How to address others on this site

grandma12703 · #1 05/01/13, 12:57 PM

I don't know what the answer is but I am curious how others feel. I feel like sometimes people come on here and vent and ask advice. We have some folks that send out positive and helpful suggestions. Sometimes they take it and sometimes they don't. We also have some folks that just disagree to disagree. I am not big on "politically correctness" but sometimes I think it could be done in a much different tone. I know there are some TUFF cookies out here in HT world but we have to remember that some are a little more fragile. Maybe they are just looking for a little support or maybe even some corrective suggestion, but I know it can be done in a way to do more good.

CesumPec · #2 05/01/13, 01:11 PM

you are oh so right and I admit I have plenty of room for improvement.

Ardie/WI · #3 05/01/13, 01:12 PM

I have seen much here as others have to.

I tend to ignore the people who come here just to stir the pot.
I ignore nasty comments.
I try to give sound advice, otherwise I shut up!

Fragile people don't belong on the Internet Sad, but true.

Harry Chickpea · #4 05/01/13, 01:23 PM

There are those who are fragile, but having been on forums and usenet for ages, I know that there are also those who adopt a persona of being fragile to further their own goals. (aka wolf in sheep's clothing) Then there are those who "ask for advice" while having little or no intention of following anything that is said...

When there is a "vent" or "rant," I'm often impressed with how well the poster expresses him or her self and defines the source of frustration or anger. I find heartfelt vents much more honest than the "I'm so fragile" personas. (YMMV)

"Tone," as a social grease, is sometimes appropriate, sometimes not. If someone expresses that they want to drill a well within five feet of a septic tank, it might not be appropriate to sugar-coat that it is a stupid and dangerous idea. If someone wonders how their offspring may be reacting strangely towards a friend, then a cautious and supportive tone might be best.

I find that a better metric is to contemplate whether a post is meant to help a person in some way, or to be mean or dismissive. If the intent is to help, and the advice is sound (from the point of view of the person writing the post) then social graces might sometimes take a back seat without demerits.

Remember that some subjects are more debate subjects than a request for advice. On those, a good free-for-all can be entertaining, while at the same time beating some of the more outrageous, extreme, and unfounded beliefs and statements into submission.

FWIW, TUFF cookies generally have had a lot of life experience that has made them TUFF. Usually, reading about that experience is easier than having to live it. That could be why some statements come across strongly.

simi-steading · #5 05/01/13, 01:26 PM

On the plus side, at least this forum isn't censored very much...

I'm a member on another forum, and they don't allow a single slight mention of politics or religion... You can't even say thank god without being censored... I've seen it really upset even people with thick skin, more than I've seen people with thin skin be bottered by what others have said to them...

Then again.. it is someone else's house so to say, so you have a choice to not be there either.. and I've gotten to where i don't visit there very much..

I prefer more this place without much censorship a whole lot more than I do there with heavy censorship... Especially from a few of their mods who think they are some kind of KB commando...

I see a lot less bickering and rudeness here where it's more neighborly, than I see there, where the site motto is no attitudes.. and funny it's mostly the mods that have the attitudes there...

I like this site a lot... pot stirrers and all.. at least here, they aren't too good with the spoon

Nate_in_IN · #6 05/01/13, 01:30 PM

The Internet is both a blessing and a curse. One the one hand it is wonderful for people all over the world to come together and share ideas and dicussions. On the other it is a horrible communication medium compared to face to face conversation. It is very difficult to read a persons feelings, mood, etc through a text post.

For my part, as long as the reply is on topic, polite and honest it's OK. Even if I completely disagree with what it says.

Nate

grandma12703 · #7 05/01/13, 01:31 PM

Great responses. I see all of you around on HT and always helpful with suggestions. You are definately some of the many HT posters who make this site an awesome place to be a part of.

AngieM2 · #8 05/01/13, 01:51 PM

Interesting thread, and even more interesting forum choice to make it in.

mzgarden · #9 05/01/13, 02:07 PM

As a relative newbie I can say that I read far, far more than I write - and I learn so much. Sometimes the responses do seem very blunt , but if I have to choose, I prefer a clear answer to my question or a correction to something I've said wrong, over no answer at all. My nature is not to intentionally stir the pot, but it's ok with me if others choose to do so, I can just read around it if I choose. I am always appreciative of people that take their time to teach me and I love the opportunity to pray for people who ask. Not sure if that's helpful or not.

BKB HOMESTEAD · #10 05/01/13, 02:17 PM

I agree with Nate. As a former member of good ole "corporate world" email type communication is very easy to take in the wrong context. I use to NOT email someone if I didn't have clear cut facts to communicate in the email because 9 X's out of 10-it's taken in the wrong context. I think the difference in a forum is if you don't like what you read just move on.

grandma12703 · #11 05/01/13, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngieM2

Interesting thread, and even more interesting forum choice to make it in.

Like I said not too good at politically correct so since I wasn't sure where to put it I thought this worked well.

tallpines · #12 05/01/13, 02:20 PM

Aother thing to remember ------

Some people post supportive comments
and at the exact same time they may be "stabbing you" in the back, and/or poking fun of you with their p.m.s.

I have experienced it myself.

On HT the person appeared to be a supportive "friend".
But then an hour or so later, another HT member forwarded to me the messages she had gotten from that same member ........ where her comments about me were very nasty and unfriendly.

This very sincere sounding person, apparently has 2 faces.......

Be very careful who you trust!

bluemoonluck · #13 05/01/13, 02:24 PM

When you post on a public forum, you're going to get a wide variety of responses. Some helpful, some trolling, some well meaning but useless.

I try very hard to take what I need, and leave the rest. In other words, don't feed the trolls, and ignore the well-meaning people whose advice is useless. Focus on the people whose responses are helpful. Respond to posts to thank helpful people and to offer clarification when necessary.

Of course, it's easier said than done LOL

grandma12703 · #14 05/01/13, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tallpines

Aother thing to remember ------

Some people post supportive comments
and at the exact same time they may be "stabbing you" in the back, and/or poking fun of you with their p.m.s.

I have experienced it myself.

On HT the person appeared to be a supportive "friend".
But then an hour or so later, another HT member forwarded to me the messages she had gotten from that same member ........ where her comments about me were very nasty and unfriendly.

This very sincere sounding person, apparently has 2 faces.......

Be very careful who you trust!

That is sad! How lonely their life must be to have to do that to someone on a forum.

watcher · #15 05/01/13, 02:51 PM

I act here just as I do in real life; I tend to be a mirror (to a point). If you are nice I am nice. If you are snotty I am snotty. If you are nasty I get really, really nice.

haypoint · #16 05/01/13, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tallpines

Aother thing to remember ------

Some people post supportive comments
and at the exact same time they may be "stabbing you" in the back, and/or poking fun of you with their p.m.s.

I have experienced it myself.

On HT the person appeared to be a supportive "friend".
But then an hour or so later, another HT member forwarded to me the messages she had gotten from that same member ........ where her comments about me were very nasty and unfriendly.

This very sincere sounding person, apparently has 2 faces.......

Be very careful who you trust!

When that person forwarded the Personal Message she had received, it wasn't a Personal Message anymore, it was plain old, ugly gossip. Most people can rationalize that they are only being helpful when they engage in gossip. I mean what did you gain by knowing there is another evil person in the world?

Emails or even just comments on this forum are often misread. There is no smiling face, there is no kind tone. Just the words and it becomes easy to fill in the blanks to suit yourself. A simple question can become an angry interrogation. An off handed comment can come across as ridicule.

geo in mi · #17 05/01/13, 03:46 PM

I just inherited a refrigerator from an aged aunt. She had a little sign taped to it: "Oh Lord, please keep one hand on my shoulder and the other hand over my mouth"

geo

SFM in KY · #18 05/01/13, 03:49 PM

I do not like confrontations and unpleasantness, on forums or anywhere else. If someone asks for advice or suggestions and I feel I can contribute, I do so politely. If someone chooses to disagree with me, I may reply with a 'why I feel like this' but only rarely will I get into a confrontational discussion with anyone on any subject. I am much more likely to say something like "not everyone feels the same about things but I do respect everyone's right to feel differently about this than I do" ... and am very unlikely to return to the discussion.

Like everyone, I do have certain hot buttons or pet peeves ... I know what they are and try to avoid getting sucked into any kind of discussion on these points.

There are ways to tell people politely and gently things that they probably don't want to hear and if I can't agree with someone, or think they are handling something wrong, I will present my thoughts but try always to remember my mother's dictum "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar". You may not convince someone they are wrong with honey and politeness but I've never seen anyone convinced by unpleasant, nasty statements either.

And truly ... there is one thing I really, really like about the Internet ... if you don't like what someone is saying ... or the direction a discussion is going ... you don't have to read it or participate!

Gray Wolf · #19 05/01/13, 03:53 PM

You guys all missed the question!

"How to address others on this site".

Personally, I prefer "Your Lordship" but will accept anything above "butthead" if pressed.

**Ross** · #20 05/01/13, 03:55 PM

HT has a rule to be nice, if it's enforced too rigorously the moderators myself included will kill discussion. Agreeing with Ardie on this some people really shouldn't be on the internet let alone outside their houses. I also agree you have to give others some benefit of the doubt when reading a reply. Most people don't do that at al. Some replies are challenging and even argumentative. This isn't "not nice" ...its as much conversational as anything else. If all you want is general applause say so at the start, and ask a mod to delete the entire thread if you don't get that. I will do that for you I promise. I prefer discussion over cheerleading but sometimes you just need a little cheer. I get that, even if I'm not trying to encourage it.