What would you do? Very long. housing issues

Jackie · #1 03/06/10, 11:11 PM

So lets see if I can explain this.....

A year ago I sold my house (that I owned solely) and used the profits to put down 2/3rds onto a quarter section of land. My man put down the other 1/3 using his line of credit. The land is just a quarter section. No house or anything. So even though he still needs to pay off his line of credit, on paper it looks like we just own it free and clear. The deal was that HE was supposed to come up with the down payment to get us a house on the land. I found a really nice trailer online for $30,000 about a year ago and convinced him to go and put $1000 deposit on it. The people still needed to live in the trailer for at least 6 months. Well about 2-3 months before they were going to move out my man's mother gave him $30,000 to pay for the trailer and he promptly decided he wanted to own the land all to himself and decided to basically dump me and planned to buy me out. He tried to back out of the trailer deal (giving them lots of time to re-sell it and they could keep their $1000) and they lawyered up and threatened to sue. So without me knowing anything about it, he gave them $21,000 and put the other $9,000 onto his credit card or line of credit or something.... ? That was not even close to a good idea. He should have really used that money for a down payment on a mortgage to cover the whole thing (moving costs, getting it hooked up, etc). But whatever. He did it.

He came crawling back on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness and asked me to marry him. Said the two months without me were the hardest ever, he learned his lesson, bla bla. Okay fine, one more chance. It's been almost 7 months and he is still behaving. He works in the oilfield and I only see him about 5 days a month, but it works.

So fast forward to now. We have less than two months to come up with the other $8,000 otherwise we loose the trailer. I *think* we can do it. I just sold two horses for $500 each, I have another one almost sold for $1500, my van is up for sale for $2000 (I am driving his car and I have been for the last 7 months and its basically mine now), I am also getting back $2000 in income tax. He has at least $6000 in his bank account but spring breakup is coming and he will need some of that for bills while he is out of work.

So lets just say we manage to get the trailer. The trailer is almost 3 hours south of here. Stupid, I know, but that's the way it is. I own a lot in a town about an hour south of the trailer. So that would be 4 hours from here. The town is about 30 min from a city (Saskatoon). The town is basically dead, but 30 min to a city is still a commute for work. I *think* if we put the trailer on that lot we could sell it for about $60,000 making a nice little profit. We would use the money for a down payment on a bigger house on our quarter section.

The other option is we can bring the trailer up to our land and try and figure out how to come up with the money to get it hooked up. We were quoted $25,000 for power alone. Which wouldn't be a big deal if it was worked into a mortgage, but just coming up with that money isn't really possible. So the cost of getting it ready to live in on the land is going to be too high I think.

The other option is there is a lot for sale in the town I am currently living in. THe lot is $5,000 an we *might* be able to swing it by working out a deal with the owner. The owner is actually my boss at work and he is very reasonable. If we bring the trailer up here it has farther to travel and we might not be able to sell it for quite as much as if it was near the city, BUT we could live in it until we sell it. That would save on rent. Plus I would feel more comfortable if it wasn't 4 hours away. I could be around to make SURE it gets hooked up properly, do the skirting and stuff on weekends and not bother having to drive 4 hours umpteen times until it sells.

And to be honest, I don't really mind living in town 3 miles from our land. It's no big deal to drive out there everyday to check on the animals. I could probably live in the trailer for years in town and think nothing of it. Of course eventually I want to have a nice big house on the land, but there is time for that. Oh and house or not, my kids and I are planning on living out there this summer in a shed....well a shed with windows!

So I don't know. The trailer would sell better and faster being down south. It would also be nice to just hook the trailer up on our land and live there. But it would also be nice to be able to actually afford to hook up the trailer and live in it in town. I am leaning more towards option 3. I actually just thought of it and haven't even told him yet what the other option is.

Let me know if you couldn't follow my story and I will clarify.

Tana Mc · #2 03/07/10, 07:00 AM

Heavens to Betsy! We are trying to close on a new farm for us and I thought that we had a tangled situtation.....
I have no advice other than your personal situation with this man concerns me waaaay more than the decisions of what to do with the land and trailer.

Disreguarding love and trust issues, legally this is a mess. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't invest another dime, another moment of my time, any more of my heart, or my children's welfare and future until there was a wedding and/or legally binding agreements to protect all parties invoved. The money and the time are not nearly as important as your heart and your children.

Just my $.02 and wishing you all the best!

Tana Mc

Jennifer L. · #3 03/07/10, 07:49 AM

First, make sure everything is in writing that will protect you from him. He may have come back this time but he for sure has problems and IF he tried something again, you need to make sure he's not walking away with your share.

Outside of that, why are you trying to keep all of this stuff? Sell the trailer now, if you can get the 30K back out of it. You're just digging yourself in deeper by thinking of new ways you can make money with it--which may never come to fruition. You keep adding to things that you can't afford---a piece of land with no buildings, a building way far away that was not only an expensive purchase, but would be very costly to get on the land, etc.

My advice would be to retrench, think things through and then start forward again later on this year.

Good luck!

Jennifer

Backfourty,MI. · #4 03/07/10, 09:10 AM

I really don't know what option would be best for you but I know if it were me there wouldn't be anything else done anywhere until my name was on half of everything the 2 of you purchased.
Before my husband & I were married we bought 40 acres up north. We knew that's where we wanted to live & although not married I wasn't investing any time or money with out my name on the property also. We also bought a time share before being married which is now sold but my name was on that also, as well as the house we lived in was mine but when he paid it off then I added his name to the deed.
We have been married 9 years now & happily but I never went through the crap it sounds like he's giving you before getting married or even after. We live up north & have a nice house we put on our property & have been here 6 years now & Love it. But we paid our land off first & then sold our old house & started the new one with that money.
Wish I could tell you what to do but I think you should think of your children & yourself first & what's best for your family. Don't invest another dime if your names not on all of the things you mentioned above, land, trailer, house, etc. That's just my opinion though.

Jackie · #5 03/07/10, 09:51 AM

Oh don't worry about me. My name is on the land with the lawyer being fully aware that I put down 2/3rds of the money. The land is in my name first.

The trailer isn't in anyones name yet and we can't exactly sell it until we finish paying for it. If I bail us out he KNOWS that my name goes on the trailer like we are equals in the deal. My name is on the lot we are thinking about putting the trailer on down south. I have actually owned that lot since I was 12. If we buy the lot up here we will be equals in that deal too.

We have a three year old son together and I have an almost 8 year old daughter from a previous marriage.

He doesn't really have much of an excuse but the weekend he decided it was best to leave me he actually spent the weekend trying to reconnect with his real mother. She came up from southern California for a visit. THey hadn't spoken in years and there are LOTS of underlying issues. She is very manipulative and convinced him that I was bad news and our relationship was exactly the same as his parents and made him believe our son was going to grow up like he did. UGH! It took him about a week to realize what she did, but I refused to answer the phone for two months. I knew exactly what happened and so did his Dad, his brother, his sister in law...everyone. We all knew it was her.

Right now I am living in a house that I rented myself with my kids. I pay all the bills on the house and he pays the rent and bills where he is working. I have a good job, my son is in a good daycare and we can take care of ourselves, that's for sure. I am not worried about myself in the least.

Wolf mom · #6 03/07/10, 11:26 AM

Leave your emotions at the door. Prioritize. List everything that's his, yours, combined along with debt. Once you get it on paper - you can be more objective.

Land is in your name first? Either it's in yours or you two are co-owners. Doesn't really matter who put how much into it. The trailer - he's put all the money on that - it's his. Let him have that worry.

Whatever your future holds, you need to get things sorted out - if he left once, he may be getting itchy feet as it appears from wht you write, that things are getting complicated.

I'd keep things simple and forget about other options until I cleared up the land & trailer. You can think of options until you're running in circles. I find once I figure out what my bottom line is, things seem to fall in place.

Good luck.

willow_girl · #7 03/07/10, 11:32 AM

Look at the ordinances for each location where you're thinking about putting the trailer. I don't know how old or how big it is, but a lot of places have restrictions on mobile homes, especially used ones. That may eliminate some of your options and make your decision easier.

Given that your relationship is somewhat rocky, I'd try to put the trailer in the location where it would be easiest to sell if your dude flakes out again. (Probably not on the 1/2 section.) If you have a good job where you're currently living, I'd try to swing a deal on that lot in town, if they'll allow the trailer. Perhaps you could sell the other lot that's four hours away to help finance the deal. Or see if your boss wants to swap lots! LOL

Jackie · #8 03/07/10, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wolf mom

Leave your emotions at the door. Prioritize. List everything that's his, yours, combined along with debt. Once you get it on paper - you can be more objective.

Land is in your name first? Either it's in yours or you two are co-owners. Doesn't really matter who put how much into it. The trailer - he's put all the money on that - it's his. Let him have that worry.

Whatever your future holds, you need to get things sorted out - if he left once, he may be getting itchy feet as it appears from wht you write, that things are getting complicated.

I'd keep things simple and forget about other options until I cleared up the land & trailer. You can think of options until you're running in circles. I find once I figure out what my bottom line is, things seem to fall in place.

Good luck.

He can't come up with the other $8,000 on his own and I don't want to see us loose the trailer and the $22,000 that goes along with it. So I am bailing us out. I would LOVE to just make him pay for it and deal with it but he can't. But if I put in $5,000 I want my name on the trailer too. He knows that and he could care less. I clearly know what he owns, what I own, what he owes and what I owe. The land doesn't need to be cleared up. We own it. THere are no payments owing on it. I am happily keeping my livestock on it and I plan on living there someday.

So we NEED to do something with the trailer. We can't leave it where it is. The person who is selling it wants it paid for and removed by April 30th. I forgot to mention the whole 'removed' part. So we have to take it somewhere.

The bottom line is. The kids and I need somewhere long term to live. We can't rent for the rest of our lives. I dont care if we live in the trailer or build a house. I just dont want to rent anymore.

Nevada · #9 03/07/10, 11:41 AM

While you are still on good terms and both lawyered-up, it's a good time to commit the land arrangement to a contract. With a well-documented contractual relationship the personal issues can go where they may. Without a contract I think you are still on track for disaster. But I'm sure your lawyer has already told you that.

Jackie · #10 03/07/10, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willow_girl

Look at the ordinances for each location where you're thinking about putting the trailer. I don't know how old or how big it is, but a lot of places have restrictions on mobile homes, especially used ones. That may eliminate some of your options and make your decision easier.

Given that your relationship is somewhat rocky, I'd try to put the trailer in the location where it would be easiest to sell if your dude flakes out again. (Probably not on the 1/2 section.) If you have a good job where you're currently living, I'd try to swing a deal on that lot in town, if they'll allow the trailer. Perhaps you could sell the other lot that's four hours away to help finance the deal. Or see if your boss wants to swap lots! LOL

THANK YOU! I actually did call both town offices a bit ago and both lots are approved for trailers.

Ya I would really rather have the trailer somewhere that I can keep an eye on it but not on the land yet.

I am not about to just abandon the trailer. It's really really nice! Its all been redone. New roof, new flooring, new siding, comes with a fridge, stove, washer, dryer and dishwasher that are all less than two years old. It has new windows, new doors. It's so lovely! The bathroom even has two sinks! lol! It really needs to have someone living in it ASAP.

Jackie · #11 03/07/10, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nevada

While you are still on good terms and both lawyered-up, it's a good time to commit the land arrangement to a contract. With a well-documented contractual relationship the personal issues can go where they may. Without a contract I think you are still on track for disaster. But I'm sure your lawyer has already told you that.

No lawyer ever told me anything. The only lawyer that knows I put in 2/3rds of the money is the lawyer that we used to buy the land. We have the same lawyer..... :S

I don't really care that I own 2/3rds and he only paid for 1/3. He knows it and I wont sell him my half of the land for any less than that if he tried to buy me out. But we both want to keep it and we are happy with the arrangements.

**Terri** · #12 03/07/10, 01:31 PM

1. You need pre-nup.

2. You need a pre-nup.

And, did I mention you need a pre-nup?

The REASON, of course, is that his Mother can twist him around her finger. Oh, he would not fall for the same approach TWICE, but, how about a frantic call with some emergency or another?

I would keep your money legally separate from his, because what he does not own his Mom cannot take from him. And, if you keep LEGALLY ahold of what is yours, it is something that she cannot get out of him. Not even if she has a made-up medical emergency that only your sweetie can rescue her from with his checkbook, decent guy that he is.It is BECAUSE he is a decent guy that she can get her hooks in him again.

I do not have a high opinion of manipulative people, can you tell? And, in spite of her track record, your sweetie WANTS to believe her.

Keep your property legally yours, and his legally his. Otherwise his Mom might get him to co-sign a loan and you can lose your land.

As for where you put the mobile home, I think that you are wise in handling real estate. Otherwise you would not have this happy decision to make.

Happy investing!

Mike in Ohio · #13 03/07/10, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackie

No lawyer ever told me anything. The only lawyer that knows I put in 2/3rds of the money is the lawyer that we used to buy the land. We have the same lawyer..... :S

I don't really care that I own 2/3rds and he only paid for 1/3. He knows it and I wont sell him my half of the land for any less than that if he tried to buy me out. But we both want to keep it and we are happy with the arrangements.

Jackie,

It doesn't matter how much each of you paid. If push comes to shove you would normally be co-owners (fifty-fifty) unless you had the property in an LLC or something where you owned 2/3 of the shares.

Like the others, I would suggest - based on what you have written - that you make sure you protect yourself (pre-nup, etc.)

Mike

cc-rider · #14 03/08/10, 11:56 AM

Ok....so no one answered the REAL question.

If it were me, I'd move it close and live in it myself until I decided what I wanted to do with it. It NEEDS lived in or it will deteriorate. It is already depreciating....why wait to enjoy it?? With what you save in rent, you can pay to have it moved.

Just my .02

edcopp · #15 03/08/10, 12:07 PM

That's a pretty good place for this story to originate.

So what is this story about anyway, shacking up (part time), deception, or just egomania?

While all parties are "Lawyered up" and all, this would be a good time for a "palimony settlement". End of story. It looks like neither of you are willing to commit to a marriage, and most likely incapable of commitment.

cc-rider · #16 03/08/10, 12:14 PM

Edcopp, where did THAT come from? She asked for advice on her housing situation, not a morals bashing.
Geesh. Can I send some chocolate your way???

Common Tator · #17 03/08/10, 01:28 PM

I couldn't trust that man again, and would not be making plans that involve him. You are in for a a history of living with whatever financial decisions he makes. If you don't like it, he will throw you out again.

Some of the biggest fights, even in good relationships surround money. You need a responsible man who shares your financial beliefs and cares about your opinions. You can plan and hope and dream about the future all you want. You can scrimp and save for what you want. Your reality will be that if he has access to the bank account, it will be spent how he wants to spend it.

CountryWannabe · #18 03/08/10, 01:33 PM

No advice here - but have you checked on the cost of relocating that trailer? Here in OK it would cost more to uncouple it and move it than it was worth

Mary

Jackie · #19 03/08/10, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by edcopp

That's a pretty good place for this story to originate.

So what is this story about anyway, shacking up (part time), deception, or just egomania?

While all parties are "Lawyered up" and all, this would be a good time for a "palimony settlement". End of story. It looks like neither of you are willing to commit to a marriage, and most likely incapable of commitment.

What on earth are you talking about? No one is 'lawyered up'. Not sure where you get that from. And how did you decide that neither of us is willing to commit to marriage? sheesh.......

Jackie · #20 03/08/10, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Common Tator

I couldn't trust that man again, and would not be making plans that involve him. You are in for a a history of living with whatever financial decisions he makes. If you don't like it, he will throw you out again.

Some of the biggest fights, even in good relationships surround money. You need a responsible man who shares your financial beliefs and cares about your opinions. You can plan and hope and dream about the future all you want. You can scrimp and save for what you want. Your reality will be that if he has access to the bank account, it will be spent how he wants to spend it.

Thanks!
I would never have a joint account with a man. Never have. Never would. My money from my job is my money. We split the bills. I think thats how all couples should do it. Your right though. Money WILL be an issue and if he can't smarten up I wont marry him. He knows it and is working on fixing his spending habits and has shown remarkable improvement. He now asks before making most purchases and we discuss it like adults.