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11/03/07, 07:15 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North of the Hi-Line
Posts: 1,050
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Combating Lonliness
What do you all do, when the sheer lonliness is eating away at you every day? What do you think of and what do you do to keep yourself from falling into a pit?...when times start to pinch you and you have no prospects for a mate in site, and your in an area where few people could make a living. What do you do?
Last edited by MTplainsman; 11/03/07 at 08:42 PM.
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11/03/07, 07:23 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: near Abilene,TX
Posts: 5,323
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Maybe you can find a friend to e-mail, start a blog, or a hobby you really enjoy. Good luck to you !
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11/03/07, 07:29 PM
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Enjoy the peace and quietness! 
Can you give us a little more details such as your age, do live in the country, small community, sizable town, or how close town is, any hobbies? I know when my dad got older and retired he started going to any community event that had people his age. That even included church. The whole time I was growing up I only seen him in church during christmas play or Easter Sunday. When he had to retire and was single, he started going to church. Probably more for the comaraderie then the real purpose.
But if your a younger man we might could come up with some ideals for you.
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11/03/07, 07:41 PM
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Singletree Moderator
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kansas
Posts: 12,975
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I went to town.
For the first couple of years, I would drive to town every couple of days. A visit to the grocery and a few words with the check-out person, a visit to the book store, an errand run......
Eventually I got used to the silence.
My area wasn't REALLY isolated, but after city living it sure seemed like it!
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11/03/07, 07:42 PM
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In Remembrance
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: In beautiful downtown Sticks, near Belleview, Fl.
Posts: 7,102
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Being alone for 27 years has prepared me for this, I am PTSD via Viet Nam, legally insane, you just have to find completeness within yourself. There is, first of all no reason to seek self destruction, that is a permanate solution to a temporary problem.
Being raised in a non touching family as such is not new to me but you can survive more than adequate. Memories of nice conditions are a must to cultivate. The lack of a partner could also be a blessing, no laundry hung on the shower curtain rod, no one to answer to, ect. These thing I found not necessary to accept.
This type of subject is best discussed in Country Families forum, but it being EST here I am going to bed soon here. Feel free to PM me tomorrow when we can discuss this fully.
I understand you did not speak of self destruction, but a recognizable pattern is emerging. BTDT.
ETA, Note here in 45 minutes you have recived 4 replies from live human beings, there is no distress other than what you allow yourself to believe.
__________________
If you can read this - thank a teacher. If you can read this in English - thank a veteran.
Never mistake kindness for weakness.
Last edited by moopups; 11/03/07 at 07:44 PM.
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11/03/07, 07:42 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: MD
Posts: 45
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Get a shotgun and find a public trap/skeet/sporting clays range. Meet new friends, meet their sisters/cousins/daughters/mothers, wait until someones wife divorces him for buying a Perazzi instead of a second honeymoon.
__________________
So now peculiar is a sin And honor is a useless token Different means a life alone And love is better left unspoken.
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11/03/07, 07:44 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North of the Hi-Line
Posts: 1,050
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well r.h. I'll tell you I live 11 miles from a neighbor and it is just a single farmer too. There are two towns on both sides of me, the main one 35 miles away. It has a grociery store and a few more stores to shop in, but they are way over priced. I am the only young guy in a large area that decided to stick it out here and make a partial living with agriculture. I know of only two young souls in a large three county area who stayed back to fight and make a living out here. No quality girls that are genuine and respectable left in this area, and I refuse to accept "easy trash". I will wait forever, if thats what it takes to find a respectable girl. The farmers are dropping out of this country like flys and it is getting quite lonley I admit. Sorry to be a baby, but it really hits home. My nearest church has only 5-7 members on a good day, but I think I should go anyways, as I am a christian.
PS, I am 29 years
Last edited by MTplainsman; 11/04/07 at 12:33 PM.
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11/03/07, 07:54 PM
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Singletree Moderator
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kansas
Posts: 12,975
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Overpriced?
Go anyways, every week or so. Buy a snack if you wish and shop elsewheres. The REAL payoff is the 2 minutes of conversation with the clerk. It will help you get to know people. I can fix a sandwich cheaper than buying, but I bought lunch in town a couple of times a week.
Friends in an area are a good thing, and some of them have fenale relatives.
Where do the locals go? I remember my husbands uncle mentioned that farmers used to get coffee in the AM at a particular cafe. Different ones went at different days but there were generally farmers there every morning. Because other people feel isolated also.
Last edited by Terri; 11/03/07 at 07:57 PM.
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11/03/07, 07:56 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 4,378
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Shoot Im married and still battle that! Kids growed up, two grandkids (ages 6 & 1 month) Hubby off working 10 hr days till 2am...I tell ya I gotta pray!
I go out and feed all the critters and marvel at their growth & personalites, but still....I gotta battle it out in prayer.
We don't make it to church very often and my friends there don't understand the commitment I have here.
I have found that this is a weakness I have or is it a thorn in my side? ...this lonliness. Well God said "I will never leave you or forsake you"
It will eat you alive if you can't find a way to get a handle on it, this lonliness.
When I muck out stalls I marvel at how Jesus was born in a manger...Lord Lord does it ever stink.
Lonliness stinks too.
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11/03/07, 08:02 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Austin-ish, Texas
Posts: 5,000
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by MTplainsman
well r.h. I'll tell you I live 11 miles from a neighbor and it is just a single farmer too. There are two towns on both sides of me, the main one 35 miles away. It has a grociery store and a few more stores to shop in, but they are way over priced. I am the only young guy in a large area that decided to stick it out here and make a partial living with agriculture. I know of only two souls in a large three county area who stayed back to fight and make a living out here. No quality girls that are genuine and respectable left in this area, and I refuse to accept "easy trash". I will wait forever, if thats what it takes to find a respectable girl. The farmers are dropping out of this country like flys and it is getting quite lonley I admit. Sorry to be a baby, but it really hits home. My nearest church has only 5-7 members on a good day, but I think I should go anyways, as I am a christian.
PS, I am 29 years
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I read through your profile and you seem like a guy I could be friends with! Too bad you're so far away. I would say make friends with neighbors, but since it sounds like you have no real neighbors, that's not gonna help you. Do you have friends from other places that could come to stay for a visit now and then? A couple of pen pals might ease the loneliness, too.
__________________
"Perhaps I'll have them string a clothesline from the hearse I am in, with my underwear waving in the breeze, as we drive to the cemetary. People worry about the dumbest things!"
by Wendy
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11/03/07, 08:03 PM
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gracie88
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: OR
Posts: 913
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By all means go to church, not only do you get fellowship time with the folks there, even a tiny church probably has at least one little old lady determined to set you up with a nice girl.
Whoa, that was all one sentence. 
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11/03/07, 08:10 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 504
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I read a lot, visit online communities, and take classes (I'm working on my Master's Degree). My kids are still at home though, so I haven't had to face real loneliness yet.
Last edited by FrodoLass; 11/03/07 at 09:39 PM.
Reason: arg...spelling
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11/03/07, 08:14 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,278
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Decide what it is you want in life, then seek it out. If you want a wife and there is no good wife prospects where you live, then move and find yourself a wife. Chase your dreams!
Seems like you have a few decisions to make.
Pete
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11/03/07, 08:20 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 5,662
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I can't remember ever being lonely, as in wishing for another human companion (in spite of being alone quite a bit), but here are a few suggestions. Do you have a good dog? Visit your church; go to town once in a while and check out some good books; see what you can do for someone else? Do you have a friend or relative who might like to come visit once in a while? Or could you use a partner (even if not a 'mate' type of partner)? Start a challenging project of some kind, something that will keep you too busy to notice that you are alone. Is your situation one that would allow you to take a foster child or adopt a child? (It can be hard to raise a child alone, but you wouldn't have time to be lonely!)
Kathleen
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11/03/07, 08:21 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North of the Hi-Line
Posts: 1,050
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The congragation of my local church is made up of my Mother, my grandpearents (who I am very distant too) and about 4 or 5 others. Conections to a good girl is almost funny, LOL! although I'm not laughing... it is just plain old lonely up here, but I have some long distance friends I keep up with and a couple local friends that didn't leave the country yet. I take friendship extremely sreious, wether they are from Kentucky or right in my county, it means a lot and I don't take it for granted.
Farmergirl, distance don't mean much to me, friends are friends, and you just might make a good one. Would like to here from you anyways...
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11/03/07, 08:21 PM
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Sue E
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 687
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most of us battle that if we are honest. i agree with gracie88...get in a church or give of yourself. helping others just look around you. get in a routine everyday and make yourself get out to help others. you will be a blessing to them and in turn you will get blessed. it maybe hard at first but you will start to really enjoy looking forward to it. remember you are not alone in those feelings....sue
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11/03/07, 08:22 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 492
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by MTplainsman
What do you all do, when the sheer lonliness is eating away at you every day? What do you think of and what do you do to keep yourself from falling into a pit?...when times start to pinch you and you have no prospects for a mate site, and your in an area where few people could make a living. What do you do?
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Sounds like me, I'm the same boat. No prospects in sight, that is.
I'm not lonely, though, even though I realize I may never marry.
It hit me when I turned 41.
From 26 to 41, I thought to myself "Perhaps sometime in the future, the Lord WILL give me a wife as a gift."
At 41 there was a transition. It was then that I thought to myself "Wait a minute...perhaps the Lord WON'T give me a wife as a gift - I may never marry, never have children!"
The difference was from one end of the galaxy to the next. Really hit me hard.
Not lonely, though, not now. The Lord PROMISED that He would FILL His children, and that has been going on for a number of years now.
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11/03/07, 08:27 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: North of the Hi-Line
Posts: 1,050
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BTW, I can't move, cause I made the desicion to raise a small bunch of cows over here, and I train bird dogs, and maybe start on cowdogs. I am at a stand still over my dog training though, as I can never leave the area, when I have so many dogs to care for. I have always had cattle in my blood, and that is what I chose to do, even though I just started and and may only have a small herd. I'll be lucky to ever reach 150 pairs, so I'll make do in other ways.
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11/03/07, 08:31 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 4,081
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In answer to the first question, I take the dog for a walk and make sure to spend a few minutes out in the sun. It usually helps lift the spirits a little. Otherwise I read, blast some tunes, sleep, visit in several forums, scheme on my life plan, or pick up the phone to talk to a live person.
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11/03/07, 08:33 PM
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Goshen Farm
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Zone 8a, AZ
Posts: 6,191
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I also spend a great deal of time away from others when I am home on the mountain. I do go to town to work each day and coming back home is my path to serenity! There are many tiny communities in the eastern part of our state and I know of several folks who are totally alone most of the time. I personally would suggest going out to coffee on Sunday after church (if one of those towns has a coffee shop). My dad met my mom that way LOL. I also have found it comforting to see the same folks at the same coffee shop week after week...a sort of gathering. On line friends are also a wonderful way to pass the time. sis
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