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11/22/11, 10:08 PM
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Tx
Posts: 1,442
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Lost our grandchild today. What to expect?
My son went with his wife today to get a sonogram to find out if the baby was a girl or boy. They could not find a heartbeat. So many thoughts flying through my head now. Could those of you that have lost a child tell me what to expect? She was almost 6 months pregnant. Will they induce labor or wait? Will there be an autopsy? What happens to the baby? I'm sure there are questions that haven't even occurred to me yet. I don't want to be insensitive and ask her while shes still in shock. Their older daughter was so excited about the baby.
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11/22/11, 10:13 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,215
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I've never been through this so I can't offer any advice.
I just wanted to say "I'm sorry for your loss."
__________________
I refuse to believe corporations are people until Texas executes one.
I also believe that workers need Unions as much as gun owners need the NRA.
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11/22/11, 10:14 PM
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Too many fat quarters...
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: SW Nebraska, NW Kansas
Posts: 8,537
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I can't even begin to answer your questions but my heart aches for your loss and your son's family. 
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11/22/11, 10:16 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,640
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I have no experience with this either, but I just want to offer my condolences and prayers.
__________________
Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD
Psalm 33:12
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11/22/11, 10:34 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,147
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The only person I knew, well, actually 2 ppl, who had that happen were put in the hospital and given meds for them to deliver the baby.
I am SO sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))
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11/22/11, 10:38 PM
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Planting the garden
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Hialeahs goat farm ;)
Posts: 1,873
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They usually will ask if you want to be induced or wait a bit. It should be ok for her to do either as long as she does not have a fever or other health issues. As far as autopsy that may depend on the state you live in but it is usually the choice of the parents. If it's not regularly done by the hospital and they want it done they can do that and pay privately too. It is very healthy for her to see and hold the baby and if she does not want to right now I would strongly encourage her to at least have some pictures taken so that if she changes her mind later the option is still there.
They should be able to do footprints depending on how long ago the baby passed.
They may ask her if she wants them to "dispose" of the baby (they treat them as "medical waste"...) She has every right to refuse that and have the baby buried as far as I know. (we are in a different state.) She will be in shock and won't be able to change these things later so she may need help or encouragement talking to the staff ect.
I am so very sorry and will be praying for you all.
ETA: My sister lost her baby at 34 weeks and I lost mine at 12 weeks. She has been through the funeral/buriel process and I let them take my baby for testing of genetics but I regret my decision because they "disposed" of her... they CAN do an autopsy however and then you bury the baby. Just be sure they know her wishes and those wishes may have to be re-itterated.
Last edited by ne prairiemama; 11/22/11 at 10:47 PM.
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11/22/11, 10:38 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 452
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I am so sorry for everyone. We have sons 12 , 8 and 5 yr old. But for years we couldnt have children. Several long term (8th month., and yet I dont have anything to say that could ease the pain. The only offer we have is the thought that nature sometimes takes its own road. If the child was born with something so severe, or painful that he/she would die a terrible death then maybe this was a less painfull way
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11/22/11, 10:40 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 2,268
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Yep, from what I've experienced with my own friends and family... They induce your labor and you give birth to the baby just like it was full term. Pretty traumatic to have to go through labor to deliver a stillborn preemie, but... that's generally what happens.
Some people take pictures of their lost child, and spend some time with it, to have some memories. Others simply prefer to think of it as a miscarriage so it isn't as traumatic. Either way, the parents are going to be grieving, and there's not much you can do but be there for them.
Some people choose to bury the baby in a cemetery as though it was a full term child, complete with name and the details, and I know that others who refer to think of it as a 6-month fetus simply let the hospitals dispose of it. It's a very personal decision.
There are lots of videos that I stumbled across on YouTube the other night of memorial videos that people did with pix of the baby and pix of the family with the baby after delivery... I was quite surprised by them, but they're quite beautifully done.
Good luck and thoughts to the whole family!
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11/22/11, 10:52 PM
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Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 5,900
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From my personal experience at exactly that time in my pregnancy, I delivered and then chose to have my little son buried in a cemetary. The nurses were very understanding, and let me hold him for a few minutes. I know another person who was told she had to carry to term unless she developed toxemia or some other life threatening condition, and it was so traumatic for her. People would notice she was pregnant and ask all kinds of questions. What do you say? My baby is already gone, but I'm carrying to term. Very heartbreaking. I guess if I had the choice, I'd still deliver. The rest is pretty much a personal choice. So sorry for your loss, and we'll keep you all in our prayers.
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11/22/11, 11:00 PM
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Uber Tuber
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Southern Taxifornia
Posts: 6,287
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I'm so sorry. Did they listen for a heartbeat to verify?
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I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam.
Popeye
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11/22/11, 11:18 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 19,807
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I am so sorry for your loss. It is heart-wrenching to go through.
I lost my first child when I was about 4 and a half months along. They did a D&C, and there really wasn't anything left there (the baby had stopped growing a couple of weeks earlier). I remember feeling so sad and lost and when people said very insensitive things I thought that I had no right to feel so bad.
My prayer is that your son and daughter-in-law will heal, and that they will be surrounded with loving support.
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Je ne suis pas Alice
http://homesteadingfamilies.proboards.com/
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11/22/11, 11:24 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 5,522
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Oh, my heart is breaking for your son and daughter in law. God bless them.
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11/22/11, 11:27 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,398
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I am so sorry. Praying for them & you.
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11/22/11, 11:46 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NE Arkansas
Posts: 5,251
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I'm so sorry. Your family will be in my prayers.
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11/23/11, 03:04 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
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I had a neighbor that had 3 stillborns. <she had a genetic thing, and she chose to keep trying for a healthy baby>. She delivered when it was found out that the baby wouldnt survive . She also was about 6-7 months. She cremated the babies, and took pictures. It was very healing for her. Her and her husband had a pact that whoever died first, would be buried with the three children
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National Organization for Women
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11/23/11, 03:19 AM
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Texasdirtdigger
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: N. Texas and E. Texas
Posts: 4,494
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I am so sorry.
__________________
"We are the people, our parents warned us about." - Jimmy Buffett
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11/23/11, 03:56 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: MS
Posts: 24,572
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I just want to say that my heart goes out to your son, his wife, you and the rest of your family.
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11/23/11, 06:47 AM
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On my way home
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Grant Co. WV/ Washington Co, Md
Posts: 1,167
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pony
I am so sorry for your loss. It is heart-wrenching to go through.
I lost my first child when I was about 4 and a half months along. They did a D&C, and there really wasn't anything left there (the baby had stopped growing a couple of weeks earlier). I remember feeling so sad and lost and when people said very insensitive things I thought that I had no right to feel so bad.
My prayer is that your son and daughter-in-law will heal, and that they will be surrounded with loving support.
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The same thing happened to me but I found people to be very sympathetic. Even my older brother who is not a huggy person simply came to me and just hugged me and told me he was sorry. That has stayed with me and even now makes me tear up.
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11/23/11, 07:47 AM
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tom
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: mid michigan
Posts: 606
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i lost my son when he was 4 months old of sids. they did an autopsy even tho i didnt want them to,but said they wanted to check his heart valves.
he would have been 12 on dec 14th.
its very hard and i still have pain,but prayers do help.
my prayers to you and yours
tom
__________________
to understand reality,one must define the concept of fantasy
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11/23/11, 08:13 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,244
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My sister gave birth to a stillborn daughter, on her due date, weighing 8 lb., 6 oz. She had died the night before. Not just my sister, but the whole family was in shock. We had never experienced anything like that before. One thing I would encourage is tell her to hold the baby. My sister didn't and oh, how she regretted that later. That played on her mind something fierce. We did take pictures but not until the funeral home. We simply was not thinking. In shock. Afterwards, is when you think of all the things you should have done. We wished we had taken pictures at the hospital, with all of us holding the baby but shock and brain fog prevented us from doing so.
One thing about the pictures is................a couple of years later, my sister made a beautiful scrapbook with them. She enjoyed that immensely. Really good therapy for her. She would add poems and all sorts of stuff. She still gets that book out occasionally and works on it.
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