Cat Dilemma, I need opinions

[Sumer]

Ok this is for my sister who has called me every day for a week asking me what she should do.
I tell her what I think but she still apparently needs other opinions since she is not listening to me so I said I would post it here.

It might even be fun since this is not a crisis type of dilemma.

Sis has 2 adult cats. Her neighbor Jeremy across the street has 2 cats, one all black and one mutt (Max) that he got from me when my cat had kittens. So both of Jeremy’s cats (so we though - see below) were raised together as kittens and are around 3 years old.

Since spring sis kept finding Max in her yard more and more hanging out with her cats and then even in her house. Sis would just put him back out. Come to find out he figured out from her cats how to get in the cat door and comes and goes as he pleases during the day but Sis locks the cat door when she’s working and then at night. He eats her cat’s food and her cats totally accept him in the house. Sometimes he got locked in at night when she didn’t know he was there. Sometimes he would come inside in the morning and she couldn’t find him before she left for work so he would be in her house all day.

So all summer and fall Max increasingly began to move bit by bit to my sisters house. Sis doesn’t mind anymore and has come to love Max, So does her 5yo daughter. Sis has no problem keeping him except that Max is not her cat. He really is a nice cat.

I kept telling her to go and talk to Jeremy about it & she has already a few times The guy is hard to catch because they work different shifts. They have tried a few things to keep Max across the street but nothing has worked. Changing his food to what he likes at my sisters house, buying him toys to keep himself occupied & not bored…

Now it’s to the point where when it’s raining or cold or just because, Max comes to her house instead of going to Jeremy’s even though Max can get in at any time at Jeremy’s because he keeps a window open. Max will wait in the cold garage for her to come home so he can get in. And my sister now worries about him like her own bundles of fur.

Last week ago she again talked to him about Max and she found out that this spring the other one of Jeremy’s cats that is all black disappeared so he put a lost add in the paper. A week or so went by and someone answered the add and he went to go get his lost cat. Jeremy brought it home and from Max’s angry reaction it obviously wasn’t his lost cat but he kept it anyways. Max hates this new switcharoo cat and they don’t get along.

Sis is appalled now because Jeremy never told her any of that, never even asked her if she saw his missing black cat and she thinks he is a bad cat owner for not recognizing his own cat…and after all the trying to get Max to go home she wants to keep Max even more now.

So How should she handle this with Jeremy?

[Kmac15]

If Jeremy taking the cat to the vet on a regular basis? Does he mind the shared custody thing going on?
it would seem that she gets to have a pet that Jeremy is paying the vet bills on...so no harm no foul....

[Trixie]

If the owner is OK, and you are OK, with another pet, just ask him to help with feed bills, no small thing, and vet bills.

Cats have a habit of just moving on and moving in where they feel most comfortable.

[Sumer]

Ok the vet thing is something to consider and Sis did mention it. Max is 3 years old and fixed so he probably had shots when he was fixed. He would be due again for them by now.

If she is going to claim the cat as hers she has to ask Jeremy if the cat is up to date on them dosent she? Oh that will be a touchy conversation for her LOL.

Jeremy did offer to buy her some cat food a couple months ago but sis declined. But since then his "visits" have become more extended - like for days. Jeremy did switch to the same food she feeds her other cats. So its not the food keeping him away. He is a healthy looking cat so its not the quantity either.

He hasnt seemed very worried about Max's disapearances, not enough to ask her if he is over her place which concerns her even more that he dosent seem to care. Jeremy told her he sees Max only about every 4-5 days. So Sis knows that Max is over her house more than his.

[Joshie]

I think that if your sister just kept her cats inside she wouldn't have a problem.

[manygoatsnmore]

I'm just waiting to see when Oggie's gonna chime in here. I don't think he'll be able to resist the thread title.

I'd just keep the cat - he's already effectively hers by his choice, fits in with her cats and hates the usurper cat at Jeremy's. If she wants, go talk to Jeremy and ask him if he minds letting Max change houses permanently.

[Michael W. Smith]

Now this is right down my alley and an animal with the same name - Max. Except instead of a cat, it's a dog.

This "shepard mutt" showed up at our house one day. Nicest dog ever. We finally found out who owned it - a local farmer who lives about 1 1/2 miles away! He came and got Max. And ANYTIME Max got loose, he would show up here. The farmer would come and get him again.

We even sometimes took him over and dropped him off (didn't tie him up) but within a half hour he would be back! Anytime Max disappeared, the farmer knew exactly where to come. We have a female dog and Max "liked" her, but it never resulted in pups because although Max was never officially "fixed" - things aren't exactly like they should be back there - like undescended.

Anyway, this went on for about a year. And sometimes when the farmer would come, Max would run from him. It wasn't that the farmer was mean to him, or didn't treat him right - it was that Max was tied up and anytime he got loose he would end up here.

Well, the farmer died and sure enough within about a week of the farmer's death - Max showed up yet again. I called the farmer's brother to tell him about it, but in the meantime had heard the brother didn't want Max and was looking for a new owner because the farmer's brother is older and didn't get around too good. So I offered if he ever wanted to get rid of Max, I would take him. "He is yours."

And Max has been here ever since. Now here, he is tied up all the time like he was at "home", but if he does get loose, he sticks right around here. For some reason this is home to him.

It sounds like your sister pretty much has the same situation, kind of. I think I wouldn't even mention it to the neighbor - he already knows WHERE his Max is. However, your sister should just take over on all bills for Max because like it not, Max has adopted HER. And with the imposter black cat, I don't think he WANTS to go back to his orignal home.

[Ravenlost]

Originally Posted by manygoatsnmore

...I'd just keep the cat - he's already effectively hers by his choice, fits in with her cats and hates the usurper cat at Jeremy's. If she wants, go talk to Jeremy and ask him if he minds letting Max change houses permanently.

I agree. Max has made up his mind. Time for Jeremy to give in!

[JuliaAnn]

'Usurper cat'.

Now THAT rated a spew alert.

[DamnearaFarm]

That's how I ended up with Corgi number two.
She didn't live across the driveways, according to that neighbor. She was a drop off sometime last year. He fed her, named her and put her in his kennel occasionally, but she WASN'T his.
She started hanging out around here. A lot. As in never there except for a visit, always at one of my doors. First time we heard her bark was when my oldest left the garage door open (where her chicks were living in a dog crate at the time)-the dog knew that the door was supposed to be closed and came and barked at the closest door until I went out and shut the door. Without fail, every morning at 4:45, her little face would pop up in the dining room window, where she'd spent the night on the glider.
It started getting colder and she has had a bad break that apparently wasn't treated. You can see it and you can see it when she moves. we were worried about her being out in the weather without any shelter so we let her in. She took SUCH delight in normal everyday house-dog stuff. A month after she came inside, he came over to ask if we'd seen her, his wife said it'd been a day or two since she'd seen the dog (a DAY? Try thirty of 'em!). I told him where she was and he said he was glad she had a good home and thanked me for taking her in.
Sounds like Max made the same decision Yogi did.

[Alice In TX/MO]

I can't figure out why the humans think they have to "do" anything, "deal" with anything, or talk about it.

The cats have decided. Have you ever made a cat change its mind?

[Ohio dreamer]

I agree, the decision was made and the humans were NOT consulted. So everyone needs to get over it and move on - Max sure has.

[Wildwood Flower]

THAT'S CATS.

You all really having nothing much to say about it.

[Oggie]

This is troubling.

Your sister has become an unwitting accomplice to a clandestine cat information gathering hub.

The cats seem to have the ability to come and go at will, exchanging reconnaissance and who knows what else.

In addition, the “owner” of the lead espionage agent (That you call “Max”(in reality no one knows its real name)) seems completely out of it, bringing new cats into his home without proper screening (Where do you think the term “vetting” came from, anyway?).

Chances are the cats stole Jeremy’s soul long ago, so he is pretty much useless. And, it’s pretty obvious that the cats have turned your sister against Jeremy, perhaps a tactical error on their part.

But, your sister is more or less stuck with the situation as-is.

So, what to do?

She’s justified to turn the whole lot out into the street, but that would just move the secret cell elsewhere.

If she feels that she is up to the task, she should begin doing whatever she can to disrupt the flow of information back to feline headquarters.

Blowing their ears makes them shake their heads violently and mixed up the information they’ve collected.

Or, she can put Scotch Tape on the bottom of their feet. In addition to driving them nuts, it keeps them distracted so that they will have trouble remembering the information collected. (Lacking opposable thumbs they cannot write anything down. By all means, she should keep them away from computer keyboards.)

Of course, she can just keep the cats continually high on catnip, so they can not accomplish their mission.

She really needs a dog's help if she is going to succeed,

[amwitched]

When I was a kid our cat decided that he liked living with the neighbor man next door. He catered to him (fresh sauteed chicken livers) and he was his buddy. The neighbor asked my Mom if he could continue to care for him and she said yes. Why try to change what couldn't be changed? Everybody had a happy ending.

[hengal]

Originally Posted by Ohio dreamer

I agree, the decision was made and the humans were NOT consulted. So everyone needs to get over it and move on - Max sure has.

My feelings exactly, especially if this Jeremy doesn't actively try to keep Max at his house. Sounds like shes taking care of a "problem" he doesn't have time to mess with. IMHO - she is the adoptive mother.

[bluefish]

We recently moved here with 5 cats. All cats that we've had for years. One of them has moved in with the neighbor for some reason or other. The neighbor doesn't mind at all and the cat does come back for visits every once in a while. What are you gonna do? You can't fight the will of the cat!

[Topaz Farm]

He chose her and she has nothing to say about it.

How do I know, because it happened to us.

The neighbor's cat kept coming down here. He would hang around then go home. He got hurt and she took him to the vet, after he got well he came here and stayed.

I went up there and told her that he was here and doing OK. She was getting ready to move so we just kept him. I guess he didn't want to move.

[happy@home]

In our area if you are feeding a cat it is your cat legally. In a legal sense your sister is probably now considered the owner of the cat and the one who needs to do vet care even if there is no formal arrangement. Maybe she and the neighbor can come up with a foster care plan, he provides restitution for the cats care and she takes care of him. But to be honest if she likes the cat well enough maybe she should just adopt him from the neighbor and be done with it. What will happen if one of them moves?
We have had cats adopt us, once they make up their minds to it that is what it is.

[Jakk]

We have a similar situation with a neighbors dog. We live between two states at the moment, mainly in NJ and every other month we spend 2-3 weeks in SC. In February we will be moving permanently to SC.

When we get to SC, the neighbors dog (a puppy, maybe 10 months old - 1 yr old) comes to our house to play with our dog and will NOT go home. She has spent 2 weeks at my house day and night, and we have not heard one word from the neighbor. I literally had to shove her out the door at night, and then I realized she spent the night sleeping at my back door. Since then I let her come in and sleep with my dog. From what another neighbor has told me, the neighbor on the other side of me found this puppy wandering the side of a road and brought her home. She is the sweetest, most loving dog I have ever seen. I would keep her in a heartbeat. I have yet to meet this neighbor, I have never seen them at home.

I am worried that she will get pregnant. I have looked and do not see any indication of her being fixed. Our house is in the country, on a dead end dirt road with maybe 15-18 houses. Everyone has dogs and they all roam through all the backyards which are mainly wooded. I really want to approach the neighbor with a "shared custody" agreement so I can get her fixed. I don't mind her being in my house, or feeding or caring for her. I would love for her to become part of our family.