I need to vent!

**Kris in MI** · #1 06/15/11, 01:01 PM

An email from my mother has set me off. In it, she mentions "It was so nice to just visit with everyone on Monday without having to compete with other people." Which was her way of referencing the fact that DS2's graduation open house was so hugely attended that she didn't feel she got enough of his (or my) attention.

So, bear with me while I write the email response I'd like to send, but won't.

Dear Mom.

It would have been nicer to be able to get some work done around my house on Monday instead of spending two hours listening to you talk about everything you don't like about your job, my grandmother, etc, and giving everyone present detailed advice on what we should have said or done in situation x, y, and z. I'm sure DS1 loved your comment on how he should get rid of his needy girlfriend just because she has texted him everyday that he's been home on leave and she misses him.

It was great how you followed me around when I tried to leave the room when you appeared to actually be talking to DS2. I had a whole lot of stuff to catch up on, since the last week I spent nearly every waking minute preparing for DS2's party. If I don't weed my onions soon, I'll lose the entire crop because of the weeds choking them out. And the strawberries are on, and I really needed to be making jam during those two hours. By the time you finally left, I only had an hour before I too needed to leave my house. So, the jam didn't get made that day and some of the strawberries were overripe and subsequently wasted when I did manage to get the jam made on Tuesday.

It's too bad you don't realize that DS2's open house was about him, not you, and he had over 100 people who also wanted to talk to him, so he couldn't let you monopolize his time. His other grandmother was driving him batty as well that day, trying to worm her way into conversations he was having with other people. Some of whom drove several hours to be here on his special day, and haven't seen him in years, unlike you, who has seen him about once a week for the past two months.

I'm so sorry you felt left out. No, not really. You're an adult. You should be mature enough to step back and not be the center of attention all the time.

Love, your daughter.

Phew! I feel so much better now!

Wolf Flower · #2 06/15/11, 01:20 PM

Haha!

I'd be tempted to send that letter; your mom probably doesn't realize what a pain she is.

But yeah, it's probably better not to.

therunbunch · #3 06/15/11, 01:26 PM

Just thinking here.. but perhaps, in addition to your child's open house, a graduation dinner with just immediate family might have kept all the tigers in their cages. It's hard to give good advice without seeing both sides of the situation. I hope you guys can get to the heart of the problem without causing more pain or frustration though. Wish I could help with your onion weeding and jam making though!!

mrswright · #4 06/15/11, 01:27 PM

I would let it go, it would serve no postive purpose.
I think just typing it would calm me down.
Choose your battles...

Alice In TX/MO · #5 06/15/11, 01:56 PM

How rude you are in that letter. She made a comment about enjoying the visit, and you spewed. I sure hope you didn't send it.

soulsurvivor · #6 06/15/11, 02:00 PM

You have a mom that's interested enough to come visit you and your family. She doesn't have to do that. If you need help why don't you ask her to help with making the jam, or any other of the many chores you have to get done. It could make her feel more welcome to be included in the preparations for your son's event. You can be honest with your mom in a kind way and tell her what you need to tell her. The silent treatment creates a nervous stomach for everyone involved. Old women like me tend to get chatty cathy when that happens. I'd give just about anything to have my mom back in my life. She really was my best friend.

Pony · #7 06/15/11, 02:14 PM

I'm sure there's more to this than meets the eye, and quite a history between mother and daughter.

It's nice to be able to vent, share a letter you would never send, and just move on.

As Erma Bombeck noted, "Family: The ties that bind - and gag."

tailwagging · #8 06/15/11, 02:14 PM

I too have family (mom, grown sons...) that just doesn't understand that mother nature will wait for no one and that chores that need to get done, NEED to get done.
I have had many a blow out with them about it. and now say "well if you want to come over you'll need to help me mow or weed or pick......"
more often then not they don't come over.

Wolf Flower · #9 06/15/11, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alice In TX/MO

How rude you are in that letter. She made a comment about enjoying the visit, and you spewed. I sure hope you didn't send it.

She said she had no intention of sending it. I'm sure there's a lot of history between mother & daughter and it would have been a long post if OP were to explain it all.

OP is just venting, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate. My mother drives me crazy!

Laura Zone 10 · #10 06/15/11, 02:29 PM

Think of it this way:

This is a LIVING EXAMPLE of what NOT to do, when your children grow up, marry, and have children of their own!!

I feel for you! Totally get the whole 'snotty undertones'.

Sonshine · #11 06/15/11, 02:45 PM

I'm glad you got a chance to vent in a non-destructive manner. Sometimes it's good to just put it in writing and share it with others. Hope you feel better and are more able to deal with your Mother in a loving fashion.

JanS · #12 06/15/11, 04:09 PM

I think you're smart to write it down and get it out of your system. I often complain to my online or real-life friends about my mom. Then I'm over it by the next time I see her, and all is well. She does some things that really set me off and it's not fair to make her feel bad over something she can't help - she isn't going to change at this age - or that is really a problem with me and MY perception of the incident.

Tracy Rimmer · #13 06/15/11, 04:31 PM

Congratulations on getting that out of your system in a place that you can then let it go and move on. Sometimes, we just need to let it out -- I hope you feel better now.

I wouldn't presume to understand your relationship with your mother -- sometimes those relationships are difficult, and I recognize that. I will say, however, that I lost my mom ten years ago last fall... and I would give ANYTHING.... ANYTHING... for five more minutes of her time, even if she spent every second of it telling me what was wrong with my life.

lamoncha lover · #14 06/15/11, 05:47 PM

My letter would be..
Dear mom,
I miss you teribly. I wish I had called you that last night when my mind said to call and I answered back..oh I have so much to do..I will call tomorrow.
I didn't know that it would be the night of your last breath. That never again would you look upon your grandchildren or offer your words of wisdom..wanted or not
Mom I miss you and your strong personality. If I had but 1 day to devote fully to you. I would grant it with excitement. I miss you mom and wish I had realised some day you would not be here.

lamoncha lover · #15 06/15/11, 05:48 PM

tracy/didnt see your post..but I agree
when its over its all over

stormwalker · #16 06/15/11, 06:02 PM

Walk in someone's shoes for ten miles before you judge them.

jen74145 · #17 06/15/11, 06:51 PM

Oh for the love of-

My mom is dead too, and I sure would like to get to know her. But it is what it is.

The grandma who raised me, I love her but the woman is a martyr and passive aggressive to the nth degree (which is what I figure OP's mama is like). Boundaries on my end keep our relationship civil.

Motherhood does not bestow sainthood upon a person. Just because someone is related to you, and perhaps even loved, does not mean they don't know just how to get on your last exhausted, thin, fraying nerve and TAP DANCE UPON IT.

Breathe deep OP. I totally understand!

If I ever do such to my son, my DH already has instructions to just take my cranky rude self out to pasture. lol

Terri in WV · #18 06/15/11, 06:59 PM

Glad you feel better

! It's nice to be able to get out what you want to say even though the person may never hear it. Just being able to say what you think is freeing, until the next time. Then the process repeats itself.

debbydoo1966 · #19 06/15/11, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soulsurvivor

You have a mom that's interested enough to come visit you and your family. She doesn't have to do that. If you need help why don't you ask her to help with making the jam, or any other of the many chores you have to get done. It could make her feel more welcome to be included in the preparations for your son's event. You can be honest with your mom in a kind way and tell her what you need to tell her. The silent treatment creates a nervous stomach for everyone involved. Old women like me tend to get chatty cathy when that happens. I'd give just about anything to have my mom back in my life. She really was my best friend.

This.............

Ardie/WI · #20 06/15/11, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pony

I'm sure there's more to this than meets the eye, and quite a history between mother and daughter.

It's nice to be able to vent, share a letter you would never send, and just move on.

As Erma Bombeck noted, "Family: The ties that bind - and gag."

BINGO!

The OP is venting--just venting. Better to vent here than to get a ulcer!