Good Deed-Good Feelings Marred by Payment

beccachow · #1 04/14/12, 09:17 PM

I was taking my DD and two of her friends to the park today. Everything was going wrong, couldn't find the key to the rental Prius which I found in the side pocket of the car where I NEVER put it, made a wrong turn and ended up at a grocery store miles from where I wanted to be to buy the kids some sandwich fixin's for lunch. Ended up about an hour late by my park schedule with all the shenanigans.

On the way to the park, about a half mile from the turn I was to make, I saw a car with its hood up on the shoulder and noticed the couple was older. I immediately pulled over and the fellow said the last person to stop was an hour ago and he had called the tow truck from his cell but it apparently wasn't coming. Poor old couple was 80 years old (per the fellow a little later) and they had no cell. I gave him mine, and after a few times calling a number that was apparently wrong, I told him to get in the car with me and we would go up to the gas station where they HAD to know a number of a tow truck. Poor couple couldn't remember anyone's number to help them out.

Poor old guy squashed himself into the Prius, and off we went. Pulled into the gas station and, unbelievably, there was a cop investigating a hit and run that someone had witnessed, but he couldn't find the parked car's owner. I explained the issue, and he immediately got on his radio and called for a tow truck for them. A cop calling a tow means it will definitely be there. I had a good feeling that the problems of getting the vehicle and themselves somewhere were fixed. I would have gladly given them a ride home but I had three kids squashed in the back when the old fellow took one of their places in the front, and no room for anyone else. I felt relieved when the cop made the call.

I drive the fellow back to his car and his waiting wife, he peels out of the Prius (poor guy, the thing is so low) and tells his wife what ahd happened. I went to give a cheery wave and goodbye, but the wife flagged me down before I could leave. She ran up to the passenger side of the car and laid a $20 bill in the open window of the car. I immediately told her NO WAY, but she insisted, walking away with a wave. I popped out of the car and chased her down (lol, not really) and tried to give her the money, but she kept pushing my hand away and insisting. I got the feeling I was about to cross into offending her mode when she said to use it to buy something for the kids. I shrugged, thanked her, wished them the best and a God Bless You and off I went. An ice cream truck pulled through the park and I bought the kids ice cream with the money.

I admit, my good feeling warm fuzzy was shot down when she insisted I take the money. I still feel that God played every delay in this couple's favor so I would end up where I did, when I did. But I feel...less than good about taking money, I never wanted it and "fought" with her for a bit until I could see she was going to get hurt feelings. I might donate the rest that I didn't spend on the ice cream.

I mean, I didn't do anything special, didn't get to take them home, nothing. It might have been 45 minutes tops. Nothing worth $20 or even $1. I didn't want it!! They are 80 something, they are gonna pay a ton for the tow...*sigh.

*sigh.

SunsetSonata · #2 04/14/12, 09:30 PM

Here I am about to tell a wonderful person who did a wonderful thing to Be Gracious.

You put yourself into their shoes enough to help them out. Put yourself into their shoes enough to hear the thanks they wanted to express in a physical way. How would you have felt if someone went out of their way for you, and you weren't allowed to reciprocate in some small way, and would never again have the chance? It's great you refused the money at first, but since they were adamant, you were on the verge of robbing them of their pride, so you were right to allow it. It is not up to you how they wish to express their appreciation, but up to them.

Thank you for looking after these old folks. You're the type who makes the world go round. Now hush and enjoy that ice cream, lol

Sonshine · #3 04/14/12, 09:35 PM

Thank you Beccachow. Don't feel bad about taking the money from that couple. Many people, myself included, feel that when a kindness is shown it's only right to offer a kindness in return. My parents always get all worked up when I try to help them. I just tell them that if they refuse then they are robbing me of a blessing. I'm sure being able to give you that money blessed them as much as it did you.

tinknal · #4 04/14/12, 09:45 PM

It made you feel good to help. It made them feel good to give you 20 bucks. Seems like everyone is happy.

Harry Chickpea · #5 04/14/12, 10:43 PM

"Blessed" money. Use it to do something that passes the blessing along.

beccachow · #6 04/14/12, 10:47 PM

Yeah, I was on the verge of getting her upset so I took it, but it felt icky, lol. God bless them, sweet old couple stranded inthe literal middle of nowhere.

snowshoehair · #7 04/14/12, 10:52 PM

Becca, if that 20 is bothering you that much - throw it away...throw it in the collection basket at mass next Sunday.

beccachow · #8 04/14/12, 11:15 PM

My plan. I gave the kids ice cream and I will put the rest where it is needed! God bless them, I sure hope they made out ok.

kasilofhome · #9 04/14/12, 11:43 PM

I just had to work a deal with a person in need of food. I have goats for meat. He needed meat. His friend contacted me and gave me the run down. The older person fresh out of surgery, a disabled vet, living a lone, just scarping by. I did not want to charge him. George a mutual friend (George drives me for free in the winter to local gov meetings) made it known that I could NOT give it to him. Said out of respect I had to trade with the man just as I do with George.

I called the guy --really did not want to even trade I really want to just give them to him. But George was right that old dude was as stubborn as I. So.... this Fall I will get to pick our families fill of raspberris --my will not be ready to bear fruit and what the man needed more than meat was another human contact.

I end up with the chance to learn bee keeping, and how he raised his chickens.
So, you did good.

Tricky Grama · #10 04/15/12, 03:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinknal

It made you feel good to help. It made them feel good to give you 20 bucks. Seems like everyone is happy.

There ya go.

Mysticdream44 · #11 04/15/12, 09:55 AM

Back in 2009 when all hell broke loose in my life, I was on my way to another town for a job application when I broke down on the side of the road. Quite a few people went by but didn't stop, even a county road crew who turned around right where I had managed to pull off didn't stop. Who did stop was this couple. They were about my age, maybe a little older. The husband insisted on staying with my car so the tires and rims wouldn't be stolen while his wife took me to the next town to get a hose. As we are driving, and I'm looking around in their car I realized and she confirmed that they were homeless and living out of their car. He was a disabled vet and couldn't work, and she had health problems too so she was unable to work also and they'd lost their home. After we got to the parts store, when i was paying for the hose and antifreeze with a personal check I wrote her a personal check for $20.00. I know thats not much but it was all I could afford at the time since I didn't have a job either. She was so amazed and grateful. She couldn't believe I was doing that. I told her that if it wasn't for her and her husband giving me a ride and getting what I needed that I'd have had to pay for a tow, which I couldn't afford and to please take it for their trouble. When we got back to my car the husband put on the hose and filled it with antifreeze, and we parted ways. It made me realize that even though I didn't have much, they had less and it made me feel good to give them that money. They were very kind people. I never saw them again (maybe they were angels in disguise), but I hope God has smiled on them and helped them. He has me. So don't feel bad about accepting that $20 from that older lady. I'm sure it made her feel good to give it to you for your kindness to them.

Texasdirtdigger · #12 04/15/12, 09:59 AM

Bless you!

stamphappy · #13 04/15/12, 12:28 PM

Keep on paying it forward!

Macybaby · #14 04/15/12, 01:11 PM

you are a younger mother with kids, they are an older couple way past kids, but likely where young parents at some time too, and remember what it's like. You gave them a gift, and they wanted to give something in return. Don't consider it "payment" think of it as reciprocal gifts.

SFM in KY · #15 04/15/12, 02:18 PM

Becca, all you can do is pay it forward, pass it on to someone.

It took me a long time to learn to take cash payment for "help" graciously because I grew up in a ranching community where that kind of help was simply what happened ... someone needed help and whoever saw that help was needed provided it. If someone's car broke down, you loaned them yours and it came back with a full tank of gas but certainly no offer of money to pay for the 'loan'.

As I've lived other places, I've learned that isn't a universal kind of thing and there are many people ... knowing they will never see you again, feel that they need to reimburse you for the help/kindness ...

I have a neighbor that I've had to learn to deal with like this. She is absolutely paranoid about being 'indebted' to someone for something and you can't do anything for her without her insisting on paying you for it. It actually took me several years to learn to deal with it. She is obviously uncomfortable not paying "her share" as she calls it, especially as she's gotten older and her health is worse, so she's needed more help and isn't able to reciprocate.

I also think too, that older people have lived through their years with children and busy schedules and tend to realize how hectic schedules can be for young people as well as how limited the $ can be ... and like my neighbor, know they aren't able to help in any way except with money.

beaglebiz · #16 04/15/12, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stamphappy

Keep on paying it forward!

YES YES YES!!
Pay it forward, every chance you get...you would be suprised how much better your life gets!!

emdeengee · #17 04/15/12, 04:32 PM

Please don't feel offended or that your good and kind deed was tarnished by filthy money! That was never the old folks intention. My parents would have done the same out of appreciation and gratitude and perhaps a little out of feeling a need to regain some of their power and dignity. They were very independent and old age was very frustrating to them. It must have been very embarrassing and deflating for your Oldies to be on the side of the road and not able to help themselves. And then along comes their guardian angel - you - and suddenly everything was going to be okay! They just wanted to show you just how much they apprecitated what you did.

beccachow · #18 04/15/12, 04:35 PM

DD had a gift certificate to Target and she bought something that came up $6 over her card. Guess how much money I had left over after the ice cream truck for the 3 kids yesterday? I got to do exactly what they said to do, and it did feel good.

beaglebiz · #19 04/15/12, 08:35 PM

some young men once helped my dad in a similar situation...he had no money, but wrote thier address down, and sent them a nice letter and a bit of cash that he could. I found a return letter from them in his things after he died, and he had told me the story years before. Sometimes you get the chance to touch another's life. Grab the chance, and make it memorable. I still think of them, and here it is thirty years later, remembered by the next generation, not to mention stories told to my children..

AR Cattails · #20 04/15/12, 10:10 PM

My disabled sister was taking my elderly parents to the VA for their doctor appointments one day in the summer and the temperature was 100 or better. The car broke down on the busy highway. My sister got out to look under the hood but she didn't know anything about cars. She left the hood up. No one stopped to offer to help for over an hour. My poor parents in their 80's was sitting there burning up and thirsty with no water. Finally a younger man and woman went by and then up the road they turned around and came back.

The man checked under the hood and said he saw what the problem was. He worked on the car for a very long time. My mom said he was sweating bullets. Finally he got them fixed up and my mom, who was extremely grateful, tried so hard to give him some money. He would have non of it and said he was just glad he could help. And he walked to his car and he and his wife drove off.

It was the flip side of the coin from the problem you had Beccachow. My mom felt real bad because she wasn't able to pay him for all his trouble and it bothered her for awhile. Just like this is bothering you. But you did a good thing. Take the money knowing how much your stopping to help this elderly couple in their time of need meant to them. The money was just a physical sign of the gratitude that came from their hearts.