That was scary! :(

sisterpine · #1 12/13/12, 10:51 AM

Apparently DB came home during the night after I was asleep. The note was beside his bed. This morning as he was leaving he said "I'll tell you what...I'll take your (Bad word) drug test then I will shove it up your (bad word) and I will move out." "You have lost both your brothers now" He said something that I took as a veiled threat about something happening during my day today and then left. He called a bit later and still yelling demanded to know who among his friends is worried about him...I told him his son is worried. He ranted and raved and made more threats about how I would soon discover how the real world worked or something like that and said he would see me by midnight (deadline in the note). His bedroom is locked for the first time ever. He said that this is my (meaning mine not his) house it has always beeen my house and how could I do this after all he has done for me, well he would show me or something. Enough to scare me a bit. Was a long night of prayer for me and will be a long day of prayer as well. It seems that doing the right thing for the right reason does not make for an easy path.

Travis in Louisiana · #2 12/13/12, 10:58 AM

TOUGH LOVE is hard at times. Just keep your eyes open. When people are on drugs or drinking, they are sometimes not rational and they think everyone else is the blame.

ginnie5 · #3 12/13/12, 11:02 AM

oh wow! scary is right. But to be perfectly honest he sounds like he is on drugs. My mother gets like that when she is out of her "prescriptions." She rants and raves and threatens. She can get violent too so please be careful with your brother! Don't think family loyalty will be a factor.....in my experience it won't matter. I've seen my mother do terrible things to my Grannie and seen the damage she did to my sister all in the name of drugs. Don't take any chances. Can you call the sheriff and give them a heads up or get a friend to come stay for a day or two?

Cheryl in SD · #4 12/13/12, 11:03 AM

Are you there alone? If so, is there someone you could call to be with you for a couple of days? Have you told his son what you are doing? Be careful!

simi-steading · #5 12/13/12, 11:08 AM

I sure hate to see this thread, but even if he is clean, a lot of people don't like a lack of trust, and he seems to be one of those people... Someone did mention earlier that you could be losing your brother all together even if he is clean....

Hopefully he's just saying things because he's hurt, not because he's serious, but I wouldn't doubt if he did walk out of your life... I've done similar to family because of a lack of trust..

Joshie · #6 12/13/12, 11:08 AM

This may not be what you want to hear but I think you need to call the cops. I also think you need a restraining order. He threatened to harm you. You've said that he's not a nice guy when using and I worry about what could happen if he gets really angry when he's high.

Sister, please take this seriously. Please be careful.

simi-steading · #7 12/13/12, 11:20 AM

His threat about how things worked doesn't so much sound like a threat, as much as he feels you're not being "real"istic and because of it you may find yourself alone or similar..

I had a roommate I had to toss out over drugs and non payment on bills... I was told I was a mean man, and would end up dying alone... It wasn't a threat.. .just saying that my attitude would turn people off and keep them away from me... Could be what your brother is meaning... BTW, I got a great wife, and a lot of friends.. I was only mean to a person that took my generosity to the extreme and I got tired of it..

ninny · #8 12/13/12, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joshie

This may not be what you want to hear but I think you need to call the cops. I also think you need a restraining order. He threatened to harm you. You've said that he's not a nice guy when using and I worry about what could happen if he gets really angry when he's high.

Sister, please take this seriously. Please be careful.

I'd also put his stuff on the front porch/lawn and tell him to come get it. You don't need to put up with an attitude like that. He brought this on himself.

.

nodak3 · #9 12/13/12, 11:30 AM

Not it WAS scarey, but it IS scarey.

Doesn't matter if he got his wittle feelings hurt or not, he made physical threats.

Me? I'd call the cops asap, get a restraining order, and get him out of there.

Be aware if he is using he may harm you, burn down the house, make false charges against you, etc.

Don't play the victim role in a dysfunctional family by waiting to see what he does next and then respond.

Take back your life by being proactive to protect yourself.

He crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed, rung a bell that cannot be apologized away. Threats of physical violence--like shoving something where the sun don't shine--is beyond what we have to accept.

He threw a tantrum. Get a civil standby to stand watch, remove his property from your premises, change the locks, and get someone strong to be with you for a while.

Ask the cops to put your house on close watch, arrange someone to do daily wellness checks on you, and arm yourself at least with mace. Make sure your smoke detectors are working well. Take all this very very seriously, because he has escalated into verbal abuse with threats of physical abuse.

JanO · #10 12/13/12, 11:37 AM

It definately sounds like he's on drugs, and angry because you called him out on it. Have you let his son know what's going on? Perhaps he can talk some sense into him, if anyone can. At the very least notify the authorities and make a report so it's on file in the event he does attempt to harm you, or vandalize your home. I dont' know if they would pick him up or not, but if they do at least you know he'll be safe, and it will give him time to get clean, and get his wits about him.

I know it's difficult, after all he's your brother and you love him. But, your safety and peace of mind it more important than anything else.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

sisterpine · #11 12/13/12, 11:49 AM

His words and behavior told me that I was correct, that he has been using drugs. It broke my heart but I will survive. I am very sad as we have been very close all of our lives and he has supported me in my distancing myself from my other druggy brother (though he has not done the same himself so much).

I really cannot put his stuff out front because he has so much stuff (tools, equipment, furniture, personal effects, spinalator etc. He emptied out 3 storage rooms when he came to live here. I don't want him to move out at all, I want him to get better

.

His using drugs does not keep me from loving him, it does keep me from trusting him and his behavior. I do not believe that he does drugs daily or even weekly, I think he does them sporadically and that is why the behavior seems so different sometimes. The sad part is that the drug test I got that he says he will take tonight (ya right, not on my planet) is the wrong one and tests for amphetamine instead of meth amphetamine! Oh well, so he would likely test negative. Not only that- but amphetamine and meth amphetamine only show in the urine for like 4 days after use. So he is likely outside the window (but he does not know that)

I actually wonder if he is out there trying to get his urine clean (why did he not just pee in the cup this morning?)

He got messed up with coke years ago and says he had to have his nasal septum fixed? He also told me that he got into meth with my other brother several years ago but he pulled himself out of it.

I really am not afraid of him hurting me, it is a chance I knew I was taking when I made this choice. I will call the police if needed. I would like to go stay in a hotel for the day/night but that is just my fear of conflict speaking LOL. I did send his son a note about how it went. My DD the (pot smoker) is here with me so I am not alone. Life is sometimes much harder than I would like it to be and this is just one of those times.

Joshie · #12 12/13/12, 11:57 AM

Please don't let him stay, clean urine or not. Please report this to the cops. If you don't do that please document what he said and when he said it on a calendar of in a journal if you use one. Please be careful. It's easy to blow off dangerous comments and behavior when we love somebody.

SunsetSonata · #13 12/13/12, 12:17 PM

I'm suspicious he's not out there trying to get his urine clean, but out trying to beg some clean buddy of his to provide a clean sample he can smuggle into the bathroom. I also wonder if he locked his door because he's afraid you'll go snooping and find evidence. Whatever the real situation is, stay safe. Hope you get someone to be with you tonight.

Yvonne's hubby · #14 12/13/12, 12:18 PM

Please do keep us posted... I had a feeling this episode was going to get good right from the start.

(off to the store now for more popcorn)

sisterpine · #15 12/13/12, 12:20 PM

Well you know...my life IS one adventure after another- just like every one elses!

Vickie44 · #16 12/13/12, 12:21 PM

Bless you for helping your brother !

Lazaryss · #17 12/13/12, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sisterpine

Apparently DB came home during the night after I was asleep. The note was beside his bed. This morning as he was leaving he said "I'll tell you what...I'll take your (Bad word) drug test then I will shove it up your (bad word) and I will move out." "You have lost both your brothers now" He said something that I took as a veiled threat about something happening during my day today and then left. He called a bit later and still yelling demanded to know who among his friends is worried about him...I told him his son is worried. He ranted and raved and made more threats about how I would soon discover how the real world worked or something like that and said he would see me by midnight (deadline in the note). His bedroom is locked for the first time ever. He said that this is my house it has always beeen my house and how could I do this after all he has done for me, well he would show me or something. Enough to scare me a bit. Was a long night of prayer for me and will be a long day of prayer as well. It seems that doing the right thing for the right reason does not make for an easy path.

I would consider going and getting a restraining order

Bearfootfarm · #18 12/13/12, 01:02 PM

Quote:

The sad part is that the drug test I got that he says he will take tonight (ya right, not on my planet) is the wrong one and tests for amphetamine instead of meth amphetamine

It should work for both

nodak3 · #19 12/13/12, 01:29 PM

Sisterpine, please take this in the spirit in which it is offered--from a recovering enabler to an enabler.

You are doing what the counsellors call "minimizing" now--offering excuse after excuse why you cannot change YOUR behavior and why his isn't really so bad.

You say you do not want him to leave, but rather want him to get better.

He will NEVER get better as long as you are playing your part in this game.

I don't want to be brutal, but in 12 step we were told to tell it like it is.

He cannot get better living with you as you are being right now.

At bare minimum, please start attending al-anon or narc-anon.

Addiction is a systems disease, meaning it isn't just the addict who has to change.

The whole family usually suffers from playing various roles.

My heart goes out to you--I was the "I can fix him given enough time and prayer" person. My husband was the "things aren't really that bad" person even as our addict attempted to murder us. One of our kids was the "if I am perfect enough today he'll get better" person.

Until we stopped playing our games and roles our addict did not get better.

Peace, and praying for you. Not that he changes. Not that you are safe. But that both his and your "bottoms" are high and easy.

sisterpine · #20 12/13/12, 01:29 PM

I should know the answer to this questions LOL but right now I can barely think outside of my own head!