The thread I never wanted to write- VERY sad

[7thswan]

I so sorry, once I had neighbor dogs,kill all my rabbits by pulling parts of them thru the wire under their cages, I'll never forget, it's been over 30 years. Prayers for you and Coffee.

[CrossCreek Mom]

My heart breaks for you. You'll not get any judgement from me...just a gentle hug and prayers for easier days to come.

[Wonderland]

Originally Posted by jill.costello

Though in real danger of turning this into a "religious" thread, I need to add a twist to the story, probably mostly for more healing for ME, but to continue to share with you all; it IS helping!

What I didn't write in my very first post was that just the night before; that Friday night before "the day", I had layed in bed praying for Coffee.

I do most of my praying at that time, that time just before sleep when you're in that twilight state and your mind is open and clear.

I prayed to my lord that he would take her. That he would take her NOW, in her sleep, when she had had one of her "good days". We had played, and cuddled, and her breathing was good. The cancer hadn't debilitated her yet; her heart was still pumping on, even with the tumor pressing it. I prayed selflessly, and with all the love I had, that although I would miss her, I wanted Him to take her that night and avoid the slow decline over the very few months the Vet had given her.

So you can understand my shock and betrayal, then, when the manner of her death was EXACTLY the opposite of my fevent prayer. And only 12 hours after I had made my plea to Him.

Do I expect God to answer all my prayers? Of course not. But I believe he HEARS them all, and makes his best judgement on what to do about them.

So that is my pain in the theologic department. Did I have to "pay" for the blessing of having her in my life for 5 years?? Did all the joy she brought have a price; a price in blood?? I am very, very troubled.

I understand how you feel even more now. A year or two ago I had a "feeling" that something bad was going to happen to one of my pets, and I prayed very hard that night (which is also my favorite time to pray) that nothing would happen to him. I didn't stop to think that maybe the feeling was about a different pet...

The next day, nothing happened to the pet I prayed for. However, another pet - my dog, Bella - was hit and killed by a car. I felt angry, betrayed, and that it was my fault; I felt like I sacrificed Bella for my other pet by accident.

That said, I would have felt even worse had I been in the situation you are in now.

You're still in my thoughts and prayers, and I have been checking my fences! It will get better. <3

[Minelson]

How are you doing Jill? I have been think about you so much.

[Feral Nature]

Jill,

First of all, something like this happened to me. It was a whole herd of goats killed and mutilated and my children were small and saw it. Gruesome. And so horrible that my grown children still are scarred and I was out of goats for over a decade because of the horror.

I did NOT beat my dogs. I had them shot! If I had the chance to do it over, I would beat them and then shoot them and then beat them some more and then shoot them again and again, with a 12G you know! And then shoot them again!

I feel your anger and pain and horror and sickness.

I have Great Pyrenees now. Other breeds won't do.

If you ever have another animal that injured, shoot it yourself, it will empower you as you will not be at the mercy of the vet. I am so very sorry about the picture imprinted in your brain, I have some of those too..Diane

[Goat-Link]

Just to let you know I am thinking of you today.. your story still is in my heart and while there is nothing anyone can do or any words anyone can say.. I am thinking of you.. and praying for you to have strength and be free'd from some of the pain. HUGS

[jill.costello]

Thanks, y'all. Today has actually been a good-ish day. Although my mind is still playing mean tricks on me, it didn't keep me under the covers all day like it had been.

BF and I just had an eye-opening talk, though. Seems we BOTH were getting "warnings" from that Friday night and all the way until we got home that Saturday afternoon. We watched Grey's Anatomy re-runs (our fav!) on Friday night, and when one character's dad passed away, BF said he just had to go check Coffee one more time. When he was penning up the dogs that am, he eyeballed the wire fence and thought "when I make a permanent pen, I'm going to bury the bottom edge of the wire...". Then, as we drove out the driveway gate, I had a brief, sick feeling that some strange dogs would come through the driveway gate and maybe I should close it....but I didn't. (we never, ever do). Then, while we were at the friend's house helping her with her garage sale, I found a bottle of euthanasia solution and had the urge to bring it home for Coffee "just in case". (friend's father was a veterinarian who passed away; garage sale was his stuff from the estate).

Just a mess of strange, fleeting thoughts that make you go 'hmmmmmmm'.....

The status of the dogs is that I will keep the two "adults" and the two "puppies" will go live with my ex. They are, indeed, a pack: the adults are my neutered male and spayed female and the "puppies" are their 2-yr old offspring (both neutered males). I know you don't have alot of info about them, but they HAVE been raised as pets, not really farm dogs. The big male used to be a big help with the horses and really did work the farm with me; huge helper with 7 broodmares and ALWAYS a delightful protector of the foals. The female is my semi-house dog couch potato, but has been out with the boys for the last year or two during the day because I was either renting or in my brand-new house (no dogs allowed inside on both counts!). I think things started to fall apart when I sold all but 2 of the horses and suddenly the big male didn't have a "job" anymore; he got to hang with his sons alot more and as evidenced, they must have developed that pack mentality when I wasn't paying attention.... :-(

[Feral Nature]

Glad you are feeling better. I have always heard that three dogs make a pack, don't know if that is true. Also, that "warning" you got, well, it is weird sometimes, isn't it, when we ignore that voice in our head. Our intuition. Our gut. Whatever. Over time, I have come to think of those little warnings tugging at me as very important. I have done some strange things based on that intuition. But it seems that when I don't listen, something bad happens. I think many of us are born with a sixth sense and don't know it, use it or exercise it. Bats and dolphins have sonar. There are some deaf people who can click with their tongues and hear the sound echo back. Braille seems hard but the brain accomadates. And when we sleep, my gosh, what are dreams? There are strange things among us. Why can't something as marvelous as the human brain not have another sense. We are intellectual beings. I truly believe we have not yet begun to tap into all we have in our brains. So I do believe that we have a way of knowing things in advance of them happining. Perhaps it is clues that we stash into the back of our mind that come forward and tell us that things are set up for disaster. But sometjhing is going on.

[Minelson]

Good-ish days are good during a time like this! I'm glad