how hurt you are.Give him the chance to apologize, and then forgive him.

Hugs, hope you feel better soon.

NataliaTwoDoes · #28 01/26/12, 09:01 AM

What a stinker....... I heard that boys finish growing at about 25 ( anatomy and physiology class) It probably also takes that long for the brain to mature all the way. Just chalk it up to immaturity and forget about it as best as you can.

Your goats have a purpose and to be honest mine have helped me cope with some pretty major health issues and the ensuing depression I needed something to alter my focus..... consider it "therapy" money with a return (milk/meat) and dont ever question their value to you.

Why does he care if the goats are sucking you dry anyway? Are you asking him to borrow money (somehow I doubt this) or doing something else that makes it his business?

hiddensprings · #29 01/26/12, 09:04 AM

Both of my boys were given lugage for thier 18th birthdays and three choices:
* join a branch of the military, any branch, I don't care
* be registered in college and know how you are paying for it because I am not
* get a job, get an apartment, and enjoy your life.

Both of them decided the military was the way to go. It was amazing how I sent my "boys" to the army & coast guard, and got "men" back.

On another note, I remember my mother telling me that she would be glad when I had kids just like me. When my oldest turned 16, I called mom and said "please take the curse off". She laughed and said "now you know how I felt when you were 16".

Hug your goats. They love you unconditionally

mpete · #30 01/26/12, 09:22 AM

Thanks guys. You actually got me to smile for the first time in several days. I guess its nice to know (and I knew it, but sometimes we just hafta hear it) that "I am not the only one going through this" ....

bknthesdle · #31 01/26/12, 10:05 AM

(((HUGS)))

I so know where you are coming from. At 18 (a week or so after her birthday) my daughter, out of the blue said she was moving out. She was a junior in school and I assumed she would stay with us until she graduated. Instead, she came home one day from school, said she was moving out and left that night. I think I cried for weeks. I was a mess. I'm honestly surprised my husband stayed with me. I was a zombie.

When DD moved, she didn't tell me where she was going. It took two weeks before she finally told me. She spent the rest of the year goofing off. She didn't enroll back in school, she didn't get a job. From what I'm told, she spent 8 months partying. (drinking, smoking, possible even drugs, promiscuious sex, getting arrested) I very rarely heard from her during that time.

Then in October last year, she calls me up saying she's pregnant and her boyfriend is extremely controlling. The mom in me couldn't help but go and get her. We drove the 16 hrs round trip to get her and bring her home. We spent our money to get her into a house of her own, get her on some programs to help her, get her enrolled in school and to dr appts. She didn't have a car and she didn't have her license. We furnished her house and helped buy her groceries her first week there. We drove her every weekend to her job. I'd guess we spent over $1,000.

At first, she was coming over to visit once a week. (mainly to do her laundry) Then it changed to only when she had appts, then she got a boyfriend, gave up the house, her part time job, an opportunity for a part time that would turn into a full time job after she graduated, and moved in with the boyfriend and his mom. I was devistated and cried. I was suppose to be grandma and watch the baby every day. Now the new bf and his mom (who is calling herself grandma) will be watching my grandbaby.

Yesterday, my DD was finishing up packing her house and called me and asked if I took back the pots I had loaned her. (they were a wedding gift a year ago for me and my husband) I told her yes. She chewed me out while texting me. Then her boyfriend jumped in and started texting me. Then she called and started yelling at me. All for a $20 box of pots that were not even hers.

I cried. I've been miserable. This isn't the relationship I want with my DD and I can't seem to fix it. The BF and his mama stare at us like she told them we beat her.

I try to take comfort in my animals. (cows, horses, dogs, cats, bird, and hopefully sheep) And like Alice said, "goats don't say hurtful things."

I'm so sorry that your son treated you that way. You didn't deserve it.

PS. Hiddensprings. I love your way of thinking. I wish I had some of your advice when my DD turned 18 then maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much when she left. (And I did try to suggest going into the military for her, but she couldn't cause she dropped out of school.)

((((((HUGS))))))

Pony · #32 01/26/12, 11:08 AM

Oh, Candice...

{MONDO HUGS}

I have no words to make it better. But I will share that 23-25 seems to be the Magic Age with female children. A light bulb gradually increases its glow, and their awareness increases.

Hopefully, all will work out with you and your daughter. Remember: You were not the only one influencing her life. She had lots of input from a staggering number of sources.

You go hug YOUR animals (what? no goats? There's a problem...)

We're all hugging you with our hearts.

Oat Bucket Farm · #33 01/26/12, 11:14 AM

*hugs* to Candice. Your daughter has to make some mistakes on her own. She will come around. Like Pony said, mid twenties is the age most children start maturing and the light bulb starts to shine. That's about the same time they realize the world does not, in fact revolve around them.

Until then, you really need some goats to hug.

bknthesdle · #34 01/26/12, 12:03 PM

Thanks Pony and OBF. I agree. I'd love some goats. <sigh> Just scared after losing my three girls last fall.

Ps. (sorry for hijacking the thread.)

Backfourty,MI. · #35 01/26/12, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bknthesdle

Thanks Pony and OBF. I agree. I'd love some goats. <sigh> Just scared after losing my three girls last fall.

Ps. (sorry for hijacking the thread.)

Yes! Definately need goats! That will make you feel better for sure, make sure there either bred does' or sweet wethers!

Hugs to you too Candice!

Kazahleenah · #36 01/26/12, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedSonja

God made babies cute so we would raise them and love them. Then he turns them into teenagers so we would be glad to let them go.

I have said (and thought) this many, many times.

Sorry you are hurting and I hope you go get goat lovin and feel better ASAP.

Tracy Rimmer · #37 01/26/12, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beccachow

Oh, mpete, that hurt my heart. And now I have decided that my 6yo DD is never going to become a teen. SOmehow, we will go from magical childhood right into mature adult and skip the whole in between phase.

Yeah. Good luck with that.

Mpete -- my boys are 18 and 16 and, while I consider myself pretty darned lucky, at times my 18yo could give angst lessons to Woody Allen. My 16yo is about the most easy-going kid you'd ever want to meet, but his big brother... well...

Older, wiser women than me say it passes.

RedSonja · #38 01/26/12, 05:16 PM

Well others have shared so I guess I will too. I no longer have my two teenage boys living in my home because of identity theft, outright theft, animal abuse and neglect, and suspected substance abuse. I sent them back to their dad who, coincidentally, had just decided he wanted them to come back to live with him when this all came to light. I refuse to have to lock up my purse and valuables in my own home, or worry that my livestock is being beat on or left without food or water. I refuse to live that way. It's much easier to do all the livestock chores all by myself than deal with that stress 24/7/365. After three years of trying to help those two, DH and I were at the end of our ropes. If their dad hadn't taken them back, they would have gone to juvenile detention.

Of course my toddler is never going to be an evil teenager, he's going to be perfect.

Right? Right?!

-Sonja

Pony · #39 01/26/12, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tracy Rimmer

at times my 18yo could give angst lessons to Woody Allen.

Oh, I know it's not funny, but when I read that, I almost spewed my tea all over the monitor. Heehee...

Pony · #40 01/26/12, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedSonja

Well others have shared so I guess I will too. I no longer have my two teenage boys living in my home because of identity theft, outright theft, animal abuse and neglect, and suspected substance abuse. I sent them back to their dad who, coincidentally, had just decided he wanted them to come back to live with him when this all came to light. I refuse to have to lock up my purse and valuables in my own home, or worry that my livestock is being beat on or left without food or water. I refuse to live that way. It's much easier to do all the livestock chores all by myself than deal with that stress 24/7/365. After three years of trying to help those two, DH and I were at the end of our ropes. If their dad hadn't taken them back, they would have gone to juvenile detention.

Of course my toddler is never going to be an evil teenager, he's going to be perfect.

Right? Right?!

-Sonja

Oh, dear...

God bless you all. Hope that your teens come to see the Light.

You did the right thing, Sonja.

And your adorable little guy will NEVER be an evil teen! You are going to put a brick on his head and stop feeding him so much so he will stay little and cute.