Easter and family fueds

lenii · #1 03/22/12, 08:50 AM

Yes, it seems every Spring my girls get into a big argument over nothing at all, and then it is the....who is coming and who will be talking to each other.. and even had a "Mom can we come on Saturday instead???? "What???They are pushing 50 and still can't get along... Come on!!

Anyone else dreading the holiday get together??

Smalltowngirl · #2 03/22/12, 09:00 AM

Simple solution, offer two choices; we all meet at a restaurant(hopefully the feud won't happen in a public place) or (my favorite choice in this type of situation)-don't have a family holiday gathering this year or until the feud gets settled without you having to play peacemaker.
If the members of your family want to argue & moan, they can do it privately via phone/internet/letters without stressing you and ruining your holiday.
If you take yourself out of the equation for a years worth of holidays, maybe they'll get the idea that they crossed a line & will grow up emotionally to match their real age.

Good luck.

Sonshine · #3 03/22/12, 09:39 AM

I wish we had family close enough to come.

Harry Chickpea · #4 03/22/12, 10:13 AM

You might rethink WHY you want to get people together who don't want to be together. Come on!!

Seriously, some traditions do more damage than good. Your girls may be more "with-it" on the subject than you. If you respect them and they respect you then compromise is a possibility. I'll say flat-out if I was "expected" to attend a family gathering that I knew would be miserable for my and my siblings, I would find a way to be "too busy."

gardenmom · #5 03/22/12, 02:54 PM

I like Smalltowngirl's suggestions and may implement one of them in my own family this yr. I have made myself sick trying to figure out a way to mend my fractured family and I am, quite frankly, fed up.

lenii · #6 03/22/12, 04:19 PM

They get over something and start speaking again and it is ok for awhile and then all of a sudden it's not.

We can't go to a resturant, as my husband has alzheimers and many dementia related and mobility problems..that is why I always get to have the dinners. I am getting so tired of it all. I have three daughters, and all have health issures and emotional issues. I think I would just as soon be alone, and I don't invite anyone, they just assume it will be here. The oldest will be here as she is divorced and all alone. I can't have anyone spending a holiday alone. The other two have families and I think they should all stay home, until they can get along. I think I will say no holidays, until once and for all they settle things between themselves. None of them think it is thier fault...and I get stuck in the middle, even if I don't say anything.............I just wondered how many families go through this thing on the holidays....??

Alice In TX/MO · #7 03/22/12, 04:30 PM

Tell them it's baloney, white bread, and mayo. That's it. Stay away if they want.

New Farm Momma · #8 03/22/12, 04:46 PM

I have a huge family (youngest of 9) and there are times that we differ in opinion but know well enough to respect my parents and not throw down at their house! lol We manage to get along when we are together and if you don't have much to say to one, you just move on to another. And for sure over the years there have been times that some have elected to say, "I am going to stay home with my kids this year" and we respect their choice.
If you do in fact still want to have an Easter dinner at your place, then lay down some ground rules. There has to be some kind of bounderies for you and for your husbands peace. If they don't agree to the terms they can make other plans.
Easter is a time of year to be glad for new life and to give praise and thanks for all that we have been given, not be nasty to one another. Just my 2 cents.
Best of Luck to you

chewie · #9 03/22/12, 05:37 PM

i just want to tell you, gosh i'm sorry! what a bummer to have this to deal with.

Yvonne's hubby · #10 03/22/12, 06:14 PM

I am quite sure there are some homeless folks somewhere that would appreciate a nice holiday meal. Check with your local shelters. Kids who arent graceful enough to get along for a holiday dont need to clutter up my house with their bickering. YMMV

GammyAnnie · #11 03/22/12, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lenii

I just wondered how many families go through this thing on the holidays....??

How do I get through it, I put a STOP to it two years ago! I have eight children ranging in age from 48 to 26, the next to oldest and the youngest fight all the time, then pout, then get the others involved to fight more and get to drinking and then it was even worse!

I quit, no more holidays at the farm! Some of them are so far away, California and Florida that coming home for most holidays is impractical anyway!

Now I spend my holidays alone in peace and quiet and speak to each one of my children on the phone.

Annie

NickyBlade · #12 03/23/12, 05:53 AM

On my husbands side there is his parents, 9 children (including my husband), 25 grandchildren (most of whom are adults), and 24 great grand children... that's 60 people (even more when you add spouses) and everyone gets along.

My side is my parents, my brother and his wife and 1 baby, me and my husband and our two daughters, son in law, and grandson. My brother and his wife decided they don't want anything to do with anyone besides our parents back in November... We no longer go to my parents house because my brother and his wife will show up and act like we're not there... and that hurts me too much to deal with it. My parents kiss my brothers butt because they think that he and his wife will prevent them from seeing the baby if they get upset with them. For four months it was the first thing I thought about every morning and the last thing I thought about before bed... I've been through some pretty awful things in my life, and somehow losing my brother tops the list of hurt.

But... They all made their choices. I'm blessed to have married into a HUGE family full of amazing people who all love each other, assets and flaws.

Laura Zone 5 · #13 03/23/12, 06:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lenii

They get over something and start speaking again and it is ok for awhile and then all of a sudden it's not.

We can't go to a resturant, as my husband has alzheimers and many dementia related and mobility problems..that is why I always get to have the dinners. I am getting so tired of it all. I have three daughters, and all have health issures and emotional issues. I think I would just as soon be alone, and I don't invite anyone, they just assume it will be here. The oldest will be here as she is divorced and all alone. I can't have anyone spending a holiday alone. The other two have families and I think they should all stay home, until they can get along. I think I will say no holidays, until once and for all they settle things between themselves. None of them think it is thier fault...and I get stuck in the middle, even if I don't say anything.............I just wondered how many families go through this thing on the holidays....??

I am so sorry.
We do not do 'family holidays'. Heck we don't do holidays!!
I will not subject my children to the insanity. It makes no sense to me to spend time with people that "I'd otherwise not" just because the calendar tells me it's time too......
makes no sense

belladulcinea · #14 03/23/12, 08:15 AM

If you "want" to have a dinner for you, your husband and single daughter, have it. Tell the other two you're too tired to do anything else. Because you are too tired of the fighting. Dh's family was that way for a long time because of their mom, I always found that sad.

In my family, we get along, period, end of conversation because we respect our parent's home enough to do so. I love my siblings and am very close to my sister and sil, my brother and don't have anything in common but we get along and actually have fun together because we chose too.

beccachow · #15 03/23/12, 01:10 PM

Point out that Jesus died for the biggest feud ever; theirs will seem trivial by comparison.

Ardie/WI · #16 03/23/12, 01:13 PM

I'm so happy that I don't like my relatives enough to spend holidays with!

lenii · #17 03/23/12, 01:21 PM

I just can't believe the one daughter wanted to come and have Easter the day before. I told her to have her own dinner then. We will see how long she likes that. I don't have any favorites and think, they all could shut their mouths and show more respect. As I said, I don't even care anymore, if noone gets together, but I can't leave the one who is alone....alone.

Life is short and I am tired of trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong...

bugstabber · #18 03/23/12, 05:37 PM

Maybe they should sit at the kids table, alone.

Mysticdream44 · #19 03/24/12, 11:12 AM

I'm so sorry you have this to go through, it's the pitts plain and simple when families for whatever reason can't get along.
With my family when I was married to my kids dad, it was HIS dad that always caused the problem. No matter whose house we had a family holiday dinner at, he's find some reason to get mad and start screaming at everyone. He'd get everyone upset and feeling bad and he'd huff around and mutter to himself, loud enough of course for all of us to hear how we weren't doing things his way or he didn't like something we did and then everyone would start yelling & screaming.
I'd finally had enough. We had Thanksgiving dinner for everyone at our house in GA after we'd moved into the new house one year, and when I invited them all on the phone, I told them in no uncertain terms I would not have any fighting in my house in any way, shape, or form. That if they couldn't control themselves to stay home. And if they started anything, they were to take it outside and I'd happily call the police on them, and tell the police I had no idea who these people were and to please get them off my property. And also they'd never be invited to the house again. Know what! It actually worked. Everyone got along, and we all had a great holiday. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and stick too it. I know that is hard especially with adult children, but that may be what you have to do.

Karen · #20 03/24/12, 11:26 AM

My pet peeve and when I got old enough for people to come to my home for holidays I put a stop to it. It's totally rude and ridiculous for people to unable to spend only a couple of hours together without disrespecting each other and turning every holiday into a dreaded event!

I told everyone that if they couldn't put their differences aside and at least 'act' kind to each other long enough to eat and have their food digest, then there is something serious wrong with them and they just needed to make other plans. Whoever can come and be nice and play well with others, is more than welcome and we'll look forward to having them. There is no reason for the rest to even be missed.

Take charge and start a new family tradition -- Holidays that you can actually look forward to!