family member that borrows & never returns stuff

[nancy237]

I am so tired of getting ready to use something and having to call a certain family member to get them to return the item that they borrowed 3 months ago.

I am going to have to start loaning with a time limit..

Does anyone keep a list of items out on loan & to who??

[Harry Chickpea]

Eh, make a policy that you loan only with a deposit of the amount needed to buy a new one (tax and cost of going to the store included). If the object isn't returned in two weeks, whatever was borrowed is theirs and the money is yours. Encourage them to borrow teenagers.

[julieq]

We have a friend who's been horrible lately about not returning audio books and a DVD we loaned him months ago. No more loaning, period.

[SFM in KY]

We finally just quit 'loaning' except to a couple of neighbors we know very well and that have a long history of being reliable.

Too many tools never returned ... or returned broken ... machinery as well. Policy now, if it isn't something we're willing to give away, it doesn't get loaned. With machinery, DH will go do something for someone but he won't let them take his machinery and do it themselves. We can't afford the repair bills ... or the replacement costs.

[punkcat]

I just pick up my stuff when I'm at my brother's house. Go through his DVDs and collect the ones that belong at home. Haha. It's easier than trying to get him to bring them back.

[Shadow]

I have a sign in my shop that says the man in charge of loaning tools is out. Once had a neighbor come over and ask to borrow all the tools needed to build his wife a new set of kitchen cabinets. He did not get them. I do not loan money, or tools or equipment. I will go do what they are needing to get done if I have the time and energy.
When I was about 12 years old I went to the bank with my father he paid off a loan for a car he had niever driven. As we left the bank he said: David if you never cosign a loan you will be smarter than your old man". I always thought he was smart, so to be smarter I just did not cosign for a loan. I am 70 years old and I have never signed a note with anyone. I have made the down payments on a couple of houses as a loan to the person wanting to buy the house. The loans were to me, the property was in my name and the friend brought the payments to me and I paid them. If they did not bring the money they understood I would be selling my house. Same with cars with family members, never a problem as all understood I would sell.

[Malamute]

I put those free address labels that show up unsolicited in the mail on any books or dvd's I loan out, and suggest the same to those I borrow from.

When I do loan out stuff, especially tools, I ask how long they need it and when tyhey will return it, if they are vague, I say I need it soon, and that they can come borrow it when they are ready to use it and can get it back to me right away after using it. I use my tools to make a living, so don't like to be without them when I need them. I tell people that that want to borrow things. One guy regularly tells me "just come get it when you want it back". I'm not loaning anything else to him unless it's coming right back after he uses it. I prefer somone bring my stuff back, not me have to go get it when I want it. I also have a thing about feeling I should buy one if I have to borrow or rent something more then once or twice.

I don't mind loaning things, or borrowing things, but they need to get back home in a timely manner, and in good shape. If someone asks to borrow something I really don't want to loan, I'll simply say so, or say I need it soon and thats usually the last I hear of it. I've also asked several people if they can afford to buy a new one if something happens to it. That way they know what to expect if something does happen.

[emdeengee]

We absolutely keep a list of who borrows what AND what we borrow from anyone. When we loan we always ask how long do you think you will need this? I also write the date they borrowed and the time they said they needed it for. If a few days past that time limit passes I phone and ask if they are through with it. My house is decorated with sticky notes to remind me about everything. Bad memory. So I for sure make a note to myself to remind me that the wheel barrow we borrowed is not ours.

[Callieslamb]

We don't loan. We give, but don't loan.

[houndlover]

Just say no.

[oregon woodsmok]

Give a time limit? How about just saying no.

Like this: "No, sorry, you never returned the XXXX, so I am not going to loan you anything else until after everything you have borrowed has been returned undamaged. One item at a time from now on."

[nancy237]

Originally Posted by oregon woodsmok

Give a time limit? How about just saying no.

Like this: "No, sorry, you never returned the XXXX, so I am not going to loan you anything else until after everything you have borrowed has been returned undamaged. One item at a time from now on."

I find that hard to say to family..I am too soft..
I even hate to call and ask for it back when I need it..


When family helps it should go both ways..I do get it back when i ask.
I am going to make a loan sheet for the frig to remind myself .
From now on I will say I need it back fast so I can use it..

[HeelSpur]

My Rules; Never lend anything to an,
Alcoholic
Drug User
Gambler
and especially a
Family Member.
This group of people have tendencies of not returning items.

[Danaus29]

At least your family members still have the stuff. Dh's brothers break, sell or give away his loaned items. After losing a couple expensive items he learned to say "NO".
Might be why his family thinks I am such a B.

[fantasymaker]

Ive always heard you should decide in your mind ahead of time that any Loan is a gift.

[chewie]

Might be why his family thinks I am such a B.

and why is that?? if they ask and you politely say no, why is it often turned around that YOU are a dirty rat? I think not!

my neighbor keeps wanting my roasters. now, after borrowing or needing something a few times, knowing there will be more times, I simply go buy the item if possible or find antoher way if not. this gal, heck no!

i really believe at this point its a game with her. last time I said well, ok, but I must have it back by morning. (after not dropping what I was doing to rush in the house to get them for her, she had dropped in unannounced too, btw) she no longer wanted it, and that is the ONLY time she calls too. I KNOW she can get her own, so why bug me??

I really am learning to use boundaries (the book's on the way) and finding it easier. now I just say 'can't do that today, sorry'.

[Danaus29]

chewie, yep. Dh no longer gives them cars or money or spends his whole paycheck on them so I am a B. S'alright. I don't care if they think that of me. They live over 3 hours away and I don't talk to them on the rare occasions when he does visit.

[elevenpoint]

After I got a chain saw back with the blade burnt and the bar ruined....that was the end of the tool loan program here. Money is given away on an as need basis.....never was paid back a dime I loaned out.

[clovis]

I used to loan tools.

NEVER AGAIN.

I loaned a wrench set and my good socket set to a friend who was desperate with a broken down old Nissan. When they were returned, the 9, 10, 13 and 15 millimeter wrenches were missing. The socket set was missing the 3/8", 1/2", 7 and 8 millimeter sockets.

"I'll find those for you" he replied.

Seven years later, I am still waiting for him to find those missing tools. In the mean time, I'm still out a $29 wrench set and missing needed sockets.

Not all the people that borrow tools are scoundrels, but many of them don't respect their own money or their own tools...what would make me think that they would respect mine?

If they thought that much of their friendship with me, why do they borrow tools, lose them, and then act like I'm being a difficult person when I simply and kindly ask about the missing tools? (I think we all know the answer to that.)

Like I said before:

NEVER AGAIN.

I worked stinkin' hard to earn the money to buy those tools, bought the best that I could afford, and considered them an investment in my life. I've been building my tool collection all of my adult life, and shopped long and hard for the right tools, upgrading and expanding when I could.

[Danaus29]

I would very much like to use the bil's chainsaw to cut dirt, or break his come-along by pulling trees with it, or wrap his dirt bike around a rock.