what would you do- gifts from appreciative people.

ghmerrill · #1 05/12/11, 08:09 PM

so, I love to cook and I don't mind cooking for other people when things are rough on them. Often, they are very appreciative and show up with gifts that are totally unexpected and honestly unwanted......

the latest, a couple from church are quite elderly have been fighting severe medical issues, so my wife and I have taken them out a few meals over the last 10 days or so. they bought me this weird microwave cooking device. I have also receive those crazy pre cut brownie pans from other people in the past. Now, if it was a hand powered blender or hand powered food processor, it would be something that I would be regularly use. these funky made in china "as seen on tv" gimmick items are not something that I use.

while I am greatly appreciative of the thought, and the generocity of the gifts, I would really rather not receive items I know that I will never use, and these people really shouldn't be spending money that they cannot afford to spend on gifts....

I don't want to seem ungrateful and I do appreciate the thought, but how can a person bow out gracefully from receiving unwanted and unneeded gifts?

Our Little Farm · #2 05/12/11, 08:18 PM

When they say 'how can we thank you for everything', just say no problem, just pass the kindness on to someone else if you ever get the chance.

It stops thank you gifts, plus may also benefit someone else.

In the meantime, if a charity organization has a raffle or yard sale, give the items you won't use to them.

beaglebiz · #3 05/12/11, 08:30 PM

ahem...
The pre cut brownie trays ensure you get crunchy end piece goodness in every brownie. That, I think you should try before you give it away

JuliaAnn · #4 05/12/11, 10:22 PM

Don't you wish you had invented it and held the patent???

Sometimes we recieve gifts that we don't want, need, or can't use, even after letting people know we really don't need anything, that they don't have to give us a gift, and/or that they should pass the kindness along to someone else. Sometimes people are determined to give a gift because they are truly grateful and they want us to know how much they appreciate our help. IMO, in such situations, the most gracious thing you can do is to happily accept the gift. If you turn down the gift while they are trying to give it to you, it can lead to hurt feelings and embarrassment, and even though *your* intentions may be noble in not wanting a gift, it may cause more problems than the nobility is worth. In other words, sometimes it's not about what you want; it's about graciously letting someone express their appreciation to you. That, IMO, is gracious. Keep the memory of their gesture in giving you something as a good memory, and then donate the item or items to a church for it's rummage sale, silent auction, or other fund raiser. You may even know someone who likes and uses such gadgets who would appreciate them.

Just my .03 on how to graciously accept unwanted gifts. YMMV of course.

Sonshine · #5 05/12/11, 10:48 PM

OK, I have a confession, I regift. Yep, when this happens to me I wait till Christmas or someone's birthday and box it up and give it as a gift. Saves me the money from going out and buying something, so in the end, the "gift" turned out to be a blessing. I always tell people I don't turn down anything that's free.

Usually when I give to others and they talk about repaying the help I just tell them the best thing they can do is first off, don't tell anyone I helped them, secondly, when they are on their feet to give to someone else that is in need.

stamphappy · #6 05/12/11, 11:34 PM

Sonshine, I also regift.

I put a little note on items I receive that I need to regift so that I know who gave them to me. This ensures I hurt any feelings. For instance, something I got from a co-worker can go to a relative or whatnot. Works for me.

Kazahleenah · #7 05/13/11, 08:24 AM

Just donate any unwanted gifts to a local charity or 4-H club... Scout group...

JJFarmer · #8 05/13/11, 11:31 AM

Since they went to the trouble of getting the gift why not go to the trouble of using it when they're around? When they are invited over for dinner make a point of using the cooking item they gave you and then make sure they know how helpful it's been. Instead of concentrating on how much you don't want it think about the fact they're trying to be helpful and let them feel that way.

Belfrybat · #9 05/13/11, 01:30 PM

Some people (I am one of them) have a difficult time receiving help freely. When one of my neighbours helps me with a project I always take them a little something afterwards -- usually a jar of jam or loaf of bread. I need to do that for myself so I don't feel like a moocher. I'd be terribly hurt if the neighbour refused my gift. Maybe that is the same with folks you are helping, except they are giving you durable gifts in return. My suggestion, smile broadly, accept the gift, and then give it away in such a way they won't know about it.

watcher · #10 05/13/11, 01:39 PM

What I do when people ask me what they can do to repay me or thank me I tell them to go to church next Sunday and put a couple of extra dollars in the collection plate.

luvrulz · #11 05/13/11, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghmerrill

so, I love to cook and I don't mind cooking for other people when things are rough on them. Often, they are very appreciative and show up with gifts that are totally unexpected and honestly unwanted......

the latest, a couple from church are quite elderly have been fighting severe medical issues, so my wife and I have taken them out a few meals over the last 10 days or so. they bought me this weird microwave cooking device. I have also receive those crazy pre cut brownie pans from other people in the past. Now, if it was a hand powered blender or hand powered food processor, it would be something that I would be regularly use. these funky made in china "as seen on tv" gimmick items are not something that I use.

while I am greatly appreciative of the thought, and the generocity of the gifts, I would really rather not receive items I know that I will never use, and these people really shouldn't be spending money that they cannot afford to spend on gifts....

I don't want to seem ungrateful and I do appreciate the thought, but how can a person bow out gracefully from receiving unwanted and unneeded gifts?

You can't. You would hurt their feelings and offend them. If you can't use it, hide it. If you don't want to hide it, donate it to Goodwill. Be enthused and appreciate the thought. To do anything less would take away their best intentions.

RedDirt Cowgirl · #12 05/13/11, 02:04 PM

I had to learn that part of being generous is to allow others to give. For folks who have little, it's even more significant. I would also show them that you've used their gift, rave about that microwave thing, make a pan of brownies to give them, all like JJFarmer sez. My biggest trial was receiving strong smelling gifts from a woman, but when I complained about the reek in the house my mother reminded me of the harsh conditions that woman endured, making that kind of thing a luxury she never had. You just never know what prompts the gift, only that it's important to the giver.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJFarmer

Since they went to the trouble of getting the gift why not go to the trouble of using it when they're around? When they are invited over for dinner make a point of using the cooking item they gave you and then make sure they know how helpful it's been. Instead of concentrating on how much you don't want it think about the fact they're trying to be helpful and let them feel that way.

Old John · #13 05/13/11, 02:52 PM

Ahh! One of the "Laws of Gifting" is "A Gift Requires or Calls for a Gift!"
The Old Foks understood that. Some of us have Forgotten...........

mekasmom · #14 05/13/11, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghmerrill

I don't want to seem ungrateful and I do appreciate the thought, but how can a person bow out gracefully from receiving unwanted and unneeded gifts?

You don't bow out. You take them, thank them profusely, hug them, then pass the item on to someone who can use it. Never take away their right to be givers. It's a bible truth.... give and it shall be given unto you..... Don't take that opportunity away from them. It may be the way God is using to bless them. That is a seed they are giving. They need a harvest, especially if they are ill or poor. Don't stomp on that seed and count it as nothing. You take it, and honor it for what it is... a seed. Never stomp on a giving spirit. Always accept it with great reverence and thank them for it. Then pray for God to give them a great harvest. If you personally cannot use the item, then pass it on to someone who can. But honor the spirit of the Giver. God is a giver, and humans learn giving from Him. It's not your place to worry about their finances when they give. It is not your place to provide for them. It's God's place. And He does it because they give. Scripture after scripture talks about seed time and harvest. That's a seed. Let them plant it.

Laura Zone 10 · #15 05/13/11, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ghmerrill

so, I love to cook and I don't mind cooking for other people when things are rough on them. Often, they are very appreciative and show up with gifts that are totally unexpected and honestly unwanted......

the latest, a couple from church are quite elderly have been fighting severe medical issues, so my wife and I have taken them out a few meals over the last 10 days or so. they bought me this weird microwave cooking device. I have also receive those crazy pre cut brownie pans from other people in the past. Now, if it was a hand powered blender or hand powered food processor, it would be something that I would be regularly use. these funky made in china "as seen on tv" gimmick items are not something that I use.

while I am greatly appreciative of the thought, and the generocity of the gifts, I would really rather not receive items I know that I will never use, and these people really shouldn't be spending money that they cannot afford to spend on gifts....

I don't want to seem ungrateful and I do appreciate the thought, but how can a person bow out gracefully from receiving unwanted and unneeded gifts?

Donate to a batter womens shelter where it will get used......
Re-gift
Sell them in a yard sale, and take the money to buy the ingredients to make them more meals.

Graciously accept the gifts. Let them know it is not necessary, and you love cooking for them.....but if they buy it, graciously accept.

Laura Zone 10 · #16 05/13/11, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Belfrybat

Some people (I am one of them) have a difficult time receiving help freely. When one of my neighbours helps me with a project I always take them a little something afterwards -- usually a jar of jam or loaf of bread. I need to do that for myself so I don't feel like a moocher. I'd be terribly hurt if the neighbour refused my gift. Maybe that is the same with folks you are helping, except they are giving you durable gifts in return. My suggestion, smile broadly, accept the gift, and then give it away in such a way they won't know about it.

AMEN and double ditto!!!!

JuliaAnn · #17 05/13/11, 03:19 PM

Quote "Never take away their right to be givers. It's a bible truth.... give and it shall be given unto you..... Don't take that opportunity away from them. It may be the way God is using to bless them. That is a seed they are giving. They need a harvest, especially if they are ill or poor. Don't stomp on that seed and count it as nothing. You take it, and honor it for what it is... a seed. Never stomp on a giving spirit. Always accept it with great reverence and thank them for it. Then pray for God to give them a great harvest. If you personally cannot use the item, then pass it on to someone who can. But honor the spirit of the Giver. God is a giver, and humans learn giving from Him. It's not your place to worry about their finances when they give. It is not your place to provide for them. It's God's place. And He does it because they give. Scripture after scripture talks about seed time and harvest. That's a seed. Let them plant it.""

THIS is the PERFECT explanation, thank you Mekasmom for making it so clear!

ghmerrill · #18 05/13/11, 05:46 PM

Thank you all so much! Its hard seeing folks who have lost everything, including their health spending money on you. They are quite elderly, and until a couple of weeks ago, have been living in a 16' travel trailer.

I'm going to figure out how this cooker works, make em dinner one night with it, and rave about it, then tuck it back in the cupboard where I can find it should they ever inquire about it. With 6 of us in our family, something that cooks small portions at a time, like this thing does, isn't something we will use much.

snoozy · #19 05/14/11, 11:36 AM

No matter how poor they are, they still have honour. By graciously accepting their gifts, you are allowing them their honour.

meanwhile · #20 05/14/11, 01:44 PM

Yes, I would say gracefully accept the gift and then give it to someone else who may actually use it. For me, all those "gadget" type gifts are welcome when given to young folks who have not "been there done that" and already over the "gadget" type things.

Also, we give such things to people or groups who are having yard sales to gain money for projects. Usually it is our local Senior Citizens group but also we have shared with young people with the gumption to be yard selling to raise money to pay bills.

Another thing you could try is to say something ahead of time to them .....like "oh thank you so much but save that for someone else since I already have one"......and remember to thank them for their company and conversation.......anything you can think of to thank them for so that they feel they have contributed to you or "paid back" to you.

For example an elderly neighbor that we help out with water told us once that she cannot pay us for the water.......so we started calling her (on purpose) ahead of time to ask her this and that question for "advice". Later we could say "oh thank you so much for helping me about the moles in the garden" or "thank you for telling me how to start up the wood stove".....and so forth......and then she was able to feel that she had helped us and so now she accepts the water jugs that she needs. And really she is a delight and we enjoy going over there but it is more enjoyable since she does not feel it is out of balance.

Good luck.