05/13/11, 01:49 AM
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Banned
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Tx
Posts: 2,134
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On Hold with Heaven
Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary part of
our daily lives, but have you ever wondered how it would be like if God decided
to install voice mail in Heaven?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages press 0
Please select from one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for all other Inquiries
I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners
right now. However, your prayer is very important to us, and we will
answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy Spirit, press 3
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
holding press 4
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5, then
enter his or her social security number followed by the pound sign.
(If you hear a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666)
For reservations in Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by
numbers 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth,
life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive.
Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang
up and try again tomorrow.
The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.
Please pray again on Monday at 9:30 a.m. If you are calling after hours
and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.
Thank you, and have a heavenly day.
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