How do you keep your faith?

[jen74145]

I wasn't really raised with it; I grew up knowing God = shame and torment. Perhaps that's why I struggle, that and the whole ridiculousness of the very idea of God.

I suppose I do believe in Him, but lately something seemingly cruel has happened to my family and I'm left just wanting to slam on the brakes and yell out the window.

I suppose I just feel angry. I've lost so many people, and thought God and I had a truce. No more ugly, untimely deaths, please. For years I have tried to be upbeat and happy and treasure each day, and felt somehow cared for. Well. Lies.

I don't understand anymore. My usual optimistic treasure-each-day attitude has been replaced with fear and isolation. I can't help but think that once we're gone, that's it, and our loved ones are left behind in pain.

Ugh, sorry for an early morning downer post.

[mekasmom]

Ye must be born again.........
Unless you have had that experience nothing will be that you "know that you know that know". It's not about behavior, circumstances, or any outward thing, it is about an experience of the new birth. My best advice would be for you to pray and ask God to give you that "Know So" experience of the new birth and relationship with Him. And He will make sure you hear the right message with the anointing of the Holy Spirit to change your heart, so that doubts cannot hinder you any more.
It all boils down to that one scripture, "you must be born again". Then you know that you know that you know that you know. I pray that you come to know the power of His resurrection, and what He did for you, how much He cherishes you. You don't need reasoning or explanation, you need an experience that only Christ can give you.

The biggest sin in Christianity is that too many people take the Word of God to beat another human down with it. Everyone has failed and sinned. That is just a fact. We don't need to beat each other down to cause that shame and fear and judgement like you spoke about in your post. We just need to preach the gospel that is Good News.

[jen74145]

Ah. Except I was.

I was different. I had peace, sought God despite my situation, all that. Believed. Had three things happen that I simply cannot explain any way other than God had to have stepped in.

But now... it feels like he's stepped out for a bit, I guess. Or everything was just improbable coincidence to begin with.

The whole "Be still and know that I am God" thing used to help me. I'd go somewhere beautiful and just listen. Fine, but last night I hiked down to the walnut grove and all I heard were birds, lol.

[Sonshine]

First of all let me tell you that I'm so sorry that you're dealing with loss. Loss is no stranger to me, in fact, this time of the year is one of my hardest because of two losses I experienced. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it seems unfair. I wasn't a Christian when I went through my losses, and I felt similar to what you are posting. I grew up with parents who were Christians and I guess because I was brought up in Church that I did believe at one time but someowhere along the way I quit believing. I felt that I was so alone, even when I was surrounded by people becaue I didn't believe anyone could understand. Ironically, it was when I went through the first two losses that I actually met someone who did some things that showed God's love to me. At the time I wasn't ready to have anything to do with God or his love. So I ran. When my 4th child died I enlisted in the USAF, after basics I started taking college courses as well as doing my job in the AF. I also decided to take some martial arts classes. Basically, I was running. I had no time to think about anything, but would be so exhausted that I would fall into my bed to only face fitful sleep filled with nightmares. I got to the point that I was suicidal, and did indeed attempt suicide and woke up in the hospital. Still I ran and denied the existence of God. After I lost 4 kids in a 3 year period I experienced 4 more losses in the next few years. I didn't care any more about anything or anyone. I was existing, but not living. Yet the words and actions of one certain lady stayed with me. She had spoken to me about God's love, and then she showed God's love through her actions. Over the next few years I have to admit that I was not very kind to that lady. I mocked her and cussed her out, yet I couldn't escape that love. That's what finally made me stop and think. She seemed to have something special and I finally decided I wanted what she had. She had a peace that evaded me. By this time in my life I didn't even know if this lady was still alive, but I finally basically screamed at God and told him that if He was real, then He had to do something because I couldn't continue with life as it was. I felt a peace that I had never felt before, and even to this day that peace continues with me. It's not that I don't face rough things, or that I don't have bad days, but even in the worse day I have a hope that I didn't have before.

I pray that you will find that peace and hope.

[Sonshine]

Originally Posted by jen74145

Ah. Except I was.

I was different. I had peace, sought God despite my situation, all that. Believed. Had three things happen that I simply cannot explain any way other than God had to have stepped in.

But now... it feels like he's stepped out for a bit, I guess. Or everything was just improbable coincidence to begin with.

The whole "Be still and know that I am God" thing used to help me. I'd go somewhere beautiful and just listen. Fine, but last night I hiked down to the walnut grove and all I heard were birds, lol.

Faith is not feeling.

[Mid Tn Mama]

Jen, I'm sorry to hear that you have suffered a blow emotionally that has robbed you of your faith.

They call it a faith "journey" because you are traveling on a path. Sometimes it seems clear and is easier. Sometimes it's confusing and frustrating and painful.

But all in all, the bible is your roadmap. It is the "way" to get where you want to go. I thank all those who came before me to write the stories that are encouraging to me and teach me that living right will have blessings to me (even if I don't see them in my lifetime).

When I cannot pray, I pray the Jesus prayer: Lord have mercy on me for I am a sinner. I start with me and work outwards.

I have more to add but am busy right now and will come back later.

[Terri]

I am sorry for your loss, Jen. Your loved one is now with Someone who loves him/her, it is those of you who are left behind that are suffering!

When God made us, He gave us this world as our own. He rarely interferes with what we do here, and even when we ASK him to interfere he often will not. It isn't God who makes the bad things happen: it is a combination of the decisions that humans make and plain bad luck.

Gentle hugs for your grief!

[foxtrapper]

Originally Posted by jen74145

I'm left just wanting to slam on the brakes and yell out the window.

You know you're allowed to do that.

Many folk make god into a tyranical magician and neurotically insecure puppetmaster. Personally, I don't go along with that kind of thinking.

Pretty darn sure a real god can understand people being upset and hurting.

[Sonshine]

Originally Posted by foxtrapper

You know you're allowed to do that.

Many folk make god into a tyranical magician and neurotically insecure puppetmaster. Personally, I don't go along with that kind of thinking.

Pretty darn sure a real god can understand people being upset and hurting.

Exactly. Just look at David. He yelled and screamed at God, yet was known as a man after God's own heart.

[manawar]

Originally Posted by foxtrapper

You know you're allowed to do that.

Many folk make god into a tyranical magician and neurotically insecure puppetmaster. Personally, I don't go along with that kind of thinking.

Pretty darn sure a real god can understand people being upset and hurting.

That's good, that means you "got it". Seeing how He walked among us and went through everything we do, I'm pretty sure He can relate.

[BarbadosSheep]

For a person who has truely been saved, God does not abandon you. He is still walking with you. Life is full of hill tops and valleys. Sometimes you are on the hilltop, sometimes not. Read Psalms 23. This is commonly read at funerals, but the "valley of death" that is refered to is not a physical death, it's a spiritual death....a feeling of separation from God. So right now you are walking in that dark valley of "death" but the Bible says that God is still with you. He is leading you beside still waters and he will restore your soul. God does not make people die. God does not make evil cruel things happen to people, but he does allow it. Sometimes he allows it because it's necessary for it to happen in order to bring you to him. People have a way of not walking with God when everything is going right in their lives and only seek God when bad stuff happens. It's during these dark times in our lives that we need to seek God and not blame him. Seek him out and put your trust in him.

[Honorine]

It really depends on what you want to believe in or have faith in, what feels right and true and works for you. That does not always mean christianity. There are so many fulfilling spiritual paths, perhaps you need to seek and find the one that feels right to you, as it does not appear that conventional religion has comforted you much in the past.

As for how I keep my faith, as a Pagan I have faith in cycle of life, what is simply is, and we all have to live and die. I believe in reincarnation, and I know that my loved ones have simply crossed over to the spirit world and I will be with them again. Yes its horrible to be separated from them, but it isn't going to be forever. For me there is no heaven or hell, or ultimate evil or ultimate good, no fear of reprisals other than karma. I find faith and comfort in the smallest of things, a cat purring, a childs laugh, it tells me that the wheel will keep turning, and that I will be happy again, even in the darkest of days or the depths of the most devastating loss.

Find your own path, find your own peace, it may or may not be the christian religion, do not be afraid to look eslewhere.. If you feel your at a crossroads you probably are. Crossroads are magical places, and full of possibilities, open your mind and find your way, it may take you back to the belief you once had, and it may take you away from it towards a different understanding.

[mnn2501]

God doesn't interfere with man's free will. ie bad things happen.
God set this world up to work, mankind has put it into the condition it is today.
This world could be a paradise, instead we have: crime, pollution, greed, etc.

God is not some extreme puppet master making everyone do exactly what he wants them to.

[6e]

I agree with some of the other posts. First of all, being a Christian isn't about "feeling" anything in particular. I have had times when I am very angry with God. I ask Him why? How come? How could You? etc. I don't think He is upset by those things. He did make us the way we are and knows we get frustrated and afraid and feel lonely. I think He is sympathetic to those feelings and deals with us gently. I also have "winter" times in my faith where I wonder why I even believe the way I do. I think everyone goes through that to some extent. It's not wrong.

Unfortunately, being a Christian doesn't absolve anyone from hard times. It merely means that we have the hope that He will turn those hard times for our good if we respond to them right and yield to His leading in it. Other wise, we usually have to go through it again till we learn what we're supposed to learn. But that's where the peace comes from is knowing He is in control, and won't allow us to go through anything that He does not also give us the grace to endure and that He is working something out, even though we may not realize it at that point in time.

Prayers to you and know almost everyone is going through some sort of hard times and if they're not.....it will be along shortly.

[Cheri in NY]

Exactly what Barbados sheep said and if I can add: Pray that God shows you what you should be doing, ask Him to put someone in your life to disciple you and to have your heart open to listen to that person. Find a local Bible believing, Bible teaching church. The Bible is Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. A good church will help teach you to read it while attending regularly. And, finally, once you are saved, you can never lose your salvation, no one can take it from you. So, maybe, you need to start to pray for that person to help disciple you (take you under their wing and help guide you through learning what God's Word says). I will keep you in my prayers today. <3

[JuliaAnn]

Quote "But now... it feels like he's stepped out for a bit, I guess"

Someone may have mentioned it above and I missed it, but Mother Theresa was quoted saying something very similar. Basically, she said she didn't often feel God's presence. And now she's in the process of canonization, if not already a saint (I may have missed that). I often don't feel God in my life.

[Lada]

God never said there wouldn't be pain and suffering here on earth. That's what makes this earth, and not heaven.

He did promise that he will be there for us to see us through our trials if we seek him. Sometimes, it might seem like he's abandoned us, but that's just not true. I don't know that there's a way to make a person feel the presence of God if they don't. When I feel out of touch with God, I go to Eucharistic Adoration. The true physical presence of him there helps me to know that he really is here with me, even when it doesn't seem so.

I also read a lot about the lives of the saints. Seeing the kind of suffering that many of them went through because of, and in spite of, their faith, usually makes my problems seem a little more manageable.

[Danaus29]

To put it in perspective read Job. I read it through several times when I was walking through a dark valley. Sometimes dh will ask me why I did something stupid or inconsiderate and I tell him "so God won't go bragging on me like he did Job". A more perfect and upright man was never known but he lost everything he had, his wife turned against him, his body was afflicted and his friends came to "comfort" him and called him a horrible sinner.

[therunbunch]

I'm a "crisis of faith" kind of gal. I've lost all but 2 living blood relatives, including both parents 4 months apart before I even graduated high school. I lost my best friend last December. I feel alone in the world and so tired of death too.

Someone once said we had to be flat on our face sometimes before we "get it". I've been flat on my face a few times. For the most part I'm a flame burning bright for the Lord.. but then sometimes I reach a crisis of faith. It is through those that I actually grow closer.

Maybe you need a personal revival.. like we sometimes have to fall back in love with our partners.. you may need to fall back in love with the Lord. Do you go to church? Read the bible? Maybe you just need to let someone know you're struggling so that someone can pray for you and your journey. (I'll do that for you and I'm sure others here will too.)

I can't pretend to know why horrible things happen to us.. but I do know that the Lord works in mysterious ways and some of the most horrible things that have happened to me HAD to happen to me to get me (and others) where I/they are today. Our 4 year old son nearly died of MRSA nearly 3 years ago. At that time (and leading up to that point) I asked DH why God didn't heal our son. WHY would he allow our child to suffer and no one understand what was going on with him? Well... because of our son's near death experience, I was led to leave my career in medicine and build a company that now provides for us.. and helps profit the MRSA Survivors Network and other organizations around the world.

Crisis of Faith. Many times over.. that's been what has kept me so close to the Lord's side. I'll be praying for you!

[Joshie]

Originally Posted by jen74145

Ah. Except I was.

I was different. I had peace, sought God despite my situation, all that. Believed. Had three things happen that I simply cannot explain any way other than God had to have stepped in.

But now... it feels like he's stepped out for a bit, I guess. Or everything was just improbable coincidence to begin with.

The whole "Be still and know that I am God" thing used to help me. I'd go somewhere beautiful and just listen. Fine, but last night I hiked down to the walnut grove and all I heard were birds, lol.

A lot of people go through the motions of asking God to save them. There's a huge difference between saying the words and meaning them to the core of your being. Struggling is part of the walk of faith it makes me wonder if you ever knew God when you say that God is "just improbable coincidence" or "the whole ridiculousness of the very idea of God."

Matthew 7:21-23 (Jesus) "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'

Satan is the great deceiver. He confuses. He does not want us to be saved. He can confuse us into believing we know Him when we do not know the great I am.

James 2:18-20 But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe--and shudder! Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?

Trials are a part of life. Life is not easy. I became disabled at age 45. My kids are both disabled and my DH was diagnosed with cancer last year. DS will never live independently. That's up for grabs for DD. We'll know better when she gets to high school. Life is not easy. We do have a choice though: We can be miserable or we can be happy. Circumstances do not determine this. Attitude does. Look at Hebrews 12, especially verses 3-12.

Hebrews 12:11-13 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

So... how do I keep from being discouraged? I don't. How do I find it easy to worship and trust my God? I don't. Worship is sometimes easy but, boy, do I have dry times. During those dry times, it's especially important to get into the Word.

I think about my walk with our Lord this way. When I love somebody (for example, my husband) I want to speak with them daily. I want to talk with them and hear what they have to say. I want to be with them. If I do not want these things do I really love them? Do I really want to be with them? Are they important to me? If I love somebody I want to do things that show them that I love them. I do these things in my walk with God. I pray every day (and more--I certainly should pray more). I listen to God by reading His Word. I try to share my faith and do things He wants me to do.

Life in this world hurts. It's difficult. The walk is easier when we make that walk with Him.