How Do I Keep My Mouth Shut?

[big rockpile]

Ok anyone Homesteading will run into this problem either with Family, Friend or someone Hired.

I am one to be very picky with my Garden and Animals.

My Tomatoes and other things have needed spraying for Blossom Rot since Monday. Me being down since last Saturday I haven't been able to do anything.

My wife has been picking stuff, picked a Bucket full yesterday and Canned it today.

Well I finally told her the Tomatoes needed spraying, she said she would do it but I would have to show her what to do.

We go out I show her how to mix on the Sprayer. Go back to the Garden, had Tomatoes and Cucumbers that needed picking, she picked them. Started spraying. Now I have to admit I have stuff planted close together. She stepped on a Pepper Plant, killed it Told her Beans really needed picking, she just looked at me. I know soonest they will get picked is Monday Have some Onions and Beets that need dug up. Looked she was spraying the Okra, I told her she didn't need to.

Finally got her out got Sprayer rinsed out. Told her the Chickens needed water, she told me she was going to shut them up. I told her it was way too early, so she watered them. I told her my Worms probably needed watering. Oh I watered them. How? I just dumped some on them You don't water them like that.

I didn't even look at Rabbits.

Ok if your unable to do this stuff but see so much wrong how do you not get upset but still get it done right?

big rockpile

[V-NH]

Just remember that animals are animals, vegetables are vegetables, and your wife is your wife. If the animals and vegetables all die and rot and disappear, it doesn't really matter as long as you've still got your wife.

When I am sick and my wife takes my half of the homesteading chores for a day or two, I always tell her to do the minimum possible. As long as things don't die, they'll be there in a couple days when I am back at 100% and ready to pick up the slack.

[Callieslamb]

Quote a little diddy about Patience to yourself.
Remember that you can't expect others to do YOUR chores like you would
Try to do their chores like THEY would
If all else fails, use Duct tape.

[Twobottom]

She'll never do it like you would. Try to be happy with whatever you can get. Hurry up and recover before it all goes up in flames.

[haypoint]

This goes for lots of stuff: You cannot control what other people do, you can only control how you respond to it.
I don't know how much or how often you are laid up, but it sounds like she's already pulling her half of the evener. Sounds to me the slack traces are hooked to your collar.
Since she doesn't know about spraying, I'd guess that has been your job, same for watering the chickens and worms. This is a busy time on most homesteads, her list of chores might already be long.
Perhaps it would be best to share chores right along, so you know how she wants stuff done and she knows how to water worms. Then let her know what you can't do and stay away. I don't like watchers. Really would hate a spouse watching/correcting me, too.
Are there tasks that she normally does that you can do while laid up? If you can get out to the garden, can you cook a meal? Snap beans? Fold clothes? Something? Anything?

[Awnry Abe]

What the heck do you spray for bottom end rot?

[FarmboyBill]

I put a 3 fingered pinch of sulfur, same of bone meal, same of blood meal, and same of tomato fertilizer, and NOT ONE of my tomatoes has turned bad on the bottom. Only lost 2 this year out of 11 plants. One got scalded laying against the cage wire, and one was hatched on the ground.

I also water the heck out of them ONCE a week. I have a 2 gal spray can with the spray attachment off. I count to 20 at a fast beat for every one. I timed it at 8 secs.



Once I was hanging up clothes for my 90+yr old mom while she and dad sat on the porch watching me. Mom said, LAWRENCE, do you see the way hes hanging those pants? Wall, dad said blame it, you knew good nd well that hed screw it up when you asked him to do it. I said, Ya know, I think, when I get old, IF I can find somebody willing to help ME when I need it, Ill likely keep my mouth shut about the way they do it.

[jtsummie]

Couldn't help to smile at your signature line... Looks like she found the one too.

Originally Posted by big rockpile

I love being married.Its so great to find that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

[oneraddad]

Theres more than one way to do things

[Spamela]

She's helping you, and trying her best it sounds like. How do you expect her to know all this stuff if you've never shown her before?

"Happy wife, Happy life"

[gweny]

Every morning my hubby leaves a spoon on the counter when making his coffee. This drives me crazy. I've asked him why and he says he rinses it off and leaves it there for me to use when making my coffee... But I don't usually drink coffee, we are on opposite schedules, and on the rare occasions that I do drink coffee I drink it black (so I don't need a spoon). He still leaves the darn thing there.
One morning while grumbling for the umpteenth time while forcefully placing that spoon in the sink again, I thought to myself "I'd sure miss that spoon dearly if anything ever happened to him."
Now I love that darn spoon.

[mzgarden]

BRP: stressing about this is likely not helping you recover any faster nor is it likely your DW is without stress either. DH & I also have a division of labor based on skills. Remember, if she's doing some of your chores, something she's used to having done her way is likely not getting done and she's likely stressing about that as well. Reduce the stress so you can both return to the jobs you're comfortable doing in peace and health.

[Karen]

We have a firm rule at our house:

1. If someone is kind enough to help out (without pay) when we can't do something, then you accept however they choose to do it -- and you do so without criticizing and in a spirit of gratitude.

2. And if you can't do that - then do it yourself, but either way, no complaining allowed.

3. And if you can't do that, then you have no business even having kind people in your life because you don't know how to treat them.

4. And if you can't do that and consider yourself a Christian, then you've got bigger problems than a job that needs done.

[popscott]

I ain't so sure of what the question is....But the answer is "Yes Dear".

[Kasota]

I'd be willing to guess that whether or not you have said anything that she is fully aware that you are not happy with how she is doing things. Maybe she wonders if anything she does would be good enough. That would frankly drive me nuts.

Maybe she, too, is wondering how to keep her mouth shut.

Relax a little. It's not the end of the world if the chickens get shut up earlier than you would do it or if she doesn't water things the way you would do it or spray the way you would do it. Very likely spraying the okra didn't kill it.

Give her a hug and a kiss and tell her how much you appreciate her efforts. Make her a cup of coffee or a cup of tea. You'll both be happier for it and she'll probably try a little harder to do things the way you would...but in the end it doesn't matter. No one is going to care for your garden the way you would. No one. It's just how it is. I feel the same way about my garden if I have to be gone for a bit and my sister comes over to water or do whatever. I'm just grateful she's willing to do anything at all....

[badlander]

This is an opportunity for a learning/teaching experience. When you get back on your feet give your lovely wife a crash course in spraying and write her out a cheat sheet in a spiral notebook that she can fall back on should the need arise. Write out what you need her to do for you while you are not able to do it and keep the responsibilities as simple as possible. Remember that she is already doing her 'chores' and has now taken on yours also. My husband has told me more than once when he has been ill to do just the bare minimum. He realizes that I am already doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry and pet care along with the garden and orchard duties. I have heard him say, that will wait till I can do it more than once.

If you give her a list of the essentials and some tips of how to do the essentials that she may not be used to doing I bet there will be less stress on both of you.

Feel better!

[Ardie/WI]

You know, BRP, Tina is a saint!

I'd have told you where to put your sprayer, vegetables and chickens after about 5 minutes of listening to you boss her around! (You have a good idea WHERE, don't you!?).

[HuskyBoris]

I don't know what to tell ya,I usually let my pie hole fly and have to apologize a lot later.,,,Haypoint has a point though,,you can't really be mad at her for not knowing how to do things and perhaps when you get to felling better you can show her.
I hope you feel better soon btw.

[Ohio dreamer]

You are a very lucky guy! My DH would have been soaked in the spray, lol...his blossom ends would never have rotted again.

In your shoes (or more your wife's) I'd ask DH for a written chore list. On this list would be 3-5 word descriptions of what needed done (not HOW...just what). I'd work on the list in the order I felt was appropriate, not his order of importance. I would do the chores my way. I would work his chores in with what I already did each day....not instead of. If I needed help on the "how to's" to do something I'd go to him and ask....if I don't ask then leave me alone to do it my way. OH...and doing his chores is NOT a spectator sport. Unless I requested his presence while I was working on XYZ, he better not be sitting around watching.

[sisterpine]

I am with most others....smile and tell her thank you so very much for your help.