Something has got to give

[PrettyPaisley]

Here's the skinny:

We've moved about 40 miles from town and my job of driving all over the city to make sales calls is no longer worth the amount I spend on gas. I actually have two jobs doing that-so I'm losing money. I figure my rate of pay is about $6/hr after gas and wear and tear on my car. Add to that driving my eldest into town for school each day, then taking my youngest another 30 miles to my mother in law's house for cheap babysitting and I'm really not making any money.

Problem is, we still haven't sold the other house and I figure that is costing us about $1200/month. So things are *really* tight around here.

I have always spent money in an irresponsible manner. SO, however, is pretty darn good with money (otherwise the bank wouldn't have give us a loan for the 2nd house-which may not have been the best idea). But I can't change that now.

We have a ton of pasture for the animals so I feed costs aren't *too* overwhelming (a dozen or so goats and one family cow) and I've learned that chickens don't need too much feed when they have this much poop to dig through (if I can keep this next batch alive)-but the issue now is not having the freedom of my own money. I handed over the debit card to my SO (after 12 years!) and asking for money is HARD for me. BUT-I truly feel I need to cut at least one job out because there are things around here I should be doing that are being neglected. Number one on that list is properly feeding my girls. I spend far too much time away from home and when I do get here I throw something together and then rush out to take care of the animals-which are also getting medicore care.

I'm having a hard time letting go of a couple hundred dollars every two weeks-but need to learn to live with less. How do I do that? Additionally, all this running around and rushing and having to meet deadlines at work is making me nuts. It seems everything I am doing is getting done at about 50-65% and I can't stand it.

SO and I see things differently when it comes to food and cooking. I like to stock up; 50# of everything at once is how I like to do it, 1/2 of a cow at a time, when SO would rather go to store and buy 5# every week. If I quit my job and shop like that I will go insane with insecurity.

How can I make this work? Something has got to give and I'm not sure how to find balance and sanity. I'm hoping this summer I can get into a routine that is manageable when school starts again, as the past 6 months of my life (we move here at the end of Nov last year) have been sheer heck. I've never been this miserable and moving here was supposed to complete me!

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.

[Huntinfamily]

Can't help with advice about the shopping but the job part I can relate to. My Wife works at night 5 nights a week cleaning offices and churches. She gets paid $10 an hour and works an average of 4 hours a night. After figuring out her mileage, cost of gas and wear and tear on our truck she was making about $2 an hour. Not worth it at all. Tonight is her last night working and although it is a small loss of money it will work out better with the kids out of school and her no longer having to sleep all day.

[sherry in Maine]

good luck! (I like doing the same thing you do --'stock up' not a little bitty amount each week)
Sometimes, I just declare a 'spending fast'-- no- dont spend fast, but withdraw from spending money daily. Just dont. If you must have an essential and cant think of another way around it, bring only enough money for that.
Some times it is hard. Sometimes not.

If you live 40 miles from a town, that's a pretty good reason to not go to town if you need milk, or butter . . .
Good luck! When I can convince myself not to spend on even small things for a few days or weeks, I can then think more clearly about my other 'stuff'. The things that I already have that need my care or decisions on what to do with them. Life is a bit more enjoyable, when I can spend time with my animals, plants, garden,etc.
Good luck!

[tarbe]

It sounds to me like you are being appropriately analytical, unlike many folks who will step over a dime to pick up a penny. I know folks who will spend 5 hours, $20 in gas and
God only knows how much in wear and tear on their car to make $50. You know that after taxes they are not getting ahead.

So I'd like to congratulate you for thinking this through as thoroughly as you have.

I suspect that if you are patient, resist any quick decisions (sounds like you've got this down pat already) and rely on close communication with your SO, the two of you will get to a place where you both can agree on a course of action.

I REALLY related to your comment about doing lots of stuff, but at 50-65%. I HATE that too! I am constantly working on learning how to be ok with that, so long as my boss is ok with it (he must be...he keeps dumping stuff on me!).

Hang in there!

Tim

[Alice In TX/MO]

Make a spreadsheet/budget, whatever you want to call it and track your job expenses and time for a couple of weeks. Figure out which job to quit.

Find carpools for the children's activities.

Get rid of half the goats. You don't need a dozen.

If you have a horse, get rid of it. It's just a money pit.

Do the math on paper for SO about the cost of buying meat weekly vs. half a calf. It is HUGE, and he needs to understand that. PLUS, the cost of fuel to drive to the store weekly. Wow.

Start using your crock pot. Fix supper in the morning, put it in the crock pot, don't worry all day. Supper is cooking.

[tinknal]

Shannon, are you making payments on a car? If so sell it and buy a $2000 car for cash. Car payments eat up a lot of cash and with a cheap car you can drop collision coverage saving even more money.

I think your SO's attitude about money is good, but so is your attitude about grocery shopping.

[jessimeredith]

We're going the opposite direction...after 10 years, I'm back in the job market so that we can move in to OUR place in August. Have an interview (and most likely the job) on Monday and looking to get a second just so the $$ gets in the bank faster. Don't know how long it'll last but I'm just hoping a second job falls in my lap like the 1st did!!! Either way, it'll all have to work around the kids being out of school for summer and my EMT classes this fall.

As for meal solutions, I love the "Dinner's in the Freezer" series because it makes me feel like I've achieved something good for the family. I wasn't working for pay in Germany (volunteer) but I worked a lot of hours, so they saved my rear quite often. May be worth looking at if you end up keeping both jobs.

[PrettyPaisley]

Well the van was paid off with part of the 2nd mortage on the 1st house. My car is a crappy little Kia with almost 100k on it and it will be paid for in one year. It will be worth about $2k by then!

I have two crock pots. I am usually making stock in one at all times.

Sell my goats? WAAAAHHHHH! I could get rid of three of them now-I am not attached. The others we've had since we lived in the new house. I can't do without them. We don't have a horse. We've been offered one for free and I refused it. I've seen what people pay for horses. No. Can. Do.

The spreadsheet is something I've been meaning to do and haven't yet. I'll start that tonight.

I keep thinking there has got to be a way to make some money on this land with the amount of time I want to spend on it. I don't want to get rich, but there is a huge market in the Charlotte area for clean, local food. I can't sell my milk or cheese because of state laws but surely I can sustain a small CSA. Just a few hundred dollars a month would be perfect.

[goatlady]

Maybe instead of searching for ways to generate dollars, start looking at ways to generate food, entertainment, etc that will save dollars instead of requiring them. That's how many folks make it on the homestead. For me every veggie I grow and harvest saves that much money that I do not have to spend at the store. Every pound of cheese you make from your goat's milk is money saved not spent. Every NOT trip to town is money saved not spent.

[PrettyPaisley]

Originally Posted by goatlady

Maybe instead of searching for ways to generate dollars, start looking at ways to generate food, entertainment, etc that will save dollars instead of requiring them. That's how many folks make it on the homestead. For me every veggie I grow and harvest saves that much money that I do not have to spend at the store. Every pound of cheese you make from your goat's milk is money saved not spent. Every NOT trip to town is money saved not spent.

ITA. To a degree.

There are still things I want to have the cash to buy. I don't splurge like I used to; I buy my clothes at Walmart/Target, same for shoes. I've stopped paying $120 for highlights for my hair and I have a friend do it at home. I quit with the weekly massages, I don't go out and drink wine - my life before kids was soooooo different. Wasteful at best. Now these things aren't important to me.

What I spend money on is stuff like shiny milk buckets, alfalfa pellets, soy/GMO-free feed, stuff like that. I don't even spend that much on the girl's; my mom spends them boxes of new clothes each season.

While I don't want to go into town much at all anymore, when I do I don't want to be penniless, you know? I need to learn the art of living with less.

[Alice In TX/MO]

Yes, it is a cognitive shift. It won't happen overnight, either. It's VERY good that you are taking steps and realize that you must take more.

Frugal Homesteading

[Newlife]

Lots of good advice here. Just throwing some additional ideas out here:

Bankruptcy -- Should be taken under advice of a good lawyer and the decision should be made strictly from a business perspective, not an emotional one. Some may find it somehow distasteful, but if you look at it from a business standpoint it may be something to consider.

Track every penny of expense. Currently the IRS allows for $.55/mile deduction for travel by car. This is probably a good estimate to track actual expense of travel. For example, if you are traveling a total of 100 miles a day, then you will need to make at least $55 just to break even; probably a bit more when you factor in replacement costs for a vehicle. Even driving just 500 miles a week will mean that traveling costs you around $275/week.

Home school -- not everyone has the personality for it, but there are a lot of resources and it MAY save a lot of expense.

Get rid of cable/satellite and every other expense unless it is absolutely necessary and take the extra money to eliminate debt.

Pay cash for everything (it is so much easier using plastic), but when you have to actually go through the hassle of paying in cash, you tend to spend less and really consider how necessary every purchase actually is.

Making money on the land is a great idea. If you can't sell goat milk directly, consider turning some of that into soaps or other products. Sell firewood. Offer to teach classes on the weekends for others in the local area who dream about living in the country, but won't actually do it -- farmers' markets and health food stores might be good places to advertise.
Maybe you can build a small cabin on your property and offer it as a B&B.

You are moving in the right direction, just don't give up!

[willow_girl]

Here's what I would suggest: Pick the job you want to quit. Figure out what you make in an average week there. Every week (or payday -- you get the idea) set aside that money in a savings account, and try to live and pay your bills without it.

After 6 months or so, you'll know whether you can afford to quit that job. Either way, you'll have a nice nest egg!

[Alice In TX/MO]

Wind In Her Hair has focused on the core of the problem. Print her post! Think about all her questions for a month. Your solution isn't going to come today or tomorrow. It's a process.

Just a thought.... the women I know who are self employed and making the MOST money are cleaning houses and offices and churches.

[PonderosaQ]

Is your original house under under contract or are you still waiting for a buyer? If it isn't sold could you rent it out month to month to cut down on your expenses in that area?

[prairiedog]

Quit your jobs stay home with the kids and home school. No more running and babysitting. More home cooked meals healthy and cheaper. Go to town a coouple of times a month. That is what we do. Place is better taken care of, kids are better taken care of and animals are better taken care of.

[sidepasser]

Are there elderly in your area? Could you be an elder caregiver? Not a medical person, but a person who does their shopping, cooking, cleaning during the day? Perhaps make sure they take their medicines and perhaps do some heavy cleaning that they could no longer do?

My mom has a girl who comes in once a week to do the "heavy" cleaning like vacuuming under the beds, etc. We pay her 10. an hour and she works about six hours doing things like washing windows, mopping, vacuuming under the beds, dusting in areas my mom can't reach, etc.

Perhaps you could find some work like that in your area close to home and be paid a reasonable wage for it?

Other elder care ideas: shopping for them or taking them to the bank/grocery store, post office, etc. Many elderly can't drive but are perfectly able to go get groceries if they had a way to get there.

Just something to think about since you could arrange that work around your schedule like the girl who does it for my mom does. That little bit of work helps that girl go to school and she works around her school schedule.

You could ask around at churches, or post a craigslist ad and see if you get any responses. Other ideas: farm sitting for other people, horse sitting (pays really well around Huntsville), dog sitting, heck even mowing grass pays well if the person isn't able to do it themselves. Just some ideas and I would cut those trips to town way down if possible, why do you have to take your daughter to town to school? Isn't school about over for the year?

If so, transfer the kids to a school closer to home and let them ride a bus. Do they have buses up there that pick up kids and take them to school? My son rode a bus until he transferred to a school that didn't offer the service, but the school was on my way to work and only 7 miles from our house, so no gas wasted.

Just a thought to cut down on the trips if you are going to stop working in town.

[PrettyPaisley]

Originally Posted by Wind in Her Hair

you are either complete or you are a work in progress but no "thing" will complete you?

I don't consider the lifestyle I have chosen to be a "thing".

Originally Posted by Wind in Her Hair

#7 - what is "Job #1" to you? Is it raising your children and investing fully in their future, fulfilling your own dream, what? Whats the long term goal here?

Since giving birth, moving out here to become self sufficient has been my main focus. For almost 6 years now, my efforts everyday have brought me closer to this move, these goats, this cow, raising our food and creating a way of life to pass on to my kids. As a former nomad who moved over 30 times with my family before I was 18, I feel very strongly about how I want to spend the rest of my life and what I want to pass on to my girls.

I floundered for almost 40 years. I finally feel like I am somewhere I can live forever. I am simply trying to find a balance and learn how to transition from living closer to the city and learning to live more fully on less money.

[Shygal]

Originally Posted by tinknal

Shannon, are you making payments on a car? If so sell it and buy a $2000 car for cash. Car payments eat up a lot of cash and with a cheap car you can drop collision coverage saving even more money.

I think your SO's attitude about money is good, but so is your attitude about grocery shopping.

Problem is, you will most likely NEVER sell a car you are making payments on, for what is left on the balance of the loan.

[Shygal]

A dozen or so goats, and a family cow, what do you do with all the milk? Can you make soap?
When you sell your other house, things will be so much easier. It cant be on the market forever, so there is light at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel might not be as long as it feels right now.

I believe you could find something to do/sell/etc to at least get yourself 6 dollars an hour that you are actually bringing home out of your job. Around here, house cleaners get 20 dollars an hour, that is more than what some nurses make! Maybe you could do that, you would only need to do a couple a week.

Spending time home will give you more time to raise more food that you don't have to buy, more time to can and freeze the food, get a pig and raise it on the milk and produce from your garden that you cant use, learn a craft that you can use , make your own detergents , dish soaps, etc.

I think you will find that working is costing you money.