Your last wishes

[Beeman]

How many have taken into consideration their last wishes as in burial/cremation funeral wishes? How many know much about what's entailed with funeral prep, costs, etc.? There's a book out called Grave Matters that deals with all of it. How many consider a green burial? How many have dealt with non embalming and a pine box?

[nancy237]

I want a viking burial where I am put on a boat out to sea and
lit on fire. Seriously..it is a beautiful ceremony.

The whole idea of people visiting over my dead body in the ground
creeps me out.

I think of my deceased parents daily and miss them daily and keep their memory alive for my kids but I don't visit the grave..just prefer to remember
them alive and not 6 feet under.

[Meg Z]

Cremation, dig a hole, drop me in, plant a tree. No ceremonies or wasting land with burial. After your kids and grandkids are gone, who's going to care anyway?

[tmfinley]

I like the idea of a green burial, but I'm sure there are all sorts of laws against it. Anyone know about the law in Texas?

[Oggie]

I'd like to be creamated and thrown in the faces of some of my former bosses.

[homesteadforty]

Originally Posted by Meg Z

...After your kids and grandkids are gone, who's going to care anyway?

...future generations that are interested in their genealogy. I the past several years I have searched for and found the gravesites of many 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th and 7th greatgrandparents. Many who study their genealogy do the same.

[Beeman]

Lots of ideas but like a will or living will have you put this in writing or have a family member you know will follow your wishes?

http://www.gravematters.us/

Here's a link to the book.

[NickyBlade]

We'll all be cremated... and organ donors if circumstances allow. I can't imagine spending thousands of dollars on funeral expenses. Once we die, we're not there. Our body is just a shell. So, we've chosen to let others use what they can and get rid of the left overs as inexpensively as possible.

[crow67]

My father was creamted and placed at the VA cemetary. And there's enough room for my mom when her time comes so that they will always be together. I haven't visited him since he died nearly two yrs ago. To me, a gravesite is a place where the body lays, not where the soul and rememberance of the person is. To me, that's where I look and see something we did together over the years, or memories of talks we had, not where the last place I said goodbye.

[Colorado]

This summer my nephew died. He listed his cousin my other nephew as next of kin as they both lived at Denver. Do you know what cremation cost now? I think just that was $1400. That is just pick up the body and take to where ever. No emblaming or casket, no service. That he wanted and to have ashes buried at the cemetary with his parents and sister. He had paid for a cremation burial site. They wanted $1300 to do that at the cemetary. He had enough money for cremation only. They have to put in a cement deal to bury ashes now. Service they charge another $1000 or so rather at mortuary or church. You can do a memorial service mortuary still wants a $1000. for use of the room. He would call me and say what. V A had no record or his service and he had no papers and it had to be done. Have your papers in order and all that. What and where and all that good stuff. I need to do it. Money for it. Regular burial and service around seems to run $8000 to $10,000. I have a burial site in Denver at National. My husband is buried there. I was trying to find prices to get an idea how much things cost now. One site I found that did give price here in Colorado was veterns deal. Not run by vets or any but guys would were vets and went in to the business. Just for Vets and spouses. And burial at national. Suppose to be cheaper. It is shock to find what they are charging now. My nephew says his MIL wants to be buried over on the southern Colorado /Ks line and they will load the casket and haul it there from Denver. She just had her 91st birthday.

Beeman, is that a book like from the book store? If you are single like me there is no SS burial money as need spouse or child under 18 to get it. VA is like $350 for the vet and that does not go far and internment at the national cemetary. My husband did not care what kind of box he got buried in just be sure he was embalmed. Told me don't go in to debt and all that. Embalming does cost now.

[Beeman]

Embalming is an interesting discussion. I'd rather not go into the descriptions but if you research you might not want it done on yourself or a loved one.

Yes, Grave Matters is a bound book title. There's also a book called Stiff by Mary Roach, I've heard about it but don't know much about it.

[hotzcatz]

Our neighbors father died earlier this year and they made a lovely Douglas fir box for him and decorated it with memorabilia from his life. After he died, the doctor came and made out a death certificate, they washed him, put him in the box and buried it on their property. They had to get the grave site pre-approved and they had a certain length of time in which to bury him if they didn't want to do embalming, it isn't very long. Fortunately he had an illness that gave them the time to get prepared. They had the grave half dug and then he died several days before it was finished but their neighbor had a backhoe and came and finished the digging for them.

For myself, it might be interesting to be cremated and then have the ashes put in several boxes and mail one to each of my relatives and let them figure out what to do with them. Ha! Otherwise, there is someone here who takes the ashes and makes them into lovely paperweights. The ashes kind of make swirling spirals in the glass paperweights.

[tmfinley]

Ooh, I don't think I like the idea of a paperweight at all.

[mamita]

my family knows that I want cremated and my ashes spread around the woods at the height of fall 'color' ....the 2nd or 3rd week of Oct. I just want to be flying in the breeze with the falling leaves. it's something we've discussed many times, cause I REALLY wanted them to know what I want. they're cool with it. I told them to then have a picnic....like we always do on a gorgeous fall day. I love this idea, so it makes croaking...hahaha....a bit better for me.

[chickenista]

I am a big for cremation. I don't want to take up any more real estate. But I AM torn about it. Took DS, at his request, to the burying ground where most of my family is. We spent an hour looking at the stones for my great aunts, my grandparents. great grandparents and great, great grandparents and everyone else that intertwined the family vine. Found out about children that had died young or at birth etc.. It choked both of us up a bit and DS (5) found it all very interesting. At times I would like to join the names on the stones on Sawmill Hill.

[radiofish]

As a member of our local Veteran's Honor Guard, I do attend several funerals each year to send off our Veterans with the traditional Military Ceremony.

My front neighbor's father a WWII Marine Corps Veteran that survived being in the 2nd wave on the initial assault on Iwo Jima then being severely wounded by mortar fire on his 4th day in battle, just passed away from cancer recently. He was creamated, as per his wishes. I am assisting the family in arrainging a full Military Funeral up here on the hilltop in a couple of weeks from now. There will be at least three of us U.S. Marines in the ceremony, yet I am trying to call in favors from all of the local Marines that I know in order to show our respects to one of our own.

Not to brag, but I was on the local TV news last week, that was covering a Military Funeral our Veteran's Honor Guard provided the ceremony for. As I was quoted, "When it is our time to go six feet under in our uniform, we hope that other veterans will turnout to due the same for us." This includes the firing of the traditional 21 gun salute, playing of taps, and the folding of the US flag for presentation to the family.

My father a Korean War Veteran has preplanned his funeral, and sat down with us three kids to make sure there is no argueing as to which sibling gets what they want. He has decided to be creamated, and has his name on the same grave marker with my mother's. It is strange when I go to the cemetary seeing mom and dad's name both on the same grave marker. Several of my family members are all buried within 150 feet of each other in the same cemetary in Michigan.

[milkinpigs]

NO funeral or any kind of service BUT I want a fine wake with good food and drink with lots of laughter....

[Colorado]

Beeman, I would guess pretty nasty, but they will not ship a body with out embalming. I think you have to have a body buried or cremation in 3 days other wise. . Although my nephew I think they did hold at the mortuary few more day. But fussing to get it done. He had to get money released so could be done. It was rough on my nephew trying to get it done.

My parents and sister and her husband and my brother and his wife and their daughter all buried at one cemetary in Denver. I think a niece by marrage is too. Big snow storm and I could not get to Denver. Airport closed. And later I asked my nephew why did you not use national cemetary as had been in Marines and he said he never thought of it. He was broke and had to borrow money. I have never been back to Fort Logan.

Preplanning good. They say prepaying some get taken on that.

Radiofish you are good guy to do that. My husband helped dig many a grave in little town where we live. The guys did that so be free to family and site was free. And they filled them in. He hoped they would do it for him but we were not longer there and I think about had quit that. One woman chewed him out for not digging on her half sister's grave and her sister did not even live in Colorado. My husband was to sick to dig. I had the choice of free lot there and pay or free in Denver with free shipping as he died in the V A hospital. Or buy a lot and pay here. One had better have a plan.

I let them do the military service at Fort Logan. My niece said no to anything militray when her husband died and some how they did give her flag which they did not use and she gave away. And she tells me the mortuary there lowers the US flag to half for any funeral. I sent her a copy of flag code.

Do they have a dress code/custom any more for funerals? I know women no long wear hats for the most part. I know something change and pants suits okay now. I did not think close family members wore white and bright colors? I am getting old and probably behind the times.

[Kmac15]

DH and I both want to be cremated, with my ashes spread on a marsh and his in the TN mountains.
Funny story, when DS was about 10 years old we were driving and started talking about what happens after death. Thinking this was a good time to bring up what we wanted I told him about cremation and the fact that we wanted this done. He told me he did not think he could do that for us. I assured him it was not something he would be doing anytime soon, in fact not until he was an adult, but that it would be the final thing he would be doing for us so it was important to do as we wished.

He looked at me at said "your going to be dead, you will have no idea what I do with you"

Yea, sleep after that LOL

[Wayne02]

No, we have not documented our last wishes, and it is something that we need to get on the stick and get done.

As far as my preference, it would be whatever is the least expensive way to get the job done. My family will have a big party regardless of how my body gets dispositioned so it might as well be on the cheap.

We got an excavator last year and that thing is a serious digging machine. My wife could have a big enough hole dug on our property in less than 30 minutes. Use the thumb and bucket on the machine to pick up my body and dump in the hole. Then use the blade on the excavator to push the dirt back in hole and she is done. Wonder if you are supposed to have a permit for this? Not that I'm going to care anyway!