Homesteading in a Co-parenting Situation

[John_Canada]

Can anyone that has been in this situation give me some advice regarding this subject? My wife has twin 17 y/os with someone with absolutely opposite values than homesteading and we would like some advice in handling that situation or if it is even a concern.

[bluemoonluck]

If they're 17, you don't have to worry. Unless they're at immediate risk of harm, by the time the co-parent gets a court date to challenge custody and gets it heard, likely the kids will be of age

If the were 7, I'd give you a different answer!

[jwal10]

My concern would be IF the kids were on board with the homesteading lifestyle. Would they run off to Dad complaining, giving him leverage....James

[wr]

Originally Posted by John_Canada

Can anyone that has been in this situation give me some advice regarding this subject? My wife has twin 17 y/os with someone with absolutely opposite values than homesteading and we would like some advice in handling that situation or if it is even a concern.

Do the kids want to move? If they do, it really isn't an issue at all.

[catspjamas]

The only concern is the kids are old enough to begin choosing their own path, and it might not be the path mom wants them to follow. If they're happy with where they are, and with homesteading (I'm assuming they're living with you), then they need to let their dad know what they want, if he's making an issue about it. But, if they want to go live with dad, because they don't like homesteading, mom is going to have to trust that she has raised them right and given them good values, and let them go.

[SJSFarm]

At 17, so long as both can and will provide a stable, safe, and caring home, the judge may allow the kids to choose.
If either neglects any of his or her responsibilities, than no. The judge will choose what's best for them.

At 17 they, hopefully, have critical thinking skills and can evaluate both sets of ideas. Younger kids can and will be "bought".

[Yvonne's hubby]

Originally Posted by SJSFarm

The judge will choose what's best for them.

At 17 they, hopefully, have critical thinking skills

The judge will choose what the judge "thinks" is best for them.... but there may be some critical thinking skills lacking in that decision too.

[John_Canada]

This is all very sound advice! Thanks so much.

The legal issue is not so much what we are thinking of as my wife is responsible financially either way until they are non-dependent. This can be until they are done school and in some cases even until they are employed. It is a very broad legal concept where we reside and a judge would of course make a decision for their best interest if it came to that.

I think it is much more a situation of how we present this concept of homesteading to them and if they will make a choice based on values or how much stuff someone buys them instead.

It is not easy to raise children in this scenario as they typically play that to their advantage, and I know many more people are in this situation including my sister and her son (also 17). I can't even imagine being in that position at 17 where we can live with mom who makes us work for what we want or live with dad who buys us whatever we want. I think they are still 50% on the fence about it because we spend much more quality time with them (according to them do not like him "buying" our love) and I do absolutely respect their decisions and the fact he has different values. It just does not make it easy knowing that at any point, that may change and affect our life decisions. Just wondered how others have handled that.

[DarleneJ]

They are ole enough to understand that people can have very different perspectives even within the same family (loosely applied).

This is a path you find interesting, and may also be wise for self-preservation and healthier living in this world. You would like them to consider what you are doing with an open mind and participate when they are home with you. You can respect that it might not be their bag of tea for their own life choice.

Giving them an option (and making it interesting to them) will go a long way to their acceptance of it.

I don't know many homesteaders that don't eat well and much healthier than the fast food world. Something teenage boys like...

I also like to present things as being an adventure, something different than everyone else. Also, a chance to do things myself and KNOW what's in my food and how to make things work, and be resourceful (with limited resources) is huge. Most young people I know think it's interesting at the very least, even if they're consumed with the latest gadgets and social networking...

It may take an education process for them to even consider what you want to do. Start where they're at. Find out what would be interesting to them. Building things, growing food/animals, etc. and allow opportunity for them to do it if you can.

[Wolfy-hound]

Ummm, in one year mom shouldn't "have" to do anything with them as far as I know. At 18, they can legally go out on their own.

If they want to come live with you guys on the farm or live with their dad etc, in one year it will be up to them to decide, so I would say it's a moot point. By the time you do court drama, they'd be 18 anyway.

If they do want to come live off mom, I would make certain they know they would be contributing to the household in some tangible manner. They should be acting like young adults by now, getting ready to be independent people, not relying on mom/dad to pay their way through life for nothing.

[ronbre]

can't see any problems