city folk humor

[pickapeppa]

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.

"That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied.

A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.

"Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

[Ranchermom]

hehe ...poor chicks!

We had some city hunters around here one year that showed us the wild turkeys they shot. They were buzzards hehe

Sam

[BigBoy]

Originally Posted by Ranchermom

hehe ...poor chicks!

We had some city hunters around here one year that showed us the wild turkeys they shot. They were buzzards hehe

Sam

HEHEH!! I would love to have seen their faces during the cleaning, cooking and eating!

[KRH]

Originally Posted by Ranchermom

hehe ...poor chicks!

We had some city hunters around here one year that showed us the wild turkeys they shot. They were buzzards hehe

Sam

That reminds me of the city boys who whent goose hunting at a nearby state game area a few years ago. After the hunt they came to the ranger station to check the pair of snow geese they shot. They were written tickets on the spot and had there guns confiscated.
For shooting a pair of Trumpeter Swans.

[almostthere]

I guess the fact that they didnt say gobble gobble gobble didnt give it a way?

[steff bugielski]

I have a fellow near me who every year buys a bunch of chickens. They are fine all summer but oddly they all die over the winter. Turns out he is not here during the winter. They have an automatic waterer and feeders. I hope my horrified talking to does the trick this year.
steff

[gccrook]

Originally Posted by steff bugielski

I have a fellow near me who every year buys a bunch of chickens. They are fine all summer but oddly they all die over the winter. Turns out he is not here during the winter. They have an automatic waterer and feeders. I hope my horrified talking to does the trick this year.
steff

This osunds like an opportunity. Since he is going to lose them during the winter anyways, you should graciously offer take them fro free so he will not have to dispose of carcasses in the spring. Free additions to the farm.

[Jan Doling]

Maybe it wasn't being planted too close together that did it...maybe he planted them head down or overwater them!

[bill not in oh]

Originally Posted by BigBoy

HEHEH!! I would love to have seen their faces during the cleaning, cooking and eating!

Oh they would have never got to the cooking part - I've seen the inside of a buzzard....

[midwsthomestead]

eeeeYEW!

~~

[michiganfarmer]

We had electric "trainers" above the dairy cows so they wouldnt hump up when they had to poop, and pee, and make a mess to lie their udders in under them selves. We had a lot of visiters to the farm. It never failed. some city slicker would grab a trainer and ask "what is this?", lol they let go in a hurry

[Ranchermom]

hehe thats funny Max maybe you should leave some wipes near it for them each time, though it would take the fun out of seeing them wipe it on their pants

For shooting a pair of Trumpeter Swans

I guess they never read the "Ugly duckling before eh"

Sam

[Cyngbaeld]

Friend of mine was driving over the pass into town (western CO) when she came upon a car pulled over to the roadside. She stopped to see if they needed help. They had come upon a group of 'cute calves' and had got out to get pix of each other with the calves. About then the range cows showed up to see who was messing with their younguns.........

[ace admirer]

Sometimes we have visitors on the farm...picture a warm spring day, trees and pasture an emeral green, sky so blue you could get lost in it. birds singing everywhere. little calves suckling on mother....what do they say? "how do you walk without stepping in a cow pile?" 99% of city visitors will ask the exact question...my answer is always the same "we step over them"

[Jenn]

I love my cousin but his wife and I about killed him when he positioned his 7 year old next to a New Forest moor (feral) pony mare for a photo and she was angling around to get her kicking leg closer to the girl. "Hold still honey!" Then the whole pack were walking their kids up to the cliff edge at the seashore- this is not America- there are not guardrails everywhere I wish there were when you are here with your kids- take their hands and keep them safe!

[terry stewart]

back years ago when I worked as a police officer a farmer had called said that this hunter from KY when I got there the farmer showed me the MULE that had been shot. 30 min later I was trying to tell the hunter that was a mule instead of a deer

[MELOC]

there was a big city lawyer who went out to the country to do some duck hunting. he shot at a flock and hit two. they flew across a road into a farmer's field. the lawyer crossed the road and began to climb the fence to retrieve the ducks and didn't see the farmer walking over to him.

"hey what are you doing here? you can't trespass on my land!" yelled the farmer.

"i am just getting the ducks i shot, won't take but a second old man." replied the lawyer.

"this is private property and i don't take kindly to strangers trespassing. get out!" said the farmer.

"i am a big city lawyer and if you don't let me get my ducks, i will sue you and own this farm! said the lawyer."

oh yeah, well maybe you have never heard of country justice, that is how we settle things around here." replied the farmer.

"and just what is that old man? asked the lawyer.

"well you trespassed so i go first. i kick you three times, then you kick me three times and back and forth like that until someone gives up. if you win you get your ducks, if i win you get your butt outta here". said the farmer.

so the young lawyer eyed up the old man and thought " i can surely take this old dirt farmer." " "go ahead old man take your best shot."

so the farmer promptly kicked the lawyer in the groin, doubling him over. he then kicked him in the face sending him to the ground. he kicked him once in the guts just for good measure.

the lawyer gathered himself together and got back up. "ok old man now it's my turn!!!"

the farmer turned away and said "nah, you win go ahead and get your ducks!"

[Farmer Willy]

I remember taking my city raised kids to cut a christmas tree at a tree farm. The man ran his angus on that pasture until just before Thanksgiving. It was a cold day, we had our tree and were headed to the truck why my 5 yo stopped to pick up the neat "turtle" that was out in the snow---thought my dad was gonna wet himself on that one. Thought my son was gonna wet himself when grandpa told him what he was holding in his hand.

[RedEarth]

My mother and uncle were hiking down the Virgin River Narrows in Zion National Park. It's a beautiful place, after the first bit of hiking you spend the rest of your time hiking along (and mostly in) the river and between high nearly vertical cliff walls. It's never very wide. After camping at a wide spot, my uncle was asked by a fellow hiker, "How do you know which direction to go now?" My uncle responded, "You just go downstream". "How do I know which direction is downstream?" asked the city slicker. My uncle responded by throwing a stick into the river and said, "Just throw in a stick and see which way it goes, that's downstream." City slicker was very happy with this great answer and went happily on his way.

[Lt. Wombat]

For this one, people from all over the globe have been the perpetrator:

Custer State Park and Wind Cave National Park have “wild” buffalo herds and the highways cut through the parks with no barrier fences. There are signs that display, “Buffalo are dangerous, do not approach”. For some weird reason people think the buffalo are theme park attractions and try to get pictures standing next to the big creatures; usually with horrendous results.

This year, while driving through the park, a guy was standing next to the road flagging for me to stop. In his arms was an injured, not badly mind you, little girl about 5-7. He didn’t speak English (German National) so I pointed to the visitor’s center a hundred yards away and he headed out like a flash. In the paper it said he had tossed the child atop a young cow for a picture. When the cow bolted the girl held on rather then just slip off the back and subsequently was injured.

The year before a guy from Atlanta was gored through the abdomen when he tried showing off for his family by playing matador with a large bull.

Just last week a hunter was crossing a pasture full of buffalo (private herd) and was trampled. The guys statement to the paper was he didn’t think them a threat as they were just grazing and he wasn’t acting aggressive towards them.

Every year it happens and every year I shake my head and laugh.