living alone

wvcabin · #1 12/06/14, 05:08 PM

Hey everyone, my ex-wife and I dreamed of owning our own land, and being homesteaders for many years, so we bought 45 acres in WV and built a log cabin, that was 5 years ago. We got divorced 2 1/2 years ago, when she decided she wanted a new life after 25 years of marriage. It has taken me awhile to get things done since then, I got my septic last year and, just got my electric in November, now all I need is my well. originally I was going to sell my house in Maryland, and we would move there together after retirement. Now it looks like I will be moving there by myself, right now my kids are living with me, and I really do like my quiet time, when they are not here or outside. My problem is , even though I enjoy my quiet time to read and be by myself, I don't know if I could live with no one else around, as my property is way away from anyone else. Has anyone else done this, and how did it work out? I am thinking about keeping my house in Maryland and splitting my time up between the two places, or do you think I should just go for it and sell my home, which will help with my retirement. Thanks, I just thought I was going to have someone by my side, through it all.

DAVID In Wisconsin · #2 12/06/14, 05:31 PM

I lived happily in a small cabin in the boonies for 2 years after my divorce. Didn't bother me a bit. I like time by myself. Good luck!

big rockpile · #3 12/06/14, 05:56 PM

Even though my wife is in the same house most the time I might as well be alone. We have lived this way for years and like it. Didn't use to be this way we was together 24/7 all is good but that is just me.

big rockpile

wvcabin · #4 12/06/14, 06:12 PM

thanks guys, that helps

Belfrybat · #5 12/06/14, 06:22 PM

Although not exactly in the boonies (as in a long way from civilization), I lived by myself quite happily about 35 miles outside of Austin for 5 years. Closest neighbours were 1/2 mile away. And when I moved to this area, I lived by myself for 7 years about 6 miles outside of town with no neighbours for at least 2 miles. The only reason I'm on the edge of town now is due to getting older and not able to take care of a country property.

blanket · #6 12/06/14, 06:22 PM

Depends on your needs, some need company, some don't. I have been married for 33 years and both my wife and I are the type of folks that do well by themselves. I travel for weeks at a time and we both do well alone. Like is to short to worry about the small stuff, if you need companionship, then socialize, if not enjoy the solidtude

Wolf mom · #7 12/06/14, 06:57 PM

I am my best friend, and have lived alone on & off for half my life.
Just moved from a very rural area and bought a smaller place closer to town nearer my kids. I close on the 19th.

I had thought of buying land in another rural area (moved from AZ to GA) but decided that at my age, 71, it'd be better closer to town. Easier for the kids if I break a hip or...Plus it's harder to make friends when you have no neighbors. I can still have chickens and garden so I'm good with that.

Sounds like you'll eventually want another "by your side, through it all" - harder to find if you live isolated.

You have a third option: sell both properties and find something that suits your wants/needs, not living a dream that is no longer.

ad in wnc · #8 12/06/14, 08:30 PM

I agree the third option is probably your best option. Plus you could move a little closer to town and/or your kids. Perhaps even check out some kind of dating service like Farmers only?

FarmboyBill · #9 12/06/14, 09:02 PM

Sounds like a farm was more your idea than hers.

I went through 3 that way. They all said they could handle living on a farm, until they had to do it. Then for 2 outa 3 it didn't last long.

TxMex · #10 12/06/14, 09:44 PM

You'll just have to find out.

I never thought I was one of those folks that had to have someone. Turns out that I am. I'm going bonkers out here on the farm by myself. I don't want to be around a lot of people, but I do need at least one other. Try being completely by yourself for a month. That will tell you a lot about what you need to do.

Forcast · #11 12/06/14, 10:04 PM

well I moved 2 1/2 hours from my family and I get let out of a lot of family gatherings, bad weather, no gas, short notice what ever the reason I dont make it to Baltimore a lot. Family does not come up the road much if ever. So being alone can take on a new meaning. Its nice to have a weekend retreat. But if I had another option I think I might do it different since my kids are having kids and I miss being around them.

willowworker · #12 12/06/14, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belfrybat

Although not exactly in the boonies (as in a long way from civilization), I lived by myself quite happily about 35 miles outside of Austin for 5 years. Closest neighbours were 1/2 mile away. And when I moved to this area, I lived by myself for 7 years about 6 miles outside of town with no neighbours for at least 2 miles. The only reason I'm on the edge of town now is due to getting older and not able to take care of a country property.

Same here for the getting older and taking care of country property. I have been by myself for about 4 years now. Do have neighbors...some I can see their homes, some not. but we are all independent individuals. But we do have kinda of a mutualaide society going here...all our phone numbers are in all our cell phones incase we need help. But it is getting harder. I hate to give up my property, but in about 2 years I will be moving closer to a larger town to be near my daughter, sil, and grdkds. They are going to put up a small cabin on their property next to their home for me.

I have no problem watching my grandkids do my plowing for me.

I have always been someone who enjoys my own space, but do also enjoy others. As I got older, being out so far from town, family and friends has become more difficult for me, especially in the winter..I hate driving in winter, and do not like driving way out here at night any more.

I found that living by myself I learned lots about myself, which I hadn't realized while living with someone.

Enjoy your journey as you discover and travel the road you choose.

DJ in WA · #13 12/06/14, 11:23 PM

I have always been comfortable being alone. Only problem is I have more trouble getting motivated. My kids are gone, and my wife started working over 80 hours a week teaching school.

So its hard to do the homesteading stuff like grow food, when I'm the only one benefitting from it. Almost doesn't seem worth it to cook for just yourself, either.

Laura Zone 10 · #14 12/07/14, 06:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wvcabin

Hey everyone, my ex-wife and I dreamed of owning our own land, and being homesteaders for many years, so we bought 45 acres in WV and built a log cabin, that was 5 years ago. We got divorced 2 1/2 years ago, when she decided she wanted a new life after 25 years of marriage. It has taken me awhile to get things done since then, I got my septic last year and, just got my electric in November, now all I need is my well. originally I was going to sell my house in Maryland, and we would move there together after retirement. Now it looks like I will be moving there by myself, right now my kids are living with me, and I really do like my quiet time, when they are not here or outside. My problem is , even though I enjoy my quiet time to read and be by myself, I don't know if I could live with no one else around, as my property is way away from anyone else. Has anyone else done this, and how did it work out? I am thinking about keeping my house in Maryland and splitting my time up between the two places, or do you think I should just go for it and sell my home, which will help with my retirement. Thanks, I just thought I was going to have someone by my side, through it all.

I am in the same boat.
25 years, he changed his mind.
Right now I live on 5 acres, 17 miles from the nearest Walmart (town big enough to have one!)
My kids still live with me......but if I was to live out my life here, I would sell.

The house is up for sale, and when it goes, and I move, I am heading to Florida (where it's warm....yessssss sun!!).
I "used to want" to be away from everyone.......but I'm a social creature, and I am not getting any younger. If I break something / cut something; it's better to have someone closer than further! I am also tired of being isolated / cut off from the rest of the world!! I've had some time to really think about it, and I definitely will live 'closer' to town than I do now!!

Tricky Grama · #15 12/07/14, 06:12 AM

Cabin, sorry for your loss, been thru a divorce, as many have, its a loss.
Can't tell you what you should do but will say: be sure to prepare for your retirement...we were nearly thru paying for our home when I retired & completely paid by the time DH retired. Make it easy.
Prayers & good thoughts, good luck.

am1too · #16 12/07/14, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TxMex

You'll just have to find out.

I never thought I was one of those folks that had to have someone. Turns out that I am. I'm going bonkers out here on the farm by myself. I don't want to be around a lot of people, but I do need at least one other. Try being completely by yourself for a month. That will tell you a lot about what you need to do.

Ot sure would be nice.

am1too · #17 12/07/14, 08:45 AM

double post

JoePa · #18 12/07/14, 10:13 AM

I'm a widower - wife died nearly 18 years ago - I notice that as time goes on I am getting more used to being alone - I first I was very lonely but then I realized that it was my wife that I missed most of all - and not just any other person - as time goes on you get into a routine and do what you want to do when you want to do it - you have no one else to please - I keep busy around my 12 areas with keeping things in shape - gardening - fishing and hunting - if I want to see someone I go out to eat - join a church - a fishing/hunting club - etc.

I know a guy who married again after his wife died - he was very lonely at the time - now he tells me he made a mistake - all he does is take her to the doctors - shopping - and getting told not to bring dirt into the house - he thinks he would have been better off getting a dog or cat -

whiterock · #19 12/07/14, 11:01 AM

Head to the cabin, keep the house. Figure out how you like living in the cabin vs the house. Make up your own mind as to where you are the happiest and then sell the other place.

arnie · #20 12/07/14, 11:27 AM

I do it just me no close neghbors back in the hills , I do enjoy viistors yet I seem to do fine keep your cell in your one pocket, and your pistol in the other in case of emergency . go to town and sit at the liers table at the local restrant now n then meet and befriend your neighbors ; go to local events , bbqs ,and pot lucks, put one on yourself now n then and you'll be fine . nd who knows you may even find a new wife or enjoy being a batchlor .