Kids and chores

Make a chart for each child and post it on the wall. Kids get good stars for doing things on a timely manner and frowns or something for not doing these things. My chart has morning and evening chores. At first, rewards are daily for doing things right and in a timely manner. Then it's moved to a reward every two days. Older kids can slowly be moved to a weekly reward but little ones need daily things.

Rewards: Picking a movie to watch, picking what's for dinner, extra dessert (or dessert at all), a small amount of money, etc

Chores are down to the tiny details (hanging barn key on hook, checklist of all barn chores [watering all goats, etc], which ones are morning and evening, etc.

This is what I and it helped my son quite a bit. I still had to remind him at times but that's because he's young. He does take longer to get things done than I do, but that's also being a kid and taking time to stop and smell the roses. Sometimes as adults we get so caught up in the cores we lose the fun of it all. I also had a long talk wiht my son before the animals came and explained they would make more work for everyone. Since ours are not really needed for living, they are more of an option, I felt it was fair to include him in the process. Now if we relied on them to feed the family (I mean we do but we could live w/o them) he'd have to help care for them just as mcu as he has to learn to cook, clean, etc.

One last thing, I do the morning barn chores before anyone wakes up. It means I am up really early but it helps reduce morning insanity and starting the day off badly for everyone.

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Back to basics as much as possible

Make a chart for each child and post it on the wall. Kids get good stars for doing things on a timely manner and frowns or something for not doing these things. My chart has morning and evening chores. At first, rewards are daily for doing things right and in a timely manner. Then it's moved to a reward every two days. Older kids can slowly be moved to a weekly reward but little ones need daily things. Chart can be a simple dry erase board with names and chores or even copy paper w/ charts printed daily on a new page.

Rewards: Picking a movie to watch, picking what's for dinner, extra dessert (or dessert at all), a small amount of money, footrub, etc

Chores are down to the tiny details (hanging barn key on a hook, checklist of all barn chores [watering all goats, etc], which ones are morning and evening, etc.

This is what I did and it helped quite a bit. I still had to remind him at times but that's because he's young. He does take longer to get things done than I do, but that's also being a kid and taking time to stop and smell the roses. Sometimes as adults we get so caught up in the cores we lose the fun of it all. I also had a long talk with my son before the animals came and explained they would make more work for everyone.

One last thing, I now do the morning barn chores by myself before anyone wakes up. It means I am up really early but it helps reduce morning insanity and starting the day off badly for everyone. Plus, I get a little quiet time for myself and I enjoy the time with the goats.

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Back to basics as much as possible

Thanks, everyone.

A chore chart would help for the barn, I think. But I haven't figured out how to do it. I've tried giving them a detailed list (especially when things change, like extra kids or a change in feed). I gave them a pen and paper or notebook and they foget to bring it back or lose the pen. What kind of a chart are you using that they can check off? I know if I ask them when they get back up they'll say everthing was done. But if they had to check off on the list that they checked the gate locks it would be better.

I have a chore chart for household things so everyone knows what they're responsible for during the day, but that doesn't help down at the barn.

Maybe just a dry erase board down in the barn they can check off on their own everyday?

And yes, I know the key incident was partly my fault. I've been saying for months that I need to get another copy, but just hadn't done it. I guess this will finally make me do it!

And I wish I could get up and do the barn stuff early myself. It would be so nice and quiet.......unfortunately 4 -6 a.m. is baby's cluster nurse time. It's nice to lay and cuddle/nurse with her until she gets up but I don't get much time to get things done. So early morning barn chores or workout time or any time alone will have to wait until my baby days are over I guess. : )

Such is life with a bunch of kids and animals!

Dee

Clipboard with checklist, and pen on a string tied to it. Kids must bring back list in order to get credit for chores & this is explained/reminded each morning. Checklist is transferred to wipe board as a simple checkmark for getting everything done. I also make them accountable for checking things off if they weren't done...so rewards and consequences...just like real life. They may not do things just like I would, but they get chores done and animals are cared for, so I do not complain. I think it's important to praise more than insult. I try to remember that the animals are my passion not the kids passion so their care is ultimately my responsibility. Caring for several animals is a lot of work & it can wear out the kids more than us.

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Back to basics as much as possible

In some very wieard way I am envious of you!!!! I only have one and she is off at summercamp and I am very lonely... just me and the goats... so in a way, you should consider yourself lucky If this makes any sence? My sister-in law had five.... and told me she would buy a bottle of asperin every Monday... and so it goes. Keep up the good work... because once the gang learns... it will be Soooo much easier on you. And as far as your DH.... he sounds like he could use some attitude adjustment as well to help with the rules. Hope tomorrow is better! Hugs!!!

Kreddish,

Thanks for the reminder. I do thank God everyday for how blessed I am. I try never to take my children and husband for granted. In the thick of the chaos, it helps to be reminded how lucky I really am. Thanks.

And....clipboard with pen on a string. Brilliant. Thanks!

Dee

Ugh. I think my two oldest boys just cannot work together.

Today the 10 year old comes back up crying. The 13 year old was goofing off, being mean to his younger brother. Teasing without doing enough to get in trouble, but enough to push his brothers buttons (easily pushed) and get him all upset. The goats weren't done.

So when the oldest came back up wondering "why is he upset" with the innocent look to go along with his question.....I just don't know what to do anymore.

I took away video games for today b/c the job was not done and they couldn't get along. I sent one boy back down alone to milk the last goat.

This whole nonsense gets better for a time (b/c I take away video games) and then it returns.

Maybe it's time to sell the goats for a few years until maybe my 10 year old can work with his younger sister instead of his older brother. I cannot do it every day anymore with six kids. I need to be able to count on the oldest boys and it seems they are not capable of doing this consistantly without so much frustration on my part it's not worth it.

It might be worth it if the goats were saving us a ton of money, but they cost us every month. I'm starting to wonder why we pay money for this hassle. But, I love the goats and I hate to think of quitting. I just don't know.

Dee

If it were my kids, I would tell them that since they cannot work together they are now required to do the chores separately. Send one down to the barn, when he is finished with his portion of the chores he comes back. Then send the next one down, etc etc.

The kicker is this: all children who are not doing chores must be in "time out" until ALL the chores are done. So while child #1 is down at the barn doing his part, children 2 and 3 are sitting and doing nothing. When child #1 comes back and child #2 goes to the barn, child #1 must sit and do nothing along with child #3...and so on. When all children are done with their barn chores, then they are all free to continue about their day.

What this does: 1) They cannot fight with each other while doing chores, because they are doing them solo, 2) There will be pressure to do the chores more quickly, because they are in time out until all chores are completed.

Just a thought, might be worth a try!

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Well, I wouldn't be so worried about the time it takes them to do the chores, but rather or not the chores are being done correctly. My boys dawdle along but it's because they're stopping to inspect some bug they've found, or a flower, or trying to figure out what a particular cloud looks like.

You want the workload to be pleasant. They'll be working all their lives. Help them develop a good attitude about it. I'd rather something be done more slowly but cheerfully. In addition, they may not have anything else to do so what's the hurry?

The fighting is a problem though. Whenever my boys start going at each other, I sit them down and give them "the speech":

"Boys, y'all are brothers and that's all the family you'll ever have. It's a big, scary world and everyone is out to get you. When your mama and papa are gone, all you're ever going to have is each other so you'd better put away your own little differences and start watching each other's backs right now."

As far as kids doing chores, that's the only way to run a farm. I have a saying around here .... "A boy for the boy tasks, a man for the man tasks." In other words, there ain't no reason in the world I need to be feeding the chickens, the cow, picking up trash in the yard, etc. when I've got boys to do it. My time is better spent doing the stuff they CAN'T do like run a chainsaw, tilling a field, or making repairs on the house.

I think they are old enough to have a conversation about WHY they aren't working together, WHY they are taking so long, and WHY it's not done correctly. And then, if there are no concrete answers and you NEED them to do these chores, then it's time for some tough love.

Here, the goats and chickens are MINE! They are my "thing to do" that gives me pleasure. So, I make sure that *I* have time to do the chores and the only time I ask my oldest to help is if I'm in a hurry or I can't do it for some reason. That's not to say my kids don't have chores, and they are generally happy to help me and want to do it, but the animal stuff is my thing.

Now, if your animals are "your thing" then you need to carve out some time for you to head to the barn and take care of things. If the boys don't want to do it, or would rather have another responsibility instead, then leave them in charge of the littles while you and the baby head to the barn and do the milking.

The other issue might be that they know if they screw up badly enough, you'll give up on it. In that case, you've just got to outlast them. Send them to do the chores, ignore the tattling, lock them out if you have to. Then go and check. If it's not done correctly, calmly tell them "I'm sorry, but this is not complete, and you're going to have to stay out here until it's done correctly." They'll get sick of the hot sun and the smelly goats eventually.

Yes, I think a white board would be a good idea. We have one in my daughter's room with her checklist on it for getting her room cleaned. We also do a reward system with her. She is HORRIBLE about her bedroom....great kid otherwise, just a slob. She lost t.v. and swimming pool privileges until her checklist was done consistently and without prompting for a week. After that, she could have her t.v. and the pool. HOWEVER, 7:00 is room inspection time and if she fails, she's back to square one and has to earn her things back with one full week of satisfactory room and no prompting. Maybe take their games away until they can CONSISTENTLY work together without complaining and get things done well, and in a timely fashion, and then stay on them. And peer pressure sucks too. If they know they are ALL going to lose privileges if ONE of them messes up, that's going to be a big incentive to work together.

Sorry, I believe in a good ass whipping. To me we do not do that enough to our kids to teach them right from wrong.

The older one needs to but his ass whipped because it sounds like he is causing a lot of trouble and trying to get the 10 year old in trouble.

I only had to spank my kids a couple times and they are now the most respectful young adults. My daughter just graduated from High school and she has told me several times that she was glad that she was tough the things she was and a real worth ethic because some of the kids that graduated from school will barely be able to boil water or anything else because mom and dad did everything for them.

I say sit them down tell them this is how it is going to be, Get the chores done and get along or you both will have a reason to cry.

It works.

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Lori

We refer to it as attitude adjustment... and still make my dd now 13, go upstairs and sit on the edge of the bed and think things over. I sometimes even make her write a list of the issues... and will not allow her to come downstairs... until her mood is better. She is very smart ,moody, and stubborn... the last two traits inherited from me... and this appears to work. She is now realizing if she treats us nice... the favor will be returned tenfold.Keep your chin up... you have quite a bit on your plate.

I have gotten to the point where if there is trouble everyone is punished. I got so sick of hearing it wasn't me, it wasn't me it wasn't me...4 times (once per kid)x 50 :>)
if you are involved in any way you are busted.
If the boys can't work together I think the idea from blue moon luck is perfect. They will eventually learn to work together or they will work alone....and have some time to think about it. I would sit them down and tell them...if this can't be figured out the goats go. I would give them a chance and if they can't work it out, then I would get rid of the goats. If they don't take care of fido..it goes. Or their cat...it goes. My grand son lied once too many times to me and I made one call and gave his horse away. He had been warned and I guess he was calling my bluff...only it wasn't a bluff. I refuse to partake of the games they want to play.
Your post sounds like you are totally frustrated.After having been raising kids for 32 years non stop and having 13 years to go I feel your pain.I just wanted to remind you YOU are in charge. The children are subordinate to you. You set the rules and they follow them or have consequences. Maybe taking away game time isnt enough. Perhaps taking the game out....and allowing son the chance to earn it back would be a start.I know I sound like gastopo grannie..I am hard on my grand kids. But I started with children who had been in states custody 3 yrs, who you couldn't take anywhere..and where the counselor labeled the kids uncontrollable..to children I can take anywhere where people all comment on their excellent behavior and even ask me if my grand s are homeschooled because they are so good. If you don't have control in your own house....something is going to give.
Sorry they are making things so difficult for you.