when priorities set you apart from family

[UUmom2many]

I just don't know how to deal with my family on these types of things. I was invited kinda last minute (2 weeks in advance though no one had a date until last week) to go to blizzard beach at disney for a day.

I have five kids all under seven. we're saving up to buy a bus and shipping containers to build our house on our land. my husband isn't here. my youngest is 6 months old. my kids don't know how to swim. heck, i dont' know how to swim. we're in florida. its' like a millon degrees. if i'm going to disney for any reason i want to go with dh who's in Iraq. it's a 4 hr drive back and forth. with five kids. by myself. in one day. and it'll cost at least $125 to just GET IN the park! then another 50-60+ dollars for food (that's only allowing $10 per person which doesn't get far in disney) Plus we're not beach/water parky people.
nothing about this sounds like fun to me. sorry it sounds a lot like i'm just complaining.

I don't get why we can't go to my MIL's FREE pool with fountains and a playground in her development, picnic it and only drive 40 minutes . Then at least if the baby gets over heated I can take him inside or back to the house. if we HAVE to do anything at all honestly. My SIL actually said to set up a playpen IN the waterpark for the baby. So I'd get the joy of leading 5 kids pushing a double stroller, brining a cooler and all the other water necessities and carry a 20lb playpen. Oh and the lovely fact we LOST our son a few years back at busch gardens and theme parks aren't on my high to do list.

I'm getting like the hairy eye ball over here because we have different priorities. They think we're keeping the kids under a rock or something. we got the same type of thing when we started homeschooling and at least now years later they've accepted it (or at least don't bring it up) how socially morphed our kids will be.

yes, i'm venting now. I just wish i had some local support that bbq's and potlucks and other cheap fun were more the norm than mall shopping and theme parks. i'm in the city so not many homesteaders around these parts.

did you just say to heck with family or just ignore them or do you still battle with getting them to accept that your ideas and ideals just aren't in the same time continum

[Kmac15]

I have pointed out that we have animals to feed, and no money to waste to my family several times. We don't even have the whole house full of kids excuse.

I would never want to take that many young children to that kind of area by myself either.
My husband was in the Navy for 14 years and I told my family that if they wanted to see my son they were welcome to come anytime but I was not driving 6 hours with a small child by myself.

Just because your family does not have the same values does not make YOURS wrong.

[Alice In TX/MO]

Their hairy eyeballs say something about them. Nothing about you.

HORRAY FOR YOU!

Huggs,
Alice

[Kathy in MD]

Hi Chystal…I think your in-laws must be aliens from a far-away planet….to expect you to pack up 5 kids and travel 2 hours for an over-priced theme park is silly…why not suggest to her that everyone, especially the children, would much more enjoy a family get together at her house,,,

[FarmersDaughter]

You have very valid reasons for not wanting to go. It sounds like it would not only be expensive, but a potentially dangerous situation (I can't imagine trying to keep track of 5 children at a water park by myself).

If I were you, I'd thank them for the invitation, and then politely say that you won't be going. This is something that I've struggled with in other situations. I'm learning to tell people no without going into all my reasons. No need to make a philosophical battle out of it. Just a simple, "no, but thank you for asking" is often better than trying to argue about why you don't want to do something.

[Wisconsin Ann]

heh. some invitation! Here! We want you to come with us to Disney! It will be fun! oh...by the way, it's going to cost you around $300, but you'll enjoy it!

yah. right. I think I'd just say "oh...so sorry. It's simple WAY out of budget for this month. And I'm pretty worried about <baby's name> and that swine flu....<show a worried little frown here>. You know they've raised the alert level to 6 now, right?"

It's YOUR life. YOUR children. and YOUR problem to cart them around by yourself. I'm betting none of the inlaws will offer to take responsibility for the younger kiddos.

Good luck. If nothing else, you can point to the weather. "just too hot for the little ones"

[Tracy Rimmer]

"No."

It covers many of these situations simply and with no "excuse" to be argued against.

[bloogrssgrl]

I have friends that ask me - admittedly less often now - to come out on a Saturday night to jam with them (we play bluegrass music together). They are all good people, they mean well and I love them dearly, but there is no way I can ever get them to understand that it is just not a possibility at this point in my life. I wake up at 3-3:30 on a Sunday morning so I can have enough time to feed my horses, goats, chickens, dogs and cats, and get a shower and grab a quick breakfast before going to work to put in a very physically demanding 8 hour shift, and then come home and do it all over again.

They even try to tell me that they'll help me feed the animals in the morning if I would just come out for a while. Who are they kidding? They're still up drinking at that time! And the last thing I would need is someone under foot while I'm trying to get things done.

I chalk it all up to "They just don't understand" and let it at that. Really, I know they mean well and want me to have fun. They just don't get that, at this point in my life anyway, my fun comes from gaining independence. Even if it is a slow rate of gain.

[Ravenlost]

Originally Posted by Tracy Rimmer

"No."

It covers many of these situations simply and with no "excuse" to be argued against.

Or maybe to soften up the "No." follow it with "Thank you." Yeah, that should do it..."No thank you." PERIOD. If they can't figure out the reasons that's their problem. No need to offer them any.

[Lizza]

Originally Posted by Alice In TX/MO

Their hairy eyeballs say something about them. Nothing about you.

I completely agree Alice!

Sounds like a day of horror's to me. I would never do something like that, they can think what they like.

When I have said things to my family like, "you know I can't be gone that long because of the animals and the farm"......I usually get back a "why do you have all those animals anyways!". When that happens it goes back to Alice's point, it is about them, not me. If it was about me they would know I don't want to go and I like the animals.

I agree with others, that a "thank you so much but that is just too much on me and the kids.....have fun" should work great (hopefully!).

[ann in tn]

I don't have kids and the thought of doing everything you mentioned has worn me out. I might see it, if they offered to pay for the park, food and help babsit in order to give you a break, but this will just increase the stress. You already have enough being essentially a single parent, you do not need more.

No thank you should definitely suffice.

[Country Lady]

Trust your instincts and stick with it.

[Callieslamb]

Spounds like a nightmare to me. I have absolutely no trouble saying (to family or otherwise) "Sorry, I just can't manage ( or afford) that right now. " Affording doesn't always have to do with money - sometimes I can't afford the mental anguish. Tell them thanks for the invite, but it just isn't possible at this time - but do repeat it at another time!

[Prickle]

"oh wow, that sounds like fun for you guys. Thank you for inviting us but it's just not in the budget/schedule/whatever for us right now. Y'all have a great time and tell me about it when you get back."

[firegirl969]

I had four small kids at one time, so I see where you are coming from. I wouldn't take them up on that invite either. I would just politely say "No thank you" and let it go at that. No explanations needed. If they push the issue, then tell them your kids are too small to really enjoy that park yet and that it is too hot. You will definitely be telling the truth.

[RiverPines]

My kids and DH are my family!! The rest are extras that take a back seat to my kids and DH.

If the extras cant understand my kids and DH comes first, its their problem.

I would say to heck with it and save the money for my family and do something with my kids that we would enjoy together, without the stress!

[jen74145]

I'm tired just thinking about it.

People are so strange. I just have the one child, he's a nine month old. I was told this weekend I should put him in daycare for the socialization. And you have the added hassle of these being inlaws and DH is gone, so of course they should have equal parenting say...

Mmph. Say no. I might even tell them why in a laughing voice... are they really serious?! Do they even realize what they have proposed you do?

Nerve wracking enough taking one kid anywhere. This... oh, not in a amillion years.

Now I'm all mad for you, lol.

[Runestone]

GAGH....that really doesn't sound like much fun at all! Smile, thank them for the invitation but I think I'd tell them straight out, it's just not something feasible now. MAYBE..when the children are teenagers! (okay...maybe not)

[Windy_jem]

Yeah! Tell them to offer to take you when the baby is 10!! That ought to shut them up eh? lol
All those preteen hormones....UGH! lol

[DJ in WA]

I used to think if most people do it, it isn't strange. I've changed my mind. I went to Disney in California 20 years ago and after standing in line most of the day, realized it was crazy. For some reason, most think they are obligated to go there - like their kids will forever hate them if they don't go.

Speaking of rants, I've also grown tired of invites to various activities a couple states away. When I'm told I will enjoy it, I suggest they come help me milk the cow and shovel manure and split wood and let them know how much they'll enjoy that.