letter from mom

[ozark mike]

LETTER FROM MOM

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live
where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able
to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived
here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change
their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.
I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We
haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time
for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would
be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off
and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because
it took him two hours to get me and your father out.Your sister had a baby
this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you
are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull
him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned
for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck Butch was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two
friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has
happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

[dancingfatcat]

Too darn funny!!!!!

[arcticow]

HEY, let's not make no more fun of my folks, OK???

[Minelson]

LOL!!! Thanks for the laugh

[al]

Makes me homesick.!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[springvalley]

how`d you`all get my letter. lol!

[EDDIE BUCK]

That letter is about as bad as that letter from home, on the movie "LIFE"

[ozark mike]

dear redneck son,

again I am putting this down slow cause I know how slow you read...

your dad just got out of the hospital today, he has been there a month or more...he was up on the ladder replacing some shingles and when he got done he backed up to admire his work,
Elsie Krack arrived back in town yesterday. You remember, son, she left town two weeks ago by rail . Leonard Box and Byron Ogg were carrying the rail.
Ludlow Bean, the groom,at his wedding to Birdie Rodd, got pretty banged up at the wedding. Somebody hit him with some rice. It was still in the fifty-pound bag.
Leonard Box and his wife were such a lovely couple. She was so bowlegged and he was so knock-kneed that when they walked down the street they spelled ox .
The entire population of Mount Idy--308 souls in all--was rushed to the Mount Idy Emergency Hospital on Memorial day, due to a slight oversight on the part of Ludlow Bean. At noon, the old Civil war cannon in the town square was fired, and everybody in town rushed out to the park and dove into our new swimming pool. Ludlow Bean was the only one who didn't go to the hospital. He was also the one who forgot to fill the pool."
We all saw Emma Krack the other day, which made us all very happy, because when you see Emma at this time of the year it means six weeks of good weather.
I was going to send you that $5 I owe you but I see I have already sealed the envelope.
We had a fire in the bathroom. Luckily, it didn't spread to the house.
Son, I don't mind those two ,Father and Grandpa insulting each other, but I think your father went just a little bit too far when he and Grandpa went out in the hot sun to play Croquet
and Grandpa had a stroke --and your father made him count it.
We're all proud of Ludlow Bean. When he first came to Mount Idy, he started out in a small way. He started as an organ grinder ....
with one small monkey . He worked hard and saved. Two years later he expanded--now he has a pipe organ and a gorilla . He doesn't have any trouble with people putting money in the cup now.
Well, son, I must close now and go help your father. He just went down to the barn to feed the pigs with Grandpa . There's a big fist fight going on down there. Grandpa doesn't want to be fed to the pigs. Love, Mamma.

[arcticow]

I done TOLD ya'll to not to make fun of my folks.

[tinknal]

Oldies but goodies........

[okgoatgal2]

i know people like that.....