Are homesteaders HICKS? A Satire.

[Obser]

It is apparent that some of the people who post in these threads are regarded as <shudder> HICKS.

Merriam Webster defines Hick as: an unsophisticated provincial person – and defines unsophisticated as “not worldly wise; simple, straightforward or natural” – and defines provincial as “a person of local or restricted interests or outlook or a person lacking urban polish or refinement”

That pretty well identifies our resident HICKS – simple, natural and lacking in urban refinement <ugh>.

The more urbane and sophisticated members of our population do not care to associate with HICKS because such people might live in shacks (anything less than a McMansion), and live out in the sticks (outside the urban and suburban areas). They no doubt drive old junk cars on dirt roads and don’t have sidewalks and shopping malls. Isn’t it the height of ridiculous that people would choose to live so . . so .. crudely?

Some of the simplest of HICKS appear to raise, store and consume their own food – personally. They are so unsophisticated that they don’t understand that grocery stores are the ultimate source of all vegetables, meat and meat products. The clods probably don’t even use precooked foods or microwave ovens, and therefore must wait minutes (sometimes longer, even hours) for their food (probably eaten from unmatched china with improperly placed and aligned stainless steel or plastic silverware).

The very worst of the breed will actually KILL animals and eat their flesh <oh, barf>. How could the barbarians do that to Bambi, the Three Little Pigs, Chicken Little, and the Cow that jumped over the Moon? Were their parents illiterate and therefore unable to read them nursery rhymes when they were children – thereby crippling their moral development as refined adults?

Most of the bums don’t work. Everyone knows that every worthy person must have a job unless they are independently wealthy. The perennially unemployed HICKS try to eek out a meager existence on their grubby little “homesteads” (a scrap of land and a hovel, both probably dishonestly acquired or deeply in hock).

Many of the self-proclaimed "homesteaders" claim that they don’t collect welfare, but we all know better than that. They must be crooking the system somehow. Of course they collect welfare, just as sophisticates do when they lose their job or lose their health from stress.

The worst thing that can happen to a dignified sophisticate who finally acquires enough money, status and leisure is to buy some rural property to live on, build a prestige home (preferably three to five thousand square feet for each person in residence), manicure the lawns – then realize that the people who have been living on adjoining property, perhaps for generations, are HICKS.

The only thing the obviously wronged McMansion owner can do in a case like that is to become politically active, suck up to the necessary politicians or buy their influence, and get some laws passed that keep HICKS and their unsightly property away from proper sophisticates who realize that grass is to be mowed and that plants are for beauty, not consumption. Complaining to bureaucrats about the smell of livestock <ugh> and fertilizer <puke> in formerly rural areas is a good way to start improving the community. Inventing hypothetical "threats" and "dangers" furthers the cause.

As more sophisticates move into the area and build fine residences, taxes increase until the HICKS eventually must sell out to their more successful and superior neighbors (hahahahahaha). That gets rid of the bums – at least from the immediate area.

Once the HICKS are forced to move far enough away, sophisticates can enjoy their rural property without having to look at disgusting rural activities. Of course, as the number of sophisticates increases there is greater and greater need for suburbs and McMansionvilles – so eventually the HICKS must be displaced even further from “civilization”. There is historical precedent for such action in the treatment of Native Americans by the more successful, righteous and noble people of European decent.

It has been suggested that HICKS are genetically inferior to the more superior and worthy members of society. However, there is little scientific evidence to indicate that such traits are heridetary. To explain why hickish tendencies appear to run in families, many sociologists attribute it to deviant behavior learned from ancestors. A few generations back America was largely Hicksville, excepting a few cosmopolitan urban centers with their superior occupants. Fortunately that disgusting era is past, and with the influence of Mass Television most citizens have become at least faux sophisticated and far removed from their disgusting ancestral past.

As I completed this bit of satire (and it is satire even though it might be regarded otherwise by some), I realize that the people I have chosen for friends throughout life have been simple, natural and lacking in urban refinement – HICKS. I simply identified them as the REAL PEOPLE as opposed to “plastic people” who measure their success and sophistication by prevailing urban, suburban, corporate, and entertainment criteria.

The Real People I know define success in terms other than money, possessions and power – and live by their terms – and don’t ask the government to solve their personal problems.

[Karin L]

Satire or no, I'm proud of the fact that I would consider myself a "hick", and most urban people may look down their noses at us, but heck, we're a lot smarter than they are when it comes to knowing the land and where the food in the supermarket REALLY came from!!!

[jd4020]

good one--
definately a "hick" here, I love being in my garden and in my barns.
Life is grand!!

[Tricky Grama]

Can't wait to be a Hick...

Patty

[pookshollow]

Yep, proud to be a HICK! And happy to know that the McMansions won't be encroaching in our direction anytime soon - although the Six Nations may decide to reclaim their ancestral land and annex us!

(probably eaten from unmatched china with improperly placed and aligned stainless steel or plastic silverware).

You been peekin' in my windows again?

[BasicLiving]

I think the definition of "hick" that you gave, is similar to how many think of "rednecks" - at least in this part of the country. My husband and I have been called rednecks because we love to grow our own food, hunt, fish, ride motorcycles, etc.

This year we had a large campout on our property - bikers from all over the country came out for a weekend. One couple brought thier 12 year old daughter. They're from PA, and have some property where they grown a nice garden, hunt, shoot guns, etc. The daughter grew up that way and while she was at our place she rode the 4 wheeler, competed in our shooting contest (and the little snot actually won!), and just enjoyed being the little "redneck" she really is. She was helping me in the kitchen and in all seriousness asked me "Miss Penny, why do us rednecks have so much more fun than other people?" Her question took me off guard and I laughed. She looked at me and said "I'm serious. My other friends at school never get to have fun. They just watch TV and play on the computer. But I get to do all the fun stuff like shoot guns, hunt, and ride 4 wheelers, and I feel so sorry for them." I just gave her a big hug and said "Yea, we get to have all the fun, don't we?"

If all these definitions describe a "hick" or a "redneck", I guess I fit the labels. And I couldn't be more proud.

Penny

[pcdreams]

very nice Obser... Only thing I might add (flameproof undies on), is about the "religious" nature of the city dwellers as opposed to that of the hicks ancestors.. I'll leave it at that.. don't want to get your thread stomped

Keep up the good work..

[green5acres]

I came from that " keep up with the jones "mcmansion place and now I am am "hick". Those people dont even care about the beautiful sunrise when they come to visit, just care about showing me their latest diamond or new fancy sports car.. I feel sorry for them .I am much richer than they will ever be, my goats and chicks are worth more than the usless junk they flaunt. To each their own. DEE

[EasyDay]

Hick... Redneck... call me what you will. Whatever it is, I am what I am, and beaming with pride for it!!

[dragonfly1113]

I Wanna Be A Hick!!!!

[pookshollow]

She was helping me in the kitchen and in all seriousness asked me "Miss Penny, why do us rednecks have so much more fun than other people?" Her question took me off guard and I laughed. She looked at me and said "I'm serious. My other friends at school never get to have fun. They just watch TV and play on the computer. But I get to do all the fun stuff like shoot guns, hunt, and ride 4 wheelers, and I feel so sorry for them." I just gave her a big hug and said "Yea, we get to have all the fun, don't we?"

There's a child with her head screwed on right - I love it!!!

Dh's youngest daughter loves it here - she's right out in the barn with me when she visits, checking out the latest additions. Her older sister once asked "what do you do out here, after you've finished work?" (meaning employment-type work). I just about fell on the floor laughing! Definitely not hick material.

[Beltane]

I'm definately a 'hick' ~ can I be anything but growing up in the backwoods of NH??

[Thatch]

I am neither redneck nor hick. I am very well educated and expearienced. I appreciate fine art and culture. I am a history buff and a writer and artist in my own right. That does not however mean that I do not appreciate the skills involved in raising and processesing your own food and enjoy doing it myself. I guess I live more towards the goal of the long dead idea of the gentleman farmer. (though I am far from what could be a farmer by todays definition)

I don't believe that living in the country, raising your own food (be it animal or vegetable) requires that you fail to appreciate "culture" in the process, or that it should require you to be the stereotype, country western listening NASCAR watching "redneck" to be respected by those in the country. That would be simply the same myopic attitude in reverse that so many here claim to despise in others.

but that's just my opinion.

J

[Ruby]

I for one am proud to be called a HICK.

I have dined at country clubs. I've conversed with the first lady on the phone when she called my employer. I've traveled all lower 48 states, Canada and Mexico. But I will take the HICK lifestyle any day.

[KCM]

I will not admit to being a plain Hick.
I will admit to being a Colorful Old Hickey.
Thats a mixture of an old Hippie and a Red Neck Hick.

Seriously, It would be an awfully boring world if we were all alike.
Just because another person's lifestyle is completely different from mine doesn't make them any less my neighbor. I try not to mock diversity. I prefer to welcome it.

I refuse to see the world as us-against-them.

[pcdreams]

Originally Posted by KCM

I
Seriously, It would be an awfully boring world if we were all alike.
Just because another person's lifestyle is completely different from mine doesn't make them any less my neighbor. I try not to mock diversity. I prefer to welcome it.

I refuse to see the world as us-against-them.

How very true.. we're all it it together

[charles burns]

Hicks, yuppies, red necks, plastic people - all these names we give to people to dehumanise them and make it easier to hate them or discriminate against them.

How we like to stereotype people to roll all our problems into one easy ball.

There's no such thing as a yuppie or a red neck. The words are there to accommodate our misbegotten derision.




"Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own." ~ Jonathon Swift.

[kesoaps]

DD will tell you she's a Hick Chick! Today she wore her overalls, John Deere green T and camo hat to school, lol! She does all she can to seperate herself as a hick/country girl when she goes to town, lol!

Ever heard this song? It's terrific! If you've got a sound card, click the song and listen

We hear folks in the city party in Martini Bars
And they like to show off in their fancy foreign cars
Out here in the boondocks we buy beer at Amoco
And crank our Kraco speakers with that country radio

[chamoisee]

I'm with Thatch. You don't have to be a hick to be a homesteader.

I hate country music, especially Garth Brooks. Nascar, great big trucks on impossibly large tires so high up off the ground you'd need a stepladder to climb in, poor grammar, more dogs than you can shake a stick at, emphasis on sports rather than scholastics....none of these are part of my identity. And, I know more about country living and self-sufficiency than many of the rednecks and hicks around here.

[Spinner]

Yep, Thatch said it well. But I do like country music (the REAL country music, not the new "crossover" country/rock)