Disturbed but determined...

sisterpine · #1 12/07/12, 05:07 PM

I just ordered a urine drug test for DB who lives with me. I have been seeing some unusual behavior and sleep patterns and I am afraid for him. I gotta tell you as I have told him, if there is ever, EVER, anything in his system other than a small amount of pot our life together is over. I will not play this game but it does make my heart sad and I sure hope it was a needless expense. He will be out of town for the weekend and the test will be hear in a week or so. Please say a prayer that I am able to stand by this boundary.

Maura · #2 12/07/12, 05:29 PM

Myself, I would not even allow pot. I know that many people do not have a problem with the weed. But, it is illegal and that means he is buying it from someone who is breaking the law and probably hanging with people who are also smoking.

I think you are right to stand by your promise. You can't be responsible for his actions, but you can be responsible for your own and I'm sure you are trying to not be an enabler. That can be harder than you'd think. I hope he can stay sober.

sisterpine · #3 12/07/12, 05:41 PM

For sure, I hope it is just my imagination and it is his bad back that is making him act odd. He can decide to take the test or not. No test....move out....Positive test...treatment or move out. I only wish it were as simple as it sounds!

CoonXpress · #4 12/07/12, 05:59 PM

You do know that pot makes you paranoid, right?

goatlady · #5 12/07/12, 08:49 PM

Dear lady, I hope you understand that even if your DB is ONLY doing pot smoking, if it is IN your home and heaven forbid the police come there and find it YOU potentially would be put in the position of losing your home! Ignorance of what is happening is not admissable in the courts and it's your home you are supposed to be in control and know everything that happens there. Your DB is totally putting you and everything you own at risk of loss!

Micheal · #6 12/08/12, 06:47 AM

I agree with goatlady to a point - you ordering a drug kit tosses out the "Ignorance" part of her post......

janetn · #7 12/08/12, 07:09 AM

FYI if your DB has any idea that you are going to test him he can beat the test. Make sure it is a total surprise and stand outside the door when he goes. FYI also remove all soap products and if you hear water running and the urine looks pale he watered it.

I agree with the everyone else on the pot thing - no way would it be allowed in my home.

simi-steading · #8 12/08/12, 07:22 AM

Never mind.. I forgot DB was brother.. not boyfriend..

mare · #9 12/08/12, 08:10 AM

boyfriend or brother, why are you living with someone that you feel the need to test for drugs?

Sparkie · #10 12/08/12, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mare

boyfriend or brother, why are you living with someone that you feel the need to test for drugs?

Things aren't always that simple, are they? People we love sometimes have problems. Do we just abandon them?

mare · #11 12/08/12, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkie

Things aren't always that simple, are they? People we love sometimes have problems. Do we just abandon them?

i just cant seeing having people in your home that you cant trust. imo there is a thin line between not abandonning and enabling. and in most cases if you feel strong enough that some one is using that you would insist on a drug test----they are using.

Sparkie · #12 12/08/12, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mare

i just cant seeing having people in your home that you cant trust. imo there is a thin line between not abandonning and enabling. and in most cases if you feel strong enough that some one is using that you would insist on a drug test----they are using.

I'm just saying it's not as cut and dried as you are trying to make it. People have problems. What I would do would depend on the situation, not just automatically a "you use drugs you're out" policy. I think if you had to deal with this in your own life with someone you really cared about you'd be the same way. At least I hope you would.

**Terri** · #13 12/08/12, 09:50 AM

Not all strange behavior is due to drugs, and without a drug test a sister does not KNOW!

The OP is being reasonable.

Though, folks who enter rehab because they HAVE to do not do as well as those who WANT rehab. A word to the wise......

mare · #14 12/08/12, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkie

I'm just saying it's not as cut and dried as you are trying to make it. People have problems. What I would do would depend on the situation, not just automatically a "you use drugs you're out" policy. I think if you had to deal with this in your own life with someone you really cared about you'd be the same way. At least I hope you would.

i have dealt with this in my life with some one i love dearly--i have dealt with it over and over again. and everytime i could see it coming. it gets to the point where you just enable them, and do more harm than good.

Sparkie · #15 12/08/12, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mare

i have dealt with this in my life with some one i love dearly--i have dealt with it over and over again. and everytime i could see it coming. it gets to the point where you just enable them, and do more harm than good.

I have also. The person got better with love and support. Like I said it depends on the situation. Not everyone is hopeless.

mare · #16 12/08/12, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkie

I have also. The person got better with love and support. Like I said it depends on the situation. Not everyone is hopeless.

agreed, but not all addicts get better on love and support most need to hit rock bottom.

Sparkie · #17 12/08/12, 10:59 AM

Another misconception - not everyone who uses or abuses drugs is an addict. Some people use drugs because they're bored. Some people are looking for altered mental states for various reasons. Some people are trying to escape emotional issues. Some people are addicts.

Look, all I'm trying to say here is not every case is the same. You shouldn't give advice to completely abandon someone when you don't know the situation just based on a bad experience you had. Drug use doesn't automatically = a worthless hopeless throwaway person. There are many variables.

suitcase_sally · #18 12/08/12, 11:09 AM

If you find his weed, can I have it?

mare · #19 12/08/12, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkie

Another misconception - not everyone who uses or abuses drugs is an addict. Some people use drugs because they're bored. Some people are looking for altered mental states for various reasons. Some people are trying to escape emotional issues. Some people are addicts.

Look, all I'm trying to say here is not every case is the same. You shouldn't give advice to completely abandon someone when you don't know the situation just based on a bad experience you had. Drug use doesn't automatically = a worthless hopeless throwaway person. There are many variables.

i basically asked her why she would live with some one she didnt trust--i never said anything about abandoning him. that stuff was a side conversation with you.

oregon woodsmok · #20 12/08/12, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparkie

Things aren't always that simple, are they? People we love sometimes have problems. Do we just abandon them?

Yes.

If relatives need a hand up, I will give it, but they must be willing to move "up". I won't support them while they choose to roll around in the gutter and have no interest in bettering their life. Enabling them and supporting them does not help them. All it does is make you feel better about yourself. They need tough love, not someone to smooth over their mistakes and make their life easier so they have no need to change.

Sisterpine, I know this is very difficult for you. Be strong.