Having a breakdown! Doing too much or just a phase?!!!

Fauna · #21 03/05/08, 11:03 AM

Dee...

Sounds like a lot of people can relate to you... myself included!

I only have 2 children, a coming 2 yr. old and a 3 yr. old. I work several p/t jobs, have 4 does, a buck, numerous chickens, guineas, turkeys, 2 miniature horses, had 8 dogs, 5 cats, the hamster. Way way too much to do.

Unfortunately, I get NO help from my hubby when it comes to the animals, they are solely my responsibility. I've gotten so overwhelmed with the amount of work that I just couldn't take it anymore myself and gotten to those melt-down days were something HAD to give or I knew I would lose it completely. I was much more short-tempered with my kids, the animals...not to mention my husband (but maybe he deserved it :-)

So...found homes for 2 dogs, 2 cats, and am selling 2 baby bucklings and at least 1 doe. I am no longer going to keep trying to sell milk outside of the home so much, just worry about supplying it for my family and if I have extra, ok.

It got to where I wasn't even enjoying ANY of the animals, so what was the point. And I typically love animals much more than most people I meet, but when you work from the minute you wake up til you drop at night 7 days a week with no break... something has to give...and it can't be your sanity!

Good luck and I hope things calm down for you and you get some peace soon!

Tam319 · #22 03/05/08, 11:08 AM

Dee - BLECH!!! LOL That is horrific. The amount of laundry on "sick days" can be staggering. I think I *just* got caught up from the bout of stomach flu 3 weeks ago. Yuck!

Fauna - You are SO right...the whole point of having animals is to enjoy them. When they become a burden and its not fun anymore something has got to go. I'll have to give this some thought as to who is on my list to go now!

We need to start a club for overworked homesteading mamas

thaiblue12 · #23 03/05/08, 11:42 AM

Well I have 2 kids, an ouside job, 21 goats, chickens, ducks, not to mention alot of housepets.
My husband is not into the "farm life". He helps wehn I need it like lifting heavy things, helping me get a buck back in the pen and etc. He works two jobs and since he is a city slicker and this is "my dream" I do not ask for help. Kids help when needed but my son has a full time job and my daughter has homework and other activites.
When I had two bottle babies in the house, adult goats out, plus chicks in the brooder, taking her to and from school, going to work, dance lessons, volleyball practices and games, I thought I was going to loose it. I was so tired I was lucky to know the days of the week. I TRY to get up half and hour early to make sure I was not running around at top speed to get everything done. But some days that snooze button had my name on it, twice!
Plus he might not have farm chores, but I make sure he does the dishes, his own laundry, that includes ironing which I hate. Takes care of the trash, some house cleaning and puts BOTH lids down on the toilet.

Being pregnant and hormonal I think I would have sat in a corner and cried or else screamed at everyone. I say you are holding it together well and deserved a good cry. Once the bottle babies are raised or sold it will be better. I hope all your kiddos are feeling better now.

nubiansinny · #24 03/05/08, 02:18 PM

All I can say is WOW! I have 3 kids,9 goats just 1 fresh.1 bottle kid in the house,3 dogs. chicks and ducks and reading your post made ME tired!
You are a super hero... Super MOM!
SO take your cape and take that nap! You do deserve one!
I think everyone has those days. And spring is coming.Just saying it makes me feel better

LynninTX · #25 03/05/08, 05:36 PM

I can relate in my own way... LOL

7 dc at home 18, 14, 12, 9, 6, 4, 2, and 9months+ pregnant. (I am now 5 days LATE!)

So I have older dc than you do and that makes a BIG difference! So time is going to help...

We are milking... 10 goats right now... and have 9 due to kid in the next 2-8wks...

Bottle feeding 11 babies right now (2 still in my house)

We have about 100 chickens, 3 dogs, I think 5 outdoor cats, 4 indoor cats and 2 kittens.....

We homeschool.

My dh works 3 different jobs.

I currently have no running hot water to my house (though I do have it to the garage) so we are heating water on the stove for dishes & cleaning & baths... (there is a shower in the garage)...

I have 2 in diapers, 1 in diapers at night only, and 1 bed wetter...

I am nursing my 2yo.

{{{{hugs}}}}

I think what keeps me sane is this is IT. No basket ball, no running anywhere, no outside *activities*... we only have 1 car so I do not do errands... dh does as needed. We grocery shop once a month.

I am big on charts and records and keeping my *brain* on the computer... :lol I had to look up as I typed this how many goats are we milking... how many kids do we have (goats not human!)... THOUGH shhhhh Sat night dh & I went out to dinner... and I had to *think* how many dc do we have at home when asked... because I KNOW we have 9... but 2 are out and I am pregnant so I got momentarily lost LOL

Some days my house is clean... some days it is a disaster...

but I have lots of good helpers..... so *I* am not having to do it all.. (in fact at this point *I* am not doing much! and won't until 3 wks post baby)....

my 12 & 14yo boys milk in the AM
my 18yod milks in the PM
the 12yo does goat chores
the 14yo does chicken chores
the 18yo vaccinates, worms, & hoof trims
the 9yo does dogs
the 6yo does cats
9yo sorts laundry
6yo empties trash

etc and so on...

Sounds like something has to give... especially with the ages of your dc... either cut back *farm* stuff or *activities*... we made the decision as a family when we moved here to do this that outside stuff stopped. No one regrets it...

{{{hugs}}}

midkiffsjoy · #26 03/05/08, 05:45 PM

opps.....delete please

midkiffsjoy · #27 03/05/08, 06:05 PM

I dont have a "bunch" of kids, but bipolar runs in my family and dd has it as bad as I do and she makes life a living hell, so she at LEAST counts for 3 by herself. You described OUR house. Clean laundry piled on the couch. Homeschool classroom with a half finished new science station. Greenhouse UP but with no cover on it. Barn foundation waiting for walls. Rotational pastures with the posts in place waiting for field fencing to be stretched into place. Miscarried the day dd packed a walmart bag with clothes, took her db by the hand and led him through the window (while I was doing dishes) and down the road, hitching a ride to town, to the airport, to catch a plane to london, to catch the train to the countryside, to the mansion with the room with the wardrobe to go through to find narnia....and she was gonna FIND it "cause she wasnt LOOKING for it!". nod. It gets overwhelming at times. I've been told I should "get rid of" my animals until my kids are "old enough to help". Do yours have chores??? Or does your fmaily expect mom to be an "illegal alien maid"??? (You know cause you can treat them as bad as you want and they'll take it for fear of being turned in to INS) My family makes me feel that way some times. sometimes I have to "take a day off" no matter HOW bad the house looks. I had a therapist tell me to "get over" wanting to have a "perfect house" till the kids were older. That's REALLY hard in our society. We are judged on how neat our house is and how neat our children are, no matter if the barn burned down, etc that week. It's really an unrealistic expectation. ESPECIALLY with many small children who, by their nature, pull ----- out as you put it up!!! Is there a way you could simplify the house??? I'm making laundry easier by limiting the clothing to 4 overalls at home and 4 wranglers for town, 4 play shirts, 4 nice t shirts, and 4 dress shirts each. NO OUTFITS WITH PIECES that we have to keep up with. We dont have a dishwasher, but with all those people you might ought to. Make THAT chore NOT yours. It's EASY for a kid to rinse their dishes and put them in a dishwasher by the time they're 5. I was doing the laundry by the time I was 6, and an 11 y/o can do laundry, fold it, and put it up. Do you do everything in your house??? It may be time to part out chores. Kids can vacuum! Kids can sweep. And that's Montessori training!!! 4 year olds LOVE to collect eggs!!! Katie was helping me hand milk by 5. Hubby's CAN feed animals!!! I dont know how YOU guys with lots of kids do it, but PLEASE don't expect yourself to do EVERYTHING alone!!!
Start with a hot bubble bath. My therapist told me to start shutting the door when I go potty (cause you need to hear if the kids are burning the house down in that 3 mins) and when I take a shower. It makes you feel more human.
*BIG hugs to the tired momma* (dropping from exhaustion sucks!! I've tried it. If you think you're behind NOW.....you dont need that.)

annabella1 · #28 03/05/08, 07:00 PM

What people judge you by how clean your house is!!! Oh no I have to quit my job and run home right now.

midkiffsjoy · #29 03/05/08, 07:18 PM

In laws, mostly, it seems. Strangers. People who really don't care about your family but feel like they have the right to judge. We, as moms, tend to judge ourselves more harshly than is needed. I had an electrician tell me once that I was a ---- poor housekeeper. I told him if I wasnt outside building fence all day with 2 kids in tow, I'd have time to "be inside like a GOOD little housewife, folding clothes". giggle. Not to mention the stress of knowing that anyone who thinks you are in over your head can call CPS anonymously. And they will launch an investigation whether it's justified or not.

(We went round trying to gain custody of my stepdaughter that dh didnt know existed when she went into the foster care system because her mother (a crackhead) handed her into the custody of a child molester. We weren't a good home because we live on a farm- is what we were told.)

I even had someone threaten to call CPS on me because our goats were in the yard, and I let the kids ride a horse. We live in a judgmental society, and the people who are the ones doing the judging aren't always completely sane. In MY humble opinion. shrug.

goatkid · #30 03/06/08, 12:21 AM

You have a right to an occasional breakdown. Gosh, woman, you're working your butt off. Goats are alot of work at kidding time, but human kids are alot more work than animals. I could not imagine having as many kids as some of you folks on these boards have, much less trying to home school all of them. I was never able to have children, so I worked for quite a few years in group homes with adolescents. It was alot of work and I was ever so grateful to have time away from them, even though I loved them. My mother only had two of us, but she was grateful for the time we were in school so she could get the housework done. Some of you gals deserve a medal for all you do

midkiffsjoy · #31 03/06/08, 12:29 AM

Nod! I second that!! I've always wondered HOW ya'll do it and everytime I meet someone who had 10 siblings I give them a hard look and ask when the last time they took their mom roses. Usually they answer "WHY" and I always reply, "For not smothering all of you in your sleep!! You know ya drove her crazy!" they always think about it for a sec and rush off to buy roses! I've watched that show about the fmaily that has 21 kids for ideas. And always cried at the thought of 5 Katies running around! giggle (She's my little carbon copy, so now I tell my mom everyday how thankful I am for how wonderful a mom she is, cause she'd have had every right to off me!!!giggle (I actully stole an airplane at 5....and was taking off when they caught me)) You mom's that keep up with that many kids are AWESOME!!! I havent even had a chance to START our garden this year!!!!

Over achievers!!!! giggle

Jillis · #32 03/06/08, 08:22 AM

Have you thought of having less goats? I have been reducing my goats for a the past two years running and I still have way too many. Once I finish kidding out this year, I will be selling more of my milkers, and babies, too, of course. We just don't need the amount of goats we have, as well as the expense and time and money they take. Once I knew I was doing soap instead of cheese, I knew I would have waaaay too much milk for my needs.
I also do only once a day milking, have you considered milking only once a day once you don't need to bottle feed babies?

I am in a similar boat, but I am 51 years old, and I can't stay awake at night to do some of the housework like I used to. Time to reduce stress and responsibilities. You are having a baby!

I, too, am glad to know I am not the only one to have an extreme "mommy moment".

Someday I'll tell you about my favorite, the "Who turned over the turkey!?!" incident.

MamaDee · #33 03/06/08, 08:57 AM

Someday I'll tell you about my favorite, the "Who turned over the turkey!?!" incident>>>

Now, you can't just say that and not tell us!!!

Today is better. One year old is not throwing up--just wants to be held all the time. Six year old is better so she wants to go to the barn and bottle feed again. Yeah! Twelve year old is better, but is milking it to get out of chores.

Not! Only the 8 year old started puking this morning....so only one out of 5 now!

I'm amazed at all the women on here and what they do. I don't do this all myself. It's just that when you homeschool there's not tons of time for the kids to do the other chores inside I need help with. I am envious of those with kids old enough to milk on their own. That would help. Although with being nine months pg. ......I won't even go there! My boys could milk on their own when we only had 3 or 4 goats and the milk was only for our family. But with 6 and 9 bottle babies....it's too much. And with selling the milk, I want to be there to supervise cleanliness anyway. So back to milking for our own family for us, think.

A garden? OMG. Not me. Not this year. I told hubby if he wants one, that's got to be all him--so we'll see what happens!

Just curious how long it takes the older boys to do the barn chores in the a.m. and p.m. It would take mine forever if they went alone, I think. But we're dealing with Tourette's and ADHD.......they're not exactly efficient sometimes!

Dee

LynninTX · #34 03/06/08, 09:50 AM

well if my 14yos was in public school he'd have been diagnosed with some alphabet soup... that is why he has chickens... NOT goats.

milking takes 60-90min
animal chores can be done in 45min... usually take an hour (longer on days they need to scrub waterers).

When the other half of the herd freshens we are going to milk 2x a day in 2 shifts...

LynninTX · #35 03/06/08, 09:55 AM

but I am one to say ok... you are heading out... I expect you done & back by....

and I keep a finger on things...
we have milking slips that milk weight by goat is recorded on, then I enter it onto the computer
chicken boy reports eggs 3x a day for me to record
feed cans are filled 2x a week and each boy have a feed inventory slip to do on Th afternoon... then I enter it into its spread sheet and prepare the feed order for my dh to pick up on Fri AM. Then record what we bought & cost...
I have a farm sales record pg...
We weigh the baby goats weekly and record it so I know they are growing well
etc...

Minelson · #36 03/06/08, 10:15 AM

I just read all these posts and it made me feel very grateful for my simple life...thank you.

Tam319 · #37 03/06/08, 02:13 PM

Lynn - I love the idea of having the kids help out with the record keeping. Makes them take some responsibility and ownership in the operation of the farm. Great idea!

Have any of you read the Joel Salatin book about farming as a family? I just got it and am looking forward to reading it.

manygoatsnmore · #38 03/06/08, 02:54 PM

I think planning a "winter break" in schooling around kidding time is a good solution to feeling like you can't keep up with the hs with the rest of the load. We take mini-breaks at various times of the year depending on what work is needed on the farm. That's the way the long summer break for public school came about anyway - the kids were needed at farm labor during the summer. Schooling waited for harvest to be done.

I only hs one dd, but she has a lot of special needs (ADHD, ODD, Asperger's, mild Tourette's, depression), and schooling her is a challenge any day of the week. I also work part time as an RN on the night shift, and we have the goats, horses and chickens. I sell eggs at work and am currently incubating eggs and brooding chicks to increase the layer flock.

I found that I was not enjoying the goats as much when we had more than we could really keep up with and care for adequately. If I can't get to all of the hooves once a month and keep the worming on schedule, the barn cleaned out, and all the other major and minor chores under control, in addition to milking and kidding, etc, then it's time to downsize the herd. We did this recently, taking it from 26 to 11 goats, and still have another Oberhasli buck to sell. We want to keep our numbers below 12, and if that turns out to be too many when they are milking, then I'll cut back even further. The dairy goats are the most time-consuming animals on the farm, and while I love the milk, we really don't need more than one milk goat to provide all the milk we can drink.

I have a trio of Oberhasli (one buck and 2 does) that I'm keeping, a trio of LaManchas (again, one buck and 2 does), plus the new doeling just born to one of my LaMancha does yesterday, one Nubian doe that is a sentimental holdover (the first goat we bought at our new place years ago) and her LaNubian doeling, and one last Alpine doe who is providing our house milk. I sold her buckling as a wether within the week of his birth and did not bottle him. Our goats are all CAE negative, so if we miss a birth, I don't have to worry about a doe nursing her kid. I'm having fun with the goats again, so I know we've done the right thing in downsizing. More importantly, dd is having fun with the goats again, and is doing most of the care for them again - she didn't even want to deal with them when we had too many.

Let the house slide a little while the kids are sick - just get the dishes and laundry done - and the healthy kids can help with that. When everyone is healthy again, catch up with the rest of the house. Try setting a timer and race to see how fast you can all pick up a room together, then celebrate with a happy dance when you finish. Make it a game to see if you can beat your time on the next room. You can get a lot of straightening and organizing done in a very short time doing this.

With all that you are doing, I'm not surprised to find that you ended up crying over spilled milk (

sorry, I couldn't resist)! And being pregnant, too - that just adds another layer to your workload and exhaustion. I only had 4, and was exhausted and overwhelmed by it all at times! I feel for you - and I'm sending you a ((((hug)))). If there is any way your hubby can take the care of the kids (both types) this evening, go to bed and get some sleep - and don't you dare feel guilty about it, either.

You can't take care of your family if you don't take care of yourself first.

LynninTX · #39 03/06/08, 03:29 PM

No I'll have to look for that book...

We make a point this farm is a family operation. So is the house, so is daddy's pool business. We are a unit.

Our 2 older boys also work in the pool business. We homeschool yr round so we can take days as needed whether kidding, planting, or each boys pool days. During the off season each works with dad ALL DAY 1 day per wk.. and in season 2 days per week... they are pd from that too...

My older dd who does so much with the goats and often makes the cheese and deals with the customers starts to get a % this yr... we also helped her start her own *herd* for her 16th birthday... as part of her *dowery* shall we say. She has had a wether to sell at 17 & at 18 now, and has 2 does 1 yet to kid, and a female kid.

Feral Nature · #40 03/06/08, 05:50 PM

My 4 children are all adults now and have left home and my house is still trashed in the spring during kidding season. Last year I had a hard time with stress and this year I vowed not too.

I like to think of my messy little home as an "artist's hovel". We creative types have far too much on our minds than to scrub all day