If you are a farm husband, what does your wife do that makes

ne prairiemama · #1 10/23/12, 03:49 PM

you happy to be home/to come home from work? What things are you most appriciative (sp) of?

We have 8 children #9 due in a few months and I want to be makes sure that in my busy-ness with the children and homeschooling that dh doesn't get pushed to the back burner. I'd also like ideas on things that I might not have thought of as a woman.

Dh likes organization and is a meticulous type....

So lemme have your best ideas please! Thanks!

Oh ETA: We aren't having any troubles or anything

I just want to improve myself and be the best wife I can

katheh · #2 10/23/12, 04:15 PM

Well, in this family I am the farmer, and we only have 3 kids, but my DH is a painter, on his feet all day, working hard physically. Sometimes he has a long commute.

What I have done for the 8 years we've been married (kids are older, we are a blended family) is I pack him a lunch every day. This is not hard, he eats the same kind of stuff every day. On the grocery side, I make sure he has flavored drinks he likes (he likes Vitamin Waters, etc. I budget for this with our groceries) to take in his lunch (I send one a day). I have trained him to call 20 minutes before he gets home and at that time the kids and I take a laundry basket or baskets and make a turn around the house, collecting any loose items. I put these baskets away (sometimes full of stuff LOL) in an out of the way closet. This eliminates his peeve of coming home to a mess. After I shower in the morning I take 5 min to brush out the toilet and do a quick wipe of the counters and floor in the master bathroom. Sounds fancier than it is, just a separate tiny bath off our bedroom that the kids don't use.

The thing I do he most values (we have discussed it) is I masssage his feet and hands every night with a quality lotion. As he gets older, I also will massage his legs and shoulders/arms if he asks. This only takes 10 minutes tops. We do this between 9-10 pm just on the couch, it is a nice reconnecting time for us and he says it really is a huge factor in taking away his mental and physical stress. I do this even when I am tired, or mad at him, or just not feeling like doing it. He earns the majority of our money and it doesn't hurt me to give this that he enjoys. We don't miss very often. When he ever tells one of his man friends that this is our ritual, they don't believe him.

When I get the 20 minute call, I make sure to brush my hair (or put up in a pony) and make sure I have something on that would not be considered pyjamas. My husband has also expressed that he really likes when my hair is colored well (I went gray in my 20s), so instead of paying $$ I trade haircoloring with a girl friend once a month. Both our husbands are happy. He is happy to handle the house/watch the kids while I get my hair done, the result is worth it to him.

Anyway a clean bathroom, lack of clutter, a hot dinner, and some pampering should keep any man happy. With 9 kids I would say sex is probably not so much of an issue for you but if so most men have a set point of #/occurrence that they are happy at and will be grumpy if it stays below their internal set point for too long.

Don't want anyone to get the idea that wives need to be oppressed, my husband does plenty for me too, and similar things, but we are talking about keeping a man happy, not a woman.

Good luck with the rest of your pg!

ne prairiemama · #3 10/23/12, 04:23 PM

You made me giggle with the sex comment LOL. Yeah we are ok there

The foot massage is a great idea! Thank you

What is your favorite lotion for that?

I should have also said wives feel free to give your ideas that have worked for you too!

DebM · #4 10/23/12, 04:25 PM

My DH also calls when he is about 20 minutes out. He in sales so is in his home office a lot, or on the road for a few days at a time. I run the sweeper because we have hairy dogs that catches and drops an enormous amount of little leaves through the house. He likes milk on his cereal in the morning and the fridge stocked with vitamin waters. That's it - his needs are few so am happy to be helpful.

Batt · #5 10/23/12, 04:27 PM

Being both retired, and the kids out of the house opens up a lot of opportunities. However one thing that really makes my day is when I go to milk, the feed bucket is already set up, the food trough filled and the stanchions opened. I can go right in and start milking. Oh, there are lots (and lots) of other little things too, but that is kind of a capper.

katheh · #6 10/23/12, 04:30 PM

I use Bath & Body works lotion. I have tried them all, that is the nicest for massage. I watch for sales & clearance.

emdeengee · #7 10/23/12, 04:43 PM

With eight and a half kids I would say the most appreciative thing that you could do would be to arrange for baby sitters at least twice a week so that you can get the heck out of Dodge and just be the two of you. Even if it just means getting in the car and going to a place you like, sharing a thermos of coffee and talking.

If sitters and extra gas is an issue (as it often is) then set your bedroom up as an adults only retreat and spend time in there together - alone. Your kids should be taught that the only reason to disturb you would be if something or someone is on fire or bleeding.

As for a massage. A great idea but as soon as you have done him he should be doing you.

doing it in NM · #8 10/23/12, 04:58 PM

I do the farm stuff as well as bring home a paycheck (work for myself). My wife always has supper when I come home, she asks how my day was and just does the little things to make me comfortable. She does not like to feed the pigs or chickens and I knew that before we had any. I take care of that and most of the gardening, but she does take great care of me. Massages anytime, when I'm watching tv or on the computer, she will bring me a cup of joe unasked for and just generally shows me in so many ways she loves me, what more could you ask for?

tinknal · #9 10/23/12, 05:04 PM

Yeah, I was going to mention this one thing my wife does for me but with 9 kids it sounds like you have this covered.................

I think that a man's greatest desires are to be needed, and to be appreciated. Is your husband involved in the homeschooling? Maybe he would be interested in The "lesson plan" and could on a daily or occasional basis teach a short lesson on practical matters like changing a tire or tool safety.

BTW, haven't seen you in awhile, good to hear from you!

cathleenc · #10 10/23/12, 05:11 PM

Before dinner each night our family holds hands and we go around and say a few things that we are thankful for - I love the look in my dh's eyes when I say I am thankful for him and the things he does or that he supports us or works so hard. And I really mean it! I am so grateful for my wonderful husband.

To really honor one's partner brings so much joy and fulfillment. It brings out the best in everyone. Honor aims high and leads the way.

Dusky Beauty · #11 10/23/12, 06:00 PM

Just as you take out time OP to pack a lunch, I make it the greatest point to get a breakfast into hubby no matter what time he has to be up and leave the house. This may be at 11 in the morning, or 3:30 am. I always have a hot drink and some kind of breakfast ready to send him off with a full stomach. I feel this puts us on the same "team" for the day and I won't let him just get up and leave me in bed unless I am seriously seriously ill.

ROCKIN R FARM · #12 10/23/12, 07:24 PM

I do the farm stuff at our place as well as work 40-50 hrs a week off the farm on a 12 hr night shift so really only see her for an hour in the evening and on my weekends . I think probably the one thing that she tries to work on is as simple as this sounds , to be in a good mood. the last thing I want to encounter on my first day off when I finally get to spend time with her is a grump. She also does an endless amount of things to make me happy like keeping me fed with awesome home cooked food. keeps the house looking great! always keeps up on laundry. And just to clarify we mutually agree on who will fill what roles I dont expect these things of her and I often will cook dinner or help her clean or whatever just like she will help me cut wood or put up fence we are a team. We both will sometimes for no reason leave each other a little note about how much we love each other or appreciate eachother. she is my best friend and more. one thing she does is she almost never sends me back to work after my days off without some "luvin"

But you seem to have that all worked out .

treasureacres · #13 10/23/12, 09:48 PM

I would say with 8 (9) kids....you are already doing plenty of what would make me happy. haha

Awnry Abe · #14 10/23/12, 09:56 PM

Supper. I absolutely love to cook, know my way around our kitchen, but when my bride takes the initiative and gets dinner on the table, that is one less thing for me to worry about. I am all about getting chores and projects done when weather and daylight agree. With the humongous task of dinner out of the way, the odds of some serious fun family time at dusk go way up.

With all that said, I've gone bride-less for several days with her away. I now notice many more things that she does that I tend to take for granted.

I sure do love and miss my gal...

majik · #15 10/24/12, 10:12 AM

In our family, I am the one who goes out to work and DH is at home. What I appreciate about him is how much he manages - the animals and all the errands and the odds and ends. Every day when I get home, we spend a few minutes on the porch with a coffee and talk about our days and what we both both missed in each other's lives while we've been apart. It's my favourite time of the day.