Do you have this problem?

Niki · #1 05/12/06, 05:13 AM

For as long as I can remember, I have always had the dream of ultimately living off the land as much as possible. I waited to persue my dream for so many years with the thought I couldn't possibly do it on my own.

Now a little older and a lot wiser, I am at least starting to do some things that will put me closer to my goal...things I know I can do on my own.

When I share my passion and goals with others that have known me for a while, I am being faced with so much negativity directed at my decision to move toward my goal!

It is really starting to upset me. These are well-intentioned "friends" who keep trying to tell me "you can't do this because..." or they think I am absolutely insane to want to give up "modern conveniences" - the same conveniences that have not only created a lazy generation, which seems to only get worse with each generation, but also the very same thing that are making people poor and dependant on "modern conveniences" for survival!

It is so frustrating and disheartening to find that I have hardly anyone IRL that I can share my joy and passions with.

Maybe that's why I have always wanted to live in a remote area away from these people.

For those of you who may have decided to "change your ways" in mid-stream, did you come up against this kind of mindset from those around you??

tyusclan · #2 05/12/06, 05:21 AM

You're always gonna run into people who are negative about one thing or another. When you have people start putting down what you're trying to do, let them speak their piece, smile sweetly, keep working toward your goal, and go your merry way. Don't let them discourage you or talk you out of it. A lot of people on this forum had the same problem. They've done it, and you can, too.

Niki · #3 05/12/06, 05:24 AM

Thanks

I am somewhat rebellious, so I don't let it discourage me, I tell 'em "Watch me and eat my dust"

I do find it discouraging, however, to find something I find exciting and wonderful and not have someone to share it with. All of a sudden I find myself feeling very alone in a crowded room. Ya know? Then again, alone ain't so bad

mamakatinmd · #4 05/12/06, 06:37 AM

I also have people behave negatively. When we had our woodstoves put in two years ago and said we were going to start heating with wood. His parents smiled, nodded heads, gave each other "the look". My mother calls me Cinderella. Now two years later with rising oil prices they do not think we are so unreasonable. We have a farm in Canada that we are fixing up and are putting in a wood cookstove there. (Eventually, we hope to premanenetly move to that location) The people we are surrounded by in the U.S say why ever would you want that. Our Canadian neighbors all drool and say they wish they could afford one! Totally different mind set. There are always people trying to knock you down no matter what it is you are trying to pursue. It's great that you stay positive. There are lots of people here with your same mindset so you're not alone!
Kat

gypsymama · #5 05/12/06, 07:20 AM

Sorry to hear about the negativity.

This forum will be a good way for you to bolster your spirits.

If it's possible, try to frequent/get involved with seminars, groups etc. that may have others who share your interests.

By the way, where are you in NE Ohio? I grew up near Youngstown.

Blessings to you

rannie · #6 05/12/06, 07:42 AM

we have taken on our dream first 9 mths we lived in a camper Dh, DS,DD, and 2 dogs!!! first month in a half no elec. no phone no water we hauled in water. now we are in a house, have elec my elec bill is $56. we have never seen a bill like this! we still have to get water but now it is delivered. and we also have a ph for internet service that we hope to put to work for us. we are not going to be totally off grid unless we have to. but we are looking into solar and hopefully drilling a well soon with a hand pump and elec pump. My family in another state is still in disbelief and waiting for us to go running back. we love it here in the ozarks it is absolutely wonderful. we are raising rabbits and chickens and ducks. growing a garden and definetly learning! good luck rannie

TerriA · #7 05/12/06, 07:52 AM

As a previously "confirmed city gal" my family was aghast I would even think about gardening, much less critter raising, etc... after 7 years on this acreage I have a bunch of new friends, but my family (parents and even my grown kids and extended family) telling me I am getting "too old" and I will "die of hard work".. haha!! I tell them that if I would die on this place at least it was MY life to choose to do as I please and I haven't ever been happier in my whole (almost 48) years! We have a large garden and I raise angora bunnies, milk goats, chickens and ducks (and a pair of new guineas). I am starting to "dabble" in "pet store type" birds so I have something to raise indoors in case something happens and we have to move back into town. I think you should live your life as you see fit as long as you aren't hurting anyone.

I, too, used to dream of being TOTALLY self sufficient until I realized I couldn't raise my own coffee!! But the goal is just modified to live as self sufficiently AS CONDITIONS PERMITS.

Good luck and don't give up!!!
Terri

Mid Tn Mama · #8 05/12/06, 08:04 AM

When we moved from a very large city, our friend thought we were committing child abuse. Oh how terrible the schools were here. Our kids have better grades and test scores than theirs. I'd match my kids against any of our friends and neighbors' kids in our former "top" school district. Yes, we don't have all the bells and whistles here--but you know what? Maybe this means you don't need all the bells and whistles. I certainly like the discipline here better!

My point is that you have to do what you have to do.

I find that in all areas of life, that the people who complain and put you down the most are usually the ones who have personal problems and doubts. Those that were most disturbed by our traditional marriage (shared resources, I was home with the children when small) are the ones whose marriages dissolved or who had trouble with their children.

Mike in Ohio · #9 05/12/06, 08:09 AM

Niki, my first question is..."Why do you care?" This is about you, not about their opinions of what you want to do.

My second question (really more of a comment) is "Why don't you find some friends who are interested in similar things? Next time we have a NE Ohio get together swing on by and join us. The last one was down towards Kidron and it seemed like everyone had a fun time. I know I did.

Mike

**Terri** · #10 05/12/06, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Niki

For those of you who may have decided to "change your ways" in mid-stream, did you come up against this kind of mindset from those around you??

OH, yeah!

I grew up with it, too.

Niki, this is the only life that you have. What you do with it and the decisions that you make are TOTALLY your own!

I eventually quit trying to explain WHY I wanted to do this or that, and I talked about other things with my nearest and dearest. They will never understand, and they don't really have to. I just quietly do what I decide to do. My family did adjust over time.

Until/unless you find somebody with similar interests, come here when you want to talk self-sufficincy: we have been there and we DO understand.

I am glad that you have found us: we like to talk about it too.

mtman · #11 05/12/06, 09:00 AM

when we got started on our farm it was nothing more then some overgrown pastur and a house that everybody wanted to burn down no we have a beautiful farm and a nice house
we got it from hard work and not carring what people had to say
jim

WisJim · #12 05/12/06, 09:02 AM

You need to hang out with more positive kinds of people.

Niki · #13 05/12/06, 09:06 AM

I'm glad I found you, too

I am doing a "sneaky" at work LOL so I have to be brief, but will no doubt be back after a while

GypseyMama - I live VERY close to Kidron, OH. Are you familar with it? The home of Lehman's hardware...too cool to be so close

Mike, will the next gathering be obviously posted? I would love to swing by! Why do I care? I just do. It's not that I care if people judge me or not, but those I have decided to open up to and share were those I thought would be supportive - otherwise I never would have said a word. I guess I am mostly disappointed that I didn't get the reaction I had hoped for. I wanted to be able to share this part of me with those I have shared other (more apparently acceptable) things with as well.

Oh well. To each their own. Guess who won't be getting homemade goodies from MY kitchen this year?

hehe

sancraft · #14 05/12/06, 09:12 AM

Easy solution. Don't talk to them about it. My family was not behind my goals, so I stopped talking to them about it. I found a new family here and I talk you all about it. You don't have to defend your ideas and don't need any wet blanket throwers. Just leave them out of the loop and in your dust. Good luck on eventual move. I believe you can do it.

Melissa · #15 05/12/06, 09:12 AM

Just prove them wrong! One of the best things in life is to do something that everyone else says can't be done...

Naughty Pines · #16 05/12/06, 09:20 AM

[QUOTE=Niki] These are well-intentioned "friends" who keep trying to tell me "you can't do this because..." or they think I am absolutely insane to want to give up "modern conveniences" QUOTE]

Just tell them, "DON'T KNOCK IT IF YOU HAVEN'T TRIED IT."

HilltopDaisy · #17 05/12/06, 09:30 AM

I have to throw in my thoughts. As a single woman who is only a couple years older than you (I looked at your profile), I've shared the same dream, and I've worked towards it and tried to live it to the best of my ability for several years now. Sometimes what we perceive as negativity is genuine concern, especially from immediate family. We may go into this wearing rose colored glasses saying "Look at me, I'm gonna live my dream, I'm gonna provide for all my needs, etc.". Then, as single women, we strike out on our own.

Now to me, this lifestyle is a million times better than city living. It's also a heck of a lot harder. Not too many single woman can survive without an income, so we work fulltime to pay for fence and critters and feed and land taxes and tools and lumber. Then every day before/after work we feed critters, milk the goats, pound fence posts, run fence, mow fields, shear the sheep, build sheds, hang laundry, brood chicks, plant potatoes and corn and everything else you need to be self-sufficient, and I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot of things. So if my sister or coworker gives me a funny look sometimes when I tell them I'm adding another ball to my juggling act, well, they aren't always the one who's crazy, if you know what I mean.

Niki, I don't know how far into homesteading you are yet, but you're welcome to come for a visit anytime. I'm near Binghamton, NY. I don't mean to sound discouraging, just realistic. It's pretty hard work. Some days it feels like too much, especially when you're doing everything alone. It's a lot different than moving to the country and planting a garden. I agree with the above posters, don't let anyone dissuade you if it's your dream, but go into it with your eyes open.

bumpus · #18 05/12/06, 09:30 AM

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Niki --- Welcome to Homesteading Today ! ! !

On this Web Site you will find many people just like yourself who wanted to learn , make a change in life from the city to country.

Many wanted livestock others wanted gardens the peace and quite, and many did not know anything about how to do it to start with.

But on Homesteading Today you will find hundreds of people will ing to help you with info that they use themselves everyday.

They can help you know what will work and what will not work.

FREE ADVICE ! ! !

Look in all of the different form and topics and don't be afraid to ask questions.

Be patient sometimes it may take a little while for some one to give you an answer, but most of the time it will be fast.

Many friendly and helpful and caring people here on Homesteading Today ! ! !

God Bless You ! ! !

bumpus
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Jan Doling · #19 05/12/06, 09:37 AM

The people who left "civilization" to pioneer in the undeveloped parts of this nation came up against the exact situation you describe. The sky did not fall then, either...well, okay, a few succumbed to diseases and the Native Americans took revenge on another small percentage, but over all, it worked. There are many of us on this board that are women on our own and it has worked for us, too (I, for example, am deliriously happy...or maybe just delirious...depends on the point of view!)

Make us your sounding board as they are a) negative b) uneducated about homesteading c) biased for city life.

They may never "get it"....don't let them make decisions for you....you are the pioneer.

LiL OHNNL · #20 05/12/06, 09:45 AM

Hi
My wife and I come from Long Island, NY born and raised(30yrs). Now we are on 15 acres in North Carolina. Well when we first started talking about moving to NC you should have heard what my freinds were saying. I know these guys since Im about 11 years old are we are the closest bunch you can find. I was the one leaving and doing something non of then could imagine. You have to understand we were all cought up in the fine things in life. The cars, the clubs, the lavish lifestyle. Well they gave me the hardest time about this. Your going to be a farmer, how can you live in the sticks and so on. But in the end most of them really suported use. They knew it was something that would make us happy. So the way I look at it is that if they they love and respect you they will end up being supportive and if thier not go and do what it is you feel will be best for you. You are the one you need to make happy.
Best of luck in your adventure,
JOhn