Homestead Etiquette

[CandyBar]

I am sorta new to this site. I have been lurking for a bit reading...

Currently I live in suburbia. I hate it.

We (DH and I) are making plans to move up north (Texas-Oklahoma border area) and buying some land, probably 10-20 acres.

I am two generations removed from having a farm life, although I have visited farms and am slightly familiar with farm goings on.

Obviously, I will use my best manners with everyone I meet and try my best to fit in seamlessly with the neighborhood.

I am curious though...how do I lose "the city yuppie moving to the country" reputation as quickly as possible?? I really don't want to come across like that...

[MorrisonCorner]

Why is it people are so quick to decide that what they are is a "bad" thing? You are from an urban/suburban background. What are you going to do, pretend you know bright hay from bad?

The underlying message here is that by default rural people are the most stuck up people on the planet, content in their little rut of conformity, unwilling to consider anything from the "outside," hostile to anyone they haven't known for 16 generations... and you have to conform to their ways.

This is nonsense. If it were true there would be no rural people on this forum because computers are new, bad, and evil. Everybody would be farming with horses and antique plows. And everyone would be so inbred at this point, refusing to even consider someone from outside their little circle as a suitable mate, they'd probably be sprouting webbed feet.

Since none of this is the case, go forth and be yourself. Honestly. Where is it written that "surburban manners" are impossibly rude anywhere except in a suburb?!?

[Lynne]

I guess the best thing to do when entering into any new situation is to keep your eyes and ears open and your mouth shut. You'll learn a lot more that way. I don't mean that in an ignorant way; just watch and listen more than you speak until you are more comfortable with the people. Good Luck.

[CandyBar]

Originally Posted by MorrisonCorner

Why is it people are so quick to decide that what they are is a "bad" thing? You are from an urban/suburban background. What are you going to do, pretend you know bright hay from bad?

The underlying message here is that by default rural people are the most stuck up people on the planet, content in their little rut of conformity, unwilling to consider anything from the "outside," hostile to anyone they haven't known for 16 generations... and you have to conform to their ways.

This is nonsense. If it were true there would be no rural people on this forum because computers are new, bad, and evil. Everybody would be farming with horses and antique plows. And everyone would be so inbred at this point, refusing to even consider someone from outside their little circle as a suitable mate, they'd probably be sprouting webbed feet.

Since none of this is the case, go forth and be yourself. Honestly. Where is it written that "surburban manners" are impossibly rude anywhere except in a suburb?!?

Thanks for the welcome.....

What I was refering to was more about wanting to avoid "stepping in it" unwittingly. No offense was intended. I have a great deal of respect for anyone that is willing to work as hard as people that work the land do.

I will, of course be myself. That goes without saying. But it seems that just like in certain neighborhoods there may be unspoken rules. In my neighborhood that means that there are certain houses to avoid, certain hours that noise will be frowned on. Certain things should be handled face to face and not immediately involving the police...

I know that my area is not the only like that.

What I was looking for was more general advice having to do with the particulars of rural life. The same as a native New Yorker advising non-New Yorkers not to spend all their time staring up at the buildings lest they make themselves targets of muggers and/or run into others....

I apologize if I came off sounding insulting. That was not my intention.

Edited to correct typos.

[hisenthlay]

CandyBar, welcome! I can't really answer your question, as we are still "urban homesteading" here, but I'm sure you will get some good answers. Threads like this pop up now and again, and people are usually quick to thank you for asking such a thoughtful question, because it shows that you are not the sort of person who would come off as the boorish yuppie. I think there was a thread awhile back called "how not to move to the country"--you might try searching for that, because if I recall correctly, it got a lot of responses. In general, I think people usually say that your new neighbors might be a little standoffish at first, but that it helps to take them a baked good and introduce yourself. They apparently do not like it if you move in and right away try to start changing things, like paving the roads, etc. to make it more like suburbia. From what I gather, they also don't like it if you move in an build a McMansion, ride noisy 4 wheelers all over the place, or act better than them. But I doubt that you will do any of these things, and I'm sure you'll be fine.

I think you'll find this board to be very helpful and welcoming in general, too. I sure have. It seems that almost any question you have, there's someone here willing to share the benefit of their experience with you. Good luck with your homestead search!

[Jerngen]

I have lived all over the US so I know there are different sub-cultures depending on where you live. Sometimes many within a small area (10sq miles). We just moved up here 3 months ago and were a little worried because it is an semi-isolated place (compared to most we've lived) and people generally do not move up here (290+ inches of snow annually, 6 months of true winter, very few jobs) so new faces do stick out. However we just choose to be our usual friendly selves and to our delight have been very warmly welcomed here by just about every single person we have come in contact with. We were soon able to figure out who the friendliest people were and would ask them our dumb (to us) questions, hoping not to offend anyone. They have been very good-natured about everything! Good luck!

Edited to add: I agree with hisenthlay about trying to change things. Instead of saying things should be changed, ask the locals how do they do deal with whatever the issue is. I think that is probably the biggest mistake people make.

[ace admirer]

welll, i can tell you that if you do exactly the opposite of one post here, you will be on a good start in your new area.

[macfie7]

I married a country boy, I was a city girl.I've been in the country for 11 years now. And though my husband was raised in the country;it was not in this county.So, we are both looked upon as "newbies". I have found that if you just be yourself, you won't have any problems. You will click with certain people but not others. Just like in the city. There will be people willing to help and people you will learn to avoid. We do our own thing here. We raise Highland Cattle and get a lot of guff for it because we are in the South. People told us "You can't raise those here". Well we've been doing it for 3 years. And we have LaMancha goats , people freak when they see them because they do not have long ears but more of an earflap.I love my LaManchas! Read all you can, never ever stop learning about what you are doing or what you want to do. Use the County Extension office for advice, that is what they are there for...and if you are religious at all; join a local church. That is how we met many of our new "neighbors". We were also the talk of the community for awhile because we joined the Methodist church. Which I found terribly interesting,I was raised Methodist; I thought Methodism was pretty mainstream.( not here). I hope this helps a little. Good luck with your future plans.

[FarmboyBill]

Last Sunday, after church, I went over to the store across form church, and inside I found the family who had bought a 40 near me. They were setting at one table, and he was talking to 4 or 5 ranchers at the next table. The ranchers was wearing olive drab, chambrey, and cowboy shirts, long and short sleeve, jeans, overhalls. He was wearing baggy and loud shorts, flip flops, a hawiaian shirt, I dont remember her all that close. The girl had these goth jeans, black with 70 zippers. The boy dressed somwhat the same, and with hair as long as hers. I can almost guarantee you that none of those ranchers would have wanted the Mr to plop his shorts covered butt next to them in their booth. This is somthing that subconciously keeps some newbies seperated from the local farmers and ranchers. Now, they, maybe might have blended in with some of the townfolk, pop 146 and counting, but I cant remember seeing anybody but the preacher in shorts. All the kids ive seen here dress pretty regulalry, nothing outlandish, hair standard for country kids. The girls wear the tightest clothes they can find , and pooch the puppies out as far as possible, but they dress regulalry, not outlandish, just plenty suggestive.. Ive been a farmer all my life, and I know what people think of anything abnormal, as its gossiped all over the community. U do what you want, u wear what you want, you act like you want, but youve just heard a local say how it is on our side of life. As my dad says, (Let your consience be your guide)

[CandyBar]

Thanks all for the good advice!

A question...I have seen many posts about getting to know your neighbors and an equal number of posts about trespassing. Cut me some slack here, cause I really don't know...is it okay to open a driveway gate and go to the house uninvited to introduce yourself, or should you wait until they approach you? I would, of course, close the gate behind me...

I have always been taught that trespassing was more of entering a property with sneaky intent (cutting under fences, and trying not to get caught) so to me approaching the house to say Hi doesn't seem like a big idea, am I right? Or would it not be okay especially if the owners are not home?

[macfie7]

I would personally never open someone's gate to go onto their property without an invitation.2 reasons: Big dogs and shotguns...I'd wait until I catch them outside working. That is how we met all of our "close-by neighbors". Some of them came down to meet us, when we were outside; we stopped by to say "Hello" when we saw others outside.And believe me, you will catch folks outside!

[CandyBar]

Originally Posted by macfie7

I would personally never open someone's gate to go onto their property without an invitation.2 reasons: Big dogs and shotguns...I'd wait until I catch them outside working. That is how we met all of our "close-by neighbors". Some of them came down to meet us, when we were outside; we stopped by to say "Hello" when we saw others outside.And believe me, you will catch folks outside!

Good to know! Thank you. This was something I was always curious about!

[Wags]

I agree on not opening a gate to go up to someone's house - no matter how friendly your intentions are, you might not get the reaction you were hoping for.

Sooner or later you will see them out in the yard, or they will make themselves known and you can have a friendly chat. When we moved to this county and built "the house on the hill" we had all sort of neighbors popping in to see the house while it was under construction and to check us out. Prior to our buying the place and cleaning it up it had been a drug haven, and most expressed delight and having some "clean cut folks" moving in.

[macfie7]

We have a old-timer around here that wears shorts and Haiwian shirts, when he isn't in the field, he's a nice fellow!

At the public schools , the dress code is strict and you won't catch our girls "poochin their puppies as far out as possible ", they'd be sent home immediately to change. The boys must have their hair cut above their collars. We go to the barber and say "High and tight, or short boys' haircut". Yes, things are more conservative around here , but I'm more of a conservative kind of person. I suppose it is something you should consider.My kids learn respect here, they learn to respect their elders and America. I appreciate that aspect of rural living. You don't see that much anymore.

[oldmanriver]

You can do it just be yourself and even when you know there is a better way to do something don't tell the old farmer that.. My dw was born here, I have lived here for about 25 years now sometimes people ask my wife where she is from but never me. I had 1 guy swear he knew my mother and talked to her every day She has been gone for awhile and as far as i know she was never even in this area. LOl Don't think you can change the locals just except them . Offer help when you can and they will try to pay you don't take the money then when you need help they will be there. I trade labor with some people but it is not a stated agreement. Got to love the country ways but I bet you will find most people are like the people you know now some good some bad and a few to call a friend.. Good luck and smile a lot...

[lgslgs]

I'm city and my husband is rural, but from England. We naturally keep to ourselves and don't fuss over things.

We didn't meet all of our neighbors quickly, but since it is a low population area we DID always do the low-key hand-on-the-steering-wheel automatic wave when passing other cars or folks outside. Even if folks didn't wave back we did it out of habit.

We didn't even meet the guy who owns the scrap yard down the road until we had been here two years, but he knew of us, knew where we lived, and knew us as the pleasant folks that waved. He also let us know that the guy who lived in the house before we did was not pleasant and didn't wave.

We do make sure, though, that even if we are having a tough day we never go around with a scowl on our face. Too many folks know too many other folks, and we knew better than to accidentally develop a reputation as grumpy or rude outsiders.

Other than that, just basic stuff. Don't chainsaw at 7 am on a Sunday morning. If your dog barks, go see why it's barking and don't let it go on all night. Don't let your dogs, kids or livestock (or you) trespass on other's property. Don't put on unnecessary displays of wealth if you live in a poor neighborhood. Enjoy the people in your holler because they (or their family) are going to be your neighbors for a long time. Be friendly to the postal carrier and UPS person. Learn your favorite Walmart checkers' names and go out of your way to be in their line. Basically just ease in and take the time to genuinely enjoy the people and community around you.

Lynda

[macfie7]

[ Learn your favorite Walmart checkers' names and go out of your way to be in their line. Basically just ease in and take the time to genuinely enjoy the people and community around you.

Lynda[/QUOTE]

I've sold goats to my favorite Wal-Mart checker! We've always visited when she checked me out and somehow the conversation turned to my goats. I also found out that her grand-daughter is in my daughter's class, just by talking during checkout. Always be friendly and yeah, the wave when driving;always wave. I catch myself doing that in the city sometimes and have to remind myself not to.

[Unregistered]

I was born and raised near the Okla-Texas border.
Some advise I can give is.
Don't open the gates to visit anyone without an invitation. The gates are there for a reason.
Control any animals you own, especially dogs.
Don't try to tell anyone they are doing things wrong, even if they are.
Control your children, if you have any, and never let them harrass neighbors.
Let the neighbors get used to you, they will already know a lot about you from local gossip, right or wrong.
Respect other peoples property.
You will never loose the city yuppie reputation, learn to live with it.
Just be friendly, trustworthy, and honest. People will notice and you will be accepted into the community.

[comfortablynumb]

well, dont complain about your neighbors "normal farm activities", dont whine to the TWp about stuff people do that was being done before you moved in. Find and confirm your property lines, and be nice, diplomatic and remember everyone else was there first.

and youll get along fine. real yuppies who move out to the country dont bother asking the question you just did so you are ahead of the curve already.

dont get mad about loose or wandering livestock, even if the wreck your yard.
if it happens more than twice, then yes get very angry. LOL

it isnt the animals fault, take it as a compliment, they like you.

[DixyDoodle]

And if you buy an ATV, dirtbike, etc, make sure you are not driving it on other peoples' property, make sure you have the land to use it on! This is a peeve of mine; people move from the city to a small 1 acre lot, then buy an ATV. They think that any field without a fence (and even some with a fence) is fair game. Same goes for long driveways that look like roads; no one wants their mile-long driveway tore up by your rec vehicles. Be considerate and don't assume that it's ok to trespass, etc, just because the 'other guy' does it.

Introduce yourself to the neighbours, but no, don't go through a closed gate: these mean stay out and this probably means you! God forbid you go through and let out cows or get chased by a dog! Like someone said, you will eventually see them outside. And be aware, just like the city, there are some weirdos! Be glad for it, the neighbours will most likely be talking about them more than you! LOL

Offer to help out if a neighbour seems to need it. It's ok to tell them you don't know what you're doing but would like to learn. Most will gladly accept, but even if they don't, they will remember your kindness.

Don't ask your neighbours to borrow their tractors, trailers, etc. Insurance costs are high, it's not worth it for them to take the chance to lend it out, especially to 'city folk'. Same goes for if they have animals such as horses, don't ask if it's ok to ride them, they will offer if they want you to. And if that livestock is fenced beside your property, don't feed them anything or go in the fields with them without permission. Farmers really don't like people interfering with their livestock.

Welcome to the neighbourhood! LOL I'm sure that as long as you watch your P's & Q's you'll get along at your new place just fine. And of course, if you're not sure, you can always ask here first!

DD