When you are angry...

[Melissa]

When a person says something in anger do you think that is what they really think, or do they say it knowing they will upset the other person?

[Our Little Farm]

I believe it is often what they really think.

[jlrbhjmnc]

My opinion: I used to be sure it was what they really think, but with a few more years on me I think they are trying to hurt the other person in order to protect themselves (rational or not) OR they are just out of control for the moment.

[mary,tx]

I think when people are angry they can't think straight, and say whatever comes to their mind. It may or may not be what they really think, and may or may not be intended to hurt the other person.

[foxtrapper]

Or do I think they said something in that moment of anger that they likely don't think when they are calm.

[Ana Bluebird]

Well, my ex said things that really hurt and he knew it. I might say things that are the truth. I don't like arguments and avoid them. I find them not at all helpful.

[6e]

I think it's a little of both. I think words spoken in anger is often what is lieing in the heart and not said under normal circumstances knowing that it will hurt, but when anger is the dominant emotion, hurting the other person no longer matters and so then, those things which are thought, but unsaid are let out knowing the damage our words will do. I will say as a side note, while I don't think it's ever right to hurt someone, sometimes things need to be said and with me, it often takes anger to spur me to say it because I'm always worried about hurting someone's feelings and so will keep something inside and let it fester rather than just saying it when it first starts to bother me. I HATE confrontations and will avoid them at all costs.

On someone that just blurts out cruel hateful things, I think they're speaking out of the abundance of their heart. They're full of cruel hateful thoughts and so that's what comes out in their speech.

I guess you just have to know the person.

[Rick]

The third explanation could be they said it without meaning it, or meaning to be hurtful, but just blurted it out.

You might be able to get THEM to shed some light on the subject by asking : " What would make say such a thing".

[hippygirl]

It depends on the person saying it, the situation, the trigger, and even the recipient...in other words, only "they" know for sure.

[suitcase_sally]

Reminds me of this saying I heard many years ago:

"A drunk man's talk...
is a sober man's thought."

[salmonslayer]

If its between partners or kids I think its often said to hurt and thats the insidious acid that starts to eat away at relationships.

You cant take back hateful words or things said in anger even if you want to. When I am angry I just keep quiet and dont speak until I am calmed down...that has saved me from myself.

[fordy]

Originally Posted by Melissa

When a person says something in anger do you think that is what they really think, or do they say it knowing they will upset the other person?

..................I think you have too segregate responders into family , friends , coworkers , church members , and neighbors . For instance as coworkers , if an individual has made mistakes when given a chance too excel , and you as a coworker performing the same job , performed with excellence and exceeded expectations , Then I'd say it's jealousy as a motivational force . Humans are very complex machines and it's not always clear what energizes them too respond when angry . , fordy

[mammabooh]

When I am angry, I say what I mean.

[Melissa]

We have these big debates around here and we were talking about this a few nights ago. Of course with so many people here sometimes people say things when they are mad then later they say they did not mean it. I always think if you say something when you are mad it is probably your true thoughts.

[Our Little Farm]

Originally Posted by mammabooh

When I am angry, I say what I mean.

Me too, and sometimes it just needs to be said and is a lot better spoken out loud!

[mammabooh]

Originally Posted by Melissa

We have these big debates around here and we were talking about this a few nights ago. Of course with so many people here sometimes people say things when they are mad then later they say they did not mean it. I always think if you say something when you are mad it is probably your true thoughts.

Yep...I agree. People say what they really mean, and then start regretting the spilled beans and apologize, saying that they didn't really mean it. What they really mean, is that they are upset that the person didn't take it well.

[bluemoonluck]

It could be either, IME.

Sometimes when you hurt someone they want to hurt you back so they say the most hurtful thing that pops into their head. If they know you well they may just be pushing your buttons...in which case they don't really mean it, they were just returning fire.

However sometimes when people get angry they end up blurting out what has been festering for a while, and they WILL tell you the truth. And like some of you have noticed, afterwards if they feel badly about it they may say that it wasn't true, even if it was.

There's no absolute answer here. It depends on the person, the situation, what was said, how it was handled afterwards, etc etc.

[ronbre]

i think people tend to be MORE honest when they are angry..you get the real heart of the matter when they are speaking without love holding them back.

[watcher]

When you are angry to the point of lashing out you usually want to do the most damage possible. This applies to physical as well as verbal.

[Sonshine]

I think it depends on a lot of things. It can be saying what you really mean, but on the other hand, sometimes it's said just to try to hurt the person you are angry at.