Church Issue

Melissa · #1 11/05/10, 07:38 PM

I have been attending a small, close-knit church for several years. The people there have become good friends and were very, very supportive during my illness. I have come to love and respect everyone there. Last summer our preacher resigned. He has been having some physical problems and was still trying to hold down his full-time job which he needs for his insurance. For a few months we had various fill in preachers including various men of the congregation and even weeks when people just spent the time talking, reading passages or poems, asking Bible questions, etc... which were really awesome.

About the end of August we had a guest speaker who came on pretty strong. He rather reminds a person of an old-fashioned Revival type speaker. The first time I heard him I thought he was all right, but as the weeks have gone on, I just don't like the way he preaches very much. Not that he is non-Biblical, but I leave the services feeling like I have been beaten down rather than built up! It is literally exhausting. Several of my closest friends feel the same way and various people have approached the one family that is pretty much in charge of the "business" end of the church. They feel he is inspiring to their family and they seem to like his way of preaching. Over the last several weeks attendance is plummeting and is down to about three families and the precher's wife, mother, a few friends, and that is about it. I hate to see this happen to this church.

I love the people, but don't feel this man is the person who should be our preacher. I don't want to quit going completely, but honestly, I really need to be uplifted spiritually because I have felt so badly physically in the past few months. There are several local churches that various friends of mine attend that I have been wanting to visit and I think I am going to visit some of them over the next few weeks. I am not sure this preacher will be staying long, he is still in college and I think he is more led to revival preaching or guest speaking.

I guess I don't have a question, but has anyone else gone through this situation? Did you just hang in there or move on?

AngieM2 · #2 11/05/10, 07:44 PM

Melissa - the last church I went to the pastor left to do missionary work. That left the church with the elders - no specific pastor. I last 18 months of watching folks leave, nothing being uplifting, just the same few families having a home steady.

Finally - one day my inner voice told me to leave. I did.

It was difficult to watch a small full, lively, loving church turn into a ghost with no life left in it.

I think it may be time for you and friends to find a new church, or create a new one and find an uplifting pastor that can feed your soul, rather than beat it down.

ErinP · #3 11/05/10, 07:50 PM

Quote:

I guess I don't have a question, but has anyone else gone through this situation? Did you just hang in there or move on?

Personally, I would hang on for a year before moving on. But I'm coming from a church background that tends to change out pastors every few years anyway!

SteveD(TX) · #4 11/05/10, 07:57 PM

This is a common problem that happens to small, non-denominational churches that do not have a larger church body or organization to rely upon in these instances. I don't know anything other than what you've told us, but if it were me, I think you or another member should call other members and perhaps form a committee to save the church. It starts with people volunteering to find and interview new candidates to be the new pastor. But first you have to be determined to form a council, board, or committee willing to take charge. There are many ways to do find a new pastor, of course, I was involved with a similar situation many years ago. But talking to seminaries and other churches, etc. may be the first step. Good luck and I'm sure you're praying over what to do. God will lead you in the right direction.

dragonfly65 · #5 11/05/10, 08:34 PM

I belong to a wonderful small, close-knit church also. In the 11 years we have been members we have been through some really rough patches with pastors, worship leaders, etc. A lot of folks have come and gone, but I can honestly say this is the best, most loving church we have ever been to (and we have been in a LOT of them - even helped pioneer a couple). I am very glad we stuck it out through the tough years.

Have you thought about approaching the minister himself and telling him how you feel? Maybe invite him to dinner and have a loving, kind, heartfelt talk with him. He may not have a clue how his sermons are making ya'll feel - especially if he's still in college. You could be doing him a huge favor (as well as a lot of future parishioners).

Calfkeeper · #6 11/05/10, 08:34 PM

How many people have been honest with this family who is supporting this preacher? Has anyone actually told them how they feel about him? If he is still in training, in college, as you say, perhaps he needs feedback from these folks. He needs to be advised of how he is driving people away. If there is someone there who can do this prayerfully, it might make all the difference.

piglady · #7 11/05/10, 08:36 PM

You can stay and try to fight for your church but from what I've seen, a fight is what will happen. Some will be mad that you don't like him and then one thing will lead to another and before you know it, folks won't be acting very Christian. We stayed as long as we could and then finally walked out and found a wonderful church. If everyone leaves, they will have no choice but to replace him and then if you like the new one you can always come back, along with your friends who left too.

Melissa · #8 11/05/10, 08:39 PM

There has been some drama- with one of the older men even getting up in the middle of a sermon, speaking his mind, and walking out. That was a very uncomfortable moment. And I know others have talked with the family that was responsible for bringing him into the church as well. I have been in contact with them too and told my feelings on the matter. I think he probably does have a talent for reaching people, especially as a revival-type preacher, someone who would visit various churches and get people fired up.

Sawmill Jim · #9 11/05/10, 08:40 PM

Sorry i'm in almost the same boat just a different state . Been interviewing preachers but have a preacher from another church do the Sunday and Wed night services . If you can drag in the door you'll leave feeling blessed

His church has Sunday morning services only . Best wishes to you

Dead Rabbit · #10 11/05/10, 08:46 PM

im curious as to what he's saying that is so bad?

Goat Servant · #11 11/05/10, 08:49 PM

Melissa Im sure you know you have to be led to stay on. Do you have the heart to rebuild?
Otherwise you could be free to move on.
We were part of a wonderful church for many years, all we young women did everything & shared everything with each other.
When pastor got involved in a business his teaching suffered. Not that pastors shouldnt do business on the side but as mentioned, his teaching suffered.
We moved on. I didnt want to leave these women, they were an important part of my life, the fellowship was awesome. A few of them are still very close friends.
This new pastor of yours is on fire but young & needs God's grace for himself to show others.
As you pray, can you find a way led by the Spirit, with your husband to speak with him in private?

Melissa · #12 11/05/10, 08:59 PM

He isn't young, I would say he is in his late 40's. He became a Christian about 7-8 years ago and then decided to go into the ministry. Many of the people from our church knew him from before and had some dealings with him that evidently weren't all positive. So there are some old feelings involved as well.

I can't really describe the reason he puts me on edge. I can try... He is very loud, he yells a lot. He starts a message and gets off track, doesn't read entire scriptures, his sermons are mostly about himself and some had said they seem to be bragging- although I am not sure that is the word to use. Honestly last week I had to use the restroom- which is outside, and just decided to wait in the car rather then go back in to hear the rest of the sermon. He makes me feel uneasy and nervous.

Our Little Farm · #13 11/05/10, 09:02 PM

Then don't bump his 'ego' by attending. Take this time to visit other churches if that is what you want to do.

chickenslayer · #14 11/05/10, 09:13 PM

I'm not a church person, I have a relationship with God that doesn't fall into any of the organized religions but I'd move on if I were you. Life is much too short to waste your time listening to someone that doesn't fill your spiritual needs. There are a lot of other groups and churches out there that may appeal to you. Only you will know when you have found the right path or place to worship. It's your life, do what feels right for you.

Melissa · #15 11/05/10, 09:15 PM

It is just that the relationships with the people there are important too...

AR Transplant · #16 11/05/10, 09:25 PM

Isn't it interesting that the background of people really determine the response that they give you?

We were always stay until the last dog died church people, until the last church we went to almost killed us.

Life is too short, move on and don't think twice about it. For us it was the best thing we ever did.

There are different strokes for different folks, what some people love makes some people want to stab people in the face. Personally, I want to know and be reminded that Jesus does indeed love me and that He is not just waiting for me to blow it so he can squash me like a bug.

cider · #17 11/05/10, 09:34 PM

I'd go looking around at other churches and wait a while to decide.
It is very hard to leave a group of people you have come to know and care about.
Take your time.

am1too · #18 11/05/10, 09:35 PM

Melissa, if I were you I would leave post haste. I was involved in a similar situation. The minister is only part of the problem. The major issue is the controling parties grip on the church and maybe the facilities. You can not win unless the truly repent and change behavior or leave themselves. I would certianly not do it again. The controlling woman and her husband are the only ones left. The last minister ran everybody else off. Their previous minister was a sever spiritual abuser who was on the take and had a dispicable reputation in the community.

menollyrj · #19 11/05/10, 09:49 PM

Maybe you could contact the families that have already left and have Bible study at your house (or another's home). Relationships preserved, both with others and with God.

FWIW.

-Joy

Fae · #20 11/05/10, 09:55 PM

The pastor we have now caused me to feel a lot of the same feelings you are feeling. The loudness does not bother me and he is an animated preacher. I don't know why I felt the way I did. I stopped going even though, like you, I love the people. I kept talking about visiting other churches but for about a month I didn't. This pastor visited a couple times plus visited other families in the community. I decided to give it another chance and I am so glad I did. He is 72 years old and is so caring about other people. He is at your side if you are sick and need him. It just took a little getting use to and giving him a chance. Sadly, it does not always work out that way. I will keep you and your church family in my prayers.